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of all kinds of virtuous, and of vicious women ;
Ant. In the mean time, sir, if you please to the ancient Spartan dames, the Roman ladies, send your daughter notice of our intended visit. their beauties, their deforınities; and when I
[To ChariNO. light upon a Portia, or a Cornelia, crowned with Cha. I'll do it-hark
friendever-blooming truth and virtue, with such a feel
[Whispers a servant, ing I peruse their fortunes, as if I then had lived,
Enter Sancho behind. and tasted of their lawful, envied love. But when I meet a Messalina, tired and unsated in her foul San. I doubt my master has found but rough desires; a Clytemnestra, bathed in her husband's welcome; he's gone supperless into his study ; I'd blood; an impious Tullia, whirling her chariot fain know the reason-it may be, somebody has over her father's breathless body, horror invades borrowed one of his books, or so—I must find it my faculties. Comparing, then, the numerous out.
[Stands aside. guilty, with the easy count of those that die in Clo. Sir, you could not have started any thing innocence, I detest and loath thein as ignorance, more agreeable to my inclination; and for the or atheism.
young lady's, sir, if this old gentleman will please Ant. And you do resolve, then, not to make to give me a sight of her, you shall see me whip payment of the debt you owe me?
into her's, in the cutting of a caper. Car. What debt, good sir !
Cha. Well, pursue and conquer; though, let Ant. Why, the debt I paid my father, when I me tell you, sir, my girl has wit, and will give got you, sir, and made him a grandsire; which I you as good as you bring; she has a smart way, expect from you. I won't have my naine die. sir.
Car. Nor would I; my laboured studies, sir, Clo. Sir, I will be as smart as she; I have my may prove in time a living issue.
share of courage; I fear no woman alive, sir, haAnt. Very well, sir; and so I shall have a ge- ving always found that love and assurance ought neral collection of all the quiddits, from Adam to be as inseparable companions, as a beau and a till this time, to be my grandchild.
snuff-box, or a curate and a tobacco-stopper. Car. I'll take my best care, sir, that what I Cha. Faith, thou art a pleasant rogue ! E'gad. leave, may’nt shame the family.
she must like thee. Cha. A sad fellow, this! this is a very sad fel Clo. I know how to tickle the ladies, sir-in? low !
[Aside. Paris, I had constantly two challenges every Ant. So, in short, you would not marry an em- morning came up with my chocolate, only for, press!
being pleasant company the night before with Car. Give me leave to enjoy myself. The the first ladies of quality. closet, that contains my chosen books, to me's a Cha. Ah, silly envious rogues ! Prithee, what glorious court; my venerable companions there, do you do to the ladies ? the old sages and philosophers, sometimes the
San. Positively, nothing.
[Aside. greatest kings and heroes, whose counsels I have Clo. Why, the truth is, I did make the jades leave to weigh, and call their victories, if unjust- drink a little too smartly; for which the poor ly got, unto a strict account, and, in my fancy, dogs, the princes, could not endure me. dare deface their ill-placed statues. Can I then Cha. Why, hast thou really conversed with the part with solid, constant pleasures, to clasp un- royal family? certain vanities? No, sir, be it your care to swell
Clo. Conversed with them! aye, rot them, your heap of wealth; marry my brother, and let aye, aye-You must know, some of them came him get you bodies of your name; I rather would with ine half a day's journey, to see me a little inform it with a soul. I tire you, sir -your on my way hither ; but e'gad, I sent young Louis pardon and your leave. Lights there, for my back again to Marli, as drunk as a tinker, by study.
[Erit Carlos. Jove! lla, ha, ha! I can't but laugh to think Ant. Was ever man thus transported from the how old Monarchy growled at him next morning. common sense of his own happiness! a stupid Cha. Gad-a-mercy, boy! Well, and I warrant wise rogue! I could beat him. Now, if it were thou wert as intimate with their ladies, too? not for my hopes in young Clody, I might fairly San. Just alike, I dare answer for him. conclude my name were at a period.
