DRUDG. What! what!-who told you this? Believe me Mr. Battleton, I have sought you for two purporses-to recover a debt and to pay one-I shall be able to do both at the same time. I congratulate you heartily. Good morning. RATTLE. No, no-hang me! I'll not part with you till I see the deeds safe in these hands of mine. I'll not trouble you again to look after me as you have done. DICK runs in, R. DICK. Father, father-here's Emily. RATTLE. Stay-don't let her come in yet; it would be too much for me. Now, Mr. Drudgley, are you ready to start? -1 want my deeds. DRUDG. Come, come RATTLE. No delay, or I put my art once more in force against you. Here, Tweezer-here's y s your half-dollar. "Lie there, my art." (Gives it.) Dick, I congratulate you! Science has stood your friend, and mine-and yours, Tweezer. Drudgley, be honest; tell truth and shame the ancient gentleman, or beware my power; I've only got to do so, and so. (Making passes.) Ah! I forgot-I'd better do this in another place. (To the Audience.) Who'll lend me half-a-dollar ?-I've five thousand a-year now. Don't speak all at once. Thank you, sir. If you will step up here with the coin, I shall no longer have to go about the world in want of A CONFED ERATE. CURTAIN. LODGINGS FOR SINGLE GENTLEMEN. COLMAN THE YOUNGER. WHO has e'er been in London, that overgrown place, Has seen "Lodgings to Let" stare him full in the face, Are so dear, and so bad, they are best let alone. Will Waddle, whose temper was studious and lonely, But Will was so fat, he appear'd like a tun, He enter'd his rooms, and to bed he retreated; Next night 'twas the same! and the next! and the next! In six months his acquaintance began much to doubt him; For his skin, "like a lady's loose gown," hung about him. He sent for a doctor, and cried, like a ninny, "I have lost many pounds-make me well, there's a guinea." The doctor look'd wise:--"A slow fever," he said; Prescribed sudorifices, and going to bed. "Sudorifices in bed," exclaimed Will, are humbugs! I've enough of them there, without paying for drugs!" Will kick'd out the doctor:-but when ill indeed, "Look ye, landlord, I think," argued Will with a grin, Quoth the landlord, "Till now, I ne'er had a dispute; "The oven!" says Will;-says the host, "Why this passion? In that excellent bed died three people of fashion. Why so crusty, good sir ?"—"Zounds!" cried Will, in a taking "Who wouldn't be crusty, with half a year's baking?" Will paid for his rooms: cried the host, with a sneer, “Well, I see you've been going away half a year." 26 Friend, we can't well agree;-yet no quarrel,” Will said "But I'd rather not perish, while you make your bread." THE FARMER AND THE COUNSELLOR. A COUNSEL in the "Common Pleas," Upon the strength of a chance hit, And his occasional bad jokes, In bullying, bantering, browbeating, So having tipped the wink to those Who kept their laughter bottled down, And went to work. SMITH "Well, Farmer Numskull, how go calves at York?' But on four iegs instead of two." "Officer," cried the legal elf, Piqued at the laugh against himself, "Do pray keep silence down below there! Now look at me, clown, and attend, Have I not seen you somewhere, friend?" Yees, very like, I often go there." By thumps, black eyes, and knock-down blows, Agreed, though friends, they should contest, Each Champion's council sage to greet; Not with intent to offer peace, At length these sage Ambassadors Such as apply to fighting men ; At length all matters are agreed, |