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Sir Pet. There, now! you-you are going on. You don't perceive, my love, that you are just doing the very thing which you know always makes me angry.
Lady Teaz. Nay, you know if you will be angry without any reason, my dear
Sir Pet. There! now you want to quarrel again.
Lady Teaz. No, I'm sure I don't: but, if you will be so peevish
Sir Pet. There now! who begins first?
Lady Teaz. Why, you, to be sure. I said nothing-but there's no bearing your temper.
Sir Pet. No, no, madam: the fault's in your own temper.
Lady Teaz. Ay, you are just what my cousin Sophy said you would be. Sir Pet. Your cousin Sophy is a forward, impertinent gipsy.
Lady Teaz. You are a great bear, I'm sure, to abuse my relations.
Sir Pet. Now may all the plagues of marriage be doubled on me, if ever I try to be friends with you any more!
Lady Teaz. So much the better.
Sir Pet. No, no, madam: 'tis evident you never cared a pin for me, and I was a madman to marry you-a pert, rural coquette, that had refused half the honest 'squires in the neighbourhood.
Lady Teaz. And I am sure I was a fool to marry you—an old dangling bachelor, who was single at fifty, only because he never could meet with any one who would have him.
Sir Pet. Ay, ay, madam; but you were pleased enough to listen to me: you never had such an offer before.
Lady Teaz. No! didn't I refuse Sir Tivy Terrier, who everybody said would have been a better match? for his estate is just as good as yours, and he has broke his neck since we have been married.
Sir Pet. I have done with you, madam! You are an unfeeling, ungrateful-but there's an end of everything. I believe you capable of everything that is bad. Yes, madam, I now believe the reports relative to you and Charles, madam. Yes, madam, you and Charles are, not without grounds
Lady Teaz. Take care, Sir Peter! you had better not insinuate any such thing! I'll not be suspected without cause, I promise you.
Sir Pet. Very well, madam! very well! A separate maintenance as
soon as you please. Yes, madam, or a divorce! I'll make an example of myself for the benefit of all old bachelors. Let us separate, madam.
Lady Teaz. Agreed! agreed! And now, my dear Sir Peter, we are of a mind once more, we may be the happiest couple, and never differ again, you know ha ha! ha! Well, you are going to be in a passion, I see, and I shall only interrupt you-so, bye, bye!
Sir Pet. Plagues and tortures! can't I make her angry either! Oh, I am the most miserable fellow! But I'll not bear her presuming to keep her temper: no! she may break my heart, but she shan't keep her temper. [Exit. Sheridan.
Believe that few can backward cast
"Yes, she was fair!-Matilda, thou
Due by a brother worm to me,
"A kindly smile to all she lent,
Then pray'd it might not chafe my mood-
I mark'd his heart-the bow I drew
I loosed the shaft-twas more than true!
I found my Edith's dying charms
Her state, and reconcile her sire.
"All fled my rage-the villain first, Whose craft my jealousy had nursed;