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you cry, dog?
are over; madam's to marry your master, sirrah, minds. How very humble now has her pride and I am as wet with joy as if I had been made her! thrown into a sea full of good-luck. Why don't Hyp. (To Flora.] I like your advice so well,
that, to tell you the truth, I have made bold to Trap. Uh! Well, sir, I do—But now,
take it before you gave it me. please, let me tell you my business.
Flo. Is it possible?
Flo. Then, the business is done.
Hyp. Madam, if your ladyship pleases. D. Man. Slylooks! what, the bamboozler !-
[To Rosara. ha, ha!
Ros. Is this gentleman your friend, sir? Trap. He, sir, he.
Hyp. This friend, madam, is my gentlewoman, D. Man. I'm glad of it, faith-now I shall at your service, have a little diversion to moderate my joy—I'll Ros. Gentlewoman! What, are we all going wait on the gentleman myself-Don't you be out into breeches, then ? of the way, son; I'll be with ye presently -Oh Flo. That used to be my post, madam, when my jaws! this fit will carry me off. Ye dear I wore a needle; but, now I have got a sword by toad ! good-bye.
[Erit. my side, I shall be proud to be your ladyship's Hyp. Ha, ha, ha! the old gentleman's as mer
humble servant. ry as a fiddle; how he'll start when a string Ros. Troth, I think it's a pity you should eisnaps in the middle of his tune !
ther of you ever part with your swords : I never Ros. At least, we shall make himn change it, I saw a prettier couple of adroit cavaliers in my believe.
lite. Hyp. That we shall; and here comes one Flo. Egad, I don't know how it is, madam; that's to play upon him.
but, methinks, these breeches give me such a
mettled air, I cannot help fancying but that I Enter Flora, hastily.
left my sex at home in my petticoats. Flo. Don Philip, where are you . I must needs Hyp. Why, faith, for aught I know, hadst thou speak with ye. Berging your ladyship’s par
been born to breeches instead of a fille de chamdon, madam., [Whispers Hypolita.] Stand bre, fortune might have made thee a beau garçon to your arms; the enemy's at the gate, faith : at the head of a regiment—But hush ! there's but I've just thought of a sure card to win the Don Philip and the old gentleman: we must not lady into our party;
be seen yet. If you please to retire, madam, l'il Ros. Who can this youth be she is so familiar | tell you how we intend to deal with them. with? he must certainly know her business here, Ros. With all my heart-Come, ladiesand she is reduced to trust him. What odd Gentlemen-I beg your pardon. [Ereunt. shings we women are ! never to know our own
Enter Dog MANUEL and Don Philip. D. Man. Well, sir; and so you were robbed of your portmanteau, you say, at Toledo, in which are all your letters and writings relating to your inarriage with my daughter, and that's the reason vou are come without them.
D. Phi. I thought, sir, you might reasonably take it ill I should have lain a week or two in town, without paying you my duty. I was not robbed of the regard I owe my father's friend ; that, sir, I have brought with me, and 'twould have been ill manners not to have paid it at my first arrival.
D. Man. Ah, how smooth the spark is ![Aside.) Well, sir
, I am pretty considerably glad to see you; but, I hope, you'll excuse me if, in a matter of this consequence, I seem a little cautious,
D. Phi. Sir, I sha'nt propose any immediate progress in my affair, till you receive fresh advice from my father; in the mean time, I shall think myself obliged by the bare freedom of your house, and such entertainment as you'd, at least, afford a common stranger.
D. Mun. Impudent rogue! the freedom of my house! yes, that he may be always at hand to secure the main chance for my friend Octavio—But now I'll have a touch of the bamboozle with him. (Aside.] Look ye, sir, while I see nothing to contradict what you say you are, d'ye see, you shall find me a gentleman,
D. Phi. So my father told me, sir.
D. Man. But, then, on the other hand, d'ye see, a man's honesty is not always written in his face; and (begging your pardon) if
should prove a damned rogue now, d'ye sec?
