Hero. Now, Ursula, when Beatrice doth come, It were a better death than die with mocks; As we do trace this alley up and down, That only wounds by hearsay. Now begin; Enter Beatrice, behind. For look where Beatrice, like a lapwing, runs Hero. Then go we near her, that her ear lose nothing Of the false sweet bait that we lav for it [They advance to the bower. No, truly, Ursula, she is too disdainful; But are you sure, Hero. So says the prince, and my new-trothed lord. Urs. And did they bid you tell her of it, madam? Hero. They did entreat me to acquaint her of it : But I persuaded them, if they lov'd Benedick, To wish him wrestle with affection, And never to let Beatrice know of it. Urs. Why did you so? Doth not the gentleman Deserve as full, as fortunate a bed, Hero. O god of love! I know, he doth deserve All matter else seems weak: she cannot love, Urs. Sure, I think so; And therefore, certainly, it were not good She knew his love, lest she make sport at it. Hero. Why, you speak truth: I never yet sawman, If speaking, why, a vane blown with all winds: Urs. Sure, sure, such carping is not commendable. Which is as bad as die with tickling. Urs. Yet tell her of it; hear what she will say. Urs. O, do not do your cousin such a wrong. Urs. I pray you, be not angry with me, madam Hero. Indeed, he hath an excellent good name. Urs. His excellence did earn it, ere he had it.When are you married, madam? Hero. Why, every day;-to-morrow: come, go in; Beat. What fire is in mine ears? Can this be true? [Exit. SCENE II. A room in Leonato's house. Enter Don Pedro, Claudio, Benedick, and Leonato. D. Pedro. I do but stay till your marriage be consummate, and then I go toward Arragon. Claud. I'll bring you thither, my lord, if you'll D. Pedro. Nay, that would be as great a soil in the new gloss of your marriage, as to show a child his new coat, and forbid him to wear it. I will only be bold with Benedick for his company; for, from the crown of his head to the sole of his foot, he is all mirth; he hath twice or thrice cut Cupid's bowstring, and the little hangman dares not shoot at him: he hath a heart as sound as a bell, and his tongue is the clapper; for what his heart thinks, his tongue speake. Bene. Gallants, I am not as I have been. D. Pedro. Hang him, truant; there's no true vouchsafe me. Bene. Hang it! Claud. You must hang it first, and draw it after wards. D. Pedro. What? sig for the tooth-ach? (5) Ensnar'd with birdlime. Leon. Where is but a humour, or a worm? holds you well; and in dearness of heart hath holp Bene. Well, every one can master a grief, but to effect your ensuing marriage: surely, suit ifl he that has it. Claud. Yet say I, he is in love. spent, and labour ill bestowed! D. John. I came hither to tell you; and, cir D. Pedro. There is no appearance of fancy in nim, unless it be a fancy that he hath to strange dis-cumstances shortened, (for she hath been too long guises; as, to be a Dutchman to-day; a Frenchman a talking of,) the lady is disloyal. to-morrow; or in the shape of two countries at once, as a German from the waist downward, all slop; and a Spaniard from the hip upward, no doublet: unless he have a fancy to this foolery, as it appears he hath, he is no fool for fancy, as you would have it appear he is. Claud. Who? Hero? Claud. Disloyal? D. John. The word is too good to paint out her wickedness; I could say, she were worse; think Claud. If he be not in love with some woman, you of a worse title, and I will fit her to it. Wonthere is no believing old signs: he brushes his hat der not till further warrant: go but with me too'mornings; what should that bode? night, you shall see her chamber-window entered; D. Pedro. Hath any man seen him at the barber's? even the night before her wedding-day: if you love Claud. No, but the barber's man hath been seen her then, to-morrow wed her; but it would better with hin; and the old ornament of his cheek hath already stuffed tennis-balls. Leon. Indeed, he looks younger than he did, by the loss of a beard. D. Pedro. Nay, he rubs himself with civet: can you smell him out by that? Claud. That's as much as to say, the sweet youth's in love. fit your honour to change your mind. D. Pedro. I will not think it. D. John. If you dare not trust that you see, confess not that you know if you will follow me, I will show you enough; and when you have seen more, and heard more, proceed accordingly. Claud. If I see any thing to-night why I should D. Pedro. The greatest note of it is his melan- not marry her to-morrow; in the congregation, choly. Claud. And when was he wont to wash his face? D. Pedro. Yea, or to paint himself? for the which, I hear what they say of him. Claud. Nay, but his jesting spirit; which is now crept into a lutestring, and now governed by stops. D. Pedro. Indeed, that tells a heavy tale for him : conclude, conclude, he is in love. Claud. Nay, but I know who loves him. D. Pedro. That would I know too; I warrant, one that knows him