At these words, a pair of long, joistlike arms thrust themselves forth, and getting behind Ned, swept him into the space between the enormous hoppersthe ponderous jaws opened wide-in another instant he would have been crushed to atoms. But the instinct of self-preservation caused him to spring forward, he knew not where; by a fortunate chance he just happened to leap through the door, alighting with great force on his head; for a long time, how long he could not tell, he lay stunned by the fall; and, indeed, while he was in a state of insensibility, one of his neighbors carried him home, for he remembered no more until he found himself in bed, with a bad bruise outside of his head, and worse ache within. As soon as he could collect his senses, the scenes of the past night arose vividly to his mind. "It is the Leprechaun's warning," said he, "and it's true he said it was better far than gold, for now I see the error of my ways, and more betoken, it's mend that I will, and a blessin' upon my endayvors." It is but fair to Ned to say that he became a different man; gave up all his fine companions and evil courses, and stuck diligently to his mill, so that in process of time he lived to see well-filled the very tin case that the Leprechaun showed him in the warning. JOHN BROUGHAM. A ROUGH TRANSLATION. [ALEXANDER E. SWEET and J. ARMORY KNOX, in their newspaper, "Texas Siftings," originate many of the best humorous sketches which go the rounds of the newspapers. Sweet first won attention by a column which he edited in the Galveston News under the name which was subsequently given to their newspaper after he entered into partnership with Knox.] carols of the birds are reproduced, the finale being a thunder shower which disturbs the sylvan revelers. It happens that a country cousin is in town just now, and the young lady thought she would play the piece to him and hear his comment. He is a plain, simple-minded youth, and although not very bright, is very appreciative. She told him what the piece was and then proceeded to give him the "Picnic Polka." The first notes are rather slow and hesitating, the idea sought to be conveyed being the solemn solitude of the forest, through which the gentle zephyr (not heifer) sighs. After she got through with this preface, she asked him if he did not almost imagine himself in a lodge in some vast wilderness. He replied that he thought all that slowness meant the delay in getting off. Said he : "There is always some plaguey cuss who over-sleeps himself and keeps everybody else waiting." She did not care to discuss the point with the ignorant fellow, so, to conceal her emotions, she once more let herself out on the piano. The woods were filled with music. The mocking bird whistled as if his throat would split, the cuckoo filled the sylvan bowers with his repeated cry, while ever and anon the mournful cooing of the dove interrupted the matin song of the lark. There, now, I guess you know what that sounds like?" she said, as she paused. "You mean that 'tootle, tootle, tootle, chug, chug, chug?' You just bet I understand that. Many is the time at a picnic I've heard it from the mouth of a demijohn, or the bunghole of a beerkeg.' Her first impulse was to hurl the piano stool at him, but it passed off, and once more she went at the piano as if it was the young man's head and was insured A YOUNG lady moving in the most ex- for double its value. The thunder growlalted social circles of Austin, after much ed, the lightning flashed (from her eyes) toil and practice at the piano, learned to and the first heavy drops are heard upon play with considerable dexerity a piece the leaves. She banged and mauled the entitled: "Picnic Polka." It is some-keys at a fearful rate; peal after peal of thing after the style of the celebrated deafening thunder perturbed the atmosBattle of Prague." The listener can phere and re-echoed in still louder reverreadily distinguish the roar of the artil- beration until it wound up in one appallery,the rattle of the musketry, the shouts ling clap as a grand finale. Then, turnof the soldiers and the groans of the dy-ing to the awe-struck youth, she said: ing. In the "Picnic Polka" the noise of "I suppose you have heard something the wind among the trees and the joyous like that before?" THE Cayote is about two-thirds the size of a yellow dog, and looks like a secondhand wolf in straightened circumstances. He bears about the same relation to the genuine wolf that the buzzard does to the eagle, or that a chicken thief does to a modern bank cashier. He has a perpetual air of being ashamed of himself, or of something he has done. As you catch a glimpse of him, trotting away from one lot of timber to another, looking back over his ears, and with his tail furled around his left leg, he looks as if he were aware that the police had a clue to his whereabouts and were working up his case. No one ever saw a fat cayote. You may catch a young one, civilize him as much as you can, feed him on canned groceries, and put a brass collar on him, but his ribs will still be his most prominent feature, and at the first favorable opportunity he will