D. Phi. Sir, I cannot, in reason, take any thing ill, that proceeds only from your caution.
D. Man. Civil rascal! [Aside.] No, no, as
you say, I hope you won't take it ill neither;
Enter TRAPPANTI. for how do I know, you know, but what you tell me (begging your pardon again, sir,) may be all Come hither, friend ; dost thou know this gentle
man ? D. Phi. Another man, indeed, might say
the Trap. Bless me, sir! is it you? Sir, this is my same to you ; but I shall take it kindly, sir, if old master I lived with at Seville. you suppose me a villain no oftener than
you D. Phi. I remember thee; thy name's Traphave occasion to suspect me.
panti; thou wert my servant when I first went D. Man. Sir, you speak like a man of honour, to travel. it is confessed; but (begging your pardon again, Trap. Ay, sir, and about twenty months after sir,) so may a rascal too, sometimes.
you came home, too. D. Phi.' But a man of honour, sir, can never D. Phi. You see, sir, this fellow knows me. speak like a rascal.
D. Man. Oh, I never questioned it in the D. Man. Why, then, with your honour's leave, least, sir ! Prithee, what's this worthy gentleman's sir, is there nobody here in Madrid that knows name, friend?
Trap. Sir, your honour has heard me talk of D. Phi. Sir, I never saw Madrid till within him a thousand times; his name, sir-his name these two hours, though there is a gentleman in is Guzman: his father, sir, old Don Guzman, is town that knew me intimately at Seville. I met the most eminent lawyer in Seville, was the very him by accident at the inn where I alighted; he's person that drew up the settlement and articles known here; if it will give you any present satis- of my master's marriage with your honour's faction, I believe I could easily produce him to daughter : this gentleman knows all the parvouch for me.
ticulars as well as if he had drawn them up himD. Man. At the inn, say ye, did you meet self: but, sir, I hope there's no mistake in them this gentleman? What's his name, pray? that may defer the marriage. D. Phi. Octavio Cruzado.
D. Phi. Confusion ! D. Man. Ha, my bully confessor! this agrees D. Man. Now, sir, what sort of answer d'ye word for word with honest Trappanti's intelli- think fit to make me? gence-[Aside. —Well, sir, and pray what D. Phi. Now, sir? that I'm obliged, in honour, does he give you for this job?
not to leave your house till I at least have seen D. Phi. Job, sir !
the villain that calls himself Don Philip, that has D. Man. Ay, that is, do you undertake it out robbed me of my portmanteau, and would you, of good fellowship, or are you to have a sort of sir, of your honour and your daughter-As for fellow-feeling in the matter?
this rascalD. Phi. Sir, if you believe me to be the son Trap. Sir, I demand protection. of Don Fernando, I must tell ye, your manner
[Runs behind Don Mastel. of receiving me is what you ought not to sup D. Mun. Hold, sir; since you are so brisk, pose can please him, or I can thank you for; and in my own house, too-call your master, if you think me an impostor, I'll ease you of friend : you'll find we have swords within can the trouble of suspecting me, and leave your match you. house, till I can bring better proofs who I Trup. Ay, sir, I
may chance to send you one
will take down your courage. D. Man. Do so, friend; and in the mean
[Erit TRAPPANTI. time, d'ye see, pray give my humble service to D. Phi. I ask your pardon, sir; I must conthe politician, and tell him, that to your certain fess the villany I saw designed against my father's knowledge the old fellow, the old rogue, and the friend had transported me beyond good manold put, d'ye see, knows how to bamboozle as well ners; but be assured, sir, use me hence forward as himself.
as you please, I will detect it though I lose my D. Phi. Politician ! and bamboozle! Pray, life. Nothing shall affront me, now, till I have sir, let me understand you, that I may know how proved myself your friend indeed, and Don to answer you.
Fernando's son. D. Man. Come, come, don't be discouraged, D. Mun. Nay, look yc, sir, I will be very friend
-sometimes, you know, the strongest civil, too-I won't say a word-you shall e'en wits must fail. You have an admirable head, sqnabble it out by yourselves; not but, at the it is confessed, with as able a face to it as ever same time, thou art to nie the merriest fellow stuck upon two shoulders; but who the devil that ever I saw in my life. can help ill luck ? for it happens at this time, d'yc see, that it won't do.
Enter IIYPOLITA, Flora, and TRAPPANTI. D. Phi. Won't do, sir?
Hyp. Who's this that dares usurp my name, D. Man. Nay, if you won't understand me and calls himself Don Philip de las Torres ? now, here comes an honest fellow that will speak D. Phi. Ila! this is a young competitor inyou point blank to the matter.
Flo. Is this the gentleman, sir?
