In point of fact, good Captain Reece Beatified"The Mantelpiece." One summer eve, at half-past ten, He said (addressing all his men): 66 'Come, tell me, please, what I can do To please and gratify my crew. "By any reasonable plan I'll make you happy if I can; Then up and answered William Lee "You have a daughter, Captain Reece, "Now, somehow, sir, it seems to me, "If you'd ameliorate our life, Good Captain Reece, that worthy man, "But what are dukes and viscounts to "As you desire it shall befall, I'll settle thousands on you all, The boatswain of "The Mantelpiece," He blushed and spoke to Captain Reece: "I beg your honor's leave," he said; "If you would wish to go and wed, "I have a widowed mother who Would be the very thing for you-She long has loved you from afar: She washes for you, Captain R." The captain saw the dame that dayAddressed her in his playful way"And did it want a wedding ring? It was a tempting ickle sing! "Well, well, the chaplain I will seek, The sisters, cousins, aunts, and niece, FERDINANDO AND ELVIRA; OR, THE GENTLE PIEMAN. PART I. Ar a pleasant evening party I had taken down to supper One whom I will call Elvira, and we talked of love and Tupper. Mr. Tupper and the Poets, very lightly with them dealing, For I've always been distinguished for a strong poetic feeling. Then we let off paper crackers, each of which contained a motto, And she listened while I read them, till her mother told her not to. Then she whispered: "To the ball-room we had better, dear, be walking; If we stop down here much longer, really people will be talking." There were noblemen in coronets, and military cousins, There were captains by the hundred, there were baronets by dozens. Yet she heeded not their offers, but dismissed them with a blessing, Then she let down all her back hair, which had taken long in dressing. Then she had convulsive sobbings in her agitated throttle, Then she wiped her pretty eyes and smelt her pretty smelling-bottle. So I whispered: "Dear Elvira, say-what can the matter be with you? Does anything you've eaten, darling Popsy, disagree with you?" But spite of all I said, her sobs grew more | There were fuchsias and geraniums, and and more distressing, And she tore her pretty back hair, which had taken long in dressing. Then she gazed upon the carpet, at the ceiling, then above me, And she whispered: "Ferdinando, do you really, really love me?" "Love you?" said I, then I sighed, and then I gazed upon her sweetly— For I think I do this sort of thing particularly neatly. "Send me to the Arctic regions, or illimitable daffodils and myrtle, So I entered, and I ordered half a basin of mock turtle. THE BISHOP OF RUM-TO-FOO. In flocking crowds they came. And Peter was his name. His people-twenty-three in sum- The only sauce they knew. As they of Rum-ti-Foo. His flock, I've often heard him tell, (His name was Peter) loved him well, And, summoned by the sound of bell, In crowds together came. "Oh, massa, why you go away? Oh, Massa Peter, please to stay." (They called him Peter, people say, Because it was his name.) He told them all good boys to be, Arrived one Tuesday night: He saw a crowd assembled round To see that dancing man he stopped, Then down incontinently dropped, And then sprang up again. The bishop chuckled at the sight. "This style of dancing would delight A simple Rum-ti-Foozleite. I'll learn it if I can, To please the tribe when I get back." He begged the man to teach his knack, "Right Reverend Sir, in half a crack!" Replied that dancing man, The dancing man he worked away, And taught the bishop every dayThe dancer skipped like any fayGood Peter did the same. "We now proceed to something new- But in an overwhelming heat And puffed his thanks aloud. Another game the dancer planned"Just take your ankle in your hand, And try, my lord, if you can standYour body stiff and stark. 66 If, when revisiting your see, And must attract remark." No," said the worthy bishop, "no: You may express surprise "The islanders of Rum-ti-Foo And laugh at it as such; She was only eighteen, and as fair as could be, The name of his father he'd couple and pair With her tempting smiles And maidenly wiles, And he was a trifle past seventy-three. Now what she could see Is a puzzle to me In a prophet of seventy-seventy-three. A dear little lad Who drove 'em half mad, For he turned out a horribly fast little cad. For when he was born he astonished all by, With their "Law, dear me !" "Did ever you see?" (With his ill-bred laugh, With those of the nursery heroines rare Virginia the fair, Or Good Goldenhair, Till the nuisance was more than a prophet could bear. He'd a pipe in his mouth and a glass in his eye, He early determined to marry and wive, A hat all awry An octagon tie For better or worse With his elderly nurse And a miniature-miniature glass in his eye. Which the poor little boy didn't live to con trive: His health didn't thrive-- He died an enfeebled old dotard at five! MORAL. Now, elderly men of the bachelor crew, With wrinkled hose And spectacled nose, He'd chuck his nurse under the chin, and Don't marry at all-you may take it as true If ever you do The step you will rue, For your babies will be elderly-elderly too. BAINES CAREW, GENTLEMAN. Or all the good attorneys who Have placed their names upon the roll, But few could equal Baines Carew For tender-heartedness and soul. Whene'er he heard a tale of woe From client A or client B, His grief would overcome him so He'd scarce have strength to take his fee. It laid him up for many days, He made out costs, distrained for rent, |