not. Claud. Yes, and his ill conditions; and, in despite of all, dies for him. D. Pedro. She shall be buried with her face upwards. Bene. Yet is this no charm for the tooth-ach.Old signior, walk aside with me: I have studied eight or nine wise words to speak to you, which these hobby-horses must not hear. [Exeunt Benedick and Leonato. D. Pedro. For my life, to break with him about Beatrice. Claud. "Tis even so: Hero and Margaret have by this played their parts with Beatrice; and then the two bears will not bite one another, when they meet. Enter Don John. D. John. My lord and brother, God save you. D. John. If your leisure served, I would speak with you. D. Pedro. In private? D. John. If it please you;-yet count Claudio may hear; for what I would speak of concerns him. D. Pedro. What's the matter? D. John. Means your lordship to be married to morrow? D. Pedro. You know he does. where I should wed, there will I shame her. D. John. I will disparage her no farther, till you are my witnesses: bear it coldly but till midnight, and let the issue show itself. D. Pedro. O day untowardly turned ! Dogb. Are you good men and true? Verg. Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer salvation, body and soul. Dogb. Nay, that were a punishment too good for them, if they should have any allegiance in them, being chosen for the prince's watch. Verg. Well, give them their charge, neighbour Dogberry. Dogb. First, who think you the most desartless man to be constable. 1 Watch. Hugh Oatcake, sir, or George Seacoal; for they can write and read. Dogb. Come hither, neighbour Seacoal. God hath blessed you with a good name: to be a wellfavoured man is the gift of fortune; but to write and read comes by nature. 2 Watch. Both which, master constable, Dogb. You have; I knew it would be your answer. Well, for your favour, sir, why, give God thanks, and make no boast of it; and for your writing and reading, let that appear when there is no need of such vanity. You are thought here to [To Claudio. be the most senseless and fit man for the constable of the watch; therefore bear you the lantern: this is your charge; you shall comprehend all vagrom men: you are to bid any man stand, in the prince's name. D. John. I know not that, when he knows what I know. Claud. If there be any impediment, I pray you discover it. D. John. You may think I love you not; let that appear hereafter, and aim better at me by that I now will manifest: for my brother, I think, he (1) Large loose breeches. 2 Watch. How if he will not stand? Dogb. Why then, take no note of him, but let him go; and presently call the rest of the watch together, and thank God you are rid of a knave. Verg. If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is none of the prince's subjects. Dogb. True, and they are to meddle with none now forward with thy tale. but the prince's subjects:-you shall also make no noise in the streets; for, for the watch to babble and talk, is most tolerable, and not to be endured. 2 Watch. We will rather sleep than talk; we know what belongs to a watch. Dogb. Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet watchman; for I cannot see how sleeping should offend: only, have a care that your bills' be not stolen:-Well, you are to call at all the alehouses, and bid those that are drunk get them to bed. 2 Watch. How if they will not? Dogb. Why then, let them alone till they are sober; if they make you not then the better answer, you may say, they are not the men you took them for. 2 Watch. Well, sir. Dogb. If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue of your office, to be no true man: and, for such kind of men, the less you meddle or make with them, why, the more is for your honesty. 2 Watch. If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay hands on him? Dogb. Truly, by your office, you may; but I think, they that touch pitch will be defiled: the most peaceable way for you, if you do take a thief, is, to let him show himself what he is, and steal out of your company. Verg. You have been always called a merciful man, partner. Dogb. Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will; much more a man who hath any honesty in him. Verg. If you hear a child cry in the night, you must call to the nurse, and bid her still it. 2 Watch. How if the nurse be asleep, and will not hear us ? Bora. Stand thee close then under this penthouse, for it drizzles rain; and I will, like a true drunkard, utter all to thee. Watch. [Aside.] Some treason, masters; yet Con. Is it possible that any villany should be so dear? Bora. Thou should'st rather ask, if it were possible any villany should be so rich; for when such villains have need of poor ones, poor ones may make what price they will. Con. I wonder at it. Bora. That shows thou art unconfirmed; thou knowest, that the fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a cloak, is nothing to a man. Con. Yes, it is apparel. Bora. I mean the fashion. Con. Yes, the fashion is