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Heart. I doubt I shall be but a rery useless | civil: It was in defence of my honour, and I deone to you; for I'm so disheartened by this mand satisfaction. wound Belinda has given me, I don't think I 2d Watch. I hope your worship will satisfy shall have courage enough to draw my sword. her honour in Bridewell; that fist of hers will
Con. O, if that be all, come along; I'll war- make an admirable hemp-beater, rant you find sword enough for such enemies as Sir John. Sir, I hope you will protect me we have to deal withal.
[Ereunt. against that libidinous rascal : I am a woman of
quality, and virtue too, for all I am in an undress SCENE III.-A street.
this morning. Enter Constable and WATCHMEN, with Sir rable to you, I desire I may know who you are.
Just. Madam, if you expect I should be favouJohn.
Sir John. Sir, I am any body at your service. Const. Come, forsooth, come along, if you Just. Lady, I desire to know your name? please! I once, in compassion, thought to have Sir John. Sir, iny name's Mary. seen you safe home this morning; but you have Just. Ay, but your surname, madam? been so rampant and abusive all night, I shall Sir John. Sir, my surname's the very same see what the justice of peace will say to you.
husband's. Sir John. And you shall see what I'll say to Just. A strange woman this! Who is your the justice of peace, sirrah!
| husband, pray?
Just. Sir John who?
Sir John. Sir John Brute.
Just. Is it possible, madam, you can be my Ser. Yes.
lady Brute? Const. Pray acquaint his worship we have got Sir John. That happy woman, sir, am I; only an unruly woman here, and desire to know what a little in my merriment to night. he'll please to have done with her.
Just. I am concerned for sir John. Ser. I'll acquaint my master. [Erit Serv.
Sir John. Truly, so am I. Sir John. Hark you, constable, what cuckoldy Just. I have heard he's an honest gentleman, justice is this?
Sir John. As ever drank. Const. One that knows how to deal with such Just. Good lack! Indeed, lady, I'ın sorry he romps as you are, I'll warrant you.
has such a wife.
Sir John. I am sorry he has any wife at all.
Just. And so perhaps may he—I doubt you Just. Well, Mr constable; what is the matter have not given him a very good taste of matrithere?
Const. An't please your worship, this here Sir John. Taste, sir! sir, I have scorned to stint comical sort of a gentlewomán has committed him to a taste; I have given him a full meal of it. great outrages to-night. She has been frolicking Just. Indeed, I helieve so. But pray, fair with my lord Rake and his gang; they attacked lady, may he have given you any occasion for this the watch, and I hear there has been a man extraordinary conduct ? does he not use you well? killed : I believe 'tis they have done it.
Sir John. A little upon the rough, sometimes. Sir John. Sir, there may have been murder Just. Ay, any man may be out of humour now for aught I know; and 'tis a great mercy there and then, has not been a rape, too that fellow would Sir John. Sir, I love peace and quiet, and have ravished me.
when a woman don't find that at home, she's apt 2d Watch. Ravish! ravish! O lud! O lud! sometimes to comfort herself with a few innocent O lud! Ravish her! Why, please your worship, diversions abroad. I heard Mr Constable sav he believed she was Just. I doubt he uses you but too well. Pray, little better than a maphrodite.
how does he as to that weighty thing, money? Just. Why, truly, she does seem a little mas- Does he allow you what is proper of that? culine about the mouth.
Sir John. Sir, I have generally enough to pay 2d Flatch. Yes, and about the hands too, an't the reckoning, if this son of a whore of a drawer please your worship. I did but offer in mere ci- / would but bring his bill. vility, to belp her up the steps into our apart Just. A strange woman this !-Does he spend ment, and with her gripen fist thus
a reasonable portion of his time at home, to the (Sir Joun knocks him down. comfort of his wife and children? Sir John. Just so, sir, I felled him to the Sir John. He never gave his wife cause to reground like an ox.
pine at his being abroad in his life, Just. Out upon this boisterous woman! Out Just. Pray, madam, how may he be in the
grand matrimonial point~--Is he true to your Sir John. Mr Justice, he would have been un- bed?
Sir John. Chaste! Oons! This fellow asks so Sir John. Sir, your very humble servant. If many impertinent questions! I'gad I believe it is you please to accept of a bottle the justice's wife, in the justice's clothes.
