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earthly calamity. He raised almost a sion, for the use of which he had previ. shriek of despair, as he threw himself on ously drawn considerable sums. the pale hand of the corpse, wet it with Mowbray enters the army, and retears, devoured it with kisses, and played forms from the early follies which disfi. for a short time the part of a distracted gured his early life. He re-purchases the person. At length, on the repeated ex. property he had feued out for the new postulation of all present, he suffered hotel, lodging-houses, &c., and sends orhimseif to be again conducted to another ders for the demolition of the whole ; nor apartment, the surgeon following, anxious would he permit the existence of any to give such sad consolation as the case house of entertainment on his estate, exadmitted of.
cept that kept by Mrs. Meg Dods. He said, “ from the symptoms, that if life had been spared, reason would, in all probability, never have returned. In such
SPIRIT OF THE a case, sir, the most affectionate relation must own, that death, in comparison to Public Journals. life, is a mercy.”
Mercy ?” answered Tyrrel; “ but why, then, is it denied to me?-I know
PANACEAS FOR POVERTY. I know !_My life is spared till I re
“I like not the humour of bread and cheese." venge her.”
SHAKSPEARE. He started from his seat, and rushed eagerly down stairs. But, as he was FROM the days of Job, downwards, about to rush from the door of the inn, COMFORTERS (to me) have always he was stopped by Touchwood, who seemed the most impertinent set of peohad just alighted from his carriage, with ple upon earth. For you may see, nine an air of stern anxiety imprinted on his times in ten, that they actually gratify features, very different from their usual themselves in what they call “consoling” expression. “ Whither would ye ? their neighbours; and go away in an Whither would ye ?” he said, laying improved satisfaction with their own conhold of Tyrrel, and stopping him hy dition, after philosophizing for an hour force.
and a half upon the disadvantages of “ For revenge-for revenge!” said yours. Tyrrel. “Give way, I charge you on
There are several different families your peril !”
these benevolent characters abroad; and Vengeance belongs to God,” replied each set rubs sore places in a manner
6 and his bolt has already peculiar to itself. fallen. This way—this way,” he con- First and foremost, there are those who tinued, dragging Tyrrel into the house. go, in detail, through the history of your “ Know,” he said, so soon as he had led calamity, shewing (as the case may be) or forced him into a chamber, “ that either how completely you have been Mowbray, of St. Ronan's, has met Bulmer outwitted, or how exceedingly ill or abwithin this half-hour, and has killed him surdly you have conducted yourself—and on the spot."
so leave you with “ their good wishes,' 66 Killed whom?" answered the bewil and an invitation to come and dine, dered Tyrrel.
when your troubles are over. “ Valentine Bulmer, the titular Earl Next, there are those, a set, I think, of Etherington.'
still more intolerable, who press the 6. You bring tidings of death to the necessity of your resolving immediately house of death," answered Tyrrel ; " and upon something ;” and forthwith dethere is nothing in this world left that I clare in favour of that particular measure, should live for.”
which, of all the pis allers of your estate There remains little more to be told. is the most perfectly detestable. Mr. Touchwood is still alive, forming Thirdly come the 6 whoreson caterplans which have no object, and accumu- pillars," who are what people call “ well lating a fortune, for which he has appa- to do" in the world ; and especially those rently no heir. The old man had who have become so (as they believe) by endeavoured to fix this character, as well their own good conduct. These are very as his general patronage, upon Tyrrel; particularly vile dogs indeed! I recollect but the attempt only determined the latter one such—(he was an opulent cheeseto leave the country ; nor has he since monger,) who had been porter in the same been heard of, although the title and shop which he afterwards kept, and had estates of Etherington lie vacant for his come to town, as he used to boast, withacceptance. It is the opinion of many, out cash enough to buy a night's lodging that he has entered into a Moravian mis- on his arrival.
the old man,
This man had neither love nor pity upon a broader ground; and examines it for any human being. He met every as one of mere wordly policy, and of mere complaint of distress with a history of convenience.—“ The man who eats flesh, his own fortunes. No living creature, as
has need of other things (vegetables) to he took it, could reasonably be poor, so eat with it ; but that necessity is not felt long as there were birch brooms or water- by him who eats vegeables only.”—- If ing-pots in the world. He would tell Leadenhall market could stand against those who asked for work, that “ idleness that, I am mistaken. was the root of all evil ;” pro to people The recipes for cheap dishes will no " that a penny was the seed of a guinea,” doubt (when known,) come into general who were without a farthing in the practice; so they shall be given in the world; and argue all day, with a man Saver of Wealth's own words.--Here is who had nothing, to shew that “ out of a one-(probably) for a Christmas dinner. little, a little might be put by.”