the fashion. Bora. Tush! I may as well say, the fool's the fool. But seest thou not what a deformed thief this fashion is? Watch. I know that Deformed; he has been a vile thief this seven year; he goes up and dowr. like a gentleman: I remember his name. Bora. Didst thou not hear somebody? Con. No; 'twas the vane on the house. Bora. Seest thou not, I say, what a deformed thief this fashion is? how giddily he turns about all the hot bloods, between fourteen and five and thirty? sometime, fashioning them like Pharaoh's soldiers in the reechy painting; sometime, like god Bel's priests in the old church window; sometime, like the shaven Hercules in the smirched worm Dogb. Why then, depart in peace, and let the child wake her with crying; for the ewe that will eaten tapestry, where his cod-piece seems as massy not hear her lamb when it baes, will never answer as his club? a calf when he bleats. Verg. 'Tis very true. Con. All this I see; and see, that the fashion wears out more apparel than the man: but art not Dogo. This is the end of the charge. You, con- thou thyself giddy with the fashion too, that thou stable, are to present the prince's own person; if hast shifted out of thy tale to tell me of the you meet the prince in the night, you may stay him. fashion? Verg. Nay, by'r lady, that I think he cannot. Bora. Not so neither: but now, that I have toDogd. Five shillings to one on't, with any man night wooed Margaret, the lau, Hero's gentlewothat knows the statues, he may stay him: marry, man, by the name of Hero: she leans me out at not without the prince be willing: for, indeed, the her mistress' chamber-window, bids me a thousand watch ought to offend no man; and it is an offence times good night, I tell this tale vilely :-I should to stay a man against his will. Verg. By'r lady, I think, it be so. Dogo. Ha, ha, ha! Well, masters, good night: an there be any matter of weight chances, call up me: keep your fellows' counsels and your own, and good night. -Come, neighbour. 2 Watch. Well, masters, we hear our charge: let us go sit here upon the church-bench till two, and then all to bed. first tell thee, how the prince, Claudio, and my master, planted and placed, and possessed by my master Don John, saw afar off in the orchard this amiable encounter. Con. And thought they, Margaret was Hero ? Bora. Two of them did, the prince and Claudio; but the devil my master knew she was Margaret; and partly by his oaths, which first possessed them, partly by the dark night, which did deceive them, Dogb. One word more, honest neighbours: I but chiefly by my villany, which did confirm any pray you, watch about signior Leonato's door; for slander that Don John had made, away went Clauthe wedding being there to-morrow, there is a great dio enraged: swore he would meet her as he was coil to-night: adieu, be vigilant, I beseech you. appointed, next morning at the temple, and there, [Exeunt Dogberry and Verges. before the whole congregation, shame her with what he saw over-night and send her nome again without a husband. Enter Borachio and Conrade. Bora. What! Conrade,- Con. Here man, I am at thy elbow. Bora. Mass, and my elbow itched; I thought here would a scab follow. Con. I will owe thee an answer for that; and (1) Weapons of the watchmen. 2 Watch. Call up the right master constable: we have here recovered the most dangerous piece of lechery that ever was known in the common wealth. Con. Masters, masters. Marg. Well, an you be no' turned Turk, there's 2 Watch. You'll be made bring Deformed forth, no more sailing by the star. I warrant you. Con. Masters, 1 Watch. Never speak; we charge you, let us obey you to go with us. Bora. We are like to prove a goodly commodity, being taken up of these men's bills. Con. A commodity in question, I warrant you. Coine, we'll obey you. [Exeunt. SCENE IV. A room in Leonato's house. ter Hero, Margaret, and Ursula. Beat. What means the fool, trow? Marg. Nothing I; but God send every one their heart's desire! Hero. These gloves the count sent me, they are an excellent perfume. Beat. I am stuffed, cousin, I cannot smell. Marg. A maid, and stuffed! there's goodly catching of cold. En-long have you profess'd apprehension? Hero. Good Ursula, wake my cousin Beatrice, and desire her to rise. Urs. I will, lady. Hero. And bid her come hither. [Exit Ursula. Marg. Troth, I think, your other rabato' were better. Hero. No, pray thee, good Meg, I'll wear this. Marg. By my troth, it's not so good; and I warrant, your cousin will say so. Hero. My cousin's a fool, and thou art another; I'll wear none but this. Beat. O, God help me! God help me! how Marg. Ever since you left it: doth not my wit become me rarely ? Beat. It is not seen enough, you should wear it in your cap.