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ever the devil could have made you our de- Mrs. Page. Good George, be not angry: 1 light?
knew of your purpose ; turned my daughter Ford. What a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax? into green ; and, indeed, she is now with the Mrs. Page. A puffed man?
doctor at the deanery, and there married. Page. Old, cold, withered, and of intolerable
Enter CAIUS. entrails?
Caius. Vere is mistress Page? By gar, I am Ford. And one that is as slanderous as Satan?
cozened; I ha' married un garcon, a boy; un Page. And as poor as Job? Ford. And as wicked as his wife?
paisan, by gar, a boy; it is not Anne Page: by
gar, I am cozened. Eva. And given to fornications, and to ta
Mrs. Page. Why, did you take her in verns, and sack, and wine, and metheglins, and to drinkings, and swearings, and starings,
Caius. Ay, be gar, and 'tis a boy: be gar, pribbles and prabbles ?
I'll raise all Windsor.
[Exit Caius. Fal. Well, I am your theme: you have the start of me; I am dejected; I am not able to
Ford. This is strange: Who hath got the answer the Welsh flannel ; ignorance itself is
Page. My heart misgives me: Here comes a plummet o'er me: use me as you will.
master Fenton. Ford. Marry, Sir, we'll bring you to Windsor, to one master Brook, that you have cozened
Enter FENTON and ANNE PAGE. of money, to whom you should have been a How now, master Fenton ? pander: over and above that you have suffered, Anne. Pardon, good father! good my mother, I think to repay that money will be a biting pardon ! affliction.
Page. Now, mistress ? how chance you went Mrs. Ford. Nay, husband, let that go to not with master Slender? make amends :
Mrs. Page. Why went you not with master Forgive that sum, and so we'll all be friends.
doctor, maid? Ford. Well, here's my hand; all's forgiven Fent. You do amaze* her: Hear the truth at last.
of it. Page. Yet be cheerful, knight: thou shalt eat You would have married her most shamefully, a posset to-night at my house; where I will Where there was no proportion held in love. desire thee to laugh at my wife, that now laughs The truth is, She and I, long since contracted, at thee: Tell her, master Slender hath married | Are now so sure, that nothing can dissolve us. her daughter.
The offence is holy, that she hath committed: Mrs. Page. Doctors doubt that: If Anne And this deceit loses the name of craft, Page be my daughter, she is, by this, doctor Of disobedience, or unduteous title ; Caius' wife.
(Aside. Since therein she doth evitatet and shun Enter SLENDER.
A thousand irreligious cursed hours, Slen. Whoo, ho! ho! father Page.
Which forced marriage would have brought Page. Son! how now? how now, son? have you despatched ?
Ford. Stand not amaz'd: here is no reme. Slen. Despatched—I'll make the best in dy :Gloucestershire know on't ; would I were in love, the heavens themselves do guide the hanged, la, else.
state; Page. Of what, son ?
Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate. Slen. I came yonder at Eton to marry mis- Fal. I am glad, though you have ta'en a tress Anne Page, and she's a great lubberly special stand to strike at me, that your arrow boy: If it had not been i’ the church, I would hath glanced. have swinged him, or he should have swinged Page. Well, what remedy ? Fenton, heaven me. If I did not think it had been Anne Page, give thee joy! would I might never stir, and 'tis a post-mas- What cannot be eschew'd must be embrac'd. ter's boy.
Fal. When night-dogs run, all sorts of deer Page. Upon my life then you took the wrong.
are chas'd. Slen. What need you tell me that? I think Eva. I will dance and eat plums at your so, when I took a boy for a girl : If I had been wedding. married to him, for all he was in woman's ap- Mrs Page. Well, I will muse no further :parel, I would not have had him.
Master Fenton, Page. Why, this is your own folly : Did not Heaven give you many, many merry days! I tell you, how you should know my daughter Good husband, let us every one go home, by her garments ?
