about your business; I have no more to say to you. True. But I have something to say to you. Rich. What? True. Dog! [Coming up to him. [Strikes him. Rich. Ha! struck by a peasant !-[Draws.] Slave, thy death is certain. [Runs at Captain TRUEMAN, True. O brave Don John, rape and murder in one night! [Disarms him. Rich. Rascal, return my sword, and acquit your prisoners, else will I prosecute thee to beggary. I'll give some pettifogger a thousand pound to starve thee and thy family according to law. True. I'll lay you a thousand pound you won't. [Discovering himself. Rich. Ghosts and apparitions! Trueman! True. Words are needless to upbraid you: my very looks are sufficient; and, if you have the least sense of shame, this sword would be less painful in your heart than my appearance is in your eye. Rich. Truth, by Heavens ! True. Think on the contents of this,-[Showing a letter] think next on me; reflect upon your villany to Aurelia, then view thyself. Rich. Trueman, canst thou forgive me? True. Forgive thee !-[A long pause.] Do one thing, and I will. Rich. Anything -I'll beg thy pardon. Rich. I'll make thee my sole heir. Rich. What shall I do? True. You shall-marry Clelia. True. Too hard! why was it then imposed on mne? If you marry her yourself, I shall believe you intended me no injury; so your behaviour will be justified, my resentment appeased, and the lady's honour repaired. Rich. "Tis infamous. strange reluctance, gave consent; her moving softness pierced my heart, though I mistook the cause. Rich. Your youthful virtue warms my breast, and melts it into tenderness. True. Indulge it, sir; justice is noble in any form: think of the joys and raptures will possess her when she finds you instead of me: you, the dear dissembler, the man she loves, the man she gave for lost, to find him true, returned, and in her arms. Rich. No new possession can give equal joy.It shall be done, the priest that waits for you shall tie the knot this moment; in the morning I'll expect you'll give me joy. (Exit. True. So, is not this better now than cutting of throats? I have got my revenge, and the lady will have hers without bloodshed. [Exit. -[Aside.] His appearance shocks me..-[Aloud.] My lord, I wish you joy. Ben. Would. Madam, 'tis only in your power to give it; and would you honour me with a title to be really proud of, it should be that of your humblest servant. Con. I never admitted anybody to the title of an humble servant, that I did not intend should command me; if your lordship will bear with the slavery, you shall begin when you please, provided you take upon you the authority when I have a mind. Ben. Would. Our sex, madam, make much better lovers than husbands; and I think it highly unreasonable, that you should put yourself in my power, when you can so absolutely keep me in yours. Con. No, my lord, we never truly command till we have given our promise to obey; and we are never in more danger of being made slaves, than when we have 'em at our feet. Ben. Would. True, madam, the greatest empires are in most danger of falling; but it is better to be absolute there, than to act by a prerogative that's confined. Con. Well, well, my lord, I like the constitution we live under; I'm for a limited power, or none at all. Ben. Would. You have so much the heart of the subject, madam, that you may rule as you please; but you have weak pretences to a limited sway, where your eyes have already played the tyrant. I think one privilege of the people is to kiss their sovereign's hand. [Taking her hand. Con. Not till they have taken the oaths, my lord; and he that refuses them in the form the law prescribes, is, I think, no better than a rebel. Ben. Would. [Kneeling.] By shrines and altars ! by all that you think just, and I hold good! by RR VOW this, [Taking her hand] the fairest, and the dearest [Kisses her hand. Con. Fy, my lord! [Seemingly yielding. Ben. Would. Your eyes are mine, they bring me tidings from your heart that this night I shall be happy. Con. Would not you despise a conquest so easily gained? Ben. Would. Yours will be the conquest, and I shall despise all the world but you. Con. But will you promise to make no attempts upon my honour ? Ben. Would. [Aside.] That's foolish.-[Aloud.] Not angels sent on messages to earth shall visit with more innocence. Con. [Aside.] Ay, ay, to be sure.e.-[Aloud.] My lord, I'll send one to conduct you. [Exit. Ben. Would. Ha! ha! ha !-no attempts upon her honour! When I can find the place where it lies, I'll tell her more of my mind.—Now do I feel ten thousand Cupids tickling me all over with the points of their arrows.-Where's my deformity now? I have read somewhere these lines : Though Nature cast me in a rugged mould, Enter HERMES WOULDBE behind him. Herm. Would. Thus to adorn dramatic story, Stage-hero struts in borrow'd glory, Ben. Would. Ha! my brother! Herm. Would. No, perfidious man; all kindred and relation I disown! The poor attempts upon my fortune I could pardon, but thy base designs upon my love I never can forgive. My honour, birthright, riches, all I could more freely spare, than the least thought of thy prevailing here. Ben. Would. How! my hopes deceived !Cursed be the fair delusions of her sex! whilst only man opposed my cunning, I stood secure; but soon as woman interposed, luck changed hands, and the devil was immediately on her side.