But to return. That awful sentence, "Cursed is he," &c., came with such power to my conscience, and seemed to sound again and again, “thou art the man ;" and as the poet has it,

I felt the arrows of distress,

And found I had no hiding place.

O, my dear friend, my poor soul sunk fathoms in a moment, I could just groan out with the poor publican of old, "God, be merciful to me a sinner." "Lord, canst thou-wilt thou-ever look with compassion on such a wretch as me ?" I was all this time on my knees in secret, (for I was the only soul in the house at that time,) and the enemy kept pouring in his fiery darts into my poor soul, telling me there was no mercy for such a wretch as me: that I had sinned against light and knowledge; and therefore my soul was lost for ever: that eternal damnation was mine: and that I was lost beyond a remedy. O, what a state my poor mind was in all this time! I dared not again to look at the word which laid open before me, for there was nothing but curses pronounced again and again, against guilty sinners, and such indeed I saw and felt myself to be! O, what mortal can describe the horrors of a guilty conscience, when God sets a man's sins before him in the light of his countenance; and shows him that out of Christ, God is a consuming fire! Such then was the state of my mind day and night that I could neither eat, drink, or sleep in fact, I was afraid to sleep lest I should awake in hell. But, to be brief: I went on in this wretched state for some time; all around could see the change: some of my companions telling me I should go melancholy or mad, and such like. Poor creatures; they little knew what was going on within; neither could I tell them for a thousand worlds; for " Cursed is he," &c. sounded in my ears, day after day, and night after night, and I felt it belonged to me; that I was the guilty wretch therein described. Every opportunity that offered I was compelled to fall down on my knees crying, "Lord, have mercy on my guilty soul-God be merciful to me a sinner-Lord, canst thou save such a guilty wretch as me ?-O, what will become of my poor soul ?—I am lost for ever I shall be justly damned for my sins-O, that I had never been born-that I had been a dog, or a cat, or anything else which has not an immortal soul!"

At last, I was led to see that the Lord Jesus Christ died for sinners; that he came into the world to save sinners: that he came into the world to seek and to save such as were in and of themselves lost and undone : that his blood cleanseth from all sins. This gave me at times a little hope: I would again read the word; then fall on my knees and exclaim, "Lord Jesus; I read that thou didst come into the world to save sinners, even the chief-canst thouwilt thou, be pleased to look down in mercy on my soul?-if thou doest not save me, I am lost for ever." The enemy would then come in and assail me with "Christ came only to save the elect which were given to him by God the Father before the world was: if thou hadst been one of the elect, thou mayest then hope; but thou ever wast, and ever will be a reprobate : thou wilt die in thy sins, and be eternally lost; thou hadst better give it all up at once, for there is no mercy for thee." O, how I would groan and sigh, and mourn at such times. Yet, in the midst of all this, I could not help crying to the Lord to have mercy on my soul; and at times would feel, or

fancy I felt, a gleam of hope that sooner or later the Lord would have mercy on me, and pardon my sins. I went on for some time in this way, hoping and fearing, amidst the jeers of some, and the sneers of others, of my old companions. Still crying to the Lord in my poor broken way for mercy, one night, after retiring to my bed-room, I read a portion of the word of God, and begged of the Lord if it was his blessed will, to make it manifest to my soul whether I was one of his or not; and I felt a sort of boldness and nearness of access to him, which I had not felt on former occasions; and was enabled to plead with him as a man pleadeth with his friend, telling the Lord he knew it was my soul's desire to live to the honour and glory of his dear name, and if he would make it manifest to me that he would pardon my sins I would bless and praise him as long as I had breath. I fell asleep with a greater degree of calmness in my mind. I awoke early next morning: the sun was shining very bright in the heavens; and as I lay wondering at the goodness and mercy of God towards such a vile wretch as I felt myself to be, in permitting the sun to shine once more on my guilty head, these words came with such power into my mind,-" Bless the Lord, O, my soul; and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the Lord, O, my soul, and forget not all his benefits; who forgiveth all thine iniquities: who healeth all thy diseases ;" and with the words "who forgiveth all thy iniquities," such a body of light broke in upon my poor benighted soul, that beggars all language to describe. I felt assured that the God of heaven had pardoned my sins; and that he had blotted out my iniquities-I sang, and wept tears of joy. I could indeed then call on all the powers of my soul to bless and praise his holy name. I really felt as full of heaven as my poor soul could hold; and exclaimed again and again, "Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the Lord, O my soul." I could no more refrain from blessing and praising the God of heaven, than I could stop the sun in the firmament from shining. I was as satisfied that the Lord had put away my sins, as I was of my natural existence. Ah, who can describe the feelings of a poor soul thus favoured by the God of heaven? it beggars all language, even to attempt to describe it,—I could then indeed say with the poet,

My willing soul would stay

In such a frame as this:
And sit and sing herself away,
To everlasting bliss.

