You'll find they are but jesting in the end.
There's no offence: the story, please your grace,
A murder done in some outlandish place.

O, 'twas a scurvy trick; but that all nonsense is
To you and I, my Lord, who have clear consciences:
I never did a murder-I can bear it;

But if the cap fit you, why, you may wear it.
But let's be quiet-See, they're coming in.-
Now, murd'rer, damn your faces, and begin.

The pantomime continued.

Enter Duke's nephew-Listens whether the Duke is asleep-Takes a bottle from his pocket-Attempts in vain to draw the corkExit And return with a corkscrew and a funnel-Draws the cork-Puts the funnel to Duke's ear-Pours the contents of the bottle into it-A noise-Exit in haste.

Hamlet.

Is not the case of the poor Duke a hard one?
For his estate he's poison'd in his garden.

You'll see anon the murd❜rer weds his widow ;"Twas his own nephew who the murder did.

King.

Oh!

King faints, and is carried off-Followed by Queen, Polonius, Ophelia, &c. &c.

[Manent Hamlet and Horatio.

SONG.-HAMLET.

Oh dear what can the matter be!

Dear, dear, what can the matter be!

O dear, what can the matter be!

Did you see how he fainted away?

To condemn any man on slight grounds I'm not willing;
But in future I'll take the ghost's word for a shilling :-

Did

you notice the king when it came to the killing?—

And now, friend, I wish you good day.

[Exit Horatio

Enter ROSENCRANTZ and Guildenstern.

Rosen.

My Lord, I have a message.

Hamlet.

Well, what is it?

Rosen.

The Queen desires you'll pay her soon a visit.

Hamlet.

I'll come anon.- -But stay-upon my life,
I'll have you play a tune upon this fife.

Rosen.

My Lord, I can't.

Hamlet.

I know you can.

Rosen.

The fact is,

I could play once, but now I'm out of practice.

Hamlet.

Come, Sir, then you shall play. (To Guild.)

Guild.

My Lord, I would,

But I can't play at all, nor ever could.

Hamlet.

Why, look ye, what a nincompoop you'd make me.
Zounds, Sirs, for what the devil do you take me?
Not play on this, and yet sound me! Od's life,
D'ye think I'm easier play'd on than a fife?
I'm not the booby you may think-March! fly!—
And tell my mother I'll come by and by.

[Exeunt Rosen, and Guild..

'Tis now the very time of night,
Hey randy dandy O!

When ghosts to stalk about delight,

With their gallopping randy dandy O!

'Tis now the time when church-yards yawn,
Hey randy dandy O!

And let their tenants out till morn,

With their gallopping randy dandy O!

For a precious row I'm just in cue;
Hey randy dandy O!

Some mischief I should like to do,

With my gallopping randy dandy O!

But first I'll to my mother go,

Hey randy dandy O!

And what is what I'll soon let her know,

With my gallopping randy dandy O!

[Exit Hamlet.

SCENE III.

The Queen's Closet.

Enter QUEEN and POLONIUS.

Polonius.

He'll soon be here:-then let him have his whack:
Tell him he'll bring a house upon his back;
Tell him his pranks may get him soon a kicking,
And that your grace has sav'd him many a licking.
I'll go and hide myself behind the curtain.
Now mind your eye—

Queen.

I'll tip it him for certain.

[Polonius concealshimself behind the arras.

Enter HAMLET.

Hamlet.

Well, mother, what's the matter with you now?

Queen.

Your father, Sir, has made a pretty row (k).

Hamlet.

Mother, you've put my father in a passion.'

Queen.

Zounds, Sir, don't answer in this idle fashion.

Hamlet.

None of your blarney; it won't do to-night

Queen.

Have you forgot me, puppy?

Hamlet.

No, not quite:

You are the Queen-wife to your husband's brother; And (tho' I blush to own you) you're my mother.

Queen.

Behave yourself;-be decent, Sir, I beg.

Hamlet.

Sit down, and dam'me if you stir a peg "Till I have let you see your very soul.

Queen.

What! Wouldst thou kill me? Help, ho! Watch!

(Behind.)

Polonius.

Patrole!