voluntarily and ungratefully leave your hospitable roof, and from choice become a roving vagabond on the prairie, living on carrion and sharing his meal with the buzzard. These predatory shadows are not at all dangerous. There is no fight in them. They are fatal to sheep when the cayote majority is forty to a minority of one sick sheep, but otherwise they are quite harmless. What they lack in courage they make up in craftiness. They will twist themselves into all manner of grotesque postures, and tumble around in the long grass, that the rabbit or young fawns may, by curiosity, be induced to come within reach of their sharp fangs. This last playful characteristic of the cayote was described to us by a friend, who was a New York newspaper reporter, and acquainted with a cayote that resided in a cage in Central Park. His statement may, therefore, be relied on, even to the length of the grass. The cayote has a small head and fox-like ears, but the biggest end of him is his voice. The mellifluous, silver-toned euphony of one of his nocturnal overtures would scare a monkey off a hand organ, and make an Italian opera singer hang himself with envy, and one of his own chords. When he slinks up, and, seating himself in the twilight of a camp-fire on the prairie, opens out with a canticle and runs up the scale-starting with a diminuendo whine, throwing in a staccato shriek, and ending with a crescendo howl-the sonorific outburst terrifies the Genius of Acoustics, and makes the welkin ring, until it cracks itself and has to be carried off and repaired. A hardy frontiersman, traveling over the boundless prairies of western Texas, when the shades of night are beginning to fall, prepares to camp for the night. He stakes out his tired steed to graze on the flower-bespangled grass, while he prepares his frugal meal. Having placed his weapons within easy reach, he spreads his blankets, and stretching his weary limbs, resigns himself to the care of the drowsy god. Suddenly the air is alive with direful yells, shrieks and howls, as if all the Indians on the American continent had been turned loose. Does the hardy frontiersman spring to his feet, seize his trusty rifle, and prepare to sell his life as dearly as possible? He does not. He merely turns over and mutters drowsily, "d-n a cayote, anyhow," for he knows that of all the wild beasts that roam the jungle, the cayote is the most harmless. One cayote at night can make enough noise to induce the inexperienced traveler to believe that there are at least fifty of them in the immediate neighborhood. If a cayote was assayed, we venture to predict that he would be found to consist of one part wolf and nine parts of vocal ability. The only time when the voice of the cayote, as one of the resources of Texas, has any value, is when it is used to take the conceit out of some smart stranger from the Eastern States. The acclimated Texan induces the stranger to go with him in pursuit of game, and to camp out on the prairie or in the woods, and he enjoys the stranger's fear when he hears the cayotes for the first time as they howl around the camp-fire in "the dead waste and middle of the night." It is difficult to convince the stranger that the cayote will not make a meal of him, anders in the pot; but, Lord bless your soul, eat his horse and baggage for dessert. you played a nine spot when you chipped In fact, it is not the policy of the Texan in with that wolf yarn. Yes, Doctor, you played when you got on that cayote lay!" to convince the stranger. J. ARMORY KNOX. A FOILED BOOK AGENT. A YOUNG man with a large book under his arm and a seven-by-nine smile on his mug stuck his head into the ticket window at the Union depot, and asked the clerk what the fare was to San Antonio. "Ten dollars and fifteen cents," replied the ticket slinger. "I am pining to leave Austin, but I lack ten dollars of the ticket money. However, that shan't part us. I'll make a partial cash payment of fifteen cents and take the rest out in trade." "What do you mean by taking it out in trade?" "I am a book agent, and if you will let me have the ticket, I won't try to sell you a book. I won't say book to you once. This is the most liberal and advantageous offer ever made to the public, and you ought to take advantage of it. I have been known to talk a sane man so completely out of his senses in fifteen minutes that he wasn't even fit to send to the legislature afterward." That this popular fallacy regarding the ferocity of the cayote exists, was illustrated not long since in the remarks made by a Northern preacher, in a sermon he preached shortly after his arrival in the State. He was illustrating how the heedless sinner refused to benefit by the most earnest warning, in the very He said: presence of the wrath to come. Dear friends, methinks I see two men walking out on one of your bee-utiful prairies. They enjoy the perfume of the flowers, the songs of the innocent little birds, and the calm, quiet beauty of your glorious Indian summer evenings. Communing together, they walk along heedless of danger. The sun sinks to rest beyond the distant horizon; the curtain of night gradually descends