But I must not enlarge at this time; suffice it to say, that I was blessed with much nearness of access to the Lord for some time, and I, poor fool as I am, thought I should go on the remainder of my days in this blessed frame of mind; for satan was kept at a happy distance:

And not a wave of trouble rolled

Across my peaceful breast.

But, alas, after this, the Lord withdrew the light of his countenance, and the enemy was permitted to assail my poor soul, if possible ten-fold worse than before; telling me all was a delusion, and bringing all past sins before me from my youth up to the present time: and my poor soul shuddered at the black catalogue; and such was the horror of mind that I felt, that I could only sigh, and groan, at my awful state.

(To be concluded in our next.)

14

SOME ACCOUNT OF THE GOODNESS & FORBEARANCE OF GOD TO CALEB COATES.

(Continued from Vol. I.)

[In continuing to publish the letters of Mr. Caleb Coates, we feel called upon to say a word or two to such persons as have been induced to speak of him, of his testimony, and of our publicity of the same, in not very kind and charitable terms. We did not commence their insertion until after we had very many opportunities of knowing the man- —of weighing his experience of examining his character-and coming, (as far as it is possible for a poor finite worm to come), to some wellgrounded conclusion respecting his real state and standing before God. Neither did we thus introduce his testimony into these pages in ignorance of the prominent part which he has been led to take in the church with which he stood connected for several years. With that, however, we have nothing to do. All that we have to say to our readers for Caleb Coates, is, hear him out, and, if enabled clearly and correctly to trace out the travail and conflict of his soul, you will say at the close, "this is the man of whom it is written, ' as he was yet a coming, the devil threw him down and tare him." ". Poor Caleb has found it is no easy matter to be a christian: like the people of God in ancient times, he has "wandered in the wilderness in a solitary way: finding no city to dwell in: hungry and thirsty his soul has fainted within him." Under these circumstances, he has "cried unto the Lord in his trouble," and has many times been "delivered out of all his distresses." Again he has "set in darkness and in the shadow of death, being bound in affliction and iron, because he rebelled against the word of God:" but the Lord has sent his word and healed him: and although he is yet called to do business in deep waters: we believe, most solemnly, that the great Captain of our salvation will ultimately "set the poor on high from affliction: the righteous shall see it, and rejoice; and all iniquity shall stop her mouth." Come, then, such of you as fear the Lord, and bear with him while he tells you what it is that the Lord, has done for his soul.] In continuation, he says

After that dreadful affliction which I noticed in my last letter, inserted in the November number of the Earthen Vessel, when the late Rev. John Wilcox compelled my parents to go out of his house, I, with my brother Jesse, were obliged to seek an asylum in Barram Work-house, where we continued nine months, to the sorrow of our poor parents who were then unable to take us under their roof, they having but one room.

I have nothing to say against that refuge which was the poor house for thirty-six parishes; for in those days good laws and regulations ruled in that establishment; and its overseers were not monsters, but men possessing natural feeling; the poor were then allowed such food and clothing as many out of the house would have been glad of. Then every married couple in the house had a separate apartment; but now I understand there are none of these things in that house; but on the contrary, inhuman and iniquitous edicts exist, separating a man from his wife, contrary to the laws of God, and man; "for what God hath joined together, let no And shall not his soul man put asunder." Will not God visit for these things?

be avenged on such a nation as this? (Jer. v.) Yea, I believe her battlements will be taken away; for they are not the Lord's: and both sword and famine will speedily break in upon her; her prophets are become wind, and the word is not in them; the ways of Zion do mourn; her inhabitants are clothed in sack-cloth; and her priests wear a rent girdle. (Isa. v.) But I must pass on.