Just. I thank you kindly, madam; but I never Just. Pray, madam, (and then I've done) what drink in a morning. Good-by-t’ye, madam, goodmay be your ladyship's common method of life, by-tye. if I may presume so far?
Sir John. Good-by-t'ye, good sir. [E.rit Justice. Sir John. Why, sir, much that of a woman of So now, Mr Constable, shall you and I go quality.
pick up a whore together? Just. Pray, how may you generally pass your Const. No, thank you, madam ; my wife's time, madam? your morning, for example? enough to satisfy any reasonable man.
Sir John. Sir, like a woman of quality I Sir John. [Aside. He, he, he, he, he! the wake about two o'clock in the afternoon-I fool is married then. Well, you won't go? stretch—and make a sign for my chocolate Const. Not I, truly. When I have drank three cups—Í slide down Sir John. Then I'll go by myself; and you again upon my back, with my arms over my and
may go to the devil: head, while my two maids put on my stockings.
[Erit Sir John. Then, hanging upon their shoulders, I am trailed Constable gazing after her.] Why, god-a-mercy, to my great chair, where I sit—and yawn—for lady!
[Ereunt, my breakfast-If it don't come presently, I lie down upon my couch to say my prayers, while SCENE IV.-Spring-Garden. my maid reads me the play-bills. Just. Very well, madam.
Constant and HEARTFREE cross the Stage. Sir John. When the tea is brought in, i
As they go off, enter LADY FANCIFUL and drink twelve regular dishes, with eight slices
MADEMOISELLE maskod, and dogging them. of bread and butter-And half an hour after, I Con. So; I think we are about the time apsend to the cook to know if the dinner is almost pointed : Let us walk up this way. [Ercunt. ready.
Lady Fan. Good: Thus far I have dogged Jást. So! madam!
them without being discovered. 'Tis infallibly Sir John. By that time my head is half drest, some intrigue that brings them to Spring-GardI hear my husband swearing himself into a state en. How my poor heart is torn and wrackt with of perdition, that the meat's all cold upon the fear and jealousy! Yet let it be any thing but table; to amend which, I come down in an hour that flirt Belinda, and I'll try to bear it. But if more, and have it sent back to the kitchen, to it proves her, all that's woman in me shall be be all dressed over again.
employed to destroy her. Just. Poor man !
[Ereunt after Constant and HEARTFREE. Sir John. When I have dined, and my idle
LADY servants are presumptuously set down at their
Re-enter CONSTANT and HEARTFREE. tase, to do so too, I call for my coach, to go visit
Fancyful and MADEMOISELLE still following dear friends, of whom I hope I never shall find
at a distance. one at home, while I shall live.
Con. I see no females yet, that have any Just. So! There's the morning and afternoon thing to say to us. I'm afraid we are baptered. pretty well disposed of Pray, madam, how do Heart. I wish we were ; for I'm in 'no humyou pass your evenings ?
our to make either them or myself merry. Sir John. Like a woman of spirit, sir, a great Con. Nay, I'm sure you'll make them merry spirit. Give me a box and dice-Seven's the enough, if I tell them why you are dull. But, main, Oons ! Sir, I set you a hundred pounds! prithee, why so heavy and sad before you begin Why, do you think women are married now a to be ill used? days, to sit at home and mend napkins ? Sir, we Heart. For the same reason, perhaps, that have nobler ways of passing time.
you are so brisk and well pleased; because both Just. Mercy upon us, Mr Constable, what pains and pleasures are generally more considerwill this age come to?
able in prospect, than when they come to pass. Const. What will it come to, indeed, if such women as these are not set in the stocks?
Enter LADY BRUTE and BELINDA, masked, and Sir John. Sir, I have a little urgent business
poorly dressed. calls upon me; and therefore, I desire the fav Con. How now ! who are these? Not our our of you to bring matters to a conclusion. game, I hope.
Just. Madam, if I were sure that business Heart. If they are, we are e'en well enoughi were not to commit more disorders, I would re- served, to come a hunting here, when we had so
much better game in chase elsewhere. Sir John. None- By my virtue.
Lady Fan. (to Mademoiselle.) So, those are Just. Then, Mr Constable, you may discharge their ladies without doubt. But I'm afraid that her.
doily stuff is not worn for want of better
clothes. They are the very shape and size of Heart. Sir John, your servant. Raptures atBelinda and her aunt. Madem. Sa dey be inteed, matam.