-Well, sir, much good may do you with your mistress, and may you love, and live, and starve together. [Going. Herm. Would. Hold, sir! I was lately your prisoner, now you are mine; when the ejectment is executed, you shall be at liberty. Ben. Would. Ejectment! Herm. Would. Yes, sir, by this time, I hope, my friends have purged my father's house of that debauched and riotous swarm that you had hived together. Ben. Would. Confusion!-Sir, let me pass; I am the elder, and will be obeyed. [Draws. Herm. Would. Darest thou dispute the eldership BO nobly? Ben. Would. I dare, and will, to the last drop of my inveterate blood. [They fight. Enter Captain TRUEMAN and TEAGUE. True. [Striking down their swords.] Hold, hold, my lord! I have brought those shall soon decide the controversy. Ben. Would. If I mistake not, that is the villain that decoyed me abroad. [Runs at Captain TRUEMAN, TEAGUE catches his arm behind, and takes away his sword. Teague. Ay, be me shoule, thish ish the besht guard upon the rules of fighting, to catch a man behind his back. True. My lord, a word.-[Whispers HERMES WOULDBE.] Now, gentlemen, please to hear this venerable lady. [Goes to the door, and brings in Mrs. MANDRAKE. Herm. Would. Mandrake in custody! Teague. In my custody, fet. True. Now, madam, you know what punishment is destined for the injury offered to Aurelia, if you don't immediately confess the truth. Mrs. Man. Then I must own, (Heaven forgive me!)-[Weeping] I must own, that Hermes, as he was still esteemed, so be is the first-born. Teague. A very honesht woman, be me shoule ! Ben. Would. That confession is extorted by fear, and therefore of no force. True. Ay, sir; but here is your letter to her, with the ink scarce dry, where you repeat your offer of five hundred pound a year to swear in your behalf. Teague. Dat was Teague's finding out, and, I believe, St. Patrick put it in my toughts to pick her pockets. Enter CONSTANCE and AURELIA, Con. I hope, Mr. Wouldbe, you will make no attempts upon my person. Ben. Would. Damn your person! Herm. Would. But pray, madam, where have you been all this evening? [TO AURELIA. Aur. Very busy, I can assure you, sir. Here's an honest constable that I could find in my heart to marry, had the greasy rogue but one drop of genteel blood in his veins; what's become of him? Looking about. Con. Bless me, cousin, marry a constable ! Aur. Why truly, madam, if that constable had not come in a very critical minute, by this time I had been glad to marry anybody. True. I take you at your word, madam, you shall marry him this moment; and if you don't say that I have genteel blood in my veins by to-morrow morning- Aur. And was it you, sir? True. Look'ee, madam, don't be ashamed; I found you a little in the déshabillé, that's the truth on't, but you made a brave defence. Aur. I am obliged to you; and though you were a little whimsical to-day, this late adventure has taught me how dangerous it is to provoke a gentleman by ill usage; therefore, if my lord and this lady will show us a good example, I think we must follow our leaders, captain. True. As boldly as when honour calls. Con. My lord, there was taken among your brother's jovial crew, his friend Subtleman, whom we have taken care to secure. Herm. Would. For him the pillory.-For you, madam[To Mrs. MANDRAKE. Teague. Be me shoule, she shall be married to maishter Fuller. Herm. Would. For you, brother- Than obligations from the man I hate. [Exit OUR poet open'd with a loud warlike blast, And I, you know, had a hard struggling part: MRS. HOOK. He would have ended here-out I thought meet, To keep the wits, as she the world, in awe: And if you won't protect, the men will damn kim there. Then save the Muse, that flies to ye for aid; TO ALL FRIENDS ROUND THE WREKIN. MY LORDS AND GENTLEMEN,-Instead of the mercenary expectations that attend addresses of this nature, I humbly beg, that this may be received as an acknowledgment for the favours you have already conferred. I have transgressed the rules of dedication in offering you anything in that style, without first asking your leave: but the entertainment I found in Shropshire commands me to be grateful, and that's all I intend. "Twas my good fortune to be ordered some time ago into the place which is made the scene of this comedy; I was a perfect stranger to everything in Salop, but its character of loyalty, the number of its inhabitants, the alacrity of the gentlemen in recruiting the army, with their generous and hospitable reception of strangers. This character I found so amply verified in every particular, that you made recruiting, which is the greatest fatigue upon earth to others, to be the greatest pleasure in the world to me. The kingdom cannot show better bodies of men, better inclinations for the service, more generosity, more good understanding, nor more politeness, than is to be found at the foot of the Wrekin. Some little turns of humour that I met with almost within the shade of that famous hill, gave the rise to this comedy; and people were apprehensive that, by the example of some others, I would make the town merry at the expense of the country-gentlemen. But they forgot that I was to write a comedy, not a libel; and that whilst I held to nature, no person of any character in your country could suffer by being exposed. I have drawn the justice and the clown in their puris naturalibus; the one an apprehensive, sturdy, brave blockhead; and the other a worthy, honest, generous gentleman, hearty in his country's cause, and of as good an understanding as I could give him, which I must confess is far short of his own. I humbly beg leave to interline a word or two of the adventures