SCENE II.

A Theatre in the Palace.

Enter Hamlet and the First Actor.

SONG.-HAMLET.

(Tune-" Liberty Hall.")

Tho' a talent for acting must nature impart,
'Tis refin'd and improv'd by the lessons of art:
So I'll teach you the rules my experience affords,
As I once had an itching myself for the boards.

Tol de rol, &c.

When speaking a speech, it an actor becomes
To mumble as tho' he'd his mouth full of plums,
For mouthing's a sine qua non : if you doubt it,
Pray say what were W-

or W.

without it?

Tol de rol, &c.

All actors should study what folks call the graces— That's the twist of their legs, and the set of their faces: But for gracefully using their arms, my advice is,

They, like C

Some will tell you, "be calm;" but in spite of their cant, And their critical jargon, strut, bellow, and rant: To bamboozle the flats and to keep them from snoring, proves that there's nothing like ranting and roaring. Tol de rol, &c.

R

But in speeches which, teeming with passion, require -'s spirit, a K- -'s own fire,

All an E

If you'd hope H

S- to equal in fame,

You, like him, must be lifeless, insipid, and tame.

Some critics assert (but I stoutly dispute it),

Tol de rol, &c.

That each word stands in need of an action to suit it:-
Their principle's false ;-and if fairly they'll try it,
and twenty besides, will deny it.

C

C

Tol de rol, &e.

Always garnish the author's, when playing the clown,
Like M or D.
with wit of your own:
And tho' critics should hiss, yet the gods' approbation
In a horse-laugh will greet you.-So ends my oration.

Enter Horatio.

Hamlet.

Tol de rol, &c. [Exit First Actor.

Horatio, is that you? I'm glad to meet you.

Horatio.

My honour'd lord, most proud am I to greet you.

Hamlet.

Horatio, you're as tight a lad, I say,

As one may meet with in a summer's day.

Horatio.

Come, that won't do, my lord :-now that's all gam

mon (c).

He's throwing out a sprat to catch a salmon.

Hamlet.

Sir, if you think it gammon, you mistake me;
For if I gammon you, the devil take me.
You know I cannot hope to gain a louse,
From you, who are as poor as a church-mouse.
No! let him cringe who hopes to mend his gains;
I should but get my labour for my pains.
Since I could tell a dray-horse from a poney,
I've fix'd on you, Horatio, for my croney:

You're ne'er down-hearted; fortune's freaks you smother;

And when she slaps one cheek, you hold up t'other. Give me the man that stands all sorts of weather, And we shall soon be hand and glove together. Something too much of this.

Your lordship sent for me?

Horatio.

Pray what's the reason

Hamlet.

To smoke out treason.

You must with me in a good joke unite:
We have pic-nic theatricals to night:
A pantomimic ballet I intend

To represent my dad's untimely end.

To do't in stile I've made great preparations-
New music, scen'ry, dresses, decorations.-
I've just sent tickets to the King and Queen
Now watch my uncle in the murder scene—
I'll bet a wager he'll convict himself;

If not, this spectre is a lying elf,

And I have all this time been drunk or dreaming.
However, let us closely note his seeming.

My lord, we will.

Horatio.

[Flourish of Trumpets and Drums.

Hamlet.

This trumpeting and drumming

Gives notice that the King and Queen are coming.
To keep the joke up, I must idle be :
Go to your place, and keep a seat for me.

A GRAND MARCH.

Enter Polonius, King, Queen, Ophelia, Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, Osrick, Marcellus, Bernardo, Gentlemen and Ladies.

King.

How fares our cousin Hamlet?

Hamlet.

Tightly, tightly;

I eat the air :-You can't feed pigs so lightly.

King.

Pooh! Nonsense, Sir,-Such words I don't acknow

ledge.

Hamlet.

(To Pol.) You told me, Sir, you acted once at

college.

Polonius.

I acted Cæsar-Brutus laid me lower.

Hamlet.

A brute indeed, to kill so great a bore!

Queen.

Come, sit by me, dear Hamlet, whilst they're acting.

Hamlet.

I'd rather not; here's metal more attracting. (To Ophelia) Ophelia, may I lie upon your knees?

Ophelia.

O, surely; or wherever else you please.

Hamlet.

Look at mama-She's grinning by the pow'rs,
And father died within the two last hours!-

Two months.

Ophelia.

Hamlet.

So long? Nay, then, I'll turn the tables. The deuce take black, I'll have a suit of sables.

Ophelia.

Pray what's the play, my Lord?

Hamlet.

I've ne'er a bill;

I cannot tell ;-but that rum jockey will.

THE CURTAIN RISES.

Enter 2d Actor as Prologue..

For us and for our pantomime,

We beg you'll give us needful time.

[Exit.