Hamlet travestie: with burlesque annotations

King.

That may you speedily.—E'en now I've learn'd,
Hamlet hath unexpectedly return'd.
Now, I've a scheme will suit us to a T;
'Twill keep suspicion too from you and me:
To his long home he quickly shall be sent,
And so, as it shall seem, by accident.

Laertes.
I will be rul'd by you; but plan it so,
That I may tip the rascal his death-blow.

King.

'Tis rumour'd you're a famous pugilist ;-
Now, Hamlet oft hath long’d to try your fist :-
I'll have you box together for a wager!

Laertes.
To give him a sound drubbing I'll engage, Sir:
Depend upon't, who's who I'll let him know.

King.
Contrive to give him an unlucky blow.-
But, to make sure of him, (should this plan fail,),
I'll put some ars'nic in a mug of ale;
And when 'he's hot and thirsty with the fight,
I'll give it him to drink - What think you?

Laertes.

Right !

Enter Queen.

Queen.
Misfortunes ne'er come singly, oft I've found;
Now here's a pretty rig-Ophelia's drown'd..

SONG.-Queen.
(Tune“ Our Polly is a sad slut.")
Ophelia is a sad slut!

In spite of all I'd taught her,
She went to fish for tittlebats,

And fell into the water.
An envious bramble near the ditch

Fast by the ankle caught her,
And sous'd her over head and heels,

Slap-dash into the water.

Laertes.
Oh! I've a speech of fire; but, like a spout,
My tears do play upon't, and put it out!

[Exit.

King
I've had enough ado to keep him quiet,
And now will he kick up another riot.

[Exeunt. SCENE IV.

A Church-Yard.

GRAVEDIGGER discovered digging a Grave.

SONG.--GRAVEDIGGER.

(Tune-“Black Joke.”)
0, long life to the sons of the pick-axe and spade,
For they hold up an antient respectable trade;

With my dig, dig, pick-are and spade.
In the histry of all early states twill be found,
That each half-naked nobleman dug his own ground;
For antiquity, all trades to delving must give in,
Since by digging e'en Adam himself earn’d his living.

With my dig, dig, pick-axe and spade.

W

Whilst the GRAVEDIGGER is singing this Verse,

HAMLET and HORATIO enter at a distance.

Hamlet.
This fellow digs and sings-unfeeling knave!
He's making merry of a trade that's grave.

Horatio. Use, Sir, is second nature.

Hamlet.

On reflection, I think I'd do the same were I a sexton.

Gravedigger (sings).
The carpenter, shipwright, and mason, may boast
Of the strength of their buildings—they're nut-shells at most:

With my dig, dig, & c.

But the sexton builds stronger than all put together,
For the houses that he makes defy wind and weather ;
And his tenants lie snug, undisturb'd, and content,
For they're ne'er teazed for taxes, nor troubled for rent.

With my dig, dig, fc.
[Gravedigger throws up several skulls.

Hamlet. :
That skull might once have been a politician's;
And that a lawyer's, or a grave physician's.
Law, politics, and physic, now must grovel,
To bear a basting with a dirty shovel !-
That sexton seems a dev'lish dry old elf:
Horatio, shall we quiz him?

Horatio.

· Please yourself.

Hamlet. (To Gravedigger) Do'st know whose skull was this

amongst the many?

Gravedigger.
What! can't you tell ?

Hamlet.
Why, how the devil can I ?

Gravedigger.
Of all good fellows sure he was the best, Sir!
This skull was Yorick's once, the late king's jester.

Hamlet. Alas, poor Yorick !-Sir, I knew him well-O! He was indeed a jolly roaring fellow. , Horatio, he would get dead drunk,-and after Could keep the table in a roar of laughter; The first and last was he in ev'ry row : O'th' wrong side of his mouth he's l'aughing now. Now, when Miss Prim is seated at her glass, With paints and washes to bedaub her face, Tell her, (to make her giggle at her toilette,) That, paint her face inch thick, yet death will spoil it.

Boeken