life, I have a great mind to kick you-Oons and confu fion! [Starts up.] Was ever man fo abused?-Ay, Mirabel fet me on.

Enter Petit.

Pet. Well, Sir, how d'ye find yourself?

Dur. You fon of a nine-eyed whore, d'ye come to abuse me? I'll kick you with a vengeance, you dog. [Petit runs off, and Dur. after him.

END of the SECOND ACT.

АСТ T III.

SCENE continues.

Enter Old and Young Mirabel.

OLD MIRABEL.

OB, come hither, Bob.

BOB

Mir. Your pleasure, Sir?

Old Mir. Are not you a great rogue, firrah? Mir. That's a little out of my comprehenfion, Sir; for I've heard fay, that I resemble my father.

Old Mir. Your father is your very humble flave. I tell thee what, child, thou art a very pretty fellow, and I love thee heartily; and a very great villain, and I hate thee mortally.

Mir. Villain, Sir! then I must be a very impudent one; for I can't recollect any paffage of my life that I'm afhamed of.

Old Mir. Come hither, my dear friend; doft fee this picture? [Shers him a little picture.

Mir. Oriana's! Phaw!

Old Mir. What, Sir, won't you look upon it ?-Bob, dear Bob, pr'ythee, come hither, now. Doft want any money, child?

Mir. No, Sir.

Old Mir. Why, then, here's fome for thee. Come here now. How canft thou be fo hard-hearted an unnatural, unmannerly rafcal, (don't mistake me child; I an't angry) as to abufe this tender, lovely, good-natur'd, dear rogue? Why, the fighs for thee, and cries for thee, pouts for thee, and fnubs for thee, the poor little heart of it is

like to burst. Come, my dear boy, be good-natured, like your own father, be now-and then fee here, read thisthe effigies of the lovely Oriana, with ten thousand pounds to her portion; ten thousand pounds, you dog; ten thousand pounds, you rogue: how dare you refufe a lady with ten thousand pounds, you impudent rascal ?

Mir. Will you hear me speak, Sir?

Old Mir. Hear you speak, Sir! If you had ten thoufand tongues, you could not out talk ten thousand pounds, Sir.

Mir. Nay, Sir, if you won't hear me, I'll begone, Sir; I'll take poft for Italy this moment.

Old Mir. Ah, the fellow knows I won't part with him! [Afide.] Well, Sir, what have you to fay?

Mir. The univerfal reception, Sir, that marriage has had in the world, is enough to fix it for a public good, and to draw every body into the common caufe; but there are fome conftitutions like fome inftruments, fo peculiarly fingular, that they make tolerable mufic by themfelves, but never do well in a confort.

Old Mir. Why, this is reafon, I must confefs, but yet it is nonfenfe too; for tho' you fhould reafon like an angel, if you argue yourself out of a good eftate, you talk like a fool.

Mir. But, Sir, if you bribe me into bondage with the riches of Crafus, you leave me but a beggar for want of my liberty.

Old Mir. Was ever fuch a perverfe fool heard?— 'Sdeath, Sir, why did I give you education? Was it to difpute me out of my fenfes? Of what colour, now, is the head of this cane? You'll fay 'tis white, and, ten to one, make me believe it too. I thought that young fel lows ftudied to get money.

Mir. No, Sir, I have ftudied to defpife it: my reading was not to make me rich, but happy, Sir.

Old Mir. There he has me again now. But, Sir, did. not I marry to oblige you?

Mir. To oblige me, Sir! in what refpect, pray?

Old Mir. Why, to bring you into the world, Sir ; wa'n't that an obligation?

Mir. And becaufe I would have it ftill an obligation, I avoid marriage.

Old

1

Old Mir. How is that, Sir?

Mir. Because I would not curfe the hour I was born. Old Mir. Look ye, friend, you may perfuade me out of my defigns, but I'll command you out of yours; and tho' you may convince my reafon that you are in the right, yet there is an old attendant of fixty-three, called pofitiveness, which you nor all the wits in Italy fhall ever be able to shake. So, Sir, you're a wit, and I'm a father; you may talk; but I'll be obeyed.

Mir. This it is to have the fon a finer gentleman than the father; they first give us breeding that they don't understand, then they turn us out of doors because we are wifer than themselves. But I'm a little aforehand with the old gentleman. [Afide.] Sir, you have been pleased to fettle a thousand pounds fterling a year upon me;- in return of which I have a very great honour for you and your family, and fhall take care that your only and beloved fon fhall do nothing to make him hate his father, or to hang himself. So, dear Sir, I'm your very humble [Runs off

fervant.

Old Mir. Here, firrah, rogue, Bob, villain!

Enter Dugard.