And laugh this sport o'er by a country fire; Slen. I went to her in white, and cried mum, Sir John and all. and she cried budget, as Anne and I had ap- Ford. Let it be so :—Sir John, pointed; and yet it was not Anne, but a post-To master Brook you yet shall hold your word: master's boy.
For he, to-night, shall lie with Mrs. Ford. Eva. Jeshu! Master Slender, cannot you see
[Exeunt. but marry boys?
Page. O, I am vexed at heart: What shall I *Confound her by your questions. † Aroid. do?
WHAT YOU WILL.
ORSINO, Duke of Illyria.
Servants to Olivia.
OLIVIa, a rich Countess.
MARIA, Olivia's woman.
Lords, Priests, Sailors, Officers, Musicians, and Sir Toby Belch, Uncle of Olivia.
other Attendants Sir ANDREW AGUE-CHEEK.
SCENE, a City in Illyria ; and the Sea-coast MalvoLIO, Steward to Olivia.
But like a cloistress, she will veiled walk,
And water once a day her chamber round SCENE 1.–An Apartment in the Duke's
With eye-offending brine: all this, to season Palace.
A brother's dead love, which she would keep Enter DUKE, CURIO, LORDS; Musicians And lasting, in her sad remembrance. [fresh, attending
Duke. O, she, that hath a heart of that fine Drike. If music be the food of love, play on,
frame, Give me excess of it; that, surfeiting, To pay this debt of love but to a brother, The appetite may sicken, and so die.
How will she love, when the rich golden shaft, That strain again ;-it had a dying fall : Hath kill'd the flock of all affections else 0, it came o'er my ear like the sweet south, That live in her! when liver, brain, and heart, That breathes upon a bank violets, These sovereign thrones, are all supplied, and Stealing, and giving odour.—Enough; no
(Her sweet perfections,) with one self king! 'Tis not so sweet now, as it was before. Away before me to sweet beds of flowers ; O spirit of love, how quick and fresh art thou! Love-thoughts lie rich, when canopied with That notwithstanding thy capacity
(Exeunt. Receiveth as the sea, nought enters there,
SCENE II.-The Sea Coast. Of what validity* and piteh soever,
Enter VIOLA, Captain, and Sailors. But falls into abatement and low price, Even in a minute! so full of shapes is fancy,
Vio. What country, friends, is this? That it alone is high-fantastical.t
Cap. Illyria, lady. Cur. Will you go hunt, my lord ?
Vio. And what should I do in Illyria! Duke. What, Curio?
My brother he is in Elysium. Cur. The hart.
Perchance, he is not drown'd:What think Duke. Why, so I do the noblest that I have: O, when mine eyes did see Olivia first,
Cap. It is perchance, that you yourself were
saved. Methought, she purg'd the air of pestilence; That instant was I turn'd into a hart;
Vio. O my poor brother! and so, perchance, And my desires, like fell and cruel hounds, E'er since pursue me.-How now? what news
Cap. True, madam: and, to comfort you with from her?
Assure yourself, after our ship did split,
When you, and that poor number saved with Val. So please my Lord, I might not be ad
Hung on our driving boat, I saw your brother; But from her handmaid do return this answer: Most provident in peril, bind himself The element itself, till seven years heat,f (Courage and hope both teaching him the Shall not behold her face at ample view;
To a strong mast, that lived upon the seas | Fantastical to the height. 1 Heated. Where, like Arion on the dolphin's back,
you, sailors ?
may he be.
I saw him hold acquaintance with the waves, you: I heard my lady talk of it yesterday; and So long as I could see.
of a foolish knight, that you brought in one Vio. For saying so, there's gold :
night here, to be her wooer. Mine own escape unfoldeth to my hope, Sir To. Who? Sir Andrew Ague-cheek? Whereto thy speech serves for authority, Mar. Ay, he. The like of him. Know'st thou this country? Sir To. He's as tall* a man as any's in Illyria. Cap. Ay, Madam, well; for I was bred and Mar. What's that to the purpose ? born,
Sir To. Why, he has three thousand ducats Not three hours' travel from this very place. a year. Vio. Who governs here?
