Brief space remains for parting bitterness; Requests prolong'd, vain comfort; and the last

Hard trial, when a mother's fond lips press The cheek her tears have moisten'd---then

the vast

Convulsive throb, which marks her deep distress,

"Makes cowards of us all." This anguish

past,

Jarvis soon starts, winks knowingly at cook, And spoils a school-boy's last and dearest look. TYROMETRICUS. Prospect House Academy, Feb. 2, 1824.

The Sketch Book.

No. XVIII.

THE PUBLIC HOUSE.

*

IT has been well observed by Irving, that there is scarcely a trace remaining of merry England. The sports and pastimes, which served by anticipation to lighten the toils of months, are given up as a waste of time. The observance of holidays and bonfire-nights exist no longer, save in the declarations of our fathers. The rage for refinement is spreading wide, and undermining the ancient institutions of the country. The dance of Oberon and his fairies has given way to the inventions of witches or devils; and a love-sick youth is deprived for ever of the chance of a kiss at forfeits. The place which gave an hour's importance to the poor man's heart, the gay resort of old Jack Falstaff, or the mercer of Abing. don, and that prince of bullies, Michael Lambourne, has degenerated into a ginshop, with some few exceptions, which must be sought for, far from the purlieus of fashion. But even those are hastening to decay; their enemies have united to destroy them, and the death-blow is already given. The decree of fashion has gone forth, and boarding-school misses have pronounced them vulgar. They have also foes of a graver kind, who would gladly reason us out of happiness. The clergy accuse them of encouraging blasphemy, by keeping men from church; and the politician of increasing corruption, by increasing the revenue; whilst the doctor attributes to them all the evils attendant on humanity, and warns mankind from swallowing poison in the shape of Barclay's beer, or Booth's blue ruin: -its name, alas! how typical of its

nature.

It has yet other enemies:-the enthusiast, who worships nature on Primrosehill, wonders how beings with erect faces can confine themselves to a smoky room,

La volta (the modern waltz) was supposed to have been invented by the Devil, and danced by him and the witches at their annual meetings.

when the monarch of cockaigne admires the country, denounces them as " coldhearted worldings" for preferring the light of a candle to Luna's torch, or the smoke of tobacco to the odour of a dung heap. They who study botany on their leads, or rusticate at Camberwell, consider a public-house as the seat of vice and ignorance; whilst they who have never been inside one in their lives, would represent it as a little hell, whose unfortunate visitants are tempted by Satan himself, in the character of a landlord, assisted by his imps, in the shape of pots, pipes, punch-bowls, and tumblers.

Do not believe them, reader; it is not that scene of ignorance and folly which they represent it to be. I have often met with inore acuteness from a portly-looking personage,

"Full of flesh, and full of grace,

With a fine, round, unmeaning face," than even when in the company of an enlightened youth, who "pens a stanza when he should engross ;" and discovered much knowledge, both of the world and books, concealed behind a pipe and a cool tankard. Many a time have I been decidedly posed in an argument by a little man with a round, red face, and his words coming out slowly, with a whiff between each sentence; and often been cut to the heart, after delivering an opinion with an air of superior wisdom, at finding it refuted by an unwashed artificer.

These, however, are splendid exceptions; the generality, I must confess, are rather low. They have no idea of a quadrille party, and consider waltzing_not quite the thing. In spite of Lord Chesterfield's interdiction, they will quote proverbs, make unfashionable remarks about the bachelor's piece, or snuffing out the candle, and indulge in such double entendres as would bring the colour into the cheeks of many a sentimental lady who had eloped from her lord and master. Of the higher order of works of genius they have no more conception than Sir Billy but are content with powers of a very limited description. Alderman Wood, in their opinion, rivals Aristides; and Sergeant Denman is a second Cicero. They consider the Old Times to be a perfect oracle; and that Hazlitt is the cleverest fellow alive. What a lesson to those who are toiling for fame! speaks plainer than Scipio's dream.

It

Nor are the accusations of vicious

society entirely without foundation. Few imitate the hermit in his beverage, or discover an extraordinary partiality to water from the spring. Their charge of tippling (how pretty they speak!) is not

entirely false.

