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6 Let us not think what future ills may fall,
(Exit Tor. with the Queen. ' Ray. No matter yet, he has my hook within him. « Now let him frisk and flounce, and run and roll, 3. And think to break his hold : he toils in vain. « This love, the bait he gorg'd fo greedily, • Will make him fick, and then I have him sure.
· Enter Alphonfo and Pedro. -Alph. Brother, there's news from Bertran ; he desires • Admittance to the King, and cries aloud, • This day shall end our fears of civil war ; e For his fafe conduct he entreats your prefence, • And begs you would be speedy.
• Ray. Though I loath * The traitor's fight, I'll go: attend us here.' '[Exeunt. Enter Gomez, Elvira, Dominick, with Officers, to make the
stage-as full as possible. Ped. Why, how now, Gomez; what makest thou here with a whole brotherhood of city-bailiffs ? Why, thou lookest like Adam in Paradise, with his guard of beasts about him.
Gom. Ay, and a man had need of them, Don Pedro ; for here are the two old seducers, a wife and a prieft, that's Eve and the serpent, at my elbow.
Dom. Take notice how uncharitably he talks of church men.
Gom. Indeed you are a charitable belfwagger : my wife cried out fire, fire ; and you brought out your church buckets, and called for engines to play against it.
Alph. I am sorry you are come hither to accuse your wife ; her education has been virtuous, her nature mild and easy.
Gom. Yes; The's easy with a vengeance, there's a eer: tain Colonel has found her so.
Alph. She caine a spotless virgin to your bed.
Gom. And she's a spotless virgin still for mewhe's never the worse for my wearing, I'll take my oath on't: I have lived with her with all the innocence of a man of threescore ; like a peaceable bedfellow as I am.
Elv. Indeed, Sir, I have no reason to complain of him for disturbing of my fleep.
Dom. A fine commendation you have given yourself; 'the church did not marry you for that.
Ped. Come, come, your grievances, your grievances. Dom. Why, noble Sir, I'll tell you.
Gom. Peace, fryar ! and let me speak first. I am the plaintiff. Sure you think you are in the pulpit, where you preach by hours.
Dom. And you edify by minutes. Gom. Where you 'make doctrines for the people, and uses and applications for yourselves.
Ped. Gomez, give way to the old gentleman in black, Gom. No! the t'other old gentleman in black fhall take me if I do; I will speak first ; nay, I will, fryar, for all your verbum facerdotis, I'll speak truth in few words, and then you may come afterwards, and lie by the clock, as you use to do : for, let me tell you, gentlemen, ke shall lie and forswear himself with any fryar in all Spain; that's a bold word now.
Dom. Let him alone ; let him alone; I shall fetch kim back with a circum-bendibus, I warrant him.
Alph. Well, what have you to say against your wife, Gomez ?
Gom. Why, I say, in the first place, that I and all men are married for our fins, and that our wives are a judgment; that a bachelor-cobler is a happier man than a prince in wedlock; that we are all visited with a household plague, and, “ Lord have mercy upon us” should be written on all our doors.
Dom. Now he reviles marriage, which is one of the feven blessed sacraments.
Gom. 'Tis liker one of the seven deadly fins: but make your best on't, I care not ; 'cis but binding a man neck and heels for all that! But, as"for my wife, that crocodile of Nilus, she has wickedly and traiterously conspired the cuckoldom of me her anointed fovereign lord; and with the heļp of the aforesaid fryar, whom heaven confound, and with the limbs of one Colonel Hernando, cuckold-maker of this city, devilishly contrived to steal herself away, and under her arm feloniously to bear one casket of diamonds, pearls and other jewels, to the value of thirty thousand pistoles. Guilty, or not guilty; how fayest thou, culprit ?
Dom. False and scandalous! Give me the book. I'll take my corporal oath point-blank against every particu. lar of this charge.
Elv. And so will I.
Dom. As I was walking in the streets, telling my beads and praying to myself, according to my usual cuítom, I heard a foul out-cry before Gomez's portal; and his wife, my penitent, making doleful lamentations; thereupon, making what hate my limbs would suffer me, that are crimpled with often kneeling, I saw him fpurning and fisting her most unmercifully; whereupon, using Christian
arguments with him to defift, he fell violently upon me, without respect to my facerdotal orders, pushed me froin him, and turned me about with a finger and a thumb, just as a man would set up a top. Mercy, quoth 1. Damme, quoth he. And still continued labouring me, 'rill a good-minded Colonel came by, whom, as Heaven Thalį save ine, I had never seen before.
Gom. Oh, Lord! Oh, Lord !