Mar. Aye, but he'll have but a year in all Cap. A noble duke, in nature, ,
these ducats; he's a very fool, and a prodigal. As in his name.
Sir To, Fye, that you'll say so! he plays o' Vio. What is his name?
the viol-de-gambo, and speaks three or four Cap. Orsino.
languages word for word without book, and Vio. Orsino! I have heard my father name hath all the good gifts of nature. He was a bachelor then.
(him : Mar. He hath, indeed,-almost natural : for, Cap. And so is now,
besides that he's a fool, he's a great quarreller; Or was so very late: but for a month
and, but that he hath the gift of a coward to Ago I went from hence; and then 'twas fresh allay the gust he hath in quarrelling, 'tis thought In murmur; (as, you know, what great ones do, among the prudent, he would quickly have the The less will prattle of,) that he did seek gift of a grave. The love of fair Olivia,
Sir To. By this hand they are scoundrels, Vio. What's she?
and substractors, that say so of him. Who are Cap. A virtuous maid, the daughter of a they? count
Mar. They that add moreover, he's drunk That died some twelvemonth since; then leav- nightly in your company. In the protection of his son, her brother, Sir To. With drinking healths to my niece; Who shortly also died : for whose dear love, I'll drink to her, as long as there is a passage in They say, she hath abjur'd the company my throat, and drink in Illyria : He's a coward And sight of men.
and a coystril,t that will not drink to my niece, Vio, 0, that I served that lady:
till his brains turn o’the toe like a parish-top.
Enter Sir ANDREW AGUE-CHEEK.
Sir And. Sir Toby Belch! how now, Sir Toby
Belch? No, not the duke's.
Sir To. Sweet Sir Andrew! Vio. There is a fair behaviour in thee, captain;
Sir And. Bless you, fair shrew. And though that nature with a beauteous wall
Mar. And you too, Sir. Doth oft close in pollution, yet of thee
Sir To. Accost, Sir Andrew, accost.
Sir. And. What's that!
Sir To. My niece's chambermaid.
Sir And. Good mistress Accost, I desire bet. Conceal me what I am; and be my aid
Mar. My name is Mary, Sir.
Sir And. Good mistress Mary Accost,-
Sir To. You mistake, knight: accost, is, front
her, board her, woo her, assail her. It may be worth thy pains; for I can sing, And speak to him in many sorts of music,
Sir And. By my troth, I would not undertake That will allow* me very worth his service.
her in this company. Is that the meaning of
accost? What else may hap, to time I will commit; Only shape thou thy silence to my wit.
Mar. Fare you well, gentlemen. Cap. Be you his eunuch, and your mute I'll
Sir To. An thou let part so, Sir Andrew, be :
'would you might'st never draw sword again. When my tongue blabs, then let mine eyes not
Sir And. An you part so, mistress, I would Vio. I thank thee : Lead me on. [Exeunt. do you think you have fools in hand?
I might never draw sword again. Fair lady, SCENE III.--A Room in Olivia's House.
Mar. Sir, I have not you by the hand. Euler Sir Toby Belch, and MARIA. Sir And. Marry, but you shall have; and Sir To. What a plague means my niece, to here's my hand. take the death of her brother thus: I am sure,
Mar. Now, Sir, thought is free : I pray you, care's an enemy to life.
bring your hand to the buttery-bar, and let it Mar. By troth, Sir Toby, you must come in drink. earlier o’nights; your cousin, my lady, takes
Sir And. Wherefore sweet heart? what's great exceptions to your ill hours.
your metaphor? Sir To. Why, let her except before excepted.
