head. The landlord having stroked his fat face with his more than reasonable proportion of hand, readily said-" Let each of you pay half of the reckoning."This was rather a poser to the industrious gentry. However, the expert Farulla, quickly parrying the dangerous thrust, exclaimed No, no, my good man, that will never do, I must pay all or nothing." -" And I say the same," cried Reboilo, "all or nothing." -" Well, then, gentlemen," interposed Boniface in alarm, "suppose you cast lots who is to pay?"-" A capital idea!" exclaimed Farulla; " and to avoid all possibility of cheating, I tell you a very ingenious method of proceeding to business. Master landlord, you must be blindfolded, and each of us be stationed in a different part of the room; you must grope about until you lay hold of one of us, and he whom you catch first, shall pay the bill."-" A whimsical idea," cried the landlord, laughing: "I have no objection to a little fun myself."--No more was said-Farulla dexterously blindfoldedhis dupe with one of the napkins that lay on the table-led him to the middle of the room-and then said-" Now, my good man, be sharp and see nothing, remember that he whom you catch first is to pay the reckoning." It is almost needless to add, that, after this, the two worthies of Alcala, and their respectable companions, sought their way out of the house with amazing expedition. The fat landlord meanwhile groped and groped about, but for all his groping, his sole reward was, now and then, a smart blow, upon body or limb, from some part of the furniture. By this time the other victims of Farulla's schemes had found their way to the hosteria. The enraged pabero and the rest of the party came tumbling into the room with a prodigious din. The alguacil, in virtue of his office, was the first to enter, when, to his unspeakable surprise, astonishment, and indignation, the blindfolded Boniface caught him by the nose, roaring out in a great glee-" -"Oh! oh! I have caught you, my good Sir, and you must pay the reckoning."-A blow was the only return from the nose-imprisoned alguacil." Pay the reckoning, you rascal! What do you mean by insulting in this manner an officer of justice in the discharge of his functions?" The landlord removed the napkin from his eyes, and then it was that a most portentous scene of staring took place. The man of the law, the man of razors, the man of turkeys, and the man of the long bill, together with sundry other men, all stared, and spoke, and exclaimed at the same instant. And after all this staring, speaking, and exclaiming, it was evident that the landlord had caught a wrong bird in nis net-that the students were a pair a rascals-that the pabero had lost his turkey, Boniface his wine, the barber his hopes of a lumbago-job, and the alguacil his time in an unprofitable chase. La Belle Assem. BIOGRAPHICAL TABLET OF THE He from a humble origin aspired And State his bias, through the fiercest storms cared, Or chuckled more, than he at ridicule. NEW PICTURE FOR HAYDON. (For the Olio.) P. AFTER I had seen iny horse taken care of, and entered a low-built but hospitable village inn, a prettier bit of nature never glowed before glowed a large fire than in the arrival of the one-sheeted Times, four feet in length, and a yard in width, forty-eight columns, containing, it is supposed, about 150,000 words, as many as were published by all the morning and evening papers in the French capital on the same day. The newsmongers were waiting at the usual hour, and gladdened by the appearance of the post boy. But when the Times was opened, behold the consternation! The general reader and spokesman was ready barnacled for his office, and the glass circulated briskly in preparation of something fresh of Burke, the viceroy of Ireland, or Stephenson. The effect was electric. The usual paper and supplementary sheet being incorporated, (a editors say when a dying print is put int the bed and treatment of the living one,) no one could undertake the task of read ing what the Times contained. The landlady, a shrewd little woman, hearing the debate, suggested that the ironing board should be brought in, which was done, and fixed sideways on the table, in a line with the seat, and the candles 'held by boots and the ostler. Thus the project being effected, every man sitting next to his friend, each read for himself, and when new information was required, each exchanged his seat till the hour grew late, and impatience brought several of the readers' wives and relations with lanthorns and good inquiries as to the cause of their delay. The explanation being a novelty, many pretty speeches were heard instead of curtain lectures; and ever since, the curious of the parish have visited the public-house, to see a wonderful sheet in the progress of intellect, to the great profit of the smart widow. If Haydon wants a good subject, let him take these hints, and make a good picture of it. CORRES. FATAL FROLIC. (For the Olio.) ABOUT twenty years ago, a young gentleman, remarkable for strong nerve, was at a party consisting of a few friends, where ghosts and supernatural agency became the subject of conversation. After a few remarks by some of the party, the young gentleman's opinion was asked, when he firmly declared he had no belief whatever in such nonsense, and that he would as soon meet a herd of ghosts as a flock of sheep, and