laft night in the thought that the lady's hour was approaching. PAST TEN O'CLOCK. I NEVER longed in my life for anything with fo much impatience, as to fee my charmer. She has been ftirring, it feems, these two hours. Dorcas just now tapped at her door, to take her morning commands. She had none for her, was the anfwer. She defired to know, If he would not breakfast? I could not help being moved. My dearest life! admit me to your prefence but for two minutes, and confirm your promised pardon; and may lightning blaft me on the spot, if I offer any-thing but my penitence, at a fhrine fo facred!-I will after A fullen and low-voiced negative wards leave you for the whole day; received Dorcas. I will go myself. THREE different times tapped I at the door; but had no answer. Permit me, dearest creature, to enquire after your health. As you • have not been feen to-day, I am impatient to know how you do.' Not a word of anfwer; but a deep fight, even to fobbing. Let me beg of you, Madam, to accompany me up another pair of ftairs-You'll rejoice to fee what a happy efcape we have all had.' A happy efcape indeed, Jack!-For the fire had fcorched the window-board, finged the hangings, and burnt through the flit-deal lining of the windowjambs. No answer, Madam!-Am I not worthy of one word?-Is it thus you keep your promife with me?Shall I not have the favour of your company for two minutes' [Only for two minutes] in the dining-room? Hem! And a deep figh!-were all the answer. • Anfwer me but how you do! Anfwer me but that you are well! Is this the forgiveness that was the condition of my obedience?' Then, in a faintifh, but angry voice, • Be gone from my door!-Wretch! inhuman, barbarous, and all that is • bafe and treacherous!-be gone from my door!-Nor teaze thus a poor creature, entitled to protection, not outrage.' I fee, Madam, how you keep your word with me!-If a fudden impulfe, the effects of an unthought-of acci• dent, cannot be forgiven O the dreadful weight of a father's curfe, thus in the very letter of it—' and till to-morrow morning; and then attend you with writings, all ready to fign, a licence obtained, or if it cannot, a minifter without one. This once believe me! When you fee the reality of the danger that gave occafion for this your unhappy refentment, you will think lefs hardly of me. And let me beseech you to perform a promise on which I made a reliance not altogether ungenerous.' I cannot fee you! Would to Heaven I never had! If I write, that's all I can do.* Let your writing then, my dearest life, confirm your promife: and I will withdraw in expectation of it.' PAST ELEVEN O'CLOCK. SHE rung her bell for Dorcas; and, with her door in her hand, only halfopened, gave her a billet for me. How did the dear creature look, • Dorcas?" She was dreffed. She turned her face quite from me; and fighed, as if her heart would break.' • Sweet creature!'-I kiffed the wet wafer, and drew it from the paper with my breath. Thefe are the contents.-No infcriptive Sir! No Mr. Lovelace!' Cannot fee you: nor will I, if I I can help it. Words cannot exprefs the anguifh of my foul on your bafenefs and ingratitude. If the circumstances of things are fuch, that I can have no way for reconciliation with those who would have been my natural protectors from 'fuch outrages, but through you, [The only inducement I can have to stay a moment longer in your knowledge] pen and ink muft be, at prefent, the only only means of communication be tween us. Vileft of men! and moft deteftable of plotters! how have I deferved from you the fhocking indignitiesBut no more-Only for your own fake, with not, at least for a week to come, to fee the undefervedly injured • and infulted CLARISSA HARLOWE.' So thou feeft, nothing could have ftood me in ftead, but this plot of Tomtinfon and her uncle! To what a pretty país, nevertheless, have I brought myfelf!-Had Cæfar been fuch a fool, he had never paffed the rubicon. But mine are fuperfcribed by her married name. She would not open her door to receive them; left I should be near it, I fuppofe: fo Dorcas was forced to put them under the door; (after copying them for thee) and thence to take the anfwers. Read them, if thou wilt, at this place. TO MRS. LOVELACE. INDEED, my dearest life, you carry this matter too far. What will the people below, who fuppofe us one as to the ceremony, think of fo great a nicenefs? Liberties fo innocent! the occafion fo accidental! after he bad paffed it, had he retreated-You will expofe yourself as well re infectâ, intimidated by a fenatorial edit, what a pretty figure would he have made in hiftory!-I might have known, that to attempt a robbery, and put a perfon in bodily fear, is as punishable as if the robbery had been actually committed. But not to fee ber for a week!-Dear pretty foul! how the anticipates me in Every-thing! The counsellor will have finifhed the writings to-day or to-morrow, at furtheft: the licence with the parfon, or the parfon without the licence, must be alfo procured within the next four-and-twenty hours; Pritchard is as good as ready with his indentures tripartite: Tomlinfon is at hand with a favourable answer from her uncle-Yet not to fee her for a week!Dear feet foul!