purgatory a great while, and could find no such place. Whereupon he took heart, and went to heaven, and knocked; and St. Peter asked, "Who was "there?" He said, "Sixtus pope." Whereunto


St. Peter said, "Why do you knock? you have the keys." Sixtus answered, "It is true; but it is so "long since they were given, as I doubt the wards "of the lock be altered."

73. Charles, king of Sweden, a great enemy of the Jesuits, when he took any of their colleges, he would hang the old Jesuits, and put the young to his mines, saying, " that since they wrought so hard "above ground, he would try how they could work " under ground."

74. In chancery, one time when the counsel of the parties set forth the boundaries of the land in question, by the plot; and the counsel of one part said, "We lie on this side, my lord ;" and the counsel of the other part said, " And we lie on this side:" the lord chancellor Hatton stood up and said, "If lie an both sides, whom will you have me to "believe."


75. Vespasian and Titus his eldest son were both absent from Rome when the empire was cast upon him; Domitian his younger son was at Rome, who took upon him the affairs; and being of a turbulent spirit, made many changes; and displaced divers officers and governors of provinces, sending them successors. So when Vespasian came to Rome, and Domitian came into his presence, Vespa


sian said to him, "Son, I looked when you would "have sent me a successor."

76. Sir Amyas Pawlet, when he saw too much haste made in any matter, was wont to say,

a while, that we may make an end the sooner."


77. The deputies of the reformed religion, after the massacre which was upon St Bartholomew's day, treated with the king and queenmother, and some other of the council, for a peace. Both sides were agreed upon the articles. The question was, upon the security of performance. After some particulars propounded and rejected, the queen mother said, " Why, is not the word of a king "sufficient security?" One of the deputies answered, No, by St. Bartholomew, madam."

78. When the archduke did raise his siege from Grave, the then secretary came to queen Elizabeth. The queen, having first intelligence thereof, said to the secretary," Wot you what? The arch"duke has risen from the Grave." He answered, What, without the trumpet of the archangel?" The queen replied, "Yes, without sound of trumpet."

[ocr errors]

79. Francis the first, used for his pleasure sometimes to go disguised: so walking one day in the company of the cardinal of Bourbon near Paris, he met with a peasant with a new pair of shoes upon his arm: so he called unto him and said;

[ocr errors]

By our lady, these be good shoes, what did they "cost thee?" The peasant said, "Guess." The king said, "I think some five sols." Saith the pea

sant, "You have lyed; but a carlois."

"What vil

lain," saith the cardinal of Bourbon," thou art dead, "it is the king." The peasant replied, " The devil "take him of you and me, that knew so much."

So. There was a conspiracy, against the emperor Claudius by Scribonianus, examined in the senate; where Claudius sat in his chair, and one of his freed servants stood at the back of his chair. In the examination, that freed servant, who had much power with Claudius, very saucily, had almost all the words: and amongst other things, he asked in scorn one of the examinats, who was likewise freed servant of Scribonianus; "I pray, sir, if Scribonianus had been "emperor, what would you have done?', He an

swered; "I would have stood behind his chair and "held my peace."

81. Dionysius the tyrant, after he was deposed and brought to Corinth, kept a school. Many used to visit him; and amongst others, one when he came in, opened his mantle and shook his clothes; think-_ ing to give Dionysius a gentle scorn; because it was the manner to do so for them that came in to him while he was tyrant. But Dionysius said to him "I prithee do so, rather when thou goest out, that "we may see thou stealest nothing away."


82. Hannibal said of Fabius Maximus, and of Marcellus, whereof the former waited upon him, that he could make no progress, and the latter had many sharp fights with him; "that he feared Fabius like "a tutor, and Marcellus like an enemy."

85. Diogenes, one terrible frosty morning, came



into the market-place, and stood naked, quaking, to shew his tolerance. Many of the people came about him, pitying him: Plato passing by, and knowing he did it to be seen, said to the people as he went by "If you pity him indeed, leave him alone.”

84. Sackford, master of the requests to queen Elizabeth, had diverse times moved for audience, and been put off. At last he came to the queen in a progress, and had on a new pair of boots.



he came in, the queen said to him, "Fy, sloven, thy new boots stink." "Madam," said he, "it is not my new boots that stink; but it is the "stale bills that I have kept so long."

85. One was saying that his great grandfather, and grandfather, and father, died at sea; said another that heard him," And I were as you, I would never 66 come at sea." Why," saith he," where did your


[ocr errors]

great grandfather, and grandfather,, and father "die?" He answered; "Where but in their beds?" Saith the other, " And I were as you, I would never "come in bed."

86. Aristippus was earnest suitor to Dionysius for somewhat, who would give no ear to his suit. Aristippus fell at his feet, and then Dionysius granted it. One that stood by said afterwards to Aristippus, "You a philosopher, and to be so base as to throw "yourself at the tyrant's feet to get a suit." Aristippus answered, "The fault is not mine, but the "fault is in Dionysius, that carries his ears in his "feet."

87. There was a young man in Rome, that

very like Augustus Cæsar; Augustus took knowledge of it, and sent for the man, and asked him, "Was your mother never at Rome?" He answered, No, sir, but my father was."


88. A physician advised his patient that had sore eyes, that he should abstain from wine; but the patient said, "I think, rather, sir, from wine and "water; for I have often marked it in blear eyes, " and I have seen water come forth, but never "wine."

89. When Sir Thomas More was lord chancellor, he did use, at mass, to sit in the chancel; and his lady in a pew. And because the pew stood out of sight, his gentleman-usher, ever after service, came to the lady's pew, and said; "Madam, my lord is "gone." So when the chancellor's place was taken from him, the next time they went to church, Sir Thomas himself came to his lady's pew, and said; "Madam, my lord is gone."

90. At an act of the commencement, the answerer gave for his question, that an aristocracy was better than a monarchy. The replier, who was a dissolute fellow, did tax him, that being a private bred man, he would give a question of state. The answerer said, that the replier did much wrong the privilege of scholars, who would be much straitened if they should give questions of nothing but such things wherein they are practised: and added, "We "have heard yourself dispute of virtue, which, no "man will say you put much in practice."

91. There was a dispute, whether great heads or

« VorigeDoorgaan »