that he would no more mind passing a night in a reputed haunted house than by his own fire-side. One or two of the party determined to try his nerve, and one gentleman in particular, offered to wager him a dozen of wine that he would be afraid to sit up all night with a corpse. He instantly ac cepted the bet, provided he was allowed a fire, a pair of pistols, and a glass of grog, and his own house being made the scene of the trial of his nervous faculties. These terms being agreed to, the parties separated, and the next evening was to be the time appointed for the decision of the bet. The next evening came, and every thing being in readiness, pistols, fire, and grog, the corpse was brought in by the party who laid the wager, assisted by a friend, enveloped in a large sheet, and placed in a coffin, and set down in the middle of the room. At this instant, the young hero was called down from the room to speak to a person upon some trifling business, which he instantly despatched, and returned up stairs. The parties who brought the corpse in, after wishing him a good night, were on the point of departure, when he earnestly said to them, "Now if any tricks are attempted to be played with me, I will fire at that corpse, if one it is, for I strongly suspect it is a living being." They made him no further answer to this threat than these ominous words," Remember twelve o'clock!" He was then left alone. He stirred his fire, sipped his grog, and made himself as comfortable as he could possibly do. At length the solemn hour of midnight arrived. As the last stroke of the clock vibrated on his ear, he distinctly saw the corpse begin to move-he snatched a pistol from the table, advanced to the coffin, and exclaimed, "If you stir another step, I will fire!" To this injunction he received no answer, -the supposed corpse rose up in the coffin, and stepped out. He repeated his threat-it still advanced -he fired, and the bullet was thrown in his face by the corpse. He fell to the ground with a piercing shriek, and rose a lunatic, in which wretched state he remained till his death, which happened about a year after this tragic and truly heart-rending scene occurred. A more lamentable instance of cruel folly perhaps never occurred. Had but its victim for a moment reflected, he would have been saved; -but the idea of the bullet being returned, or perhaps that of shooting a fellow creature, took such an effect of his nerve, that reason forsook her empire, never more to return. A moment's forethought would have saved him. During the time he was called out of the room to speak to the person who wished to see him, (who was a party concerned,) the bullets were drawn from the pistols, and given into the hands of the corpse, who was likewise one of the party who was present when the wager was laid. The occurrence is never thought of by either of the actors in this fatallyfoolish affair, but it occasions a sigh or a pang of remorse. J. W. B. PITY is a sentiment so natural, so appropriate to the female character, that it is scarcely a virtue for a woman to possess it, but to be without, is a grievous crime. TO LITTLE MARY. (For the Olio.) Laugh on, laugh on, thou darling child, But ah! it cannot be; the time Must come, when thou wilt know And see the hopes-the hopes of youth, THEY were all standing before their appointed seats, and the ceremony commenced by the chief priest, or da-lama, tinkling a small bell, upon which they all with one accord began chanting a grace-"om mani but me kom"*" om mani padma huom." The meaning of which mystical phrases is disputed by the learned, but which on this occasion probably signified "glory to Fo, &c. &c." or something to that effect. This chanting continued about five minutes, when the bell again tinkling, the parties fell to at their rations with their chop sticks, as eagerly as pigs at a newly filled trough. rough. Talking of pigs, there is a very respectable piggery attached to the establishment. The Joss pigs, i. e. those which are consecrated to Fo, or more probably to the da-lama, or abbot, are of a prodigious size and fatness; indeed, I have no doubt they would win the prize at the Christmas exhibition in any town in England. The peculiarity of their shape, the concavity of the back, and the convexity of the belly, which almost touches the ground, render them additionally interesting, and, a painter would say, additionally picturesque. The whole establishment, including the Josshouses, the cloisters, and the pigsties, the kitchen, and kitchen-garden, the farm-yard, and burying-ground, was as complete as can be imagined, and must have covered an immense space of ground. They appear to burn their dead, and our attention was drawn to a mausoleum, in which we were told the ashes of the chief priests were deposited together, so that it may be truly said of them, that * Klaproth translates this cabalistic sentence, each syllable of which is considered a tower of safety against all earthly and spi, ritual calamities :-" Oh, precious lotus!" Timkowski, vol. ii, p. 349. E'en Azrael, with his deadly quiver, A Chinese dinner is a curiosity of the first magnitude, and one which it behoves every lover of the ludicrous to witness. One of the Hong merchants, Pon Keequa by name, or, as he is more generally termed, "the 'squire," gave a dinner to a select part of the factory, at which I had