and closes out the light of day; still the two men walk leisurely along, feeling safe and secure. But, hark! What sound is that in the distance? What blood-curdling howl makes them arrest their steps? It is, dear friends-it is the cry of the wolves on their track-the fierce and bloodthirsty cayote in hot pursuit, ah! And what think you do these two unfortunate men do? One of them, my beloved congregation, realizes his danger and running to a tree, climbed up by the aid of a convenient branch, out of reach of the cruel fangs of the relentless beasts of prey. He called unto his companion and said unto him: ‘O, my brother, reach out and take hold of this branch, climb up here beside me, and be saved!' But the other said: 'No, there is no danger; the wolves are still a long way off-I have time enough.' Alas! dear hearers, while he was yet speaking, the dreadful cayotes came upon him, and, rending him limb from limb, devoured him even in the twinkling of an eye. Thus it is, O, careless and heedless sinners, that you, to-night, stand, etc., etc." When the preacher concluded the services and was leaving the church, he was accosted by old man Parker, (who has lived in Texas After the book agent had kept this up since '36), who said: "Parson, the front for about ten minutes, he began to grow end of your discourse was grand and discouraged, for, instead of showing signs gloomy, and calculated to bluff the un- of weakening, the ticket agent, with an converted sinner. You had a full hand, ecstatic smile on his face, begged the elo and might have raked in all the mourn-quent man to keep on. "What book have you got?" asked the ticket agent. A beaming smile came over the book agent's face, and in a sing song voice he began: I am offering in seventeen volumes Dr. Whiffletree's observations in Palestine, a book that should be in every family, a book that comprises the views of the intelligent doctor of what he saw in the Holy Land, with numerous speculations and theories on what he did not see, altogether forming a complete library of deep research, pure theology and chaste imagery. I am now offering this invaluable encyclopedia for the unprecedented low price of two dollars a volume, which is really giving it away for nothing The book agent stopped to rest his jaw when the ticket man reached out his hand and said: "Shake, ole fel! Come inside and take a chair, and sing that all over again. That cheers me up like a cocktail. I used to be a book agent myself before I reformed and went into the railroad business, and that is like music to me. It soothes me all over. It calls back hallowed memories of the past, and makes me want to go out on the road again. I would rather pay twenty dollars than have you leave Austin. You must come around every day. I could listen to that all day, and cry for more." The book agent shut his book and said: "Some infernal hyena has given me away, but there is another railroad that I can get out of this one-horse town on. I'll not consent to travel on any road that don't employ gentlemen who can treat a cash customer with common politeness. You can't capture my book on any terms, and if you will come out of your cage I'll punch your head in less time than you can punch a ticket." And he passed away like a beautiful dream. A. E. SWEET. HE TOOK IT ALL BACK. "Do you mean to call me a liar?" asked one rival railroad man of another railroad man, during a dispute on business they had on Austin Avenue yesterday. "No, Colonel, I don't mean to call you a liar. On the contrary, I say you are the only man in town who tells the truth all the time, but I'm offering a reward of twenty-five dollars and a chromo to any other man who will say he believes me when I say you never lie," was the re aries first came to Western Texas to convert the Indians, and everything else they could lay their hands on, to their own use, they noticed the extreme balminess of the atmosphere, the gorgeous Italian sunsets, and the superior quality of the climate. They were surprised that the Creator would waste so much good climate on the wicked heathen. Back where they came from, where all the folks were good Catholics and observed 211 holy days in the year, they couldn't raise as much climate per annum as they could harvest in Western Texas in one short week. In the early days of the Republic of Texas, and even after annexation, many of the white men who came to Western Texas from all parts of the United States had strong sanitary reasons for preferring a change of climate. To be more explicit, the most of the invalids had been threatened with throat disease. So sudden and dangerous is this disease that the slightest delay in moving to a new and milder climate is apt to be fatal, the sufferer dying of dislocation of the spinal vertebra at the end of a few minutes and a rope. A great many men, as soon as they heard of Western Texas, left their homes in Arkansas, Indiana, and other States-left immediately, between two days the necessity for their departure being so urgent that they were obliged to borrow the horses they rode to Texas on. All of these invalids recovered on reaching Austin. In