Some drink themselves into good spirits, and are figuratively and literally happy; whilst others become penitent in their cups, and keep up a confessional hiccup till they fall asleep. Many get drowsy, and some disputative. My little friend S who is one of the most rational disputants when sober, no sooner becomes a little fresh, than he gets violent and obstreperous, making up in noise what he wants in argument; "whilst at every pause" he applies with increased vigour to his glass, till he gradually subsides into dumb forgetfulness, and resigns the victory to his adversaries from want of power to dispute longer. Yet this is not without its advantages. It is a sort of Spartan school upon an improved principle, where freemen get drunk for the benefit of the community, in order to exhibit the odiousness of the vice to those who choose to profit by it. For my own part, without any consideration of instruction, I love to behold a drunken man, as a species of show. He has such a look of superior wisdom lurking about his eyes, he accompanies every word with a wink, as much as to say, "mark it." When he disputes, it is the very perfection of argument: answer him as you please, he repeats steadily what he said at first, and is like a radical reformer, never confuted-in his own opinion. No thing either seems to trouble him: he is the true vanquisher of external sorrow, and "leaves dull earth behind him." "Kings may be blest, but he is glorious, O'er a' the ills of life victorious.

Who that has ever spent his Saturday night in my friend M- -'s, or any other public-house parlour, can forget it? Do not the peals of laughter, and the sounds of harmony, harshened into discord, still come upon his ear? Does he not still see the sot, mistrustless of his smutted face, endeavouring to preserve his perpendicular, and balancing himself like a mountebank on a rope? Does not the taste of his tempting beverage still linger on his palate? and does he not again enjoy that luxurious doze between sleeping and waking, when the morn's mysterious visions bring with them nothing to break upon his slumber but the bells going for a neighbouring church, and giving him just enough of sensation to enjoy the luxury of being!

remarkably high bank, and decorated with numerous Hindoo pagodas and bathing ghauts, of the most exquisite workmanship. It is truly astonishing to examine the architecture, and particularly of one temple, in which the correctness of design, and the truly beautiful execution are far superior to every thing of the kind any of the party ever witnessed in India. The architect was sent for, and appeared a venerable old man of the common cast of Rajs (masons); he was made one of the happiest men living by old Bas Mul Dadda, the Governor of Meheasir's presenting him at our request (in public durbar) with a rich turban, cloth and shawl. I do not recollect ever to have seen a picture of more exquisite delight than was pourtrayed in the poor fellow's countenance, on receiving this public mark of (to him) the highest public honour that could be bestowed, acknowledging in the midst of his fellow-citizens the merit which fifty years of labour had at last procured him. His old eyes glistened with pleasure; his bent figure became erect, and every nerve appeared to tremble with sensations of the purest delight. Old Bas Mull Dadda, who is of his own age nearly, and a man of the highest rank in this part of the country, himself bound on his turban. The most extraordinary fact relating to this aged architect, however, is, that in all the beautiful buildings he erected, he never drew a plan for any one of the many he erected, though the most admirable mathematical precision prevails throughout the whole.

The island of Uooncan Mandata is about five miles in circumference. The northern side of it has been fortified; one wall near the top is all that now remains, of which the greater part has shared the fate of the rest, being mostly in ruins. The sacrifice rock is situated in the N.E. corner of the island; it is about seventy feet perpendicular height; at the bottom is a stone besmeared with red paint, on which they say Maha Deo precipitated himself when he disappeared from the world.

Numbers of infatuated victims yearly precipitate themselves from this rock at the annual fair, which takes place in November. Last year there were only two instances: one an old man of sixtyfive years of age, potail of a neighbouring village, who, in spite of all that could be said to dissuade him, persisted in his determination of sacrificing himself. He sat down and ate his dinner with his relations, appeared to enjoy himself at his meal, and at three o'clock, having bathed and attired himself afresh, he advanced with the utmost coolness to the edge of the rock, sprung off, and in a moment was dashed to pieces. The other, after

going through the same ceremonies, followed his exainple. The temple, the natives say, has existed since the creation of the world; it has, however, a modern appearance, which they ascribe to the following circumstance:

