Sir Sol. Poor moppet! Lady Sad. No, no, 'tis better now-Well, what must be at the bottom, to answer Strephon? Sir Sl. Pray, let her divine ladyfhip fign Abigail. Lady Sad. No, come, I'll write Celia. Here, go and feal it. Sir Sol. Ay, come, I'll lend you a wafer, that he mayn't wait for your divinityfhip. Wish. Phaw! you always flout one fo. [Exeunt Sir Sol. and Wish. Lady Sad. So, this is luckily over-Well, I fee a woman fhould never be difcouraged from coming off at the greatest plunge; for though I was half dead with the fright, yet, now I'm a little recovered, I find That apprehenfion does the blifs endear; END of the THIRD ACT. [Exit. ACT IV. SCENE, Sir Solomon's. Enter Lady Sadlife, Atall, and Wifhwell with lights, TH LADY SADLIFE. HIS room, I think, is pleafanter; if you please, we'll fit here, Sir-Wishwell, shut the door, and take the key o'th' infide, and fet chairs. Wib. Yes, Madam. Lady Sad. Lard, Sir, what a ftrange opinion you must have of me, for receiving your vifits upon fo flender an acquaintance! At. I have a much ftranger opinion, Madam, of your ordering your fervant to lock herself in with us. Lady Sad. Oh, you would not have us wait upon ourfelves! At. Really, Madam, I can't conceive that tivo lovers, alone, have much occafion for attendance. [They fit. Lady Sad. Lovers! Lard, how you talk! Can't people converfe without that stuff? At. Um-Yes, Madam, people may; but without a little of that stuff, conversation is generally very apt to be infipid. Lady Sad. Pooh! why, we can fay any thing without her hearing, you fee. At. Ay; but if we should talk ourselves up to an occafion of being without her, it would look worse to send her out, than to have let her wait without when she was out. Lady Sad. You are pretty hard to please, I find, Sir. Some men, I believe, would think themselves well used in fo free a reception as yours. At. Ha! I fee this is like to come to nothing this time; fo I'll e'en put her out of humour, that I may get off in time to my incognita. [Afide.] Really, Madam, I can never think myself free, where my hand and my tongue are tied. [Pointing to With. Lady Sad. Your converfation, I find, is very different from what it was, Sir. At. With fubmiffion, Madam, I think it very proper for the place we are in. If you had fent for me only to fip tea, to fit ftill, and be civil, with my hat under my arm, like a ftrange relation from Ireland, or fo, why was I brought hither with fo much caution and privacy? [Sir Solomon knocks at the door. Wish. Oh, heavens, my mafter, Madam! Sir Sol. [Within.] Open the door there! Lady Sad. What shall we do? At. Nothing now, I'm fure. Lady Sad. Open the door, and say the gentleman came to you. Wish. Oh, lud, Madam, I shall never be able to manage it at fo fhort a warning!-We had better shut the gentleman into the closet, and fay he came to nobody at all. Lady Sad. In, in then, for mercy's fake, quickly, Sir! At. So this is like to be a very pretty bufinefs!-Oh, fuccess and impudence, thou hast quite forfaken me! [Enters the clofet. Wish. Do you step into your bed-chamber, Madam, and leave my mafter to me. [Exit Lady Sadlife. Wifhwell opens the door, and Sir Solomon enters. Sir Sol. What's the reason, mistress, I am to be locked my wife's apartment? out of Wish. My Lady was washing her-her-neck, Sir, and I could not come any fooner. Sir Sol. I'm fure I heard a man's voice. [Afide.] Bid your Lady come hither. [Exit Wifhwell. He must be hereabouts-'tis fo; all's out, all's over now: the devil has done his worst, and I am a cuckold in fpite of my wifdom. 'Sbud! now an Italian would poifon his wife for this, a Spaniard would stab her, and a Turk would cut off her head with a fcimitar; but a poor dog of an English cuckold now, can only fquabble and call names-Hold, here he comes-I must fmother my jealousy, that her guilt mayn't be upon its guard. Enter Lady Sadlife and Withwell. Sir Sol. My dear, how do you do? Come hither, and kifs me. Lady Sad. I did not expect you home fo foon, my dear. Sir Sol. Poor rogue! -I don't believe you did, with a pox to you. [Afide.] Wifhwell, go down; I have bufinefs with your Lady. Wish. Yes, Sir-but I'll watch you; for I am afraid this good-humour has mifchief at the bottom of it. [Retires. Lady Sad. I fearce know whether he's jealous or not. Sir Sol. Now dare not I go near that clofet door, lest the murderous dog fhould poke a hole in my guts thro' the key-hole-Um-I have an old thought in my head-ay, and that will discover the whole bottom of her affair. 