fact, they began to feel better, and considered themselves out of danger as soon as they crossed the Brazos river. Some of those who would not have lived twenty-four hours longer if they had not left their old homes reached a green old age in Western Texas, and, by carefully avoiding the causes that led to their former troubles, were never again in any danger of the bronchial affection already referred to. As soon as it was discovered that the climate of Western Texas was favorable towards invalids, a large number of that class of unfortunates came to Austin. Many well authenticated cases of recoveries are recorded. Men have been known to come to Austin far gone in consumption, and so far recover as to be able to run for office within a year, and to be defeated by a large and respectable majority, all owing to the atmosphere and the popularity of the other candidate. and examining it critically with a sinister smile, while humbly requesting the temporary loan of $5. The people were very kind to him. They took into consideration that he was an influential stranger, and they humored his whims and caprices to the extent of their means. They were anxious that he should not be unfavorably impressed with the people, or that it should not be said such an influential stranger had been treated with discourtesy. Bob did his very best to induce the leading citizens to furnish him with some incentive to squander their gore, but in vain. If he asked a rich merchant to execute the Highland Fling, rather than injure the future prospects of the place he would do so, and then insist on loaning Bob money without exacting security. Thus it was that Bob went about acquiring wealth and warm personal friends, but creating no funerals. There were some rumors that Bob was playing bluff, but they originated after he had moved away. There is very little winter in Western | his fault. He had a seductive way of Texas. But for the Northers Austin drawing his 18-inch Arkansas tooth-pick, would have almost a tropical climate, as it is situated on the same parallel of latitude as Cairo, in Egypt, where they have tropics all the year around. As it is, there is seldom any frost, although it is not an unusual thing for lumps of ice several inches thick to be found-in tumblers, by those who go to market in the early morning. Occasionally New Year's calls are made in white linen suits and an intoxicated condition. Spring begins seriously in February. The forest trees put on their beautiful garments of green, and the fruit trees come out in bloom. Prairie flowers and freckles come out in this month, and the rural editor begins to file away spring poetry. In February stove-pipes are laid away in the woodshed, and the syrup of squills and kough kure man puts a coat of illuminated texts on the garden fence. Seedticks are not pulled until April, but after the middle of March there is no danger of the mosquito crop being frozen. Early in March the doctors oil their stomach-pumps, for the green mulberry ripens about that time, and has to be removed from the schoolboy. Toward the middle of April the early peach appears, and all nature-and the druggist smiles, ushering in the long and lingering summer time when the ice cream festivals of the church of the Holy Embarrassment rageth from one end of fair and sunny Texas to the other. Such is a short synopsis of the varying features of the Texas Climate. A. E. SWEET. A YANKEE DESPERADO. Ir is very surprising what a big business some men can do on a credit basis, where there is little or no capital invested. As any of the old inhabitants of San Antonio will remember, about the year 1851, the most influential man in that city was an alleged desperado named Bob Augustine. Bob came to San Antonio with a fearful record. He enjoyed the reputation of having killed a dozen men, and was respected accordingly. While he was in San Antonio he did not reduce the census at all, but that was not It was during the reign of Bob Augustine, "the long-ranged Roarer of Calaveras Canyon," as he familiarly called himself, that a young man, from Boston, named John Winthrop, came to San Antonio, presumably in search of health, as he brought very little with him. He was far gone in consumption, and nothing but the fact that he had but a short time to live, unless the climate of Western Texas saved him, induced him to come to San Antonio. As everybody carried a pistol, Winthrop did not care to insult public decency by going unarmed. Besides, such a course might as seriously interfere with his restoration to health as putting on a clean shirt. His Puritan training caused him to revolt at the idea of carrying fire-arms, so he resorted to artifice. He wore a holster, but instead of keeping a pistol in it, he had his cash funds stored away in it, and nobody was the wiser for it. On the contrary, Winthrop was looked up to by the best citi zens just the same as if he was loaded down with deadly weapons. Of course everybody tried to make the stranger from Massachusetts feel as comfortable as if he were at home; so he was told all about Bob Augustine, the long-ranged roarer, at least ten times a day, and he |