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Dom. I am taken on the sudden with a grievous swimming in my head, and such a mist before iny eyes, that I can neither hear nor fee.
Elv. Stay, and I'll fetch you some comfortable water.
Dom. No, no, nothing but the open air will do me good. l'll take a turn in your garden; but remember that I trust you both, and do not wrong my good opinion
[Exit. Elv. This is certainly the dust of gold which you have thrown in the good man's eyes,
that on the sudden he not fee; for my mind misgives me, this fickness of his is but apocryphal.
Lor. "Tis no qualm of conscience, I'll be sworn. You see, Madain, 'tis interest governs all the world. He preaches against fin; why? Because so much more is bidden for his filence.
Elv. And so much for the Fryar.
Lor. Oh, those eyes of yours reproach me justly, that I neglect the subject which brought me hither
Elv. Do you consider the hazard I have run to see you here? If you do, methinks it should inform you, that I love not at a common rate.
Lor. Nay, if you talk of considering, let us consider why we are alone. Do you think the Fryar left us to. gether to tell beads ? Love is a kind of penurious god, very niggardly of his opportunities : he must be watched like a hard-hearted treasurer; for he bolts out on the sudden, and if you take him not in the nick, he vanishes in a twinkling
Elv. Why do you make such hafte to have done loving me? You men are like watches, wound up for striking • twelve immediately; but, after you are satisfied, the
very next that follows, is the solitary found of single
• Lor. How, Madam! do you invite me to a feast, and " then preach abstinence ?
Elv. No, I invite you to a feast where the dishes are • ferved up in order. You are for making a hafty meal, ' and for chopping up your entertainment like a hungry clown. Trust my management, good Colonel, and call
your deiert too soon.' Believe me, that which comes last, as it is the sweetest, so it cloys the soonelt.
Lor. I perceive, Madam, by your holding me at this diitance, that there is somewhat you expect from me. What am I to undertake or suffer, ere I can be happy? ] Elv. I must first be satisfied that you
love me. Lor. By all that's holy, by these dear eyes
Elv. Spare your oaths and protestations: I know you gallants of the time have a mint at your tongue's end, to coin them.
Lor. You know you cannot marry me; but, by hea, vens,
you were in a conditionElv. Then you would not be so prodigal of your promises, but have the fear of matrimony before your eyes. In few words, if you
me, as you profess, deliver me from this bondage, take me out of Egypt, and I'll wander with you as far as earth, and seas, and love can carry us.
Lor. I never was out at a mad frolic, though this is the maddest I ever undertook. Have with you, lady mine, I take you at your word; and if you are for a merry jaunt, I'll try, for once, who can foot it farthest. There are hedges in summer, and barns in winter to be found : I with my knapsack, and you with your bottle at your back. We'll leave honour to madmen, and riches to knaves; and travel till we come to the ridge of the world, and then drop together into the next. Elv. Give me your hand, and strike a bargain.
(He takes her hand, and kisses ita Lor. In fign and token whereof, the parties interchangeably, and so forthWhen should I be
of fealing upon this foft was? Elv. Oh, heavens, I hear my
Enter Gomez. Gom. Where are you, gentlewoman? There's something in the wind, I'in sure; becaule your woman would have run up stairs before me; but I have secured her below, with a gag in her chops-Now, in the devil's name, what makes this Fryar bere again. I do not like these frequent conjunctions of the flesh and the spirit; they are boding.
Elv. Go hence, good father ; my husband, you see, is in an ill humour, and I would not have you witness of his folly:
[Lorenzo gning: D 3
Gom. [Running to the door. ] By your reverence's fa. vour, hold a little; I must examine you
something better before you go. Hey-day! who have we here? Father Dominick is thrunk in the wetting two yards and a half about the belly. What are become of those two timber. logs, that he used to wear for legs, that stood ftrutting like the two black posts before a door? I am afraid fome bad body has been setting him over a fire in a great cauldron, and boiled him down half the quantity for a receipt. This is no Father Dominick, no huge over-grown abbeylubber; this is but a diminutive fucking fryar, “ As fure
as a gun, now, Father Dominick has been spawning the + young
fiender antichrift.' Elv. (Afde.] He will be found out; there's no prevention !
Gom. Why does he not speak ? What, is the Fryar possessed with a dumb devil? If he be, I shall make bold to conjure hiin.
Elv. He is but à novice in his order, and is enjoined filence for a penance.
