What d'ye pray for? Why, for a husband: that is, you mplore Providence to affift you in the just and pious dengn of making the wifest of his creatures a fool, and the head of the creation a flave.

Ori, Sir, I am proud of my power, and am resolved te ufe it.

Mir. Hold, hold, Madam; not fo faft. As you have variety of vanities to make coxcombs of us, fo we have vows, oaths, and proteftations of all forts and fizes to make fools of you. As you are very strange and whim

'fical creatures, fo we are allowed as unaccountable

ways of managing you.' And this, in short, my dear. creature, is our prefent condition: I have fworn and lied brifkly, to gain my ends of you; your Ladyfhip has patched and painted violently, to gain your ends of me: but fince we are both disappointed, let us make a drawn battle, and part clear on both fides.

Ori. With all my heart, Sir; give me up my contract, and I'll never fee your face again.

Mir. Indeed I won't, child.

Ori. What, Sir, neither do one nor t'other?

Mir. No, you fhall die a maid, unless you please to be otherwise upon my terms.

Ori. What do you intend by this, Sir?

Mir. Why, to ftarve you into compliance. Look ye, you shall never marry any man; and you'd as good let me do you a kindness as a stranger.

Ori. Sir, you're a

Mir. What am I, mistress?

Ori. A villain, Sir.

Mir. I'm glad on't. I never knew an honeft fellow in my life, but was a villain upon these occafions. Ha'n't. you drawn yourself now into a very pretty dilemma? Ha, ha, ha! the poor lady has made a vow of virginity, when fhe thought of making a vow for the contrary. Was ever poor woman fo cheated into chastity ?

friends as

po

Ori. Sir, my fortune is equarto yours, my werful, and both fhall be put to the teft, to do me juftice. Mir. What, you'll force me to marry you, will ye? Ori. Sir, the law fhall.

Mir. But the law can't force me to do any thing else, can it?

Ori. Pfhaw! I defpife thee-monfter.

Mir. Kifs and be friends then. Don't cry, child, and you fhall have your fugar-plumb. Come, Madam, d'ye think I could be fo unreasonable as to make you fast all your life long? No, I did but jeft; you shall have your liberty. Here, take your contract, and give me mine. Ori. No, I won't.

Mir. Eh! What, is the girl a fool?

Ori. No, Sir, you shall find me cunning enough to do myfelf justice; and fince I muft not depend upon your love, l'll be reveng'd, and force you to marry me out of fpite.

Mir. Then I'll beat thee out of spite; and make a most confounded husband.

Ori. Oh, Sir, I fhall match ye; a good husband makes a good wife at any time.

Mir. I'll rattle down your china about your ears.

Ori. And I'll rattle about the city to run you in debt for more.

Mir. Your face-mending toilet fhall fly out of the window.

Ori. And your face-mending periwig fhall fly after it. Mir. I'll tear the furbelow off your clothes; and when you fwoon for vexation, you shan't have a penny to buy a bottle of hartfhorn.

Ori. And you, Sir, fhall have hartshorn in abundance. Mir. I'll keep as many miftreffes as I have coachhorfes.

Ori. And I'll keep as many gallants as you have grooms. Mir. I'll lie with your woman before your face. Ori. Have a care of your valet behind your back. Mir. But, fweet Madam, there is such a thing as a divorce.

Ori. But, fweet Sir, there is such a thing as alimony; fo, divorce on, and spare not.

[Exit. Mir. Ay, that feparate maintenance is the devilthere's their refuge. O' my confcience, one would take cuckoldom for a meritorious action, because the women are fo handsomely rewarded for it.

[Exit.

SCENE changes to a large parlour in the fame house.

Enter Duretete and Petit.

Dur. And she is mighty peevifli, you say?
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Pet.

Pet. Oh, Sir, fhe has a tongue as long as my leg, and talks fo crabbedly, you would think the always fpoke

Welch !

Dur. That's an odd language, methinks, for her phi lofophy.

Pet. But fometines fhe will fit yoù half a day without fpeaking a word, and talk oracles all the while by the wrinkles of her forehead, and the motions of her eyebrows.

Dur. Nay, I fhall match her in philofophical ogles, faith; that's my talent: I can talk best, you must know, when I fay nothing.

Pet. But d'ye ever laugh, Sir?

Dur. Laugh! Won't the endure laughing?

Pet. Why, he's a critic, Sir; fhe hates a jett, for fear it fhould please her; and nothing keeps her in humour, but what gives her the fpleen. And then for logic, and all that, you know

Dur. Ay, ay, I'm prepared; I have been practifing hard words and no fenfe, this hour, to entertain her.

Pet. Then place yourself behind this fcreen, that you may have a view of her behaviour before you begin. Dur. I long to engage her, left I should forget my lesson. Pet. Here the comes, Sir; I must fly.