of the Recruiting Officer upon the stage. Mr. Rich, who commands the company for which those recruits were raised, has desired me to acquit him before the world of a charge which he thinks lies heavy upon him, for acting this play on Mr. Durfey's third night. Be it known unto all men by these presents, that it was my act and deed, or rather Mr. Durfey's; for he would play his third night against the first of mine. He brought down a huge flight of frightful birds upon me; when (Heaven knows! I had not a feathered fowl in my play, except one single Kite; but I presently made Plume a bird, because of his name, and Brazen another, because of the feather in his hat; and with these three I engaged his whole empire, which I think was as great a Wonder as any in the Sun. But to answer his complaints more gravely, the season was far advanced; the officers that made the greatest figures in my play were all commanded to their posts abroad, and waited only for a wind, which might possibly turn in less time than a day : and I know none of Mr. Durfey's birds that had posts abroad but his Woodcocks, and their season is over : so that he might put off a day with less prejudice than the Recruiting Officer could; who has this farther to say for himself, that he was posted before the other spoke, and could not with credit recede from his station. These and some other rubs this comedy met with before it appeared. But on the other hand, it had powerful helps to set it forward. The Duke of Ormond encouraged the author, and the Earl of Orrery approved the play. My recruits were reviewed by my general and my colonel, and could not fail to pass muster; and still to add to my success, they vere raised among my friends round the Wrekin. This health has the advantage over our other celebrated toasts, never to grow worse for the wearing: 'tis a lasting beauty, old without age, and common without scandal. That you may live long to set it cheerfully round, and to enjoy the abundant pleasures of your fair and plentiful country, is the hearty wish of, my Lords and Gentlemen, your mo obliged, and most obedient servant, G. FARQUHAR, IN ancient times when Helen's fatal charms PROLOGUE. Him fate had warn'd to shun the Trojan blows: arms. Ulysses caught the young aspiring boy, SCENE I.-The Market Place. ACT I. Enter Drummer, beating the "Grenadier's March," Serjeant KITE, COSTAR PEARMAIN, THOMAS APPLETREE, and Mob, following. Kite. [Making a speech.] If any gentlemen soldiers, or others, have a mind to serve her majesty, and pull down the French king if any prentices have severe masters, any children have undutiful parents if any servants have too little wages, or any husband too much wife let them repair to the noble serjeant Kite, at the sign of the Raven in this good town of Shrewsbury, and they shall receive present relief and entertainment.-Gentlemen, I don't beat my drums here to ensnare or inveigle any man; for you must know, gentlemen, that I am a man of honour. Besides, I don't beat up for common soldiers; no, I list only grenadiers, grenadiers, gentlemen.— Pray, gentlemen, observe this cap. This is the cap of honour, it dubs a man a gentleman in the drawing of a tricker; and he that has the good fortune to be born six foot high, was born to be a great man. [To COSTAR PEARMAIN.] Sir, will you give me leave to try this cap upon your head? Pear. Is there no harm in't? won't the cap list me? Kite. No, no, no more than I can.-Come, let me see how it becomes you? Pear. Are you sure there be no conjuration in it? no gunpowder plot upon me? Kite. No, no, friend; don't fear, man. Pear. My mind misgives me plaguily.-Let me see it.-[Going to put it on.] It smells woundily of sweat and brimstone. Pray, serjeant, what writing is this upon the face of it? Kite. The crown, or the bed of honour. Pear. Pray now, what may be that same bed of honour? Kite. Oh a mighty large bed! bigger by half than the great bed of Ware-ten thousand people may lie in it together, and never feel one another. Pear My wife and I would do well to lie in't, for we don't care for feeling one another.-But do folk sleep sound in this same bed of honour? Kite. Sound! ay, so sound that they never wake. Pear. Wauns! I wish again that my wife lay there. Kite. Say you so? then, I find, brother Pear. Brother! hold there, friend; I am no kindred to you that I know of yet. Look'ee, serjeant, no coaxing, no wheedling, d'ye see: if I have a mind to list, why so; if not, why 'tis not so: therefore take your cap and your brothership back again, for I an't disposed at this present writing. -No coaxing, no brothering me, faith! Kite. I coax! I wheedle! I'm above it! sir, I have served twenty campaigns. But, sir, you talk well, and I must own that you are a man every inch of you, a pretty young sprightly fellow. I love a fellow with a spirit; but I scorn to coax, 'tis base though I must say, that never in my life have I seen a better built man; how firm and strong he treads! he steps like a castle; but I scorn to wheedle any man.-Come, honest lad, will you take share of a pot? Pear. Nay, for that matter, I'll spend my penny with the best he that wears a head, that is, begging your pardon, sir, and in a fair way. Kite. Give me your hand then; and now, gentlemen, I have no more to say, but this-here's a purse of gold, and there is a tub of humming ale at my quarters 'tis the queen's money, and the queen's drink. She's a generous queen, and loves her subjects-I hope, gentlemen, you won't refuse the queen's health? |