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me consult my books for a minute, I'll send this letter enclosed to you with the determination of the stars upon it to your lodgings.

Braz. With all my heart-I must give him-I [Puts his hands in his pockets] Algebra! I fancy, doctor, 'tis hard to calculate the place of your nativity-Here-[Gives him money.] And if I succeed, I'll build a watch-tower on the top of the highest mountain in Wales, for the study of astrology, and the benefit of the Conundrums.

Enter PLUME and WORTHY.

[Exit.

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to draw in Brazen for a husband-But are you sure 'tis not Melinda's hand?

Wor. You shall see; where's the bit of paper gave you just now, that the devil wrote Melinda upon?

Kite. Here, sir.

Plume. Tis plain they are not the same: and is this the malicious name that was subscribed to the letter which made Mr Balance send his daughter into the country?

Wor. The very same: the other fragments I shewed you just now, I once intended for another use; but I think I have turned it now to a better advantage.

Plume. But 'twas barbarous to conceal this so long, and to continue me so many hours in the pernicious heresy of believing that angelic creature could change. Poor Sylvia !

Wor. Rich Sylvia, you mean, and poor cap

Wor. How! then I'll travel in good earnest-tain; ha, ha, ha!-Come, come, friend, MelinBy all my hopes, 'tis Lucy's hand!" Plume. Lucy's!

Wor. Certainly-'tis no more like Melinda's character, than black is to white.

Plume. Then 'tis certainly Lucy's contrivance

linda is true, and shall be mine; Sylvia is constant, and may be yours.

Plume. No, she's above my hopes- -but for her sake, I'll recant my opinion of her sex.

[Exeunt.

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Con-ance, sir, promises some understanding; pray, Bal. Hold thy prating,, fool- -Your appear what does this fellow mean?

Const. May it please your worships, we took them in the very act, re infecta, sir-The gentleman, indeed, behaved himself like a gentleman, for he drew his sword and swore, and afterwards laid it down, and said nothing.

Syl. He means marriage, I think-but that, you know, is so odd a thing, that hardly any two people under the sun agree in the ceremony; some make it a sacrament, others a convenience, and others make it a jest; but among soldiers Bal. Give the gentleman his sword again-'tis most sacred-our sword you know is our hoWait you without. [Exeunt Constable and Watch. I'm sorry, sir, [To SYLVIA] to know a gentleman upon such terms, that the occasion of our meeting should prevent the satisfaction of an acquaintance.

Syl. Sir, you need make no apology for your warrant, no more than I shall do for my behaviour-my innocence is upon an equal foot with your authority.

Scale. Innocence! have you not seduced that young maid?

Sul. No, Mr Goosecap, she seduced me. Bul. So she did, I'll swear-for she proposed marriage first.

nour, that we lay down-the hero jumps over it first, and the amazon after-leap, rogue; follow, whore-the drum beats a ruff, and so to bed: that's all: the ceremony is concise.

Bul And the prettiest ceremony, so full of pastime and prodigality

Bal. What are you a soldier?

Bul. Ay, that I am-Will your worship lend me your cane, and I'll shew you how I can exercise?

Bal. Take it. [Strikes him over the head.] Pray, sir, what commission may you bear?

[To SYLVIA.

Syl. I'm called captain, sir, by all the coffee

men, drawers, whores, and groom-porters in Lon- | vitude. How did you use me the year before! don; for I wear a red-coat, a sword, piquet in my head, and dice in my pocket. Scale. Your name, pray, sir?

Syl. Captain Pinch: I cock my hat with a pinch, I take snuff with a pinch, pay my whores with a pinch; in short, I can do any thing at a pinch, but fight and fill my belly.

Bal. And pray, sir, what brought you into Shropshire?

Syl. A pinch, sir: I know you country gentlemen want wit, and you know that we town gentlemen want money; and so

when, taking the advantage of my innocence and necessity, you would have made me your mistress, that is, your slave-Remember the wicked insinuations, artful baits, deceitful arguments, cunning pretences; then your impudent behavi our, loose expressions, familiar letters, rude visits; remember those, those, Mr Worthy.

Wor. I do remember, and am sorry I made no better use of them. [Aside.] But you may remember, madam, that

Mel. Sir, I'll remember nothing-'tis your interest that I should forget. You have been bar

Bal. I understand you, sir-Here, constable-barous to me, I have been cruel to you; put

Enter Constable.

Take this gentleman into custody till further orders.

