MRS. D. Ha, ha! What, do you think me beautiful? SIR C. That has been my opinion from the very first mo ment I beheld you.

MRS. D. Are you really serious?

SIR C. I was never half so earnest in my life!

MRS. D. You are positively growing gallant, absolutely paying me compliments! You, too, of all others, who never flatter any one! Why, what has become of all your ice? SIR C. Melted in the sunshine of your presence.

MRS. D. And in so short a time?

SIR C. Its rays were powerful. Perhaps I am recovering from the epidemic that is going about.

MRS. D. Then you confess to being touched?

SIR C. Slightly. But I think you have wrought a cure ! MRS D. I must have proofs to convince me !

SIR C. How can I offer them?

MRS. D. By professing a firm faith, acknowledging your faults, and an open avowal of the universal perfection of

woman.

SIR C. Of all?

MRS. D. A penitent should never hesitate!

SIR C. I confess that I am embarrassed.

MRS. D. (Aside.) All the better! (Aloud.) Step the first get on your knees.

SIR C. On my knees! (Aside.) The attitude is anything but pleasant. (Kneeling on one knee.) Behold me at your feet! MRS. D. You are on one knee-that will never do-your sins require two.

SIR C. There! (Kneels.)

MRS. D. (Aside.) I have triumphed-glorious! (Aloud.) Now repeat, "I abjure my heresy-I acknowledge my

errors."

SIR C. (With mock humility.) "I abjure my heresy and acknowledge my errors." (Aside.) How ridiculous this is.

MRS. D. “I ask pardon of all the ladies for sins I have charged them with." (He repeats it.) "And I promise for the future to respect and honor them."

SIR C. (Warmly-aside.) Now for it! (Aloud.) As a body, collectively speaking, but to love only one-yourself—whom I will cherish till time everlasting.

MRS. D. What do I hear?

SIR C. That I am a culprit, converted by you whose pardon I implore! (Seizing her hand and kissing it.)

MRS. D. Sir Charles Ripple, what are you about?

SIR C. Doing penance for my sins-my manifold sins. (Kissing her hand again.)

Enter PAGE, C.

PAGE. (Speaking as he enters.) I must not let another moment pass without a thorough explanation. (Perceiving SIR CHARLES on his knees.) What do I see-eh? fire and fury!

SIR C. (Aside.) Now for warm work! (Rising.) My dear Page, you arrive most opportunely. I know you delight in seeing your fellow man happy. Behold me the picture of

bliss!

PAGE Don't talk to me of bliss, sir-your happiness be— SIR C. Ah ha! choose your words.

PAGE. Be hanged! I hasten to explain to my dear Mrs. Darlington my stupidity.

MRS. D. (Asile.) I suspect it-Page is the victim of an intrigue!

PAGE. I wish to explain, my dear Mrs. Darlington, that my refusal was all on my part a mere stratagem—a change of system-a—

SIR C. (Coughing to silence him, and laughing aside.) Hem? hem! hem!

MRS. D. Stratagem-change of system--what does he mean, Sir Charles?

SIR C. Why do you ask me?

PAGE. (Aside.) He is playing me false! (Aloud.) Do you mean to say, Sir Charles Ripple, that you did not advise me to change my system?

SIR C. (To MRS DARLINGTON.) Do you know that I think our mutual and valued friend is touched here! (Placing finger ǝn forehead with mock gravity.)

PAGE. (Pacing the room frantically) I am a dupe—an idiot -fool that I was to entrust my heart to the diplomacy of a man of the world like Sir Charles Ripple. (Goes up stage.)

SIR C. (Aside.) Poor Page! he is enduring the agony of the Spartan with the gnawing fox hid under his cloak, and the charming widow-I do believe there is a tear in her eye. MRS. D. (Turning aside with emotion.) I was wrong to listen to him for one moment.