-Her good angel is gone a journey: is truanting at least. But nevertheless, in thy week's time, or in much lefs, my charmer, I doubt not to compleat my triumph! But what vexes me of all things, is, that fuch an excellent creature fhould break her ward:-Fie, fie, upon her! -But nobody is abfolutely perfect! 'Tis buman to err, but not to persevere -I hope my charmer cannot be inhuman! of what has paffed. And what inas me-Hitherto they know nothing refentment?-I am fure, you will ' deed has passed, to occasion all this not, by a breach of your word of honour, give me reafon to conclude, that, had I not obeyed you, I could have faired no worse. Moft fincerely do I repent the offence given to your delicacy-But muft I, for fo accidental an occurrence, be branded by fuch fhocking names?-Vileft of men, and most deteftable of plotters, are hard words! From the pen of such a lady too. If you step up another pair of ftairs, you will be convinced, that, however deteftable I may be to you, I am no plotter in this affair. I must infift upon feeing you, in order to take your directions upon fome of the fubjects we talked of yesterday in the evening. All that is more than neceffary is too much. I claim your promifed pardon, and wish to plead it on my ⚫ knees. I beg your prefence in the diningroom for one quarter of an hour, and I will then leave you for the day. I am, my dearest life, your ever-adoring and truly penitent, LOVELACE, TO MR. LOVELACE. I Will not fee you. I cannot fee The more I reflect upon your vile. fentment. I own that the violence of my paf-your displeasure. I must infift upon it, that however faulty my paffion on fo unexpected an incident, made me appear to a lady over me at fuch a moment, I hum-of your delicacy, yet my compliance You enjoin me not to see you for a ⚫ I beg once more your prefence in I want to confult you about the li- For Heaven's fake, favour me If I am to be forgiven, according to your promife, the earlier forgivenefs will be most obliging, and will fave great pain to yourself as well as to your truly contrite and afflicted my with your entreaties at fuch a mo'ment [As it gave you an instance of your power over me, which few men could have fhewn] ought, duly confidered, to entitle me to the effects of that folemn promise which was the ⚫ condition of obedience. I hope to find you in a kinder, and, I will fay, jufter difpofition on my return. Whether I get the licence, or not, let me beg of you to make the foun you have been pleased to bid me hope for, to-morrow morning. This will reconcile every-thing, and make me the happieft of men. The fettlements are ready to fign, or will be by night. For Heaven's fake, Madam, do not carry your refentment into a difpleasure fo difproportionate to the offence. For that would be, to expofe us both to the people below; and, what is of infinite more confeLOVELACE.'quence to us, to Captain Tomlin fon. It WHAT pleasure did I propofe to take, how to enjoy the fweet confufion in which I expected to find her, while all was fo recent!-But the muft, The fball, fee me on my return. were better for herself, as well as for me, that she had not made fo much ado about nothing. I must keep my anger alive, left it fink into compaffion. Love and compaffion, be the provocation ever fo great, are hard to be feparated: while anger converts what would be pity without it, into refentment. Nothing can be lovely in a man's eye, with which he is thoroughly difpleafed. I ordered Dorcas, on putting the laft billet under the door, and finding it taken up, to tell her, that I hoped an anfwer to it before I went out. Her reply was verbal, Tell him that I care not whither be goes, nor what ⚫ be does."—And this, re-urged by Dorcas, was all she had to say to me. I looked through the key-hole at my going by her door, and faw her on her knees, at her bed's feet, her head and bofom on the bed, her arms extended; [Sweet creature, bow I adore her!] and in an agony she seemed to be, sobbing, as I heard at that distance, as if her heart would break-By my foul, Jack, I am a pity-ful fellow. Recollection is my enemy!-Divine excellence!-Happy with her for fo many days together! Now fo unhappy!-And for what? But he is purity herself. -And why, after all, fhould I thus torment-But I must not trust myself with myself, in the humour I am in. * WAITING here for Mowbray and Mallory, by whofe aid I am to get the licence, I took papers out of my pocket, to divert myself; and thy laft popt officiously the first into my hand. I gave it the honour of a re-perufal; and this revived the subject with me, with which I had refolved not to truft myself. I remember, that the dear creature, in her torn anfwer to my proposals, fays, That condefcenfion is not meanness. She better knows how to make this out, than any mortal breathing. Condefcenfion indeed implies dignity: and dignity ever was there in her condefcenfion. Yet fuch a dignity, as gave grace to the condefcenfion; for there was no pride, no infult, no apparent fuperiority, indicated by it. This, Mifs Howe confirms to be a part of her general character. I can tell her, how she might behave, to make me her own for ever. She knows the cannot fly me. She knows the muft fee me fooner or later; the fooner the more gracious.