Rose. Pray your worship don't be uncivil to him, for he did me no hurt; he's the most harmless man in the world, for all he talks so.

Scale. Come, come, child; I'll take care of you. Syl. What, gentlemen, rob me of my freedom and my wife at once! 'tis the first time they ever went together.

Bul. Hark'e, constable. [Whispers him. Const. It shall be done, sir-come along, sir. [Exeunt Constable, BULLOCK, and SYLVIA. Bal. Come, Mr Scale, we'll manage the spark presently. [Exeunt.

SCENE II.-MELINDA's apartment.

Enter MELINDA and WORTHY. Mel. So far the prediction is right; 'tis ten exactly. [Aside.] And pray, sir, how long have you been in this travelling humour?

Wor. 'Tis natural, madam, for us to avoid 'what disturbs our quiet.

Mel. Rather the love of change, which is more natural, may be the occasion of it.

Wor. To be sure, madam, there must be charms in variety, else neither you nor I should be so fond of it.

Mel. You mistake, Mr Worthy; I am not so fond of variety as to travel for't; nor do I think it prudence in you to run yourself into a certain expence and danger, in hopes of precarious plea

sures.

Wor. What pleasures I may receive abroad are indeed uncertain; but this I am sure of, I shall meet with less cruelty among the most barbarous of nations, than I have found at home.

Mel. Come, sir, you and I have been jangling a great while; I fancy if we made up our accounts we should the sooner come to an agreement.

Wor. Sure, madam, you won't dispute your being in my debt-My fears, sighs, vows, promises, assiduities, anxieties, jealousies, have run on for a whole year without any payment.

Mel. A year! oh, Mr Worthy! what you owe to me is not to be paid under a seven years' serVOL. II.

|

that and that together, and let one balance the other-Now, if you will begin upon a new score, lay aside your adventuring airs, and behave yourself handsomely till Lent be over, here's my hand, I'll use you as a gentleman should be.

Wor. And If I don't use you as a gentlewoman should be, may this be my poison! [Kissing her hand.

Enter a Servant.

Ser. Madam, the coach is at the door. Mel. I am going to Mr Balance's countryhouse to see my cousin Sylvia; I have done her an injury, and can't be easy till I've asked her pardon.

Wor. I dare not hope for the honour of waiting on you.

Mel. My coach is full; but if you'll be so gallant as to mount your own horse and follow us, we shall be glad to be overtaken; and if you bring captain Plume with you, we shan't have the worse reception.

Wor. I'll endeavour it.

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Plume. Half a score if you will, my dear! | need not trouble yourself to follow her, because What hast got in thy hand, child? her journey to justice Balance's is put off, and she's gone to take the air another way.

Braz. 'Tis a project for laying out a thousand pounds.

Plume. Were it not requisite to project first how to get it in?

Braz. You can't imagine, my dear, that I want twenty thousand pounds. I have spent twenty times as much in the service

-but

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mount.

Plume. Whip and spur, Worthy, or you won't mount.

Wor. But I shall; Melinda and I are agreed; she's gone to visit Sylvia; we are to mount and follow; and, could we carry a parson with us, who knows what might be done for us both? Plume. Don't trouble your head; Melinda has secured a parson already.

Wor. Already! do you know more than I? Plume. Yes, I saw it under her hand-Brazen and she are to meet half a mile hence at the water-side, there to take boat, I suppose, to be ferryed over to the Elysian Fields, if there be any such thing, in matrimony.

Wor. I parted with Melinda just now; she assured me she hated Brazen, and that she resolved to discard Lucy for daring to write letters to him in her name.

Plume. Nay, nay, there's nothing of Lucy in this-I tell ye I saw Melinda's hand as surely as this is mine.

Wor. But I tell you she's gone this minute to Justice Balance's country-house.

Plume. But I tell you she's gone this minute to the water-side.

Enter a Servant.

Ser, Madam Melinda has sent word that you

[TO WORTHY. Wor. How! her journey put off? Plume. That is, her journey was a put-off to

you.

Wor. 'Tis plain, plain-But how, where, when is she to meet Brazen?

Plume Just now, I tell you; half a mile hence, at the water-side.

Wor. Up or down the water?

Plume. That I don't know.

Wor. I'm glad my horses are ready-Jack, get them out.

Plume. Shall I go with you?

Wor. Not an inch-I shall return presently. [Exit.

Plume. You'll find me at the hall: the justices are sitting by this time, and I must attend them.