D. Phi. Very well, sir; I may have better D. Man. Yes, yes; that's he : ha, ha! when I see you next.
D. Phi. Yes, sir, I'm the man who, but this Hyp. Look ye, sir, since your undertaking morning, lost that name upon the road. I'm in though you designed it otherwise) has promoted formed an impudent young rascal has picked it my happiness, thus far I pass it by; though I out of some writings in the portmanteau he rob- question it a man, that stoops to do such base in bed me of, and has brought it hither before me. juries, dares defend them with his sword: howD'ye know any such, sir?
ever, now at least you're warned; but be assuFlo. The fellow really does it very well, sir. red, your next attempt D. Man. Oh, to a miracle !
(Aside. D. Phi. Will startle you, my spark. I am Hyp. Prithee, friend, how long dost thou afraid you'll be a little humbler when you are expect thy impudence will keep thee out of gaol? hand-cuffed. Though you won't take my word Could not the coxcomb, that put thee upon this, against him, sir, perhaps another magistrate may inform thee, too, that this gentleman was a ma my oath, which, because I see his marriage is in gistrate ?
haste, I am obliged to make immediately. If he D. Man. Well said, my little champion. can outface the law, too, I shall be content to be
D. Phi. Now, in my opinion, child, that might the coxcomb then you think me. as well put thee in mind of thy own condition;
[Erit. Don Puilip. for, suppose thy wit and impudence should so far D. Man. Ah, poor fellow! he's resolved to succeed, as to let thee ruin this gentleman's fa- carry it off with a good face, however. Ha, ha, mily, hy really marrying his daughter, thou cans't ha ! not but know 'tis impossible thou shouldst enjoy Trap. Aye, sir, that's all he has for't, indeed, her long; a very few days must unavoidably dis Hyp. Trappanti, follow him, and do as I dicover thee: in the mean time, if thou wilt spare rected. me the trouble of exposing thee, and generously
[Aside to TRAPPANTI. confess thy roguery, thus far l'il forgive thee; Trap. I warrant ye, sir. but, if thou still proceedest upon his credulity to
[Exit TRAPPANTI, a marriage with the lady, don't flatter thyself D. Man. Ha! my little champion, let me kiss that all her fortune shall buy off my evidence; thee; thou hast carried the day like a hero. for I'm bound in honour, as well as law, to hang Man, nor woman, nothing can stand before thee. thee for the robbery.
I'll make thee monarch of my daughter immediHyp. Sir, you are extremely kind.
ately. Flo. Very civil, 'egad.
Hyp. That's the Indies, sir. Hyp. But may not I presume, my dear friend, D. Man. Well said, my lad--Ah, my heart's this wheedle was offered as a trial of this gentle-going to dance again! Prithee, let's in before it man's credulity? Ha, ha, ha!
gets the better of me, and give the bride an acD. Man. Indeed, my friend, 'tis a very shal-count of thy victory. low one.
Canst thou think I'm such a sot as to Hyp. Sir, if you please to prepare the way, believe, that, if he knew 'twere in thy power to I'll march after you in form, and lay my laurels hang him, he would not have run away at the at her feet like a conqueror. first sight of thee?
D. Man. Say'st thou so, my little soldier? Trup: Aye, sir, he must be a dull rogue in- Why, then, I'll send for the priest, and thou shalt deed, that would not run away from a halter— be married in triumph. Ha, ha, ha!
[Erit Don Manuel, [ All laugh. Hyp. Now, Flora. D. Phi. Sir, I ask your pardon; I begin now Flo. Aye, now, madam, who says we are not to be a little sensible of my folly — I perceive politicians? I'd fain see any turn of state mathis gentleman has done his business with you ef- naged with half this dexterity. But pray, what fectually: however, sir, the duty I owe my fa- is Trappanti detached for? ther obliges me not to leave your cause, though Hyp. Only to interrupt the motions of the I'll leave your house immediately. When you enemy, girl, till we are safe in our trenches; for, see me next, you'll know Don Philip from a should Don Philip chance to rally upon us with rascal.
an Alguazil and a warrant, before I am fast tied D. Man. Ah, 'twill be the same if I know a to the lady, we may be routed, for all this. rascal from Don Philip! But, if you please, sir, Flo. Trappanti knows bis business, I hope. never give yourself any further trouble in this Hyp. You'll see presently—but hush! here business; for what you have done, d’ye see, is so comes my brother: poor gentleman! he's upon far from interrupting my daughter's marriage, thorns, too; I have made Rosara write him a that, with this gentleman's leave, I'm resolved to most provoking letter. finish it this very hour; so that, when you see Fio. Nay, you have an admirable genius to your friend the politician, you must tell him you mischief. But what has poor Octavio done to had cursed luck; that's all. lla, ha, ha! you, that he must be plagued, too?