Mar. It is dry, Sir. Mar. Ay, but you must confine yourself Sir And. Why, I think so; I am not such an within the modest limits of order.
ass, but I can keep my hand dry. But what's Sir To. Confine? I'll confine myself no finer your jest? than I am : these clothes are good enough to
Mar. A dry jest, Sir. drink in, and so be these boots too; an they Sir And. Are you full of them ? be not, let them hang themselves in their own Mar. Ay, Sir; I have them at my fingers' straps.
ends : marry, now I let go your hand, I am Mar. That quaffing and drinking will undo barren.
(Exů MARIA * Approve.
| Keystril, a bastard hawk
Sir To. O knight, thou lack'st a cup of ca- wards you, Cesario, you are like to be much nary: When did I see thee so put down? advanced ; he hath known you but three days
Sir And. Never in your life, I think ; unless and already you are no stranger. you see canary put me down: Methinks, some Vio. You either fear his humour, or my times I have no more wit than a Christian, or negligence, that you call in question the conan ordinary man has: but I am a great eater tinuance of his love: Is he inconstant, Sir, in of beef, and, I believe, that does harm to my his favours? wit.
Val. No, believe me. Sir To. No question.
Enter Duke, Curio, and Allendants. Sir And. An I thought that, I'd forswear it.
Vio. I thank you. Here comes the count. I'll ride home to-morrow, Sir Toby.
Duke. Who saw Cesario, ho ? Sir To. Pourquoy, my dear knight?
Vio. On your attendance, my lord; here. Sir And. What is pourquoy ? do or not do? I Duke. Stand you awhile aloof.-Cesario, would I had bestowed that time in the tongues, Thou know'st no less but all ; I have unclaspd that I have in fencing, dancing, and bear-bait- To thee the book even of my secret soul: ing: 0, had I but followed the arts !
Therefore, good youth, address thy gait* unto Sir To. Then badst thou had an excellent
her; head of hair.
Be not denied access, stand at her doors, Sir And. Why, would that have mended my And tell them, there thy fixed foot shall grow, bair?
Till thou have audience. Sir To. Past question ; for thou seest, it will Vio. Sure, my noble lord, not curl by nature.
If she be so abandon'd to her sorrow Sir And. But it becomes me well enough, As it is spoke, she never will admit me. does't not?
Duke. Be clamorous, and leap all civil Sir To. Excellent ; it hang's like flax on a
bounds, distaff; and I hope to see a housewife take Rather than make unprofited return. thee between her legs, and spin it off.
Vio. Say, I do speak with her, my lord ; Sir And. 'Faith, i'll home to-morrow, Sir
What then? Toby : your niece will not be seen ; or, if she Duke. O, then unfold the passion of my love, be, it's four to one she'll none of me: the count Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith : himself, here hard by, wooes her.
It shall become thee well to act my woes ; Sir To. She'll none o' the count; she'll not She will attend it better in thy youth, match above her degree, neither in estate, Than in a nuncio of more grave aspect. years, nor wit; I have heard her swear it. Vio. I think not so, my lord. Tut, there's life in't man.
Duke. Dear lad, believe it; Sir And. I'll stay a month longer. I am a For they shall yet belie thy happy years fellow o' the strangest mind i' the world ; 1 That say, thou art a man : Diana's lip delight in masques and revels sometimes alto- Is not more smooth, and rubious; thy small gether.
pipe Sir To. Art thou good at these kick-shaws, Is as the maiden's organ, shrill, and sound, knight?
And all is semblative a woman's part. Sir And. As any man in Illyria, whatsoever I know, thy constellation is right apt he be, under the degree of my betters; and For this affair :—Some four, or five, attend him; yet I will not compare with an old man.
All, if you will; for I myself am best, Sir To. What is thy excellence in a galliard, When least in company :-Prosper well in this, knight?
And thou shalt live as freely as thy lord, Sir And. 'Faith, I can cut a caper.