SCENE IV.-A court of justice.

BALANCE, SCALE, and SCRUPLE, upon the bench; Constable, KITE, mob.—KITE and Constable advance.

Kite. Pray, who are those honourable gentlemen upon the bench?

Const. He, in the middle, is justice Balance; he, on the right, is justice Scale; and he, on the left, is justice Scruple; and I am Mr Constable; four very honest gentlemen.

Kite. O dear, sir! I am your most obedient servant. [Saluting the constable.] I fancy, sir, that your employment and mine are much the same; for my business is to keep people in order, and, if they disobey, to knock them down; and then, we are both staff-officers.

Const. Nay, I'm a serjeant myself-of the militia-Come, brother, you shall see me exercise. Suppose this a musket; now, I'm shouldered. [Puts his staff on his right shoulder. Kite. Ay, you are shouldered pretty well for a constable's staff; but, for a musket, you must put it on the other shoulder, my dear!

Const. Adso! that's true-Come, now give the word of command.

Kite. Silence.

Const. Ay, ay; so we will-we will be silent. Kite. Silence, you dog, silence!

[Strikes him over the head with his halberd. Const. That's the way to silence a man, with a witness! What do you mean, friend?

Kite. Only to exercise you, sir.

Const. Your exercise differs so much from ours, that we shall ne'er agree about it; if my own captain had given me such a rap, I had taken the law of him.

Enter PLUME.

Bal. Captain, you're welcome. Plume. Gentlemen, I thank you.

Scrup. Come, honest captain, sit by me. [PLUME ascends, and sits upon the bench.] Now, produce your prisoners-Here, that fellow there, set him up. Mr Constable, what have you to say against this man?

Const. I have nothing to say against him, an please you.

Bal. No? what made you bring him hither? Const. I don't know, an please your worship. Scale. Did not the contents of your warrant direct you what sort of men to take up?

Const. I can't tell, an please ye; I can't read. Scrup. A very pretty constable, truly! I find we have no business here.

Kite. May it please the worshipful bench, I desire to be heard in this case, as being the counsel for the king.

Bal. Come, serjeant, you shall be heard, since nobody else will speak; we won't come here for nothing.

Kite. This man is but one man, the country may spare him, and the army wants him; besides, he's cut out by nature for a grenadier; he's five feet ten inches high; he shall box, wrestle, or dance the Cheshire round with any man in the country; he get's drunk every Sabbath-day, and he beats his wife.

Wife. You lie, sirrah, you lie; an please your worship, he's the best natured pains-taking'st man in the parish, witness my five poor children.

Scrup. A wife and five children! you constable, you rogue, how durst, you impress a man that has a wife and five children?

Scale. Discharge him, discharge him.

Bal. Hold, gentlemen! Hark'e, friend, how do you maintain your wife and five children? Plume. They live upon wild-fowl and venison, sir; the husband keeps a gun, and kills all the hares and partridges within five miles round.

Bal. A gun! nay, if he be so good at gunning, he shall have enough on't. He may be of use against the French; for he shoots flying, to be

sure.

Scrup. But his wife and children, Mr Balance.

Wife. Ay, ay, that's the reason you would send him away; you know I have a child every year, and you are afraid that they should come upon the parish at last.

Plume. Look'e there, gentlemen, the honest woman has spoke it at once; the parish had better maintain five children this year, than six or seven the next. That fellow, upon this high feeding, may get you two or three beggars at a birth.

Wife. Look'e, Mr Captain, the parish shall get nothing by sending him away; for I won't lose my teeming-time, if there be a man left in the parish.

Bal. Send that woman to the house of correction and the man

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Plume. Pray, gentlemen, let me have one honest man in my company, for the novelty's sake. Bal. What are you, friend?

Mob. A collier; I work in the coal-pits. Scrup. Look'e, gentlemen, this fellow has a trade; and the act of parliament here expresses that we are to impress no man that has any visible means of a livelihood.

Kite. May it please your worship, this man has no visible means of a livelihood, for he works under ground.

Plume. Well said, Kite; besides, the army wants miners.

Bal. Right, and had we an order of government for it, we could raise you, in this and the neighbouring county of Stafford, five hundred colliers, that would run you under ground, like moles, and do more service in a siege than all the miners in the army.

Scrup. Well, friend, what have you to say for yourself?

Mob. I'm married.

Kite. Lack-a-day! so am I.