the good fortune to be present. His habitation was on the opposite side of the river, and afforded a good specimen of a Chinese gentleman's domicile; it could not be called with any propriety a house, for it consisted of a succession of buildings, straggling yet connected, and interspersed with flower-beds and tanks brimful of lotuses. In our progress through this labyrinth of rooms, passages, verandahs, &c. we passed through some of those circular doorways which are frequently painted on their chinaware. Among the variety of apartments that we traversed, one was fitted up as a chapel, and appropriated to the purpose of family worship. I have some doubts whether a Catholic would have crossed the threshold without crossing himself, not from any fear of the pagan devils, but from an involuntary notion that he was passing a spot dedicated to the worship of the Virgin and the relics of holy martyrs. We at length arrived at the banquetting room, which was a very respectable apartment, the minutiæ of which, however, my memory will not undertake to supply. We sat down in number about fifteen. The first thing handed round to us was bird's-nest soup, in small chinaware cups. I thought it a very nice and delicate soup, more resembling vermicelli than any other that I remember; but it is not to be mentioned in the same day with turtle or wild duck. There were about twenty courses, and dishes innumerable; I counted sixty on the table at one time; they consisted chiefly of small basins or cups of the most beautiful china-ware, and were arranged in three rows down the centre of the table. We were given to understand, I know not with what truth, that we had the hap piness to partake of stewed pigeons' eggs, wild cat, fricassied frogs, dried worms (particularly recommended as a bonne bouche for wine at dessert,) sea-slugs, sharks, and fins, and a variety of other delicacies,† to which European prejudice might be inclined to apply another term, but which, whatever they may really have been, were rendered extremely palatable by the application of a little Japan soy, or "essence of cockroach," the finest I ever tasted. All the meat, pheasant, partridge, and venison were minced and served to us in small cups, which, considering that we had no knives and forks, but simply a brace of round smooth and slippery chopsticks, made of ivory, tipped with silver, was extremely embarrassing; indeed, for the first half hour I despaired altogether of conveying a particle of the savoury viands to my impatient palate. Having at last, as if by inspiration, suddenly hit upon the proper method of handling my weapons, I attacked the enemy most vigorously, and at the conclusion of the feast found myself so dexterous that I could pick up the smallest crumb with my ivory digits. All their dishes are remarkably rich, so much so that it is necessary to imbibe a considerable quantity of saee-hing to prevent unpleasant consequences. The said saee-hing is a kind of wine, or rather spirit, of a white colour, and not unpleasant taste; the little cup out of which it is drank, is about the size of one belonging to a doll's tea things; the ceremony of drinking health is to take up the cup with both hands, chin-chin, i. e. bow and shake your heads at one another for some time, drink off the wine, and show your friend the bottom of the cup, that he may be satisfied there are no heel-taps. It is the etiquette in the course of the evening to ask your friend to drink wine in return. The ""squire" proposed several toasts, in which we joined very heartily; we drank the emperor's health, the King of England, the Company, the factory, the Hong merchants, our worthy host; and last, not least, † I am not aware that a "bow-wow pie" was of the number, though I may have eaten of it unconsciously. + Soy is really made of a small species of bean peculiar, to Japan, though this may be a bold assertion, considering that the prejudice is so much in favour of cockroaches. Messieurs B. and F., two missionaries, who had lately arrived from Otaheite. A few days after this Chunqua, another of the Hong merchants, gave a grand dinner and sing-song, or play. The place in which it was given was an immense hall, one end of which was occupied by the stage, and the other with the dinner-tables, which were laid out for about a hundred people. The dinner, however, on this occasion was entirely English; the sing-song commenced directly we sat down, and continued till we came away, and probably long after. The play opened with a most cacophonous Babylonian δεινη πλαγγη of cymbals, gongs, bells trumpets, and tom-toms-" harp, lute, sackbut, and dulcimer," a most villanous caricature of the science of music, but which may have been a new overture by the Chinese Rossini. The performance which ensued was a kind of historical pantomime; in which, apparently, there was the frequent setting-up and pulling-down of kings. For the first part, it was one continued battle of various success; the warriors were very splendidly apparelled, and their persons in some instances decorated with little flags, projecting from different parts of the body, they were armed with battle-axes, shields, bows, maces, &c. and were not unlike some of the Josses we saw in the temples. These heroes rushed to the combat with a rotatory motion, like our modern rockets, and went whizzing round and round with