“ Take two spoonfuls of oatmeal; put Fourthly, and in the rear, march those it into two quarts of cold water, then stir most provoking ruffians of all, who up- it over the fire until it boils, and put in a hold the prudence of always “ putting the little salt and an onion. And this,” conbest face" (as they term it) upon an affair.
tinues our Economist,—“this does not And these will cure your broken leg by cost above a farthing ; and is a noble, setting it off against somebody else's exhilarating meal !”—For drink, he af. hump back, and so soundly demonstrate terwards recommends the same dish, that you have nothing to complain of; or (unboiled ;)—and no form of regimen, it admit, perhaps, (for the sake of variety) must be admitted, can be more simple, the fact that you are naked; and proceed or convenient. to devise stratagems how you shall be Now this man was, certainly, (as the contented to remain so.
phrase is,) “ something like” a projector And it is amazing what a number of in his way. And it seems probable that (mad upon that particular point,) but he met with encouragement; for, passing otherwise reasonable and respectable per
the necessities, he goes on to treat upon sons, have amused themselves by proving, the elegancies of life. that The Poor have an enviable condi.
Take his recipe for instance, next,— tion. The poor “ Poor !” They seem
“ For dressing (cleaning a hat.”) really to have been set up as a sort of “Smear a little soap on the places of target for ingenuity to try its hand upon; your hat which are felthy, and rub it with and, from Papin, the Bone Digester, some hot water and a hard brush. Then down to Cobbett, the Bone Grubber,- scrape it with the back of a knife, what from Wesley, who made cheap physic, felth sticks ; and it will bring both grease and added to every prescription" a quart and soap out.”—The book of this author of cold water,” to Hunt who sells roasted is scarce ;—I suspect the hatters bought wheat (vice coffee) five hundred per cent it up to prevent this secret from being above its cost-an absolute army
projectors, and old women has, from time to Only one more recipe and really it is time, been popping at them. High one worthy to be written in letters of among these philosophers, indeed I might gold ;-worthy to stand beside that neveralmost say at the head of them, stands to-be-forgotten suggestion of Mrs. Runthe author of a tract called, “ A Way to dell's (she who now in the kitchen of save Wealth ;” which was published (I the gods roasts that “ roasts,” in a think) about the year 1640, to shew how proper sense, not is roasted,)_her ima man might thrive upon an allowance of mortal direction to prevent the creaking TWO-PENCE per day.
of a door,—“ Rub a bit of soap on the The observations prefatory to the pro- hinges !”—This it is. mulgation of this inestimable secret, are
“ To make your teeth white." . worthy of everybody's—that is, every
“ Take a little brick dust on a towel, poor body's attention.
and rub them.”_ The mechanical action, First, the writer touches, generally, (the reader sees) not the chemical; but upon the advantage of thin, spare diet;' potent notwithstanding. -exposing how all beyond is “ mere
But Mrs. Rundell deserves better than pitiable luxury;"_enumerating the dis- to be quoted, in aid, on an occasion like eases consequent upon high living; and this ; nay, merits herself to take rank, pointing out the criminal acts and pas- and high rank, among our public benesions to which it leads ;-evidently de- factors. Marry, I say, that the thing is monstrating, indeed, to the meanest so, and shall be so : for, even amidst all capacity, that no man can possibly eat the press and crowd of her moral and goose, and go to Heaven.