PAGE. (Coming down furiously.) Sir Charles Ripple, I pronounced you a traitor, and I demand

SIR C. Instant satisfaction, which you shall have without resorting to either foils or pistols, which happily belong to a past age-at least, in England. Mrs. Darlington, I scarcely know how to sufficiently apologize for obtruding myself in an affair which at all times concerns but two hearts. The truth is, I found my friend Page writhing under the conviction that his love was unrequited. Ten minutes in your society proved the contrary In a gay moment I proposed an alliance-nay, do not smile-he accepted, and we have enacted a little comedy-farce-what shall I call it?

MRS. D. And the hero is

SIR C. Mr. Lyttleton Page, who retained me without fee or reward to take his heart out of Chancery. (With a glance at MRS. DARLINGTON.) And I think I have succeeded.

PAGE. Forgive my suspicions; but it was exasperating, you must own, to find you on your knees.

SIR C. And now, madam, I throw up my brief—the case is won, and I claim your pardon. And after all, Page, though my theories at first sight may want in a certain consistency, you must acknowledge your suit has prospered not a little by a CHANGE OF SYSTEM.

CURTAIN.

THE CITIZEN AND THE THIEVES.

A CITIZEN, for recreation's sake,

To see the country would a journey take
Some dozen miles, or very little more;

ANONYMOUS

Taking his leave with friends two months before,
With drinking healths and shaking by the hand,
As he had travelled to some new-found land.
Well, taking horse, with very much ado,
London he leaveth for a day or two:
And as he rideth, meets upon the way
Such as (what haste soever) bid men stay.
"Sirrah!" says one, "stand and your purse deliver,
I am a taker, thou must be a giver."

Unto a wood hard by, they haul him in,

And rifle him unto his very skin.

Masters," quoth he, "pray hear me ere you go;

For you have robbed me more than you do know,
My horse, in truth, I borrow'd of my brother;

The bridle and the saddle of another;

The jerkin and the bases be a tailor's;

The scarf, I do assure, is a sailor's ;

The falling band is likewise none of mine,
Nor cuffs, as true as this good light doth shine.
The satin doublet, and raised velvet hose,
Are our churchwarden's, all the parish knows.
The boots are John the grocer's at the Swan;
The spurs were lent me by a serving man.
One of my rings-that with the great red stone-
In sooth, I borrow'd of my neighbor Joan;
Her husband knows not of it.

Gentlemen!

Thus stands my case-I pray show favor then."

"Why," quoth the thieves, "thou needst not greatly care,

Since in thy loss so many bear a share;

The world goes hard, and many good folks lack.

Look not, at this time, for a penny back.

Go, tell in London, thou didst meet with four,
That, rifling thee, have robbed at least a score."

BOGGS'S DOGS.

ANONYMOUS.

Did you ever hear of Jehosaphat Boggs,
A dealer and raiser of all sorts of dogs?
"No?" Then i'll endeavor in doggerel verse
To just the main points or the story rehearse.
Boggs had a good wife, the joy of his life,
There was nothing between them inclining to strife,
Except her dear J.'s dogmatic employment;
And that, she averred, did mar her enjoyment.
She often had begged him to sell off his dogs
And instead to raise turkeys, spring chickens, or hogs.
She made him half promise at no distant day

He would sell the whole lot, not excepting ord Tray;
And, as good luck would have it, but few days intervened
When, excepting old Tray's, every kennel was cleanea.
Ah, how his dear Dolly, with a voice glad and jolly,

Did soft-soap her dear for quitting his folly.

"And now, my dear J., please don't say me nay, But the first opportunity sell also old Tray." "I will my dear vrow, and I solemnly vow, I'll give you the money to buy a good cow." And thus the case rested, till one summer night Her dear J. came home with a heart happy and light, Old Tray was not with him. Ah, ha, my good wife, This will be far the happiest day of your life." "Oh, bless you, dear J., how much did you say, Please tell me at once what you got for old Tray?" "I got forty dollars." "You did?" quoth his spouse,

Why that to a certainty will buy me two cows,

I'll make butter and cheese "-" Hold on if you please Says J. in a tone sounding much like a tease;