HAMLET TRAVESTIE.

ACT THE THIRD.

SCENE I.

An Apartment in the Palace.

Enter King and Queen.

King.
Explain these sighs; 'tis fit we share the fun:
How's Hamlet ?

Queen.

Mad as butter in the sun: (a) Hearing a noise, “ a rat, a rat," he roar'd, And in his crazy fit whipp'd out his sword, And ran Polonius thro' behind the curtain.

King.

Had we been there, he'd have spik'd us for certain. i
Soon as ʼtis day-light he shall buy a brush;
And this unlucky job we'll try to hush.
Ho! Guildenstern! (Enter GUILD. and Rosen.) Just

now hath Hamlet slain,
By way of joke, our poor lord-chamberlain.

The body to the bone-house take ;-seek out
And bring lord Hamlet here.—Come, jump about.

[Exeunt Guild. and Rosen.

We'll now prepare to pack him off to London :-
As for Polonius--whai's done can't be undone.

[Exit Queen.

If Hamlet thus go loose he'll make a racket,
And yet we dare not give him a straight jacket;
Because tag, rag and bob-tail love him dearly-
And right from wrong they can't distinguish clearly.

Enter ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN with HAMLET.

King.

Now, Hamlet, where's Polonius

Hamlet.

He's in heaven; But if you think that I'm to lying giv'n, Send there to see; if there your man don't nick him, E’en to the devil go yourself and seek him. If in a month you find not where he's closeted, Your nose will hint i'th' dust-hole he's deposited.

King.

Go seek him there; I fear he's only humming.

[Exit Guild.

Hamlet. Pray don't fatigue yourself; he'll wait your coming.

King.
From pure regard for thee, this cursed blunder
Must send thee, Hamlet, hence.

Hamlet.

I shou’dn't wonder !

King. Therefore for England instantly prepare; The packet's ready and the wind is fair.

Hamlet.
Good.

King.
So you'd say if you our reasons knew.

Hamlet.
There's one above sees all—But come; adieu !

[Exit Hamlet and Rosen.

.

King.
Now, England, if thou car'st for us a button,
Thou'll sweetly tickle this young jockey's mutton. (6)

[Exit King.

SCENE II.

Another Room in the Palace.

N.

Enter Queen and HORATIO.

Queen. I will not speak with her.

Horatio.

She'll breed a riot ; You'd better have her in to keep her quiet.

Queen. Well, send her up. (Exit Hor.) I think the devil's

in it, "That I can never be alone a minute.

Enter Horatio with Ophelia.

Ophelia (sings).

Three children sliding on the ice,

All on a summer's day,
The ice it broke—they all fell in-

Tlie rest—they ran away.

Queen.
Sweet lady, what's the meaning of this song?

Ophelia.
I'll sing the rest-for 'tis not very long.

rSings.)
Now had these children staid at home,

And slid upon dry ground,
They broken necks had had, perchance,

But never had been drown'd.

Enter King.

King. How is't, Ophelia ?

Ophelia.

Where's the use of sorrow? For, ah! we're gone to-day and here to-morrow!

SONG.–OPHELIA.
(Tune—“ How happy could I be with either.)

'Tis the fashion for lads to court lasses,

But I know a case quite contrary :
Peggy Tomkins (c) lov'd Johnny the butler,
And she whistled for John down the area.

Ri tol, dc.

King. Pretty Ophelia.

Ophelia.

Aye, 'tis true, depend on't; And so, without an oath, I'll make an end on't.