"Number ten thousand! Come, let's see
The person blest!"-Quoth Pallas, "Me!"
Then a' the gods for blythness sang,
Thro' heaven glad acclamations rang;
While mankind, grumbling, laid the wyte
On them, and ca'd the hale a byte.
"Yes," cry'd ilk ane, with sobbing heart,
"Kind Jove has play'd a parent's part,
Wha did this prize to Pallas send,
While we're sneg'd off at the wob's end!"
Soon to their clamours Jove took tent,
To punish which to wark he went :
He straight with Follies fill'd the wheel.
In Wisdom's place they did as weel;
For ilka ane wha Folly drew,
In their conceit a' sages grew.
Sae, thus contented, a' retir'd,
And ilka fool himself admir'd.
SHORT Syne there was a wretched miser,
With pinching had scrap'd up a treasure;
Yet frae his hoords he doughtna take
As much wou'd buy a mutton-stake,
Or take a glass to comfort nature,
But scrimply fed on crumbs and water:
In short, he famish'd 'midst his plenty,
Which made surviving kindred canty,
Wha scarcely for him pat on black,
And only in his loof a plack,
Which even they grudg'd. Sic is the way
Of them wha fa' upon the prey;
They'll scarce row up the wretch's feet,
Sae scrimp they make his winding-sheet,
Tho' he shou'd leave a vast estate,
And heaps of gowd like Arthur's Seat.
Well, down the starving ghaist did sink, Till it fell on the Stygian brink;
Where auld Van Charon stood and raught
His wither'd loof out for his fraught;
But them that wanted wherewitha',
He dang them back to stand and blaw.
The Miser lang being us'd to save,
Fand this, and wadna passage crave;
But shaw'd the ferryman a knack,
Jumpt in, swam o'er, and hain'd his plack.
Charon might damn, and sink, and roar;
But a' in vain, he gain'd the shore.
Arriv'd, the three-pow'd dog of hell
Gowl'd terrible a triple yell;
Which rous'd the snaky sisters three,
Wha furious on this wight did flee,
Wha'd play'd the smuggler on their coast, By which Pluto his dues had lost;
Then brought him for this trick sae hainous Afore the bench of justice Minos.
The case was new, and very kittle,
Which puzzled a' the court na little;
Thought after thought with unco' speed
Flew round within the judge's head,
To find what punishment was due
For sic a daring crime, and new.
Shou'd he the plague of Tantal feel!
Or stented be on Ixion's wheel?
Or stung wi' bauld Prometheus' pain?
Or help Sysiph to row his stane?
Or sent amang the wicked rout,
To fill the tub that ay rins out?—
"No! no!" continues Minos, "no!
Weak are our punishments below
For sic a crime; he man be hurl'd
Straight back again into the world.
I sentence him to see and hear
What use his friends make of his gear."
THE Ape and Leopard, beasts for show,
The first a wit, the last a beau,
To make a penny at a fair,
Advertis'd a' their parts sae rare.
The tane gae out with meikle wind,
His beauty 'boon the brutal kind:
Said he, "I'm kend baith far and near,
Even kings are pleas'd when I appear;
And when I yield my vital puff,
Queens of my skin will make a muff;
My fur sae delicate and fine,
With various spots does sleekly shine."
Now lads and lasses fast did rin
To see the beast with bonny skin.
His keeper shaw'd him round about; They saw him soon, and soon came out. But master Monkey, with an air, Hapt out, and thus harangu'd the fair: "Come, gentlemen, and ladies bonny, I'll give ye pastime for your money y! I can perform, to raise your wonder, Of pawky tricks mae than a hunder. My cousin Spotty, true he's braw, He has a curious suit to shaw, And naithing mair. But frae my mind Ye shall blyth satisfaction find: Sometimes I'll act a chiel that's dull, Look thoughtfu', grave, and wag my scull; Then mimic a light-headed rake, When on a tow my houghs I shake; Sometime, like modern monks, I'll seem To make a speech, and naithing mean. But come away, ye needna speer What ye're to pay, I'se no be dear; And if ye grudge for want of sport, I'll give it back t' ye at the port." The Ape succeeded; in fowk went; Stay'd long, and came out well content. Sae much will wit and spirit please, Beyond our shape, and brawest claiths. How mony, ah! of our fine gallants Are only Leopards in their talents!
UPON a time a solemn Ass
Was dand'ring thro' a narrow pass,
Where he forgather'd with a Brock,
Wha him saluted frae a rock,-
Speer'd how he did? how markets gade?
What's a' ye'r news? and how is trade?
How does Jock Stot and Lucky Yad,
Tam Tup, and Bucky, honest lad ?—
Reply'd the Ass, and made a heel,
"E'en a' the better that ye're weel:
But Jackanapes and snarling Fitty
Are grown sae wicked, (some ca's 't witty,)
That we wha solid are and grave,
Nae peace on our ain howms can have.
While we are bisy gathering gear,
Upon a brae they'll sit and sneer.
If ane shou'd chance to breathe behin',
Or ha'e some slaver at his chin,
Or 'gainst a tree shou'd rub his arse,
That's subject for a winsome farce.
There draw they me, as void of thinking:
And you, my dear, famous for stinking;
And the bauld birsy bair, your frien',
A glutton, dirty to the een,
By laughing dogs and apes abus'd,
Wha is 't can thole to be sae us'd!"
"Dear me! heh! wow! and say ye sae?"
Return'd the Brock :-"I'm unko wae,
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