culinary precepts, even while she stands Shortly after, he takes the question up already, as a man may say, 66 in double
trust,” teaching us good life in one page, when the practice is to fall upon their and good living in another ; here, holding neighbours. up her ladle against “excessive luxury, After exhausting himself upon the such as “ Essence of Ham”—(praised be smoky chimnies of the world, the Count her thick duodecimo, but for which the strips to the next of its nuisances,—the world had never known that there was beggars. such a perfume;) and, presently, pointing He was to feed the poor ; (encore the out the importance, and weeping over the Poor !) and the point was, of
how rarity of such “ creature comforts” as to feed them at the cheapest rate. strong coffee, and smooth melted butter ; “ Water,” then, he begins—the cun. —ever and anon, even amid all these ning rogue !) “ Water, I am inclined to complicated interests, the kind lady finds suspect, acts a much more important part room to edge in a thought or two about in nutrition, than has been generally
supposed.” This was a good active Pour echantillon.
hobby to start upon; and, truly, his - The cook should be charged,” says Countship, in the sequel, does outride all Mrs. R.. “ to save the boiling of every the field. piece of meat or ham, however salt ; the First, he sets out an admirable table, pieces of meat which come from the table at which he dines TWELVE HUNDRED on the plates ; and the bones made by persons, all expenses included, for the the family:".
.” “What a relief,” adds she, very reasonable cost of one pound fifteen " to the labouring husband, to have a shillings English. warm, comfortable meal !”—The rind of But this (which was three dinners for a ham, for instance, after Mrs. R. had a penny) was nothing; and, in a trice, extracted the “ Essence ?"
the Count, going on with his reductions, And again she goes on.“ Did the brings down the meal for twelve hundred, cook really enter into this, (the love of to one pound seven shillings. And, here, her fellow creatures ; she would never he beats our Saver to Wealth (the conwash away as useless the peas, or groats, tractor at two-pence a day) hollow ; beof which soup, or gruel, have been made; cause, with his dinner found for a far_broken potatoes ;—the outer leaves of thing, a man must be an example of a lettuce ;-the necks and feet of fowls,” debauchery—a mere rascal—to think of
66 which make a delicious meat getting through such a sum as two-pence soup, especially for the sick.”—(Sure, a day; out of which, indeed, he might people would be falling sick, on purpose well put by a provision for himself and to eat it!)
his wife, in old age ; and fortunes for The sick soup essay concluded with a two or three of his younger children. farther direction to the cook, not to take The Count's running combientary the fat off the broth, “ as the poor like it, upon these evolutions, too, is a chef and are nourished by it !” and with a d'æuvre in the art of reasoning. calculation which, if we know any thing time, it seems, he dieted his flock, partly of the mathematics, might make Demoivre upon bread begged publicly in charity, himself look to his laurels ;- “ Ten gals and partly upon meat which was the lons of this soup,” concludes Mrs. R., remnant of the markets. Even out of “ from ten houses, would be a hundred evil the wise man shall bring good. The gallons ; and that, divided amongst forty charity bread was found extremely dry families, would be two gallons and a half and hard ; “ but, therefore,” says the to each family.”
Count, we found it answer better than Tam Marti quam Mercurio! And any other ; because it made mastication done with chalk upon a milk tally, ten necessary, and so prolonged the enjoy. to one else !—Tam Cocker quam Kitch- ment of eating.” As for the meat, he ener! And this lady is dead! It almost soon finds that an article quite unnecesmakes us waver in our faith!
sary, and actually omits it altogether in Turn sour ye casks of table beer,
the people's soup, without the fact being Ye steaks, forget to fry;
discovered! Why is it you are let stay here,
But the crowning feature of all, (and And Mrs. Rundell die ?
there I leave Count Rumford,) is the But whims, (if they happen to take experiment which he makes in eating (to hold at all,) take the strongest hold com, be quite certain) upon himself; arguing monly upon strong understandings. upon the nutritious and stomach-satisfying
Count Rumford, though an ingenious qualities of a particular “ cheap” dish, man, had a touch of this bon chere a peu he puts the thing to issue—thus: d'argent disease ; and his Essays afford " I took my coffee and cream, with some pleasant illustrations of the slashing my dry toast, one morning” (hour not style in which men construct theories, given)“ at breakfast, and atè nothing
between that and four o'clock. I then body is to be eaten by them, it ought, in ate,” (the particular dish,) I believe, fairness, to be themselves. And, morehowever, it was a three farthing one, over, as it is shrewdly suspected that too " and found myself perfectly refreshed.” inany of them are already eaten up with And so the Count finishes his dissertation laziness, why, hang it, if they are to be upon food, by declaring the Chinese! to eaten at all, let them be eaten to some be the best cooks in the world.