About 150 years ago, a king of Mandoo came to Uooncan with the intention of destroying all the temples and holy places about the island; he proceeded in his impious design, and ruined all the minor places of worship: but on his approaching the grand temple, he was struck blind, which he attributed to the anger of the god, and desisted. In the hopes of recovering sight, he made the Bramins magnificent presents; ordered the temple to be enlarged and ornamented, and rebuilt all the places he had destroyed. Maha Deo, they say, signified his intention (previous to his leaving the world) of taking up his continual residence beneath the temple of Uooncan; and on the right hand as you enter they shew you a small square recess, communicating with a subterranean passage, in which the foolish pilgrims deposit their offerings for the sleek and idle Bramins to pocket. This passage, according to their traditions, communicates with the cave at Allahabad, and reaches to Benares and Hurdwar. The pilgrims generally come to Uooncan previous to proceeding to Hurdwar. On the north face of the island is a cave, called the cave of echo, which has certainly the greatest power in echoing the slightest noise I ever heard. When you speak low, your words are echoed in a loud voice; and if you fire a pistol, it sounds like the firing of a battery of twenty-four pounders. There is nothing more in the island worthy of notice, except the barefaced falsehood of the Bramins, which is beyond any thing I ever neard (even from natives). One of them, whom I got hold of to point out the curiosities of the island, on my asking him what went on at the fair, had the impudence to tell me, they had horse-races and elephant and tiger fights; now a norse could not move on any part of the sland, except what I rode over (and that was at the imminent danger of breaking my own and horse's neck). An elephant getting to the place is entirely out of the question, unless he dropped from the clouds. I asked him in what part of the island these sports took place: the only answer he could give me was, that he could not show it, but that he saw them there every fair for the last forty years. The influence the Bramins have over the most sensible natives is most astonishing. I had an opportunity of observing an instance in Suroop Tewarie, my subadar,

one of the most intelligent natives I have met with: he actually paid one of these drones twenty rupees a month to perform certain ceremonies for him at Uooucan, which I dare say after all were not performed. I was much surprised when he told me of it, for I had formed a much higher opinion of his understanding.

Calcutta Journal.

SNEEZING.

In the days of yore sneezing was ominous, and much more. It was also the Allhail; probably, because the vocal nose stood in lieu of a trumpet or a horn, 66 ere horns and trumpets was invented." If St. Kilda sneezes now on the arrival of a stranger, it is because Egypt and Greece did the same before; and if you ask me what Egypt and Greece have to do with St. Kilda, I must tell you some other day, as it would make rather too long a note, and as notes are not the fashion in your fashionable journal. The Greek and Roman poets say of a beauty, that the Loves and Graces sneezed a welcome at her birth. Therefore, St. Kilda sneezes a welcome on a stranger's arrival; or imagines it, which is the same thing. The opinion remains when the practice is forgotten, just as he who falls asleep on its highest mountain awakes a poet, because Hesiod did the same before on Parnassus; or because-but I must not quote Latin; and, therefore, the learned may consult the first Satire of Persius. The other learned, who do not care for Persius, may consult Scoockius or Strada, or the Dissertation of Mons. Morin, if they' wish to be still more learned in the matter of sneezing. But lest they should not like that trouble, I must even drain a few drops of ink on the subject, as neither Strada nor Scoockius is just now any more within my reach than theirs. As to Clement of Alexandria, I shall pass him by, as he knew nothing about the matter. He talks like an apothecary on the subject; and when did ever any apothecary talk to any purpose The Greeks and Romans thought better of this business; and more like the philosophers, which they have always shown themselves. Salve, said the the old Roman to his sneezing neighbour; Zŋo, said the Greek. Because sneezing was dangerous, says the apothecary. Point du tout; it was the excuse for a compliment. "Sternutamentis salutamur," says Pliny; it is a duty in well-bred society. The Emperor Tiberius insisted on this compliment from all his courtiers, even on a journey, and in the country: which is a proof that it was a court etiquette, dis