Con. Adieu, ladies; make much of the genLady Fan. We'll slip into this close arbour, tleman. where we may hear all they say.
Lady Brute. Why, sure you won't leave us [Exeunt Lady FancyFUL and MADEMOISELLE. in the hands of a drunken fellow to abuse us !
Lady Brute. What, are you afraid of us, gen Sir John. Who do you call a drunken fellow, tlemen ?
you slut you? I'm a man of quality; the king Heart. Why, truly, I think we may, if
has made me a knight. ances don't lie.
Heart. Ay, ay, you are in good hands; adieu, Bel. Do you always find women what they adieu.
[HEARTFREE runs off. appear to be, sir?
Lady Brute. The devil's hands : Let me go, or Heart. No, forsooth; but I seldom find them I'll -For Heaven's sake, protect us. better than they appear to be.
[She breaks from him, runs to CONSTANT, Bel. Then the outside's best, you think?
twitching off her mask, and clapping it Heart. 'Tis the honestest.
on again. Con. Have a care, fleartfree; you are re Sir John. I'il devil you, you jade you. I'll delapsing again.
molish your ugly face. Lady Brute. Why, does the gentleman use to Re-enter Heartfree. Belinda runs to him, rail at women? Con. He has done formerly.
and shews her face. Bel. I suppose he had very good cause for it. Hearl. Hold, thou mighty man! look ye, sir, They did not use you so well, as you thought you we did but jest with you. These are ladies of deserved, sir.
our acquaintance, that we had a mind to frighten Lady Brute. They made themselves merry at a little, but now you must leave us. your expence, sir.
Sir John. Oons, I won't leave you, not I. Bel. Laughed, when you sighed.
Heurt. Nay, but you must, though; and, thereLady Brute. Slept, while you were waking. fore, make no words on't. Bel. Had your porter beat.
Sir John. Then, you are a couple of damned Lady Brute. And threw your billet-doux in uncivil fellows. And I hope your punks will the fire.
give you sauce to your mutton. Heart, Hey-day! I shall do more than rail
[Erit Sir John, presently
Lady Brute. Oh, I shall never come to myself Bel. Why, you won't beat us, will you ? again, I'm so frightened ! Heart. I don't know but I may.
Con. 'Tis a narrow escape, indeed. Con. What the devil's coming here ? Sir John
Bel. Women must have frolics, you see,
whatin a gown And drunk, i'faith.
ever they cost them.
Heart, This might have proved a dear one, Enter Sir John.
though. Sir John. What a pox-here's Constant, Heart Lady Brute. You are the more obliged to us free—and two whores 'egad-0, you covetous for the risk we run upon your accounts. rogues ! what, have you never a spare punk for Con. And I hope you'll acknowledge something your friend ?-But I'll share with you.
due to our knight-errantry, ladies. This is the [He seizes both the women. second time we have delivered you. Heart. Why, what the plague bave you been Lady Brute. 'Tis true; and since we see fate doing, knight?
has designed you for our guardians, 'twill make Sir John. Why, I have been beating the watch, us the more willing to trust ourselves in your and scandalizing the clergy,
hands. But you must not have the worse opinion Heart. A very good account, truly.
of us for our innocent frolic. Sir John. And what do you think I'll do next? Heart. Ladies, you may command our opiCon. Nay, that no man can guess,
nions in every thing, that is to your advantage. Sir John. Why, if you'll let me sup with you, Bel. Then, sir, I command you to be of opiI'll treat both your strumpets.
nion, that women are sometimes better than they Lady Brute. (Aside.] O Lord, we're undone.
Heurt. No, we can't sup together, because we (LADY BRUTE and Constant talk apart, have some affairs elsewhere. But if you'll ac Heart. Madam, you have made a convert of cept of these two ladies, we'll be so complaisant me in every thing. "I'm grown a fool. I could to you, to resign our right in thein.
be fond of a woman. Bel. [Aside.] Lord, what shall we do?
Bel. I thank you, sir, in the name of the whole Sir John. Let me see, their clothes are such sex. damned clothes, they won't pawn for the reckon Heart. Which sex, nothing but yourself could :
ever have atoned for.
appear to be.