To call his fortunes thine. Sir To. And I can cut the mutton to't.
Vio. I'll do my best, Sir And. And, I think, I have the back-trick, To woo your lady: yet, [.Aside.) a barfult strife! simply as strong as any man in Illyria.
Whoe'er I woo, myself would be his wife, Sir To. Wherefore are these things hid?
[Exeunt. wherefore have these gifts a curtain before
SCENE V.A Room in Olivia's House. them are they like to take dust, like mistress
Enter Maria, and Clown. Mall's picture? why dost thou not go to church in a galliard, and come home in a coranto ?
Mar. Nay, either tell me where thou hast My very walk should be a jig; I would not so been, or I will not open my lips, so wide as a much as make water, but in a sink-a-pace.* bristle may enter, in way of thy excuse: my What dost thou mean? is it a world to hide lady will hang thee for thy absence. virtues in? I did think, by the excellent con
Clo. Let her hang me: he, that is well hanged stitution of thy leg, it was formed under the in this world, needs to fear no colours. star of a galliard.
Mar. Make that good.
Clo. He shall see none to fear. Sir And. Ay, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a fame-coloured stock.t Shall we where that saying was born, of, I fear no co
Mar. A good lentens answer : I can tell thee set about some revels?
lours, Sir To. What shall we do else? were we not born under Taurus ?
Clo. Where, good mistress Mary? Sir And. Taurus ? that's sides and heart.
Mar. In the wars; and that may you be bolu Sir To. No, Sir ; it is legs and thighs. Let to say in your foolery. me see thee caper; ha! higher; ha, ha !-ex
Clo. Well, God give them wisdom, that have cellent !
it; and those that are fools, let them use their
talents. SCENE IV.-A Room in the Duke's Palace.
Mar. Yet you will be hanged, for being Enter VALENTINE, and V10LA in man's attire. long absent: or, to be turned away; is not that Val. If the duke continue these favours to- as good as a hanging to you?
Go thy way. *Cingue-pace, the name of a dance. Stocking | Full of impediments,
Short and spare.
you were best.
Clo. Many a good hanging prevents a bad more brain than a stone. Look you now, he's marriage; and, for turning away, let summer out of his guard already, unless you laugh and bear it out.
minister occasion to him, he is gagged. I proMar. You are resolute then?
test, I take these wise men, that crow so at Clo. Not so neither ; but I am resolved on these set kind of fools, no better than the fools' two points.
zanies.* Mar. That, if one break,* the other will Oli. O, you are sick of self-love, Malvolio, hold; or, if both break, your gaskins fall. and taste with a distempered appetite. To be
Clo. Apt, in good faith ; very apt! Well, go generous, guiltless, and of free disposition, is thy way; if Sir Toby would leave drinking, to take those things for bird-bolts,t that you thou wert as witty a piece of Eve's flesh as any deem cannon-bullets : There is no slander in in Illyria.
an allowed fool, though he do nothing but rail ; Mar. Peace, you rogue, no more o' that; nor no railing in a known discreet man, though here comes my lady: make your excuse wisely, he do nothing but reprove.
[Exit. Clo. Now Mercury endue thee with leasing, I Enter OLIVIA, and MALVOLIO. for thou speakest well of fools ! Clo. Wit, and't be thy will, put me into good
Re-enter MARIA. fooling! Those wits, that think they have thee,
Mar. Madam, there is at the gate a young do very oft prove fools; and I, that am sure I lack thee, may pass for a wise man: For what gentleman, much desires to speak with you. says Quinapalus? better a witty fool, than a
Oli. From the count Orsino, is it? foolish wit. -God bless thee, lady!
Mar. I know not, madam ; 'tis a fair young Oli. Take the fool away.
man, and well attended. Clo. Do you not hear, fellows? Take away
Olr. Who of my people hold him in delay? the lady.