At the end of the nine months, 1 was bound for three years to the late Mr. Samuel Ford, of Stoneham Aspel, a farmer, who rather than have me, my poor mother being first cousin to him, paid a fine of ten pounds. 1 have often thought of the unhappy end of this great and opulent farmer, who, some years after, became reduced in circumstances; and, sad to relate was, found dead in his pond. goeth before destruction; and a haughty spirit before a fall." (Prov. xvi.)

"Pride

My brother was bound for the same period to a Mr. Richard Beck, of the same parish, farmer: this gentleman said he would not have him, but would take me if 1 would exchange my interest in the ten pound fine, for my brother's lot, this offer I accepted; and to my astonishment, this gentleman sent me to live at his father's, Dr. Beck, of Needham Market, and so my dream, which I mentioned in my last, was fulfilled twelve months after its existence.

In this situation 1 lived two years; and was looked upon by my fellow servants as the offscouring and filth of the earth, and many times the cook would give me to eat that which 1 would disdain to set before my dog. This, with many other things used to annoy me very much. In order to get from under this yoke, 1 enlisted for a soldier at Stow Market Fair; and while there I was informed that my parents had received tidings of what I had done, which drove them almost distracted: 1 then' said to myself, one of two things I must do; either be sworn into the army at once, or endeavour to get off: and as I could not be the former, I adopted the latter, before my parents reached the town. I then agreed to return to my place at Needham, where 1 stopped a few weeks longer, and then my master, finding my mind very unsettled, gave me my discharge.

Shortly after this, I received a letter from my brother Robert, containing a sovereign and an invitation for me to come to London; as he had procured a situation for me in a nursery garden; so into this mighty metropolis I came, in March, 1826, with no money of my own in my pocket; and scarcely any clothes on my back.

I entered upon my situation in the eighteenth year of my age; and the very first week, my master sending me on an errand to a gentleman's house, I saw there a very smart young woman. I said to myself, "you shall be my wife: when 1 get a little older, have a little money in my pocket, and have some better clothes on my back, I will inform you of it." Shortly after this 1 learned that this young woman was gone to live with a family at Kentish Town. However I thought I would look after her as soon as I had acquired the qualifications above named.

While I was in this situation, my master, Mr. Jeal, and my brother, (both professors of religion) wished me to attend some place of worship, accordingly I would sometimes hear Mr. Davis, of East Street; Mr. Chin, of Zion Street, Walworth; and at other times I would go to my cousin's at Midway Street, Westminster, and accompany them to their usual place of worship. But I do not recollect that any powerful convictions seized my conscience while hearing any of these ministers.

It came to pass that I left Mr. Jeales's employ, and took a situation in a gentleman's family, where I staid but eight months, in consequence of the death of my master: from thence I went to work for my brother Robert, who, at that time, had commenced business on his own account.

About this time, Mr. Wells, minister of the Surry Tabernacle, was just rising in the religious horizon, as a minister of the everlasting gospel. At the blaze of this wonderful man, many stood amazed. My cousin Marsh said he thought he was a good man, and bold in the truth; for one day he was standing, preaching opposite a gin shop, near the Blue Coat School, Westminster, when some drunken men came up, who appeared as if they would interrupt him; but, he feeling no doubt that his mission was divine, and knowing that the Lord had all hearts in his hand, told his audience to take no notice of them. However one of those men came very near to Mr. W- and then he said to the man, "do not meddle with me, sir; I shall not insult you." The man stood quiet; and after the service, walked peaceably away. Soon after this, I attended very regular for a time, to Mr. W--'s ministry; and was certainly made to feel the weight of it. 1 never used to laugh, as many did, at the novelty of his expressions; but was brought into an enquiring position; and this was manifest unto some of his hearers; one Mr. B-- has since told me, and many others, that there was then the appearance of some good thing in me.

I do not recollect any portion of the words from which Mr. W. spoke during my stay at this time, save this one; "And she said unto her husband, behold now 1 perceive that this is an holy man of God, which passeth by us continually; let us make a little chamber I pray thee, on the wall; and let us set for him there a bed and a table, and a candlestick; and it shall be when he cometh to us; that he shall turn in thither." (2 Kings iv.) The discourse from these words was delivered in a room in Princes Court, near the Abbey. I am not able to say which of these two, caused this scripture to have a lasting impression on my mind even to this day; the novelty displayed in the delivery of the sermon, or the power of God. Mr. W▬▬ was just then beginning to gather around him a few kind friends: but he was not of a covetous disposition, nor did he preach for filthy lucre, for he said, (if I mistake

not,) that fifteen shillings per week was as much as any gospel minister ought to have.