great velocity, brandishing their weapons in every direction, and yet contriving to pass one another without touching; the musical sounds above described accompanied and excited these evolutions, till all the emperors that were destined to be killed or crowned had successively "fought and fretted their hour upon the stage, when they were seen no more." The next exhibition was a kind of comedy or farce, in which the characters and scenes were more modern and intelligible. There was also an attempt at acting in this; indeed one man appeared to be particularly witty and facetious, judging from the laughter and applause he met with from the Chinese spectators. The female characters were enacted by eunuchs and looked remarkably well, their head dresses were very becoming, the hair was brought down in a point over the forehead, and ornamented with what was intended to represent gold and jewels; behind the hair was gathered up in a knot a la grecque, with a gold pin stuck through it. There was a very pretty scene, meant appa Between the acts of this farce, tum bling in all its branches was introduced; and very creditably performed; indeed in many of their feats they were quite equal to Astley's troop. There was one very singular feat; they placed a table in the middle of the stage, and the whole troop, to the number of between twenty and thirty, threw themselves over it head foremost, one after another, as fast as possible, and sometimes three and four plunging over at the same time like a shoal of porpoises. Another was the formation of a human pyramid, the men standing upon one another's shoulders, which, when com. plete, whirled round and round with wonderful rapidity. I think I have seen the same feat in England; it is rather singular that there should be such an exact resemblance between the modes of tumbling and tom-foolery at London and Canton. They also throw somersets very respectably; but I am not aware that any of them would undertake to leap over eight horses and a jackass, like the clown at Astley's. The Fatee gardens are one of the sights of the place they are about twenty minutes' sail up the river from Canton, and as a specimen of their style of gardening are certainly worth a visit. The paths are lined on each side with rows of orange trees and camelia japonica plants, in pots, arranged on wooden stands. There is also a great variety of dwarf plants; by a process well known to botanists, the Chinese are able to dwarf any kind of tree in such a manner as to make the miniature exactly resemble the original, both in the appearance of age and in the general character. These little trees are sometimes made to grow out of small buffaloes' backs (made of earthen-ware,) out of bird's heads, dogs' tails, &c. and the more absurd the more beautiful, according to their notions. Indeed the monstrous and ludicrous have peculiar charms for the Chinese, whose standard of taste appears to be the reverse of that of other nations; for deformity, instead of symmetry, seems every where to be the object of art and of admiration. Their writing, language, manners, &c. all appear like a carica ture of other nations; indeed, they present in their own proper persons a complete burlesque of the human form divine. They are, therefore, not only a laughter-loving, but a laughter-causing race; and, during the two months I was among them, it was to me like witnessing a perpetual comedy. Wherefore, ye disciples of Democritus, who think that true philosophy consists in laughing at, rather than in lamenting our misfortunes and imperfections, I recommend you to come hither and laugh your fill, for here there is ample food for those who have a keen appetite for the ludicrous. To be continued. ANDREAS VEIT WOODIR; THE MYSTERIOUS GERMAN FORESTER. In a lonely castle among the Hartz mountains, embosomed in trees and high rocks, lived, as tradition says, Andreas Veit Woodir, a mysterious German forester, and the best archer among those high hills, which are celebrated for game. This was at a remote date, when the mountains were infested by desperate gangs of plunderers and robbers, which made Veit Woodir, it is said, choose such a retreat for himself and daughter, for, many years before that, he had lost his immense wealth in speculations at Lubeck, where he had been a merchant of great opulence. Little was for many years known of this rigid forester, he being seldom visible, either by day or night, to the shepherds, who eagerly watched to behold him, and were always sure to be disappointed. Time wore on; and little was seen of this recluse of the hills, except sometimes when snow lay in drifts upon the ground, when he was seen hunting on the heights, and chasing the goats down with wonderful force and agility, for on these he chiefly subsisted in the winter season. His daughter was said not only to possess extraordinary beauty, but a very fine talent for music. She was never seen on the hills, but sometimes by the river Oides, or among the woods, wandering with her harp, and singing pathetic and melancholy airs, in all the enchanting pathos of nature. Her name was Theresa. She was remembered to have been baffled in a love affair at Lubeck, when extremely young, which ever since that period, had left her dejected. Her extraordinary lovely person, enchanting appearance, and form light as air, caused all the young men in the |