Bel. Now has my vanity a devilish itch to know Lady Brute. But, can a husband's faults rein what my merit consists.
lease my duty? Heart. In your humility, madam, that keeps Con. In equity, without doubt. And, where you ignorant it consists at all.
laws dispense with equity, equity should dispense Bel. One other compliment, with that serious with laws.' face, and I hate you for ever after.
Lady Brute. Pray, let's leave this dispute; for Heart. Some women love to be abused : Is you men have as much witchcraft in your arguit that you would be at?
ments, as women have in their eyes. Bel. No, not that neither : But I'd have men Con. But, whilst you attack me with your talk plainly what's fit for women to hear; with- charms, 'tis but reasonable I assault you with out putting them either to a real, or an affected mine. blush.
Lady Brute. The case is not the same. What Heart. Why, then, in as plain terms as I can mischief we do, we can't help, and therefore are find to express myself, I could love you even to to be forgiven. matrimony itself a-most, egad.
Con. Beauty soon obtains pardon for the pain Bel. Just as Sir John did her ladyship there. that it gives, when it applies the balm of compasWhat think you? Don't you believe one month's sion to the wound: but a fine face, and a hard time might bring you down to the same indiffer- heart, is almost as bad as an ugly face, and a soft ence, only clad in a 'little better manners, per-one; both very troublesome to many a poor genhaps ? Well, you men are unaccountable things ! tleman. mad, till you have your mistresses, and then stark Lady Brute. Yes, and to many a poor gentlemad, till you are rid of them again. Tell me ho wounan, too, I can assure you. But pray, which nestly, is not your patience put to a much severer of thein is it, that most afflicts you? trial after possession than before?
Con. Your glass and conscience will inform Heart. With a great many, I must confess it you, madam. But, for Heaven's sake, (for now I is, to our eternal scandal ; but I-dear creature, must be serious) if pity, or if gratitude can move do but try me!
you; [Taking her hand.] – If constancy and Bel. That's the surest way, indeed, to know, truth have power to tempt you; if love, if adobut not the safest. [To Lady BRUTE.] Madam, ration can affect you, give me at least some hopes, are not you for taking a turn in the great walk? that time may do, what you, perhaps, mean never It is almost dark, nobody will know us.
to perform; 'twill ease my suffe gs, though not Lady Brute. Really, I find myself something quench my flame. idle, Belinda : Besides, I doat upon this little Lady Brute. Your sufferings eased, your flame odd private corner. But don't let my lazy fancy would soon abate : and that I would preserve, contine you.
not quench it, sir. Con. (Aside. So, she would be left alone with Con. Would you preserve it, nourish it with me, that's well.
favours : for that's the food it naturally requires. Bel. Well, we'll take one turn, and come to Lady Brute. Yet on that natural food 'twould you again. (To HEARTFREE.] Comc, sir, shall we surfeit soon, should I resolve to grant all you go pry into the secrets of the garden? Who knows would ask. what discoveries we may make?
Con. And in refusing all, you starve it. ForHeart. Madam, I'm at your service. give me, therefore, since my hunger rages,
Con. [To HEARTFREE, Aside.] Don't make too last grow wild, and in my frenzy force at least much haste back; for, d’ye hear—I may be busy. this from you. [Kissing her hand.). Or, if you Heart. Enough.
would have my flame soar higher still, then grant (Ereunt BELINDA and HEARTFREE. me this, and this, and thousands more; [Kissing Lady Brute. Sure you think me scandalously first her hand, then her neck.] [Aside.] For free, Mr Constant; I'm afraid I shall lose your now's the time she melts into compassion. good opinion of me.
Lady Brute. O Heavens ! let me go. Con. My good opinion, madam, is like your Con. Aye, go, aye: where shall we go, my cruelty, ne'er to be removed.
charming angel-into this private arbour-nay, Lady Brute. Indeed, I doubt you much: why, let's lose no time-moments are precious. suppose you had a wife, and she should entertain Lady Brute. And lovers wild. Pray, let'us a gallant?
stop here; at least for this time. Con. If I gave her just cause, how could I Con. 'Tis impossible: he, that has power over justly condemn her ?
you, can have none over himself. Lady Brute. Ah! but you differ widely about [As he is forcing her into the arbour, LADY just causes.