But I pass on it came to pass while I attended this ministry, and while in my brother's employ, that my grandmother died; this circumstance tried the depth of my religion; and became the occasion of my pursuing a different line of conduct on sundays; for I was at this time able to purchase for myself a suit of mourning; very shortly afterward it came into my mind, that I must go and look after the young woman above mentioned; which I did, and I enquired about until I found her, although I did not know her proper address. Very soon after I became acquainted with her, I found it was too much for me to go to chapel and Kentish Town too, therefore I gave up the former, and in St. Paul's Church Yard promised the Lord that if he gave me this woman to wife, that then I would pay attention to religion.

In process of time I married this young woman, who is now my wife; but I forgot my promise about religion, instead thereof, very shortly after, 1 took a very different course to the sorrow of my poor wife; to whom I used to say when she opened the door to me at 12 o'clock at night, "if you say a word to me, I will go back again." In this dreadful state of wickedness 1 continued some time, and became as it were hardened in sin, insomuch that the judgement of God manifested in the death of a man, while in the act of picking up a skittle, had little or no effect upon me but it came to pass that I went with my wife to visit her mother at Clapham, at which time 1 was invited to accompany a few friends to hear a minister at the Baptist Chapel on Clapham Common, and while under the sermon, I was as it were, cut all to pieces, and cried like a child, and repented of my conduct; and made many promises to be better. My wife thought from the effect the discourse had upon me, and from the appearance of things, that I should alter my line of conduct, which I did for a while: I would then go to several chapels, but strange to say, I used to go fast a sleep as soon as the minister began preaching: and after a while, like the sow, I went wallowing in the mire again.

It pleased the Lord to put an end to this mad career, by afflicting me with an effusion of blood on the brain, which deprived me at intervals of my reasoning faculties. I was placed under Dr. Lilburn; who ordered my head to be shaved and blistered, and a quantity of blood was taken from the back part of my head, by cupping; but, this did me apparently, no good; I got worse rather than better; and after some weeks attendance, I asked the doctor to tell me what he thought of my disease: I said, "do not deceive me." He replied, "there is but one thing you can do; and if you do not that, you will die; leave your wife and business, and go into some country place, where you can be very quiet; your complaint is of that nature that will not allow you to live with her any longer."

I then felt that my sins were finding me out; and that God was bringing trouble upon me like a whirlwind for my sins of omission and commission. But this distress in a measure wore off. I accordingly set my house in order; and took my leave of my wife, Sept. 29, 1832, and went into the county of Suffolk, where my parents were then living. On my arrival at their house, they were astonished at my appearance; for, from the effect of the effusion of blood on my brain, low diet, and having no hair on the back part of my head, I presented an appearance anything but pleasing to them. My poor father said, "Oh, boy, what is the matter with you? What line of conduct have you been pursuing ?" I told him, I feared that I was going to hell. He, in reply, began telling me what I had heard before; namely that the human race was eternally divided into two parts, the one saved, and the other lost; one part would live and reign with Christ in glory; and the other part must live in a place of outer darkness, subject to the wrath of God for ever and ever. He did not attempt to describe the evidence or marks, which declare persons to be interested in the redemption of Christ, for I then felt a dislike to such doctrine. I, at that time had lost all I ever had, which was only the theory of the doctrine of grace, and was more like a free-willer in principle, than a calvinist; and contended that God would save every one if they would obey him; and this change of sentiment I conclude was wrought in my soul in consequence of the law of God being powerfully revealed to my conscience; its language is "DO, AND LIVE, sin, and die." This law, and my sins stared me in the face, and when that is the case 66 a man is hidden." (Prov. 28.) 1 told my parents that I did not believe their creed; and should not stay with them; but would go to my uncle Coates's at 1pswich: so the next day, Saturday, I took my leave of them, and arrived there the following evening.

For the present, I conclude; in my next, if spared, I will give you an account of the wonderful manner in which the truth was powerfully fastened on my conscience. Your's to serve for Christ's sake.

C. COATES.