'Tis better to seem not to know one's dishonour, when one has not courage enough to revenge it. Lady Sad. I don't like his looks, methinks. Sir Sol. Odfo! what have I forgot now? Pr'ythee, my dear, step into my study; for I am fo weary! and in the uppermoft parcel of letters, you'll find one that I received from Yorkshire to-day, in the fcrutoir; bring it down, and fome paper; I will answer it while I think on't. Lady Sad. If you pleafe to lend me your key-But had you not better write in your study, my dear? Sir Sol. No, no; I tell you, I'm fo tired, I am not able to walk. There, make haste. [Exit. Lady Sad. Would all were well over! Sir Sol. 'Tis fo, by her eagerness to be rid of me. Well, fince I find I dare not behave myself like a man of honour in this bufinefs, I'll at least act like a person of prudence and penetration; for fay, fhould I clap a brace of flugs, now, in the very bowels of this rascal," it may hang me; D 2 but but if it does not, it can't divorce me. No, I'll e'en put out the candles, and in a foft, gentle whore's voice, defire the gentleman to walk about his bufinefs; and if I can get him out before my wife returns, I'll fairly post myfelf in his room; and fo, when she comes to set him at liberty, in the dark, I'll humour the cheat, till I draw her into fome cafual confeffion of the fact, and then this injured front fhall bounce upon her like a thunderbolt. [Puts out the candles. Wilh. [Behind.] Say you fo, Sir? I'll take care my Lady fhall be provided for you. [Exit. Sir Sol, Hift, hist, Sir, Sir! Enter Atall from the clafet. At. Is all clear? May I venture, Madam? Sir Sol. Ay, ay, quick, quick! make hafte, before Sir Solomon returns. A ftrait-back'd dog, I warrant him, [Afide.] But when shall I fee you again? At. Whenever you'll promife me to make a better use of an opportunity. Sir Sol. Ha! then 'tis poffible he mayn't yet have put the finishing stroke to me. At. Is this the door? Sir Sol. Ay, ay, away. [Exit Atall.] So-now the dan, ger of being murdered is over, I find my courage returns: and if I catch my wife but inclining to be no better than fhe fhould be, I'm not sure that blood won't be the confe quence. [He goes into the closet, and Wishwell enters. Wilh. So-my Lady has her cue; and if my wife mafter can give her no better proofs of his penetration than this, fhe'd be a greater fool than he, if the fhould not do what fhe has a mind to. Sir, Sir, come, you may come out now; Sir Solomon's gone. Enter Sir Solomon from the closet. Sir Sol. So, now for a foft fpeech, to fet her impudent blood in a ferment, and then let it out with my penknife. [Afide.] Come, dear creature, now let's make the kindet ufe of our opportunity, Wb. Not for the world. If Sir Solomon fhould come again, I fhould be ruined. Pray, begone-I'il fend to you to-morrow. Sir Sol. Nay, now you love me not; you would not let me part elfe thus unfatisfied. Wish. Now you're unkind. You know I love you, or I fhould not run fuch hazards for you. Sir Sol. Fond whore ! [Afide.] But I'm afraid you love Sir Solomon, and lay up all your tenderness for him. Wilh. Oh, ridiculous! How can fo fad a wretch give you the leaft uneafy thought?—I loath the very fight of him. Sir Sol. Damn'd infernal ftrumpet! longer Lights, lights, within there! -I can bear no [Seizes her. Wifb. Ah! [Shrieks.] Who's this? Help! murder! Sir Sol. No, traitrefs, don't think to 'fcape me; for, now I've trapped thee in thy guilt, I could find in my heart to have thee flead alive, thy fkin ftuffed, and hung up in the middle of Guildhall, as a terrible confequence of cuckoldom to the whole city-Lights there! Enter Lady Sadiife with a light. Lady Sad. Oh, Heavens! what's the matter? [Sir Solomon looks aftonished. Ha! what do I fee? My fervant on the floor, and Sir Solomon offering rudeness to her! Oh, I can't bear it! Oh! [Falls into a chair. Sir Sol. What has the devil been doing here? Lady Sad. This the reward of all my virtue! Oh, revenge, revenge! Sir Sol. My dear, my good, virtuous, injured dear, be patient; for here has been fuch wicked doings Lady Sad. Oh, torture! Do you own it too? 'Tis well any love protects you. But for this wretch, this moniter, this fword fhall do me justice on her. [Runs at Wishwell with Sir Solomon's fword. Sir Sol. Oh, hold, my poor mistaken dear! This horrid jade, the gods can tell, is innocent for me; but she has had, it feems a strong dog in the closet here; which I fufpecting, put myself into his place, and had almost trapped her in the very impudence of her iniquity. Lady Sad. How! I'm glad to find he dares not own twas his jealousy of me [Afide. Wifh. [Kneeling.] Dear Madam, I hope your Ladyfhip will pardon the liberty I took in your abfence, in bringing my lover into your Ladyfhip's chamber; but I did not think you would come home from prayers fo foon; and fo I was forced to hide him in that closet but my na D 3 fter |