Fanciful and MADEMOISELLE bolt out upCon. But blows can bear no dispute.
on them, and run over the stage. Lady Brute. Nor ill manners much, truly. Lady Brute. Ah, I'm lost!
Con. Then no woman upon earth has so just a Lady Fan. Fe, fe, fe, fe, fe ! cause as you have,
Madem. Fe, fe, fe, fe, fe !
if I at
Con. Death and furies ! who are these?
Enter Belinda and HEARTFREE. Lady Brute. O Heaveng, I'm out of my wits ! if they knew me, I am ruined.
Oh! 'tis well you are come; I'm so frightened, Con. Don't be frightened : ten thousand to my hair stands on end. Let's be gone, for Heaone, they are strangers to you.
ven's sake! Lady Brute. Whatever they are, I won't stay Bel. Lord! what's the matter? here a moment longer.
Lady Brute. The devil's the matter! here's a Con. Whither will you go?
couple of women have done the most impertiLady Brute. Home, as if the devil were in me; nent thing—away, away, away, away, away! Lord! where's this Belinda now?
SCENE I.-LADY Fanciful's house. The moment you give us the signal, we sha’ut fail
to make our retreat. Enter LADY FANCIFUL and MADEMOISELLE.
Lady Brute. Upon those conditions, then, let Lady Fan. Well, mademoiselle ; did you us sit down to cards. dodge the filthy things? Madem. O que ouy, madame.
Enter LOVEWELL. Lady Fan. And where are they?
Love. O Lord, madam! here's my master just Madem. Au logis.
staggering in upon you; he has been quarrelLady Fan. What, men and all ?
some, yonder, and they have kicked him out of Madem. Tous ensemble.
Lady Fan. O confidence! what! carry their Lady Brute. Into the closet, gentlemen, for fellows to their own house?
Heaven's sake! I'll wheedle him to bed, if posMadem. C'est que le mari n'y est pas.
sible. Lady. Fan. No, so I believe, truly. But he [Constant and HEARTFREE run into the shall be there, and quickly, too, if I can find him
closet. out. Well, 'tis a prodigious thing, to see when men and women get together, how they fortify
Enter Sir John, all dirt and bloody. one another in their impudence. But if that drunken fool, her husband, be to be found in Lady Brute. Ah-ah-he's all over blood! e'er a tavern in town, I'll send him amongst Sir John. What the plague does the woman them; I'll spoil their sport.
squall for? Did you never see a man in pickle Madem. En vérité, madame, ce seroit domage. before?
Lady Fun. 'Tis in vain to oppose it, mademoi Lady Brute. Lord, where have you been? selle; therefore, never go about it. For I am Sir John. I have been at-cuffs. the steadiest creature in the world, when I have Lady Brute. I fear that is not all. I hope determined to do mischief. So, come along.
you are not wounded ?
Lady Brute. I'm mighty glad to hear it.
Sir John. You know I think you lie.
Lady Brute. You do me wrong to think so. Enter Constant, HEARTFREE, LADY BRUTE,
For, Fleaven's my witness, I had rather see my Belinda, and LOVEWELL.
own blood trickle down, than yours.
Sir John. Then will I be crucified. Lady Brute. But are you sure you don't mis Lady Brute. 'Tis a hard fate I should not be take, Lovewell?
believed. Love. Madam, I saw them all go into the ta Sir John. 'Tis a damned atheistical age, wife. vern together, and my master was so drunk he Lady Brute. I am sure I have given you a could scarce stand.
thousand tender proofs, how great my care is of Lady Brute. Then, gentlemen, I believe we you. But, spite of all your cruel thoughts, I'll may venture to let you stay, and play at cards still persist, and, at this moment, if I can, perwith us, an hour or two : for they'll scarce part, suade you to lie down and sleep a little. till morning.
Sir John. Why, do you think I am drunk, you Bel. I think, 'tis pity they should ever part. slut, you? Con. The company that's here, madam? Lady Brute. Heaven forbid I should: but I
Lady Brute. Then, sir, the company, that's am afraid you are feverish. Pray, let me feel here, must remember to part itself in time.
your pulse. Con. Madam, we don't intend to forfeit your Sir John. Stand off, and be damned ! future favours by an indiscreet usage of this. Lady Brute. Why, I see your distemper in