I've got your present here ; I'll now return it,
Tho oft I've had an itching, Sir, to burn it:
Pray take it back.

What is't you mean?


The pair Of worsted garters from the Easter fair. You know you gave them, and with words bewitching, Last week when I was frying in the kitchen. I've left them ever since upon the shelf, In hopes you'd come and put them on yourself; But since you did not, they're not worth a penny: So take them back.

I never gave you any.


(Tune -- ~ Mr. Mug.")

Let me tell yon, Miss Ophelia, your behaviour's very rude, And your whims and freaks and fancies ought in time to be

subdu'd; So if my advice will better you, to give it 'tis my duty:Imprimis :- let your honesty discourse not with your beauty.

Won't you, won't you, won't you to a nunnery go?

I told you once I lov'd you; but 'twas easy to perceive
That I didn't care a fig for you, as now you will believe.
In future, trust to none of us; we're arrant knaves at best;
And I (as soon you'll find) am no better than the rest.

Won't you, won't you, fc.

If you marry, (just to comfort you,) this plague take for

portion, That calumny will twig you, tho' you act with greatest caution: But get some fool to marry you, if disengag'd your heart is; I shall not tell the reason-but 'twere better for both parties.

Won't you, won't you, fc. I've lately been inform’d that you paint both red and white: . Heav'n gave you one face, and to make another is not right. Your pranks have made me mad—Marriage bells no more

shall jingle- . The married may remain so, but the rest shall all keep single.

Won't you, won't you, fc.

[Exit Hamlet.

O, what a pity such a charming lad
Should, at his time of life, go roaring mad!
He says he loves me not-I'll call him in again,
And his affections try to win again.

RECITATIVE (accompanied,) and DUETT (d).

Hamlet and Ophelia.


Ophelia. Dear Hamlet, pray come back. (Enter Hamlet.). I'm your's for ever.

Hamlet. And shall we never part, love?


Ah! no, never!


(Tune—“ I've kiss'd and I've prattled.”)

I've made love to fifty young women in Denmark,

And chang'd them as oft, d'ye see:
But if she would promise to love me-why, then mark
Ophelia's the maid for me.

I've kiss’d and I've prattled with fifty young fellows,

And chang’d them as oft, d'ye see:
But if he would not be so devilish jealous,
Young Hamlet's the lad for me.

Your father, I know, doesn't much like the match;

But we in our choice will be free:
I'm a prince-and he ought to be glad of the catch,

For Ophelia's the maid for me.


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We know very well that advice cheap as dirt is,

And plenty I've had d'ye see :
But in spite of the lessons of brother Laertes,

Young Hamlet's the lad for me.

Hamlet and Ophelia.
Then here be an end to our squabbles and strife

And happy for ever we'll be.
And as no other woman shall e'er be my wife,
And as no other man shall e'er make me his wife,

Ophelia's the maid for me.
Young Hamlet's the lad for me.


Ham. Oph. Ham. Oph.

A Theatre in the Palace.
Enter Hamlet and the First ACTOR.


(Tune—“ Liberty-Hall.”) Tho' a talent for acting must nature impart, 'T'is refin'd and improv'd by the lessons of art : So I'll teach you the rules my experience affords, As I once had an itching myself for the boards.

Tol de rol, fc. When speaking a speech, it an actor becomes To mumble as tho' he'd his mouth full of plums, For mouthing's a sine qua non : if you doubt it, Pray say, what were Wm or


w ithout it?

Tol de rol, fc.

An actors should study what folks call the graces-
That's the twist of their legs, and the set of their faces :
But for gracefully using their arms my advice is,
They, like C , saw the air, as it were, into slices.

Tol de rol, &c.

Some will tell yon, “ be calm;" but, in spite of their cant,
And their critical jargon, strut, bellow, and rant:
To bamboozle the flats and to keep them from snoring,
R- proves that there's nothing like ranting and roaring.

Tol de rol, 8c.

But in speeches which, teeming with passion, require
All an E- 's spirit, a K 's own fire,
If you'd hope H s t o egual in fame,
You, like him, must be lifeless, insipid, and tame.

Tol de rol, fe.


Some critics assert (but I stoutly dispute it),
That each word stands in need of an action to suit it;- .
Their principle's false ;-and, if fairly they'll try it,
C , and twenty besides, will deny it.

Tol de rol, fc.



o r D , when playing the clown,
Always garnish the author's with wit of your own :
And tho' knowing ones hiss ; yet the god's approbation,
In a horse-laugh, will greet you. So ends my oration.

Tol de rol, 8C.
[Exit First Actor.

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