false to your
Hyp. Well, dear Flora, don't chide; indeed Vil. Now, sir, you deserve a friend. this shall be the last day of my reign. Come,
[Erit VileTTA. now, let's in, keep up the old Don's humour, and Oct. Sure this letter must be but artifice, a laugh at him.
humour to try how far my love can bear--and Flo. Aye, there, with all
yet, methinks, she cannot but know the impu-
tunity, are too pressing to allow her any time to Enter Octavio with a letter, and VILETTA.
fool away: and, if she were really false, she
could not take a pride in confessing it. Death! Oct. Rosara false ! distraction!
I know not what to think: the sex is all a riddle, Vil. Nay, don't be in such a passion.
and we are the fools that crack our brains to exOct. Confess it, too! so changed within an pound them. hour! Vil. Ah, dear sir, if you had but seen how the
Re-enter Viletta. young gentleman laid about hiin, you'd ha' won- Now, dear Viletta! dered how she held out so long.
Vil. Sir, she begs your pardon; they have just Oct. Death! 'tis impossible!
sent for the priest; but they will be glad to see Vil. Common, sir, common. I have known a you about an hour hence, as soon as the wedprouder lady as nimble as she. What will you ding's over. lay, that, before the moon changes, she is not Oct. Viletta! rival?
Vil. Sir, she says, in short, she cannot possibly Oct. Don't torture me, Viletta.
speak with you now, for she is just going to be Vil. Come, sir, take heart; my life on't, you'll married. be the happy man at last.
Oct. Death! daggers! blood! confusion! and Oct. Thou art mad. Does she not tell me ten thousand furies ! here, in her letter, she has herself consented to Vil. Hey-day! what's all this for? marry another? nay, does not she, too, insult me Oct. My brains are turned, Viletta. with a -yet loves me better than the person Vil. Aye, by my troth, so one would think, if she's to marry!
one could but believe you had any at all : if you Vil. Insulč! is that the best you can make have three grains, I'm sure you cannot but know on't? Ah, you men have such heads !
her compliance with this match must give her a Oct. What dost thou mean?
little liberty; and can you suppose she'd desire Vil. Sir, to be free with you, my mistress is to see you an hour hence, if she did not design grown wise at last; my advice, I perceive, be to make use of it? gins to work with her, and your business is Oct. Use of it! Death! When the wedding's done.
over? Oct. What was thy advice?
Vil. Dear sir, but the bedding won't be over, Vil
. Why, to give the post of husband to your and, I presume, that's the ceremony you have a rival, and put you in for a deputy. You know mind to be master of. the business of the place, sir, if you mind it : by Oct. Don't flatter me, Viletta. the help of a few good stars, and a little moon Vil. Faith, sir, I'll be very plain : you are, to shine, there's many a fair perquisite may fall in me, the dullest person I ever saw in my life; your way.
but, if you have a mind, I'll tell her you won't Oct. Thou ravest, Viletta ! 'tis impossible she come. can fall so low,
Oct. No, don't Vil. Ah, sir, you cannot think how love will Vil
. Then pray, sir, do as she bids you : don't humble a body!
stay here to spoil your own sport; you'll have Oct. I'll believe nothing ill of her, till her own the old gentleman come thundering down upon mouth confess it: she can never own this letter : ye by-and-by, and then we shall have ye at she cannot but know I should stab her with re- your ten thousand furies again. Hist! Here's proaches: therefore, dear Viletta, ease me of my company; good-bye to ye. torments; go this moment, and tell her I'm upon
[Erit Viletta. the rack till I speak with her.
what's the meaning of this? Vil. Sir, I dare not for the world! the old gentleman's with her; he'll knock my brains
Enter Don Philip, his sword drawn, and
TRAPPANTI. Oct. I'll protect thee with my life.
D. Phi. Come, sir, there's no retreating now; Vil. Sir, I would not venture to do it for— this you must justify. for-for-yes, I would for a pistole.
Trap. Sir, I will, and a great deal more; but, Oct. Confound her !—There, there 'tis: dear pray, sir, give me leave to recover my courage Viletta, be my friend this time, and I'll be thine i protest, the keen looks of that instrument have
quite frighted it away. Pray, put it up, sir.
say so, Viletta.