[Aside. Cha. Aye, aye, he's the match for my money, Clo. Why, you shall judge now, you shall and my girl's too, I warrant her. What say you, judge—let me see—there was I and Monsieursir, shall we tell them a piece of our mind, and no, no, no! Monsieur did not sup with usturn them together instantly?
there was I and prince Grandmont, duke de BonAnt. This ininute, sir; and here comes my grace-duke de Bellegrade--(Bellegrade--yesyoung rogue, in the very nick of his fortune. yes-Jack was there) count de l'Esprit, marshal
Bombard, and that pleasant dog, the prince de Enter Clodio.
Hautenbas. We six, now, were all at supper, all Ant. Clody, a word
in good humour; champaigne was the word, and Çlo. To the wise is enough. Your pleasure, sir ? wit few about the room, like a pack of losing
cards--now, sir, in Madame's adjacent lodgings, too! If we have studied our majors and our mi-
Enter Don LEWIS.
a peen. demandons ;' subscribed, Grandmont, Bongrace, San. Have a care, sir, he's upon a magical Bellegrade, L'Esprit, Bombard, and Hautenbas. point.
Cha. Why, these are the very naines of the D. Lew. What, has he lost any thing? princes you supped with.
San. Yes, sir, he has lost, with a vengeance. Clo. Every soul of them the individual wife or D. Lew. But what, what, what, what, sirrah! sister of every man in the company, split me! what is't? ha, ha, ha!
Sun. Why, his birth-right, sir; he is di-diCha.& Ant. Ha, ha !
[Sobbing: San. Did ever two old gudgeons swallow so D. Lew. Ha ! how ! when! what!' where! greedily?
Aside. who! what dost thou mean? Ant. Well, and didst thou make a night on't, San. His brother, sir, is to marry Angelina, boy?
the great heiress, to enjoy three parts of his faClo. Yes, e'gad, and morning too, sir; for about ther's estate; and my master is to have a whole eight o'clock the next day, slap they all soused acre of new books, for setting his hand to the upon their knees, kissed round, burned their com conveyance. modes, drank my health, broke their glasses, and D. Lew. This must be a lie, sirrah; I will so parted.
have it a lie, Ant. Gad-a-mercy, Clody! Nay, 'twas always Sun. With all my heart, sir; but here comes a wild young rogue !
my old master, and the pickpocket the lawyer : Cha. I like him the better for't-he's a plea- they'll tell you more. sant one, I'm sure. Ant. Well, the rogue gives him a rare account
Enter Antonio, and a Lawyer. of his travels,
Ant. Here, sir, this paper
full in Clo. E'gad, sir, I have a cure for the spleen. structions : pray, be speedy, sir; I don't know Ah, ha! I know how to wriggle myself into a la- but we may couple them to-morrow; be sure dy's favour-give me leave when you please, sir. you make it firm.
Cha. Sir, you shall have it this moment Law. Do you secure his hand, sir, I defy the faith, I like him--you remember the conditions, law to give him his title again. sir ; three parts of your estate to him and his
[Erit Lawyer. heirs.
San, What think you now, sir? Ant. Sir, he deserves it all; 'tis not a trifle D. Lew. Why, now, methinks I'm pleased shall part them. You see Charles has given over this is right, I'm pleased-must cut that law. the world : I'll undertake to buy his birth-right yer's throat, though-must bone him—aye, I'll for a shelf of new books.
have him boned-and potted. Cha. Aye, aye; get you the writings ready, Ant. Brother, how is it? with your other son's hand to them; for, unless D. Lew. Oh, mighty well-mighty well-let's he signs, the conveyance is of no validity. feel your pulse--feverish
Ant. I know it, sir—they shall be ready with (Looks earnestly in Antonio's fuce, and, of his hand in two hours.
ter some pause, whistles a piece of a tune. Cha. Why, then, come along, my lad; and Ant. You are merry, brother. now I'll shew thee to my daughter.
D. Leu. It's a lie. Clo. I dare be shown, sir-Allons ! Hey, sui Ant. How, brother! vons l'amour.
[Exeunt all but SANCHO. D. Lew. A damned lie-I am not merry. San. How ! my poor master to be disinherited,
Smiling for monsieur Sa-sa, there, and I a looker on Ant. What are you, then?