[Exit Pet. and Dur. ftands peeping behind the curtain, Enter Bifarre and Maid. Bif. [With a book.] Pfhaw, hang books! they four our temper, fpoil our eyes, and ruin our complexions.

[Throws away the book. Dur. Eh! The devil fuch a word there is in all Ariftotle. Bif. Come, wench, let's be free; call in the fiddle; there's nobody near us.

Enter Fidler.

Dur. Would to the lord there was not!

Bif. Here, friend, a minuet-quicker time, ha!

Would we had a man or two,

Dur. Stealing away.] You fhall have the devil fooner,

my dear dancing philofopher.

Bif. Uds my life! here's one..

[Runs to Duretete, and hauls him back.

Dur. Is all my learned preparation come to this? Bif. Come, Sir, don't be afhamed; that's my good boy. You're very welcome; we wanted fuch a one

Come,

Come ftrike up-I know you dance well, Sir; you're finely fhap'd for it-Come, come, Sir; quick, quick, you miss the time else.

Dur. But, Madam, I come to talk with you.

Bif. Ay, ay, talk as you dance, talk as you dance: come. Dur. But we were talking of dialectics.

Bif. Hang dialectics! mind the time-quicker, firrah. [To the Fidler:]-Come-And how d'ye find yourself now, Sir?

Dur. In a fine breathing sweat, Doctor.

Bif. All the better, patient, all the better. Come, Sir, fing now, fing; I know you fing well; I fee you have a finging face; a heavy, dull, fonata face.

Dur. Who, I fing?

Bif. Oh, you're modeft, Sir !-But come, fit down; elofer, clofer. Here, a bottle of wine-Come, Sir, fa, la, ley;' fing, Sir.

Dur. But, Madam, I came to talk with you.

Bif. Oh, Sir, you shall drink first! Come, fill me a bumper-Here, Sir, blefs the king.

Dur. Would I were out of his dominions

light, fhe'll make me drunk too.

-By this

Bif. Oh, pardon me, Sir, you fhall do me right! fill it higher- Now, Sir, can you drink a health under your leg?

Dur. Rare philofophy that, faith.

Bif. Come, off with it to the bottom

d'ye like me, Sir?

Dur. Oh, mighty well, Madam!

-Now, how

Bif. You fee how a woman's fancy varies; fometimes fplenetic and heavy, then gay and frolicfome.

d'ye like the humour?

And how

Dur. Good Madam, let me fit down to answer you; for I am heartily tired.

Bif. Fie upon't! a young man, and tired! Up, for fhame, and walk about: action becomes us a little faster, Sir-What d'ye think now of my Lady La Pale, and Lady Coquette, the Duke's fair daughter, ha? Are they not brifk laffes? Then there is black Mrs. Bellair, and brown Mrs. Bellface.

Dur. They are all ftrangers to me, Madam. Bif. But let me tell you, Sir, that brown is not always defpicable.

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defpicable. Oh, lard, Sir, if young Mrs. Bagatelle had kept herself fingle till this time o' day, what a beauty there had been! And then, you know the charming Mrs. Monkeylove, the fair gem of St. Germain's.

Dur. Upon my foul, I don't.

Bif. And then you must have heard of the English beau, Spleenamore; how unlike a gentleman

Dur. Hey-not a fyllable on't, as I hope to be faved, Madam.

Bif. No! Why, then, play me a jig. Come, Sir. Dur. By this light, I cannot; faith, Madam, I have fprained my leg.

Bif. Then fit you down, Sir; and now tell me what's your bufinefs with me? What's your errand? Quick, quick, difpatch-Odfo, may be you are fome gentleman's fervant, that has brought me a letter, or a haunch of venison.

Dur. 'Sdeath, Madam! do I look like a carrier ?

Bif. Oh, cry you mercy! I saw you just now; I miftook you, upon my word: you are one of the travelling gentlemen. And, pray, Sir, how do all our impudent friends in Italy?

Dur. Madam, I came to wait upon you with a more fe. rious intention than your entertainment has answered.

Bif. Sir, your intention of waiting on me was the greatest affront imaginable, however your expreffions may turn it to a compliment. Your vifit, Sir, was intended as a prologue to a very fcurvy play, of which Mr. Mirabel and you fo handfomely laid the plot. Marry! No, no, I'm a man of more honour. Where's your honour? Where's your courage now? Ads my life, Sir, I have a great. mind to kick you. Go, go to your fellow-rake now; rail at my fex, and get drunk for vexation, and write a lampoon. But I must have you to know, Sir, that my reputation is above the scandal of a libel; my virtue is fufficiently approved to those whose opinion is my intereft; and for the reft, let them talk what they will; for, when I please, I'll be what I pleafe, in fpite of you, and all mankind; and fo, my dear man of honour, if you be tired, con over this leffon, and fit there till I come to you.

[Runs off.

Dur. Tum ti dum. [Sings.] Ha, ha, ha! Ads my