Densed with on occasions of familiar inercourse. As we must not read Apuleius or Petronius, it is sufficient to say, that n the latter, Eumolpus" salvere Gitona ubet," as Monsieur Giton happened to sneeze under the bed; and that, in the former, a similar compliment is paid to the baker's wife in a parallel case of malapropos. So much for compliments. But the compliment is borrowed from the omen, says Clement of Alexandria. He nas borrowed, himself, from the Rabbins. It was an omen of death, say the Rabbins, from the creation. Jacob prayed that it might be altered. It was altered; and hence the custom of saying Tobim Chaum, Long life, when a man sneezed. You may consult Buxtorf if you want the Hebrew characters for Tobim Chaum. As to what Mr. Charles Sigonius says, that this compliment originated in the time of Pope Gregory, in consequence of a mortal pestilence attended by sneezing, it only proves that he had never read his classics, and was equally unlearned in Rabbinical knowledge. This story has been told by all the old women, and is told still, because it was very variously related in the Gentleman's Magazine some years ago. Let us hope that the New Monthly will put the old women right. Pope Gregory lived in 750; and Jacob all the world knows how long before that he lived.

To return to our compliments. When the Emperor of Monomotapa sneezes, the whole city is in an uproar. As he did not borrow from Pope Gregory, I suppose we must go back to Jacob at least for the origin of this outcry. Doubtless, our friends of St. Kilda have it from the same source: because Jacob's stone was brought from the plains of Luz to Spain, thence to Ireland, whence it was transferred by Fergus I. to Dunstaffnage, whence Kenneth carried it to Scone, to be forcibly adduced by Edward to Westminster Abbey, where it may now be seen for one shilling and ninepence-thanks to the liberality of the Church!

But when the Lama sneezes, then, indeed, all Asia feels it to her utmost verge and limit: the sound travelling from nose to nose till it is reverberated from the great wall of China. The French consider it boisterous to say "God bless

you

on these occasions; so much does France differ from Tartary. It is only permitted, in the Code de Politesse, to pull off your hat and make a silent bow. Aristotle, heaven bless him, is rather dull on this point, considering that he was a natural philosopher, and somewhat more. Sneezing, saith the Stagyrite, proceeds from the brain, and is a mark of

vigour. The brain expels offensive or superfluous ideas through the nose, says he. It were to be desired that this were the usage still; as now-a-days they are apt to find vent through the mouth, to the vast annoyance of liege subjects. And, therefore, we salute the brain when it sneezes its energetic tokens of evacuated folly and incumbrance. Enough of the Aristotelian philosophy; and as to what Polydore Virgil says, it is as little to the purpose as the predication of Clement of Alexandria.

If they make sneezing a state concern in Monomotapa and Tartary, so they do also in Mesopotamia (or did), and in Siam. When the latter potentate sneezed, a general rejoicing took place in all that triangle which intervenes between the Euphrates and the Tigris; so that the whole nation was in a perpetual uproar whenever his Majesty chanced to have a cold. Hence it was not allowed to take snuff, lest the whole business of the state should fall into disorder. In that district of Pluto's dominions, which is set apart for the Siamese, the judge keeps a ledger of his prospective subjects. Occasionally he consults his tablets, impatient for the arrival of the next comer; and thus on whosesoever name he fixes his fiery eye, the fated individual's nose responds in sympathetic sneeze. Hence it is, that the men of Siam bless each other from the foul fiend, whose influence is marked in impending omens on the echoing nose, -New Monthly Magazine.

PUNNING.

(For the Mirror.)

"He ne'er could ope his muns, But out would pop a brace of puns." THIS sort of wit, however light and frivolous some thinking people imagine it, has. nevertheless, been frequently used by the gravest of mankind. It requires, however, like irony, to be handled dexterously: a bungler at this weapon is generally laughed at, and becomes contemptible in the opinion of his hearers; but when it is at once delicately and pointedly aimed, it never fails to entertain good society. That leviathan, Dr. Johnson, is said to have affirmed, that a man who could make a pun, would pick a pocket; but the Doctor has proved himself a filch by his own practice, and has incurred, like all other punsters, the eternal punishment which that quicksighted poet, Dean Swift, describes in his "Art of Punning." Lords, Ministers, and Commons, Barbers and Law.. yer's-clerks, Man-Milliners, Dustmen, and Nightmen, (dulces homines, as Lingo

would say,) now wanton with the leading strings of punning. I cannot agree with a certain publication, that punning is a nuisance: it shews the invention of the mind, and always pleases when not offensively personal, or contemptibly weak and unperceived. Nevertheless, Mr. Editor, if you think the following jokes of a punster (now defunct!) will either add to the glory of punning, or expose its fallacy, they are at your service.