D. Leu. Very angry.
and the rogue does so whisk, and frisk, and sing, Ant. Hi, hi, hi! At what, brother?
and dance her about! Odsbud, he plays like a
[Mimicking him. greyhound. Noble Don Lewis, I am your humD. Lew. Why, at a very wise settlement I ble servant. Come, what say you ? Shall I prehave made lately.
vail with you to settle some part of your estate Ant. What settlement, good brother? I find upon young Clody, he has heard of it.
[Aside. D. Lew. Clody! D. Lew. What do you think I have done? I Cha. Aye, your nephew, Clody. have, this deep head of mine has disinherited D. Lew. Settle upon him! my elder son, because his understanding is an honour to my family; and given it all to my young D. Lew. Why, look you, I ha'nt much land to er, because he's a puppy-a puppy.
spare ; but I have an adınirable horse-pondAnt. Come, I guess at your meaning, brother. I'll settle that upon him, it you will.
D. Lew. Do you so, sir ? Why, then, I must Ant. Come, let him have his way, sir; be's old tell you, fat and plain, my boy Charles must, and hasty; my estate's sufficient. How does and shall inherit it.
your daughter, sir? Ant. I say no, unless Charles had a soul to va Cha. Ripe, and ready, sir, like a blushing rose; lue his fortune. What! he should manage eight she only waits for the pulling. thousand crowns a year out of the metaphysics ? Ant. Why, then, let tv-morrow be the day. astronomy should look to my vineyards; Horace Cha. With all my heart; get you the writings should buy off my wines; tragedy should kill my ready, my girl shall be bere in the morning. mutton; history should cut down my hay; Ho D. Lew. Hark you, sir, do you suppose my mer should get in my corn; Tityre tu patula Charies shalllook to my sheep; and geometry bring my har Cha. Sir, I suppose nothing; what I'll do, I'll vest home! Hark you, brother, do you know justify; what your brother does, let him answer. what learning is?
Ant. That I have already, sir, and so good D. Lew. What if I don't, sir? I believe it's a morrow to your patience, brother. fine thing, and that's enough-though I can speak
[Exit ANTONIO no Greek, I love and honour the sound ot it, and D. Lew. Sancho ! Charles speaks it loftily; E'gad, he thunders it San. Sir? out, sir : and let me tell you, sir, if you had ever D. Lew. Fetch me some gunpowder-quick the grace to have heard but six lines of Hesiod, quick. or somer, or Iliad, or any of the Greek poets, San. Sir? od's-heart! would have made your hair stand on D. Lew. Some gun-powder, I say—a barrel end; sir, he has read such things in my hear- quickly—and, d’ye hear, three pennyworth of ing
ratsbane; hey! aye, I'll blow up one, and poison Ant. But did you understand them, brother? the other. D. Lew. I tell you, no.
What does that sig San. Conne, sir, I see what you would be at; nify! The very sound's sufficient comfort to an and if you dare take my advice, (I don't want wit honest man.
at a pinch, sir) e'en let me try, if I can fire my Ant. Fie, fie! I wonder you talk so, you that master enough with the praises of the young lady, are old, and should understand.
to make him rival his brother; that would blow D. Lew. Should, sir! Yes, and do, sir. Sir, them up, indeed, sir. I'd have you to know, I have studied, I have run D. Lew. Psha! impossible; he never spoke six over history, poetry, philosophy.
words to any woman in his life, but his bed-ma. Ant. Yes, like a cat over a harpsichord, rare ker.
-You have read catalogues, I believe. San. So much the better, sir; therefore, if he Come, come, brother, my younger boy is a fine speaks at all, its the more likely to be out of the gentleman.
road. Flark, he rings !- I must wait upon him. D. Lew. A sad dog-I'll buy a prettier fellow
[E.rit Sancho in a pennyworth of ginger-bread.
D. Lew. These damned old rogues ! I can't Ant. What I propose, I'll do, sir, say you your took my poor boy in the face : but come, Charles; pleasure-here comes one I must talk with--well, let them go on; thou shalt not want money to buy brother, what news?
thce books, yet--that old fool, thy father, and his Enter CHIARINO.
young puppy, shall not share a groat of mine be
tween them; nay, to plague them, I could find in Cha. Oh, to our wishes, sir! Clody's a right my heart to fali sick in a pet, give thee my estate bait for a girl, sir; a budding, sprightly fellow : in a passion, and leave the world in a fury. she's a little shy at first; but I gave him his cue,
San. No, sir, but he spits French like a mag.
pie, and that's more in fashion.