purpose. Blackwood's Magazine. Now, I confess that (at first sight) there would seem to be something accom
CASTLE BUILDERS. plished here. No doubt, if our labourers would eat farthing dinners, and get rid of
( Concluded from our last Mirror.) that villanous propensity which they CERTAIN great geniuses have been notohave to beaf-steaks, their 6 savings, rious for castle-building. Fontenelle, the and consequent acquisition of property, centenarian, was so accustomed to indulge would be immense. But does the Count in erecting these airy fabrics, that he may not perceive, and did it never strike his be said, fairly enough, to have lived as coadjutors, that, if this system were acted much out of the world as in it, and by upon, all the poor would become rich? this means there can be no doubt he prowhen they would be an incomparably longed his life. His perfect indifference greater nuisance than they are in their to all those matters that commonly raise present condition. I grant the existing a great interest among mankind in geneevil, but do not let us exchange it for a ral, made his temper even and placid, and greater. The question is a difficult one, his love of castle-building contributed to but there be minds that can cope with it. his long good health. Deaths, marriages, Such a turmoil as to what the poor shall earthquakes, murders, calamities of alí eat ! I say, there are plenty of them—let kinds, scarcely affected him at all. He them eat one another.
built castles by day and by night, in soPeople must not be startled by the ciety and out of it. His body was a apparent novelty of this plan ;—those machine with a moving power, and went who can swallow Count Rumford's din. through its actions mechanically; but his ners, may, I am sure, swallow any thing. mind was generally in some region far I have examined the scheme, which I remote from the situation it occupied. propose narrowly, and (prejudice apart) He got at one time among the stars, found can see no possible objection to it. It is then peopled, and began to study the well known, that rats and mice take the laws, manners, and dispositions of the insame mode which I hint at, to thin their habitants of worlds many million times superabundant population ; and what are farther from the earth than thrice to the poor, but mice in the cheese of society ? " th' utmost pole." Going one day to Let the public listen only to this sugges. Versailles early in the morning, to pay a tion, and they will find that it ends all visit to the court, he was observed to step difficulty at once. I grant that there under a tree, against which he placed his might be some who would be ravencus, back, and beginning to castle-build, he at first, upon their new diet ;* especially was found pursuing his architectural laany who had been living upon Mrs. bours in the evening upon the self-same Rundell's soup; but that is an evil spot. Kings, courtiers, and such “small which would correct itself ; because, so gear,” were unable to abstract him from admirably operative and perfect is the following his favourite amusement, when principle, the mouths would diminish in the temptation of enjoying it was strong. exact proportion with the meat. Upon Perhaps Fontenelle and Newton may il. my system, (and, I repeat, I can see no lustrate the difference between the proobjection to it), the poor might go on found thinking of the scholar, and the pleasantly, reducing their numbers at amusement of which we are treating. their leisure, until one individual only, Newton directed all his faculties into one in a state of necessity, should be left; focus upon a single object, proceeding by and if it were worth while to go on to line and rule to develope the mystery niceties, I could provide even for him which it was his desire to unravel. No under my arrangement, by having him play was allowed to the fancy, nor opera. taught to jump down his own throat, like tion to more than one faculty of the soul the clown, in “ Harlequin Conjurer.” at once ; it is this which is so wearying Certain it is, we hear, on every side, that, to the frame, that gives pallor to the stuif the poor go on increasing, they will dent's complexion, and frequently abridges soon eat up the rich ; and, surely, if any life. Your castle-builder, on the con. • Compere Matthieu, I think, makes this re
trary, may be a ruddy, florid, and healthy mark somewhere, in a general defence of can
personage. He quaffs an elixir vitæ ; nibalism. But my project does not go so far