Dom. Ay, and, Oh, Lady! Oh, Lady too! I redouble my oath, I had never seen him. Well, this noble Colo. nel, like a true gentleman, was for taking the weaker part you may be fure-whereupon this Gomez flew upon him like a dragon, got him down, the devil being strong in him, and gave him bastinado upon baitinado, and buffet upon buffet, which the poor meek Colonel, being prostrate, suffered with a most Christian patience.
Gom. Who? he meek? I'm sure I quake at the very thought of him ; why, he's as fierce as Rhodomont; he made affault and battery upon my person, beat me into all the colours of the rainbow; and every word this abominable priest has uttered is as falfe as the Alcoran. But if you want a thorough-paced liar, that will swear through thick and thin, commend me to a fryar. Enter Lorenzo, who comes behind the company, and stands at
his father's back unseen, over againf Gomez. Lor. [Afide.) How now! What's here to do? My cause a trying, as I live, and that before my own father : now fourscore take him for an old bawdy magistrate,
stands like the picture of Madam Justice, with a pair of scales in his hand, to weigh lechery by ounces.'
Alph. Well-but all this while, who is this Colonel Hernando?
Gom. He's the first begotten of Beelzebub, with a face as terrible as Demogorgon. (Lorenzo peeps over Alphonso's bead, and stares at Gomez.) No ; I lie, I lie; he's a very proper handsome fellow! well proportioned, and clean shaped, with a face like a cherubin.
Ped. What, backward and forward. Gomez, dost thou hunt counter?
Alph. Had this Colonel any former design upon your wife for, if that be proved, you shall have justice.
Gom. (Afde.] Now I dare speak; let him look as dreadful as he will. I say, Sir, and will prove it, that he had a lewd design upon her body, and attempted to corrupted her honeity. Lorenzo lifts up bis fif clenched at bim.) I confefs, my wife was as willing as himself; and, I believe, 'twas the corrupted him; for I have known him formerly, a very civil and modest perfon.
Elv. You fee, Sir, he contradicts himself at ever word : he's plainly mad.
Alph. Speak boldly, man! and say what thou wik stand by: did he strike thee?
Gom. I will speak boldly: he struck me on the face before my own threshold, that the very walls cried shame on him. [Lorenzo holds up again.] 'Tis true, I gave him provocation, for the man's as peaceable a gentleman as any is in all Spain.
Dom. Now the truth comes out, in spite of him. Ped. I believe the fryar has bewitched him. Alpb. For my part, I see no wrong that has been offered him,
Gom. How? no wrong? why, he ravished me with the help of two fo!diers, carried me away vi & armis, and would have put ine into a plot against the government. (Lorenzo holds up again.) I confess, I never could endure the government, because it was tyrannical : but fides and shoulders are black and blue, as I can itrip and shew the marks of them. [Lorenzo again.) But that might happen too by a fall that I got yesterday upon the pebbles.
[All laugh. Dom. Fresh straw, and a dark chamber: a most manifest judgment; there never comes better of railing against the church.
Gom. Why, what will you have me fay? I think you'll make me mad: truth has been at my tongue's end this half hour, and I have not power to bring it out, for fear of this bloody-minded Colonel.
Alph. What Colonel?
Gom. Why, my Colonel : I mean, my wife's Colonel, that appears there to me like my malus genius, and terrifies me.
Alph. [Turning.] Now you are mad indeed, Gomez this is my son Lorenzo.
Gom. How? Your fon, Lorenzo! It is impossible.
Gom. No, you have taken some about me: I am sure, if you are her brother, my fides can fhew the tokens of our alliance.
Alph. [To Lor.] You know I put your fifter into a nunnery, with a strict command not to see you, for fear you should have wrought upon her to have taken the habit, which was never my intention ; and, consequently, I married her without your knowledge, that it might not be in
your power to prevent it. Elv. You see, brother, I had a natural affection to you.
Lor. What a delicious harlot have I loft ! Now, pox upon me, for being so near a-kin to thee.
Elv. However, we are both beholden to fryar Domi. nick, the church is an indulgent mother, she never• fails to do her part.'
Dom. Heaven! what will become of me?
Gom. Why, you are not alike to trouble Heaven; those fat guts were never made for mounting. Lor, I shall make bold to disburden him of
hun. dred pistoles, to make him the lighter for his journey; indeed 'tis partly out of conscience, that I may not be accessary to his breaking his vow of poverty:
Alph. I have no fecular power to reward the pains you have taken with my daughter: but I shall do it by proxy, fryar : your bishop's my friend, and 'tis too honest, to let such as you infect a cloyster.
Gom. Ay, do, father-in-law, let him to be stripped of his habit, and disordered - I would fain see him walk in