Car. He steps before me there; I think I Ant. Sir, he shall have what's fit for him. read it well enough to understand it; but, when San. No inheritance, sir !
I am to give it utterance, it quarrels with my Ant. Enough to give him books, and a mode- tongue. Again that noise! Prithee tell me, Sanrate maintenance: that's as much as he cares cho, are there any princes to dine here? for; you talk like a fool, a coxcomb; trouble San. Some there are as happy as princes, sir; him with land
your brother's married to-day. San. Must master Clodio have all, sir?
Car. What of that? might not six dishes serve Ant. All, all; he knows how to use it; he's a them? I never have but one, and eat of that but man bred in this world ; t'other in the skies, his sparingly. business is 'altogether above stairs; [bell rings.] San. Sir, all the country round is invited; not go, see what he wants.
a dog that knows the house, but comes, too: all San. A father, I'm sure.
(Exit Sancho. Car. Prithee, who is it my brother marries ? Ant. What, will none of my rogues come near San. Old Charino's daughter, sir, the great me now? Oh, here they are.
heiress; a delicate creature; young, soft, smooth,
fair, plump, and ripe as a cherry—and, they Enter three Serrants.
say, inodest too. Well, sir, in the first place, can you procure me Car. That's strange; prithee, how do these a plentiful dinner for about fifty, within two modest women look? I never yet conversed with bours? Your young master is to be married this any but my own mother; to me, they ever were morning; will that spur you, sir?
but shadows, seen and unregarded. Cook. Young master, sir! I wish your honour Sun. Ah, would you saw this lady, sir! she had given me a little more warming.
would draw you farther than your Archimedes; Ant. Sir, you have as much as I had: I was she has a better secret than any's in Aristotle, if not sure of it half an hour ago.
you studied for it. E'gad you'd find her the pretCook. Sir, I will try what I can do--hey, Pe- tiest natural philosopher to play with! dro! Gusman ! Come, stir, ho!
Car. Is she so fine a creature?
[Erit Cook. San. Such eyes ! such looks ! such a pair of Ant. Butler, open the cellar to all good fel pretty plump, pouting lips ! such softness in her lows; if any man offers to sneak away sober, voice! such music, too! and, when she smiles, knock hini down!
[Ereunt. such roguish dimples in her cheeks! such a clear
skin! white neck, and, a little lower, such a pair Carlos alone in his study. [A noise of chopping of round, hard, heaving, what d'ye call-ums-ah! within.
Car. Why, thou art in love, Sancho.
. make! my head is broken with several noises,
Car. I don't think so, What settlement does and in every corner. I have forgot to eat and my father make them? sleep, with reading; all my
faculties turn into San. Only all his dirty land, sir, and makes study. What a misfortune 'tis in human nature, your brother his sole heir. that the body will not live on that, which feeds Car. Must I have nothing? the mind ! How unprofitable a pleasure is eat San. Books in abundance; leave to study ing! -Sancho!
your eyes out, sir.
Car. I'm the elder born, and have a title,
session-of the lady, too! Şan. The cooks are hard at work, sir, chop Car. I wish him happy-he'll not inherit my. ping herbs, and mincing meat, and caking m little understanding, too! Tow-bones.
San. Oh, sir, he's more a gentleman than to Car. And is it thus at every dinner?
do that-Ods me, sir! sir, here comes the very San. No, sir; but we have high doings to- lady, the bride, your sister that must be, and her day.
father. Car. Well, set this folio in its place again; then make me a little fire, and get a :manchet;
Enier CIIRINO and ANGELINA. I'll dine alone-Does my younger brother speak Stand close; you'll both see and hear, sir. any Greek yet, Sancho?"
Car. I ne'er saw any yet so fair; such sweet
ness in her look! such modesty! If we may and hasty: but he'll dine and be good company think the eye the window to the heart, she has a for all this. thousand treasured virtues there.