-I would allow her to refent; [Not because the liberties I took with her require refentment, were the not a CLARISSA; but as it becomes her particular nicenefs to refent:] but would the fhew more love than abhorrence of me in her refentment; would the feem, if it were but to feem, to believe the fire no device, and all that followed merely accidental; and defcend, upon it, to tender expoftulation, and upbraiding for the advantage I would have taken of her furprize; and would fhe, at laft, be fatisfied (as well The may) that it was attended with no further confequence; and place fome generous confidence in my honour; [Power loves to be trufted, Jack;] Í think I would put an end to all her trials, and pay her my vows at the al tar. Yet, to have taken fuch bold fteps, as with Tomlinfon and her uncle-To have made fuch a progress-O Belford, Belford, how have I puzzled myself, as well as her!-This curfed averfion to wedlock how it has entangled me!What contradictions has it made me guilty of! How pleafing to myself, to look back upon the happy days I gave her; though mine would doubtlefs have been more unmixedly fo, could I have determined to lay afide my contrivances, and to be as fincere all the time, as fhe deserved that I fhould be! If I find this humour hold but till to-morrow morning, [And it has now. lafted two full hours, and I feem, methinks, to have pleafure in encouraging it] I will make thee a vifit, I think, or get thee to come to me; and then will I-confult thee upon it. But the will not trust me. She will not confide in my honour. Doubt, in this cafe, is defiance. She loves me not well enough to forgive me generoufly. She is fo greatly above me! How can I forgive her for a merit fo mortifying to my pride! She thinks, the norus, the has told me, that he is above ne. Thefe words are still in my ears, Be gone, Lovelace!-My foul is above thee, man!-Thou haft a proud heart to contend with!-My foul is ⚫ above thee, man*. Mifs Howe thinks her above me too. Thou, even thou, my friend, my intimate friend and companion, art of the fame opinion. Then I fear her as much as I love her.-How hall my pride bear thefe reflections? My wife (as I have fo often faid, because it fo often recurs to my thoughts) to be fo much my fuperior!-Myfelf to be confidered but as the fecond perfon in my own family!-Canft thou teach me to bear fuch a reflection as this !-To tell me of my acquifition in her, and that the, with all her excellences, will be mine in full property, is a mistake-It cannot be fo-For fhall I not be hers; and not my own?-Will not every act of her duty (as I cannot deferve it) be a copdefcenfion, and a triumph over me?---And must I owe it merely to her goodness, that he does not defpife me? -To have her condefcend to bear with my follies! To wound me with an eye af pity!-A daughter of the Harlowes thus to excel the laft, and as I have heretofore said, not the meaneft of the Lovelaces+-Forbid it! Yet forbid it not-For do I not now do I not every moment-fee her before me all over charms, and elegance and purity, as in the ftruggles of the past midnight? And in thefe ftruggles, heart, voice, eyes, hands, and fentiments, fo greatly, fo glorioufly confitent with the character fhe has fuftained from her cradle to the prefent hour? But what advantages do I give thee? Yet have I not always done her joltice? Why then thy teazing impertinence? However, I forgive thee, JackSince (fo much generous love am I capable of!) I had rather all the world thould condemn me, than that her character fhould fuffer the leaft impeach ment. The dear creature herself once told me, that there was a ftrange mixture in my mind. I have been called devil and Beelzebub, between the two proud beauties: I must indeed be a Beelzebub, if I had not fome tolerable qualities. But as Mifs Howe fays, the fufferingtime of this excellent creature is her fhining-time §. Hitherto fhe has done nothing but fhine. She called me villain, Belford, within thefe few hours. And what is the fum of the prefent argument; but that had I not been a villain in her fenfe of the word, the had not been so much an angel? O Jack, Jack! This midnight attempt has made me mad; has utterly undone me! How can the dear creature fay, I have made her vile in her own eyes, when her behaviour under fuch a furprize, and her refentment under fuch circumftances, have fo greatly exalted her in mine? Whence, however, this ftrange rhapfody? Is it owing to my being here? That I am not at Sinclair's? But if there be infection in that houfe, how has my beloved efcaped it? But no more in this ftrain!-I will fee what her behaviour will be on my return-Yet already do I begin to ap prehend fome little finkings, fome little retrogradations: for I have just now a doubt arifen, whether, for her own fake, I fhould with her to forgive me lightly, or with difficulty? I AM in a way to come at the wifhedfor licence. I have now given every-thing between my beloved and me a full contideration; and my puzzle is over. What has brought me to a fpeedier determination, is, that I think I have found out what the means by the week's diftance See Vol. IV. Letter XXXV. at |