-By my troth, I am sick. Marg. Get you some of this distilled Carduus Benedictus, and lay it to your heart; it is the only thing for a qualm. Hero. There thou prick'st her with a thistle. Beat. Benedictus! why Benedictus? you have some morals in this Benedictus. Marg. Moral? no, by my troth, I have no moral meaning; I meant, plain holy thistle. You may think, perchance, that I think you are in love. nay, by'r lady, I am not such a fool to think what Murg. I like the new tire within excellently, I list; nor I list not to think what I can; nor, inif the hair were a thought browner: and your deed, I cannot think, if I would think my heart gown's a most rare fashion, i'faith. I saw the out of thinking, that you are in love, or that you duchess of Milan's gown, that they praise so. will be in love, or that you can be in love: yet Hero. O, that exceeds, they say. Benedick was such another, and now is he become Marg. By my troth it's but a night-gown in re- a man: he swore he would never marry; and yet spect of yours: Cloth of gold, and cuts, and laced now, in despite of his heart, he eats his meat withwith silver; set with pearls, down sleeves, side-out grudging: and how you may be converted, I sleeves, and skirts round, underborne with a bluish know not; but methinks, you look with your eyes tinsel: but for a fine, quaint, graceful, and excel- as other women do. lent fashion, your's is worth ten on't. Hero. God give me joy to wear it, for my heart Beat. What pace is this that thy tongue keeps ? is exceeding heavy! Marg. 'Twill be heavier soon, by the weight of a man. Hero. Fie upon thee! art not ashamed? Re-enter Ursula. Urs. Madam, withdraw; the prince, the count, signior Benedick, Don John, and all the gallants Marg. Of what, lady? of speaking honourably? of the town, are come to fetch you to church. Is not marriage honourable in a beggar? Is not Hero. Help to dress me, good coz, good Meg, [Exeunt. your lord honourable without marriage? I think good Ursula. you would have me say, saving your reverence,a husband: an bad thinking do not wrest true SCENE V. Another room in Leonato's house. Enter Leonato, with Dogberry and Verges. Leon. What would you with me, honest neigh speaking, I'll offend nobody: Is there any harm in- Dogb. Marry, sir, I would have some confi dence with you, that decerns you nearly. Leon. Brief, I pray you; for you see, 'tis a busy time with me. Dogb. Marry, this it is, sir. Leon. What is it, my good friends? Beat. Yea, Light o love, with your heels!- Verg. Yes, I thank God, I am as honest as any then if your husband have stables enough, you'll see he shall lack no barns. Marg. O illegitimate construction! I scorn that with my heels. Beat. 'Tis almost five o'clock, cousin; 'tis time you were ready. By my troth I am exceeding ill; hey ho! Marg. For a hawk, a horse, or a husband? A kind of ruff. (2) Head-dress. (3) Long-sleeves (4) e, for an ache or pain. Dogb. Yea, and 'twere a thousand times more than 'tis: for I hear as good exclamation on your worship, as of any man in the city; and though I be but a poor man, I am glad to hear it. Verg. And so am I. Leon. I would fain know what you have to say. Verg. Marry, sir, our watch to-night, excepting your worship's presence, have ta'en a couple of as arrant knaves as any in Messina. Dogb. A good old man, sir; he will be talking; as they say, When the age is in, the wit is out; God help us! it is a world to see!!-Well said, i'faith, neighbour Verges: -well, God's a good man; an two men ride of a horse, one must ride behind: an honest soul, i'faith, sir; by my troth he is, as ever broke bread: but, God is to be worsnipped: all men are not alike; alas, good neighbour! Leon. Indeed, neighbour, he comes too short of Dogb. One word, sir: our watch, sir, have, in May counterpoise this rich and precious gift. There, Leonato, take her back again; Comes not that blood, as modest evidence, deed, comprehended two auspicious persons, and To witness simple virtue? Would you not swear, we would have them this morning examined before your worship. Leon. Take their examination yourself, and bring it me; I am now in great haste, as it may appear unto you. Dogb. It shall be suffigance. All you that see her, that she were a maid, Cland. Not to be married, Leon. Drink some wine ere you go: fare you well. Not knit my soul to an approved wanton. Enter a Messenger. Mess. My lord, they stay for you to give your daughter to her husband. Leon. I will wait upon them; I am ready. [Exeunt Leonato and Messenger. Dogb. Go, good partner, go; get you to Francis Seacol, bid him bring his pen and inkhorn to the gaol; we are now to examination these men. Verg. And we must do it wisely. Dogb. We will spare for no wit, I warrant you; here's that [Touching his forehead.] shall drive some of them to a non com: only get the learned writer to set down our excommunication, and meet me at the goal. ACT IV. Leon. Dear my lord, if you, in your own proof Claud. I know what you would say; If I have known her, You'll say, she did embrace me as a husband, No, Leonato, I never tempted her with word too large; Hero. And seem'd I ever otherwise to you? Hero. Is my lord well, that he doth speak so wide ?4 |