D. Lew. A strange lie, that. San. So ! the book is gone.
[Aside. Clo. Ha, ha, ha! poor Testy, ha, ha! Cha. Come, prithee, put on a brisker look;
D. Lew. Don't laugh, my dear rogue, prithee, ods-heart, dost thou think in conscience, that's don't laugh now; faith, I shall break thy head, if fit for thy wedding-day?
thou dost. Ang. Sir, I wish it were not quite so sudden ; Clo. Gad so! why, then, I find you are angry a little time for farther thought, perhaps, had at me, dear uncle ! made it easier to me: to change for ever, is no D. Lew. Angry at thee, hey puppy! Why, trifle, sir.
what?—what dost thou see in that lovely hatchet Car. A wonder!
face of thine, that is worth my being out of huCha. Look you, his fortune I have taken care mour at? Blood and fire, ye dog! get out of my of, and his person you have no exceptions to. sight, or What, in the name of Venus, would the girl Ant. Nay, brother, this is too farhave?
D. Lew. Angry at him! a son of a--son's Ang. I never said, of all the world I made son of a whore ! him, sir, my choice: nay, though he be yours, I Cha. Ha, ha! poor peevishcannot say I am highly pleased with him, nor yet D. Lew. I'd fain have some body poison him. am averse; but I had rather welcome your com- [To himself.] Ab, that sweet creature! Must this mands and him, than disobedience.
fair flower be cropped to stick up in a piece of Cha. Oh, if that be all, madam, to make you rascally earthen ware? I must speak to her casy, my commands are at your service.
Puppy, stand out of my way. Ang. I have done with my objections, sir. Clo. Ha, ha ! ay, now for it.
Car. Such understanding in so soft a form! D. Lew. [To ANCELINA.] Ah! ah! ah ! MaHappy happy brother! may he be happy, dam-I pity you; you're a lovely young creawhile I sit down in patience and alone!' I ture, and ought to have a handsome man yohave gazed too much-Reach me an Ovid. ked to you, one of understanding, too ;-I am
[Ereunt Carlos and Sancho. sorry to say it, but this fellow's skull's extreinely Cha. I say put on your best looks, hussy-for thick-he can never get any thing but mutis and here be comes, faith.
snuff-boxes; or, say, he should have a thing shaped
like a child, you can make nothing of it but a Enter CLODIO.
tailor. Ah, my dear Clody!
Clo. Odds me! why, you are testy, my
dear Clo: My dear, (Kisses him.] dear dad. Ha! uncle. Ma princesse ! estes vous là done? Ah, ha! D. Lew. Will nobody take that troublesome Non, non. Je ne m'y connois guères, &c. [Sings.] dog out of my sight-I cannot stay where he is Look, look-look, o’slyboots; what, she knows -I'll go see my poor boy Charles—I've disturbnothing of the matter! But you will, child ed you, madam; your hunuble servant. E'gad, I shall count the clock extremely to-night. Ant. You'll come again, and drink the bride's Let me see-what time shall I rise to-morrow? health, brother? Not till after nine, ten, eleven, for a pistole. D. Lew. That lady's health I may; and, if Ah-C'est à dire, votre caur insensible est enfin she'll give me leave, perhaps sit by her at table, vaincu, Non, non, 8c. [Sings a second verse.
Clo. Ha, ha ! bye, nuncle. Enter ANTONIO, Don Lewis, and Lawyer. D. Lew. Puppy, good bye—
[Erit D. LEWIS. Ant. Well said, Clody! my noble brother, Ang. An odd-humoured gentleman. welcome! my fair daughter, I give you joy! Ant. Very odd indeed, child; I suppose, in
Clo. And so will I, too, sir. Allons ! Vivons ! pure spight, he'll make my son Charles bis heir, Chantons, dansons ! Hey! L'autre jour, &c. Ang. Methinks I would not have a light head,
[Sings and dances, &c. nor one laden with too much learning, as my faAnt. Well said again, boy. Sir, you and your ther says this Carlos is; sure there's something writings are welcome. What, my angry bro- hid in that gentleman's concern for him, that ther ! nay, you must have your welcome, too, or speaks him not so mere a log. we shall make but a flat feast on it.
Ant. Come, shall we go and seal, brother? D. Lew. Sir, I am not welcome, nor I won't The priest stays for us. When Carlos has signed be welcome, nor po-body's welcome, and you are the conveyance, as he shall presently, we'll then all a parcel of
to the wedding, and so to dinner. Cha. What, sir?
Cha. With all my heart, sir.