Mob. Here's my wife, poor woman.
Bal. Are you married, good woman?
Wom. I'm married in conscience.

Kite. May it please your worship, she's with child in conscience.

Scale. Who married you, mistress?

Wom. My husband: we agreed that I should call him husband, to avoid passing for a whore, and that he should call me wife, to shun going for a soldier.

Scrup. A very pretty couple! Pray, captain, will you take them both?

Plume. What say you, Mr Kite? will you take care of the woman?

Kite. Yes, sir; she shall go with us to the seaside, and there, if she has a mind to drown herself, we'll take care nobody shall hinder her.

Bal. Here, constable, bring in my man. [Exit Const.] Now, captain, I'll fit you with a man such as you never listed in your life.

Enter Constable and SYLVIA. Oh, my friend Pinch! I'm very glad to see you. Syl. Well, sir, and what then?

Scale. What then! is that your respect to the bench?

Syl. Sir, I don't care a farthing for you nor your bench neither.

Scrup. Look'e, gentlemen, that's enough; he's a very impudent fellow, and fit for a soldier.

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rogue.

Syl. Is it your wife or daughter, booby? I ravished them both yesterday.

Bal. Pray, captain, read the articles of war; we'll see him listed immediately.

Plume. [Reads.] Articles of war against mutiny and desertion, &c.

Syl. Hold, sir- Once more, gentlemen, have a care what you do, for you shall severely smart for any violence you offer to me; and you, Mr Balance, I speak to you particularly, you shall heartily repent it.

Plume. Look'e, young spark, say but one word more, and I'll build a horse for you as high as the rieling, and make you ride the most tiresome journey that ever you made in your life.

Syl. You have made a fine speech, good captain Huff-cap! but you had better be quiet; I shall find a way to cool your courage.

Plume. Pray, gentlemen, don't mind him, he's distracted.

Syl. 'Tis false; I am descended of as good a family as any in your county; my father is as good a man as any upon your bench; and I am heir to twelve hundred pounds a-year.

Bal. He's certainly mad. Pray, captain, read the articles of war.

Syl. Hold, once more. Pray, Mr Balance, to you I speak; suppose I were your child, would you use me at this rate?

Bal. No, faith! were you mine, I would send you to Bedlam first, and into the army after

wards.

Syl. But, consider my father, sir; he's as good, as generous, as brave, as just a man, as ever served his country. I'm his only child; perhaps, the loss of me may break his heart.

Bal. He's a very great fool, if it does. Captain, if you don't list him this minute, I'll leave the court.

Plume. Kite, do you distribute the levy-money to the men while I read.

Kite. Ay, sir. Silence, gentlemen.

[PLUME reads the articles of war. Bal. Very well; now, captain, let me beg the favour of you not to discharge this fellow upon any account whatsoever. Bring in the rest.

Const. There are no more, an't please your worship.

Bal. No more! there were five two hours ago. Syl. 'Tis true, sir, but this rogue of a constable let the rest escape for a bribe of eleven shillings a man, because he said the act allowed him but ten; so the odd shilling was clear gains. All Just. How?

Syl. Gentlemen, he offered to let me go away for two guineas, but I had not so much about me: this is truth, and I'm ready to swear it.

Kite. And I'll swear it: give me the book; 'tis for the good of the service.

Mob. May it please your worship, I gave him half a crown to say that I was an honest man; but, now, since that your worships have made me a rogue, I hope I shall have my money again.

Bal. 'Tis my opinion, that this constable be put into the captain's hands; and if his friends don't bring four good men for his ransom by tomorrow night, captain, you shall carry him to Flanders.

Scale. Scrup. Agreed, agreed.

Plume. Mr Kite, take the constable into custody.

Kite. Ay, ay, sir. [To the constable.] Will you please to have your office taken from you, or will you handsomely lay down your staff, as your betters have done before you?

[Constable drops his staff. Bal. Come, gentlemen, there needs no great ceremony in adjourning this court. Captain, you shall dine with me.

Kite. Come, Mr Militia Serjeant, I shall silence you now, I believe, without your taking the law of me? [Exeunt.

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[Erit.

Bal. Was ever man so imposed upon! I had her promise, indeed, that she would never dispose of herself without my consent-I have consented with a witness! given her away as my act and deed-and this, I warrant, the captain thinks will pass. No, I shall never pardon him the villany, first of robbing me of my daughter, and then the mean opinion he must have of me to think that I could be so wretchedly imposed upon her extravagant passion might encourage

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