He observes of a young lady who eloped with a feather merchant, that she took wing to Gretna Green. He is continually stunning one's ears with one Rapin who invented knockers. On looking into a Mirror, he makes many wise reflections, and frames his own jokes upon it. And on seeing a man who went up with Mr. Green in his balloon, fall down, he pronounced him a descendant of that famous Aeronaut. On a man whose feet smelt, (not of the rose) he called it a fetid smell. And on striking a boy on the head with the handle of an umbrella, till he cried out, he would exclaim, that he hit him to some tune-to a tune of HandEL. On a tree, he begins with-let us branch off into some subject-hav'n't you got sap enough already -I beg leave to dissent, &c. and boughs with deference to your opinion, and stalks away, because he cannot stem your eloquence all these are common enough, and such as any young puppy of a punnikin might bark at. Of a person who made a bad cure of an eye, he said he ought to be lash'd through the world, or thrown down the cataracts of Niagara, for being such a sorry pupil of his master. And pulling his pocket handkerchief out, he says, he hankers chiefly after such and such things. On seeing a man before a looking glass, tie his neckcloth well, he exclaimed vel you tie in speculum! Some old hair bottomed chairs put him in mind of a poem of Lord Byron's, because they were coarse hair. He would rather let all foreign loans alone, particularly those of Holland, because he would get Neither Lands nor money for his loan, though his credulity might get a Polish. He says he had stout notions of marrying a brewer's daughter, but her father was against the match, so they thought of hopping off to the north. Then he has seen lovers under a cypress tree. He talks of his friend, Mr. Eel, who lives in Skinner's Street. He asks Lucy for a light, and says he is in lux via (luck's way!) from thence he would infer LuCIFER On seeing a church, he says, he has very aspiring ideas, for he should like to be the chancellor of England: tuch jokes deserve a halter, for they put

one in a terri-ble fry! On passing à river, he said, he had divers notions of throwing himself in, because the Bank was to issue no more paper currency. He hears reports, that a house which was pulled down and rebuilt, was haunted; but remarks, that it was only a story raised. He says, that a man that will fish all day, ought to have a rod for pursuing such a line of conduct: so says Theodore Hook! When he goes skaiting, he says, he commences on fundamental principles and it is but justice for him to crack his jokes there. On seeing a lady who wore a cap called the late queen's cap, he remarked, it must be a mob cap. He talks of his friend the cheesemonger being a mighty fine sort of man, and when he is solus, he says, he is always so-lo (w). He says, Mr. Rayner will be a Reigner at the English Opera. Miss Wood, of the Haymarket, has been long used to the boards, and has played a good deal; but observes, that no one dared ever yet to touch Wood. Mr. Liston once complained to the Manager of Drury Lane: some one said, go to El-liston, and he will listen to you. He says, that Miss Tree ought to be called a palm tree from the applause she gets: and that Miss Dance has taken a trip to Bath. That Miss Chester is at Manchester. That Miss Love has a great deal of cupid-ity. And that Mrs. Chatterley knows she has a tongue. A man told him once that he was no pun ster, on which, he could not stir a pun! He blows, he told him, the flies: and says Old Maids are verging (read virgin) on the vale of life. He talks of his friend the fiddler keeping the even tenor of his way, that he Wares well, although he is bow'd down with age. He talks of George the Third, Wilks, Wat Tyler, and darned stockings, in one breath, because they are men ded! And says the best language for punning is the Punic. With him a strong man is a Musselman. And he calls a flower pot an Elector of Middlesex, because it is a Land holder. Says, our immortal Sheridan was too fond of wine: it was by his wit he got his bread, though Mr. Whitbread often proved crusty and opposed him. "Facilis decensus Averni" says he, to a friend who slipped down the stairs of a modern Hell, in Pall Mall. He will tell you of a Bear he once saw Brewing! Shakspeare's Commentators are common 'tatoes. He deplores the catastrophe of the man who was assaulted by a donkey, and says all flesh is grass, and a great deal of it scurvy grass. He has seen coalheavers laugh till they were black in the face. And when he sees Draymen lowering beer in a public-house cellar, he says,