Mar. Sir Toby madam, your kinsman. Oli. Go to, you're a dry fool; I'll no more
Oli. Fetch him off, I pray you ; he speaks of you: besides, you grow dishonest.
nothing but madman: Fye on him! (Exit Člo. Two faults, madonna,t that drink and Maria.) Go you, Malvolio; if it be a suit from good counsel will amend: for give the dry fool the count, I am sick, or not at home; what you drink, then is the fool not dry; bid the disho will, to dismiss it. [Exit Malvolio.] Now nest man mend himself; if he mend, he is no you see, Sir, how your fooling grows old, and longer dishonest ; if he cannot, let the botcher people dislike it.
Clo. Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if mend him: Any thing, that's mended, is but patched : virtue, that transgresses, is but patch- thy eldest son should be a fool : whose skull ed with sin; and sin, that amends, is but Jove cram with brains, for here he comes, one patched with virtue: If that this simple syllo- of thy kin, has a most weak pia matér. gism will serve, so; if it will not, What reme
Enter Sir Toey BELCH. dy? As there is no true cuckold but calamity, Oli. By mine honour, half drunk.What is so beauty's a flower :—the lady bade take away he at the gate, cousin ? the fool; therefore, I say again, take her away. Sir To. A gentleman. Oli. Sir, I bade them take away you.
Oli. A gentleman? What gentleman ? Clo. Misprision in the highest degree!-Lady, Sir To. 'Tis a gentleman here-A plague of Cucullus non facit monachum; that's as much as these pickle-herrings !-How now, sot? to say, I wear not motely in my brain. Good Clo. Good Sir Toby,madonna, give me leave to prove you a fool. Oli. Cousin, cousin, how have you come so Oli. Can you do it?
early by this lethargy? Clo. Dexterously, good madonna.
Sir To. Lechery! I defy lechery: There's Oli. Make your proof.
one at the gate. Clo. I must catechise you for it, madonna;
Oli. Ay, marry; what is he? Good my mouse of virtue, answer me.
Sir To. Let him be the devil, an he will, I Oli. Well, Sir, for want of other idleness, care not : give me faith, say I. Well, it's all I'll 'bide your proof.
[Erit. Clo. Good madonna, why mourn'st thou? Oli. What's a drunken man like, fool? Oli. Good fool for my brother's death.
Clo. Like a drown'd man, a fool, and a madClo. I think, his soul is in hell, madonna.
man: one draught above heat makes him a Oli. I know his soul is in heaven, fool.
fool; the second mads him ; and a third drowns Clo. The more fool you, madonna, to mourn him. for your brother's soul being in heaven. Take Oli. Go thou and seek the coroner, and let away the fool, gentlemen.
him sit o' my coz; for he's in the third degree Oli. What think you of this fool, Malvolio? of drink, he's drowned: go look after him. doth he not mend?
Clo. He is but mad yet, madonna; and the Mal. Yes; and shall do, till the pangs of fool shall look to the madman. [Exit Clown. death shake him : Infirmity, that decays the wise, doth ever make the better fool.
Re-enter MALVOLIO. Clo. God send you, Sir, a speedy infirmity,
Mal. Madam, yond young fellow swears he for the better increasing your folly? Sir Toby will speak with you. I told him you were sick; will be sworn, that I am no fox; but he wil he takes on him to understand so much, and not pass his word for two-pence that you are therefore comes to speak with you : I told him no fool.
you were asleep; he seems to have a fore-know. Oli. How say you to that, Malvolio?
ledge of that too, and therefore comes to speak Mal. I marvel your ladyship takes delight in with you. What is to be said to him, lady? such a barren rascal; I saw him put down the he's fortified against any denial. other day with an ordinary fool, that has no
Oli. Tell him, he shall not speak with me. * Points were hooks which fastened Ure hose or breechez, * Fools' baubles. Short arrows. Lying 1 Trulian, mistress, dame.
$ The cover of the brain.