if any pleasure could be found,
In toffing up for twenty-thousand pound.
Had I whole counties, I to White's would go,
And fet land, woods, and rivers, at a throw.
But should I meet with an unlucky run,
And at a throw be gloriously undone ;
My debts of honour I'd discharge the first,
Let all my lawful creditors be curs'd:
My title would preferve me from arrest,
And seizing hired horses is a jest.
I'd walk the morning with an oaken stick,
With gloves and hat, like my own footman, Dick.
A footman I would be, in outward show,
In fenfe, and education, truly fo.
As for my head it should ambiguous wear
At once a perriwig and its own hair.
My hair I'd powder in the women's way,
And dress and talk of dreffing more than they.
I'll please the maids of honour, if I can;
Without black velvet breeches, what is man?
I will my skill in button-holes difplay,
And brag how oft I shift me every day.
Shall I wear cloaths in aukward England made?
And sweat in cloth, to help the woollen trade?
In French embroid❜ry and in Flanders lace
I'll spend the income of a treasurer's place.
Deard's bill for baubles fhall to thousands mount,
And I'd out-di'mond even the di'mond count.
I would convince the world by tawdry cloaths
That belles are lefs effeminate than beaux,
And doctor Lamb fhould pare my lordship's toes.
To boon companions I my time would give,
With players, pimps, and parasites I'd live.
I would with jockeys from Newmarket dine,
And to rough-riders give my choicest wine;
I would caress some stableman of note,
And imitate his language and his coat.
My ev❜nings all I would with sharpers spend,
And make the thief-catcher my bofom friend.
In Fig the prize-fighter by day delight,
And fup with Colley Cibber every night.
Should I perchance be fashionably ill,
I'd fend for Mifaubin, and take his pill.
I should abhor, though in the utmost need,
Arbuthnot, Hollins, Wigan, Lee, or Mead;
But if I found that I grew worse and worse,
I'd turn off Mifaubin and take a nurse.
How oft when eminent phyficians fail,
Do good old women's remedies prevail !
When beauty's gone, and Chloe's ftruck with years, Eyes fhe can couch, or fhe can fyringe ears.
Of graduates I dislike the learned rout,
And chuse a female doctor for the gout.
Thus would I live, with no dull pedants curs'd,
Sure, of all blockheads, fcholars are the worst.
Back to your univerfities, ye fools,
And dangle arguments on strings in schools:
Those schools which Universities they call,
'Twere well for England were there none at all.
With ease that loss the nation might sustain,
Supply'd by Goodman's-fields and Drury-lané.
Oxford and Cambridge are not worth one farthing,
Compar'd to Haymarket and Covent-garden :
Quit thofe, ye British youth, and follow thefe,
Turn players all, and take your 'fquires degrees.
Boaft not your incomes now, as heretofore,
Ye book-learn'd feats! the theatres have more :
Ye stiff-rump'd heads of colleges be dumb;
A fingle eunuch gets a larger fum.
Have fome of you three hundred by the year;
Booth, Rich, and Cibber, twice three thousand clear.
Should Oxford to her fifter Cambridge join
A year's rack-rent, and arbitrary fine:
Thence not one winter's charge would be defray'd,
For play-house, opera, ball, and masquerade,
Glad I congratulate the judging age,
The players are the world, the world the stage.
I am a politician too, and hate
Of any party, ministers of state:
I'm for an Act, that he, who fev'n whole years
Has ferv'd his king and country, lose his ears.
Thus from my birth I'm qualified you find,
To give the laws of Tafte to human kind.
Mine are the gallant schemes of politeffe,
For books, and buildings, politics, and dress,
This is true Taste, and whofo likes it not,
Is blockhead, coxcomb, puppy, fool, and fot,
By BENJAMIN STILLINGFLEET.
Oderunt bilarem triftes, triftemque jocofi,
Sedatum celeres, agilem gnavumque remissi.
HE art of converse, how to footh the foul
Of haughty man, his paffions to controul, His pride at once to humble and to please,
And join the dignity of life with ease,
Be now my theme. O thou, whom Nature's hand
Fram'd for this beft, this delicate command,
And taught, when lisping without reason's aid,
At the fame time to speak and to persuade,
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