Dug. Ah, Sir! 'tis but what he deferves.

Old Mir. 'Tis falfe, Sir, he don't deferve it: what have you to fay against my boy, Sir?

Dug. I fhall only repeat your own words.

Old Mir. What have you to do with my words? I have fwallowed my words already, I have eaten them up; and how can you come at them, Sir?

Dug. Very easily, Sir; 'tis but mentioning your injured ward, and you will throw them up again immediately.

Old Mir. Sir, your fifter was a foolish young flirt, trust any fuch young, deceitful, rake-helly rogue, like

him.

Dug. Cry you mercy, old gentleman! I thought we fhould have the words again.

Old Mir. And what then? 'Tis the way with young fellows to flight old gentlemen's words; you never mind them when you ought. I fay, that Bob's an honeft fellow, and who dares deny it?

Enter

Exter Bifarre.

Bif. That dare I, Sir; I fay, that your fon is a wild, foppifh, whimsical, impertinent coxcomb; and were I abufed as this gentleman's filler is, I would make it an Italian quarrel, and poifon the whole family.

Dug. Come, Sir, 'tis no time for trifling; my fifter is abused, you are made fenfible of the affront, and your honour is concerned to fee her redreffed.

Old Mir. Look ye, Mr. Dugard, good words go fartheft. I will do your fifter juftice, but it must be after my own rate; nobody must abuse my fon but myself.: for altho' Robin be a fad dog, yet he's nobody's puppy but my own.

Bif. Ay, that's my sweet-natured, kind old gentleman. [Wheedling him.] We will be good then, if you'll join with us in the plot.

Old Mir. Ah, you coaxing young baggage! what plot can you have to wheedle a fellow of fixty-three?

Bif. A plot that fixty-three is only good for, to bring other people together, Sir; a Spanish plot, lefs dangerous than that of eighty-eight; and' you must act the Spaniard, because your fon will leaft fufpect you; and if he fhould, your authority protects you from a quarrel, to which Oriana is unwilling to expofe her brother.

Old Mir. And what part will you act in the business,. Madam?

Bif. Myfelf, Sir; my friend is grown a perfect changeling: thefe foolish hearts of ours fpoil our heads prefently; the fellows no fooner turn knaves, but we turn fools. But I am still myself, and he may expect the most fevere ufage from me, because I neither love him nor hate him. [Exit.

Old Mir. Well faid, Mrs. Paradox; but, Sir, who must open the matter to him?

Dug. Petit, Sir, who is our engineer-general. shere he comes.

Enter Petit.

And

Pet. Oh, Sir, more discoveries! are all friends about us?

Dug. Ay, ay, fpeak freely.

Pet. You must know, Sir

Od's my life, I'm out of

breath-You must know, Sir-you must knowOld Mir. What the devil mult we know, Sir?

Pet

Pet. That I have [Pants and blows.] bribed, Sirbribed- your fon's fecretary of state.

Old Mir. Secretary of state! who's that, for Heaven's fake?

Pet. His valet de chambre, Sir. You must know, Sir, that the intrigue lay folded up with his mafter's cloaths ;. and when he went to duft the embroidered fuit, the fecret flew out of the right pocket of his coat, in a whole fwarm of your crambo fongs, fhort-footed odes, and longlegged Pindarics.

Old Mir. Impoffible!

Petit. Ah, Sir, he has loved her all along! there was Oriana in every line; but he hates marriage. Now, Sir, this plot will fir up his jealoufy; and we fhall know, by the strength of that, how to proceed farther. Come, Sir, let's about it with speed

'Tis expedition gives our king the sway; For expedition to the French give way; Swift to attack, or fwift-to run away. [Exeunt. Enter Mirabel and Bifarre, paffing carelessly by one another. Bif. [Afide.] I wonder what the can fee in this fellow, to like him?

Mir. [Afide.] I wonder what my friend can see in this girl, to admire her?

Bif. Afide.] A wild, foppish, extravagant rake-hell. Mir. [Afide.] A light, whimfical, impertinent mad-cap. Bif. Whom do you mean, Sir?

Mir. Whom do you mean, Madam?

Bif. A fellow that has nothing left to re-establish him för a human creature, but a prudent refolution to hang himself.

Mir. There is a way, Madam, to force me to that refólution.

Bif. I'll do't with all
my heart.
Mir. Then you muft marry me.

Bif Look ye, Sir, don't think your ill manners to mo fhall excufe your ill ufage of my friend; nor, by, fixing a quarrel here, to divert my zeal for the abfent; for I'm refolved, nay, I come prepared to make you a panegyric, that shall mortify your pride like any modern dedication. Mir. And I, Madam, like a true modern patron, fhall hardly give you thanks for your trouble.