Oct. How now,
D. Phi. Nay, to let thee see I had rather be Oct. Be generous, and tell me, have I ever yet thy friend than enemy, I'll bribe thee to be ho- deserved your friendship? nest. Discharge thy conscience like a man, and D. Phi. I hope my actions have confessed it. I'll engage to make these five ten pieces.
Oct. Forgive my fears, and, since 'tis impos
sible you can feel the pain of loving her you are Enter a Servant.
engaged to marry, not having (as you own) yet
ever seen her, let me conjure you, by all the ties Trap. Sir, your business will be done effec- of honour, friendship, and pity, never to attempt tually.
her more. D. Phi. Here, friend, will ye
D. Phi. You amaze me! I desire to speak with him?
Oct. 'Tis the same dear creature I so passionOct. Don Philip!
ately dote op. D. Phi. Octavio! this is fortunate indeed! Ď. Phi. Is it possible? Nay, then, be easy in the only place in the world I would have wished thy thoughts, Octavio; and now I dare confess to have found ye in.
the folly of my own: I'm not sorry thou art my Oct. What's the matter?
rival here. In spite of all my weak philosophy, D. Phi. You'll see presently. But, prithee, I must own, the secret wishes of my soul are still how stands your affair with your mistress? Hypolita's. I know not why; but yet, methinks, Oct. The devil take me if I can tell ye !
-I the unaccountable repulses I have met with here, don't know what to make of her; about an hour look like an omen of some new, though far disago, she was for scaling walls to come at me; tant, hope of her. I can't help thinking, that my and this minute-whip, she's going to marry the fortune still resolves, spite of her cruelty, to stranger I told you of; nay, confesses, too, 'tis make me one day happy. with her own consent; and yet begs, by all means, Oct. Quit but Rosara, I'll engage she shall be to see me as soon as her wedding's over.
Is it yours. not very pretty ?
D. Phi. Not only that, but will assist you,
with my life, to gain her: I shall easily excuse Re-enter a Servant.
myself to my father for not marrying the mistress
dearest friend. D. Phi. Something gay, indeed.
Oct. Dear Philip, let me embrace you! But Ser. Sir, my master will wait on you presently. how shall we manage the rascal of an impostor?
Oct. But the plague on't is, my love cannot Suppose you run immediately, and swear the robbear this jesting. Well, now, how stands your bery against him? affair? have you seen your mistress yet?
D. Phi. I was just going about it; but, acciD. Phi. No, I can't get admittance to her. dentally meeting with this fellow, has luckily preOct. How so?
vented me, who, you must know, has been chief D. Phi. When I came to pay my duty here to engineer in the contrivance against me; but, bethe old gentleman
tween threats, bribes, and promises, has confessed Oct. Here!
the whole roguery, and is now ready to swear it D. Phi. Ay, I found an impudent young ras- against him: so, because I understand the spark cal here before me, that had taken my name up is very near his marriage, I thought this would ou him, robbed me of my portmanteau, and, by be the best and soonest way to detect him. virtue of some papers there, knew all my con Oct. That's right; the least delay might have cerns to a tittle: he has told a plausible tale to lost all: besides, I am here to strengthen his eviher father, faced him down that I'm an impostor, dence; for I can swear that you are the true Don and, if I don't this minute prevent him, is going Philip. to marry the lady.
D. Phi. Right Oct. Death and hell! [Aside.] What sort of Trap. Sir, with humble submission, that will fellow was this rascal?
be quite wrong. D. Phi. A little pert coxcomb: by his impu Oct. Why so ? dence and dress, I guess him to be soine French Trup. Because, sir, the old gentleman is subpage.
stantially convinced, that 'tis you who have put Oct. A white wig, red coat
Don Philip upon laying this pretended claim to D. Phi. Right; the very picture of the little his daughter, purely to defer the marriage, that, Englishman we knew at Paris.
in the mean time, you might get an opportunity Oct. Confusion! my friend at last my rival, to run away with her; for which reason, sir, too—-Yet hold---my rival is my friend; he owns you'll find your evidence will but fly in your face, he has not seen her yet
[Aside. and hasten the match with your rival. D. Phi. You seem concerned.
D. Phi. Ha! There's reason in that. All your Oct. Undone for ever, unless dear Philip's still endeavours will but confirm his jealousy of me.
Oct. What would you have me do? D. Phi. What's the matter?
Trap. Don't appear at the trial, sir.