his abstractions' arising only from a ples. surable pursuit in following his wayward this. Who but a Frenchman would have fancies, and not from painful attention to written to Franklin, offering, with a prea single subject. Sancho Panza was liminary apology for his condescension, to something of a castle-builder, jolly-look- be king of America, and actually expect ing as he was. I mention him merely to pecuniary remuneration for humbling him. show its effect on the person. When he self to such a purpose ! Poor Falstaff was appeared asleep, and his master demanded one of this latter class of castle-builders, what he was doing, he replied, “ I go- though it must be confessed he had somevern,” being at that very instant busy in thing of a foundation upon which to erect regulating the internal affairs of the island his edifice, when he heard the Prince of of Barrataria, of which the worthy Don Wales was king, and exclaimed, “ Away, had promised him the government when Bardolph, saddle my horse_Master he had conquered it himself. Don Robert Shallow, choose what office thou Quixote, on the other hand, was not a wilt in the land, 'tis thine-Pistol, I will castle-builder of the higher class. He double charge thee with dignities.” So called in the strength of his arm to aid are lovers who cherish extravagant hopes, his delusions, believing to be matter of and imagine their mistresses to be somefact those airy nothings which the true thing between a very woman and an angel castle-builder regards as recreative illu- -like fish, neither flesh nor fowl. The sions, and which cease to be harmless, if supporters of a balance of power in he attempt to realize them. The Knight Europe, for which England has entailed of Cervantes took shadows for substances, on herself and upon her posterity such an and this leads me to denominate the style enormous debt, is like Falstaff's interest of castle-building, which I contend is so with the new king, and, together with agreeable, refreshing, and innoxious—the the payment of the said debt, a piece of Poetic, in contradistinction to what may castle-building worthy of king Pyrrhus. be called the Prose order. The last spe- But poetical castle-building alone is a cies is a delusion respecting something, pleasant and harmless amusement of the the attainment of which is possible, though fancy, which we must lay by when we it is extremely difficult and improbable. pursue our every-day avocations, without In furtherance of the actual realization of suffering it to interfere with the realities our schemes, we lay under contribution of existence. It is the mixing these up every moral and physical aid. Pyrrhus, with its air-built pleasures that produces King of Epirus, was an adept in this kind mischievous effects. An example of this of castle-building, as his conversation may be found in the worthy country diwith Cineas proves. When we have taken vine, who, having preached a score or two Italy, what do you design next ? said of orthodox sermons, thought, therefore, Cineas ; Pyrrhus answered, to go and in the simplicity of his heart, that he had conquer Sicily. And what next ? _then some claim for patronage upon all good Libya and Carthage. And what next? statute Christians, whom he deterinined —why then to try and reconquer Mace- to edify by publishing his labours for don, when, his legitimateship said, they their benefit. He little guessed, greenmight sit down, eat, drink, and be merry, horn that he was, the real hold of religion for the rest of their days. Cineas drily upon his supposed patrons, and the true advised the king to do that which was state of the market in respect to such alone certainly in his power—the last commodities. His guilelessness of soul thing first. În like manner, a German made him suppose that where there was author has recently constructed a castle : a church-establishment, there must neceshe has undertaken a work, which for bulk sarily be among its numerous members a and labour will leave Lopez de Vega and high value for religious discourses such Voltaire sadly in the lurch. It is to in- as his were—an error he fell into for want clude the history, legislation, manners of knowledge of the world. He calcu. and customs, literature, state of arts, and lated every thing, not forgetting the exlanguage, of every nation in the world, penses or the profits of his undertaking; from the beginning of time; and this, and that he might keep within the bounds which he proposes to complete himself, of modesty, and show nothing like selfwill occupy him laboriously for half..a. presumption in respect to the worth of century, and carry his own age several his lucubrations, he determined to limit years beyond the hundred. The French the impression of his volume to one copy are clever at this style of castle-building: for every parish. He printed, therefore, they plan admirably well, commence their fearlessly, eleven thousand copies. The labours with enthusiasm, but leave off in sequel may be gathered by inquiring the middle of them. Canals, harbours, about the affair in the Row. triumphal arches, constitutions, and Uto.