Gom. A novice, quoth.a! you would make a novice of me too, if you could. But what is his business here? Answer me that, gentlewoman, answer me that.
Elv. What should it be, but to give me some spiritual Instructions ?
Gom. Very good! and you are like to edify much from a dumb preacher. This will not pass; I must examine the contents of him a little closer. Oh, thou confeffor, confefs who thou art, or thou art no fryar of this world! [He comes to Lorenzo, who Aruggles with him ; his habit
flies open, and discovers a sword; Gomez farts back. As I live, this is a manifest member of the church militant!
Lor. [ Afide.), k am discovered-Now, impudence be, my refuge-Yes, faith, 'tis I, honest Gomez, Thou seest I use thee like a friend. This is a familiar visit.
Gom. What, Colonel Hernando turned fryar! Who could have suspected you of so much godliness?
Lor E'en as thou feeft, I make bold here.
Gom. A very frank manner of proceeding! But I do not wonder at your visit, after so friendly an invitation
as I made you. Marry, I hope you'll excuse the blunderbusses for not being in readiness to salute you;
but let me know your hour, and all shall be mended another time.
Lor. Hang it, I hate such ripping up old unkindness. I was upon the frolic this evening, and came to visit thee in masquerade.
Gom. Very likely; and not finding me at home, you were forced to toy away an hour with my wife, or so.
Lor. Right; thou speakest my very soul.
Gom. Why, am not I a friend, then, to help you out ? you would have been fumbling half an hour for this ex. cuse. But, as I remember, you promised to storm my citadel, and bring your regiment of red locusts upon me, for free quarter: I find, Colonel, by your habit, there are black locusts in the world, as well as red.
Elv. [Afide.) When comes my share of the reckoning to be called for?
Lor. Give me thy hand; thou art the honestest kind man--I was resolved I would not go out of the house till I had seen thee.
Gom. No, in my conscience, if I had staid abroad till midnight. But, Colonel, you and I shall talk in another tone hereafter; I mean, in cold friendship, at a bar before a judge, by way of plaintiff and defendant. Your excuses want some grains to make them current: hum and haw will not do the business. There's a modest lady of your acquaintance; she has so much grace to make none at all, but filently to confess the power of dame Na. ture working in her body to youthful appetite.
Elv. How he got in I know not, unless it were by virtue of his habit.
Gom. Ay, ay, the virtues of that habit are known abundantly
Elv. I could not hinder his entrance; for he took me upprovided.
Gom. To refift him. Elv. I'm sure he has not been here above a quarter of an hour.
Gom. And a quarter of that time would have served thy turn. Oh, thou epitome of thy virtuous sex! Madam
Mefialina the second, retire to thy apartment; I have an allignation there to make with thée. Elv. I'm all obedience.
[Exit, Lor. I find, Gomez, you are not the man I thought you.
inay meet before we come to the bar, we may ; and our differences may be decided by other weapons than by lawyers tongues, In the mean time, no ill treatment of your wife, as you hope to die a natural death, and go to hell in your bed. Bilbo is the word; remember that; and tremble
(He is going out. Enter Dominick, Dom. Where is this naughty couple? Where are you, in the name of goodness ? My mind mitgave me, and I durst trust you no longer by yourselves. Here will be fine work, I'm afraid, at your next confession!
Lor. [Aside. ] The devil is punctual, I see: he has paid me the shame he owed me; and now the Fryar is coming in for his
Dom. (Seeing Gom.] Bless my eyes ! what do I see?
Gom. Why, you see a cuekold of this honeit gentleman's making, I thank him for his pains.
Dom. I confess, I am astonifhed !
Gom. What, at a cuckoldoen of your own contrivance! your head-pieee and his limbs have done
my business Nay, do not look so strangely: remember your own words, Here will be fine work at your next confeffion! What naughty couple were they, whom
durft not truft to. gether any longer, when the hypocritical rogue had trusted them a full quarter of an hour? And, by the way, horns will sprout in less time than mushrooms.
Dom. Beware how you accuse one of my order upon light fufpicions. The naughty couple that I meant, were your wife and you, whom I left together with great animofities on both sides. Now, that was the occasion, mark me, Gomez, that I thought it convenient to return again and not to trust your enraged fpirits too long toge: ther. You might have broken out into revilings and iyatrimonial warfare, which are fins; and new fins make work for new confessions.
Lor. [Afide.] Well said, i'faith, Fryar; thou art come off thyself, but poor I am left in limbo. Gom. Angle in fonte other ford, good father; you