conducted into her dressing-room, where I found her alone; and I took it for granted she would have begun immediately with talking of you and your late difference with her; but, instead of that, sir, I had hardly sat down, when she gave me to understand she had desired to see me on my own account only; and was so bold, and so forward

Man. But in what terms did she express herself?

Fide. Her tongue, I confess, was silent, sir; but her eyes conveyed sach things

Man. Eyes! Eyes!--What, then, you have only had eye kindness from her; and your vanity has helped you, in this construction, so much to the lady's disadvantage?

Fide. Not so, sir-At first, indeed, her eyes, chiefly, were the interpreters of her thoughts; but, finding they spoke a language I could not, or would not, understand, she threw off the restraint, made a tender of her passion in direct terms; and, in short, sir, offered to prostitute that love to me, at half an hour's acquaintance, which you have deserved whole years in vain.

Man. I'll not believe it-It is a damned lie of your own contrivance; come, I know 'tis a lie. Fide. I am sorry you should think so, sir: but, however unlikely it may appear, I can give you proof.

Man. Proof!

Fide. Yes, sir: for I have seemed half consenting to her solicitations, and inade a kind of promise to pay her a visit this night, at twelve o'clock, when the family shall be asleep.

Man. Ha!

Fide. For which purpose she has shown me a back way into her apartment, where a lamp always burns; for she will have no light in her chamber, because her woman lies in an adjoining closet-Nay, more, sir; she has given me the key of the garden, to let myself in with, which I have brought off.

Man. The key of the garden! Let me see it. -I know it well; and have a thousand times gone, by the passage you mention, to our private interviews: I imagined it led to paradise, and an angel of purity inhabited there; but I must think of that no more- -Did she say nothing to you of

this husband of her's?

Fide. Yes, sir; she is actually married, and her husband gone out of town; but she expects him very soon; and that, I suppose, made her more urgent with me to come to night.

Man. And can you think of disappointing a lady upon such an occasion?

Fide. I, sir!-I should disappoint her more by going.

Man. How so? Fide. Her impudence and infidelity to you, sir, has made me loath her.

Man. Well, sir, but I say the lady shall not be disappointed.

Fide. Not disappointed, sir!-If ever I go near her again, may you think ine as false to you as she is! hate and renounce me!

Man. Well, well, if you won't, leave the matter to me; I'll take care

Fide. You, sir!—You take care, sir!-Pray give me that odious key again, and let me return it with the contempt, the detestation

Man. No, sir; this key is the instrument of revenge, which fortune hath put into my hand; and, by Heaven, I'll make use of it.

Fide. Revenge, sir!-what revenge? Disdain is best revenged by scorn; and faithless love by loving another.

Man. Perhaps it may, where the object has once been esteemed; but, I now begin to think, I had never any share in her affections; and, therefore, I'll take another method.

Fide. And what is your design, sir?

Man. Not a word more; here's Freeman coming towards us: we will disengage ourselves from him as soon as we can, and talk of this affair further.

Enter FREEMAN.

Free. The most whimsical accident has happened to me here to-day, captain; the most unexpected, unaccountable-lia, ha, ha!

Man. What, the great boy has rose in rebellion against the tyranny of his widow-mother, and put himself under your protection! Have a care, Freeman; though she is a fiend, and I wish her at the devil, we are still to have a regard to justice.

Free. Then we are to do ourselves justice, sure; which, I promise you, is all the use I shall make of the 'squire's revolt in my favour. Where shall we dine?

Man. I was just thinking of it-Where can we dine?

Free. Will you go to the King's Arms? Man. Why, I don't much care if I do: but it must be upon one condition.

Free. Name it.

Fide. I believe not, sir,

Man. So much the better, I have been sitting at the coffee-house these three hours, lest knocking at the door at an unseasonable time might alarm the family-Help me off with my coat-and now shut the door, and bolt it, that no body may come in upon us unawares. Fide. Heigh ho!

Man. What's the matter with you?
Fide. Nothing, sir.

Man. You have been crying!

Fide. I have not been very well, sir.

Man. Come, you are a good lad; don't let your spirits sink; I'll be your friend; you shall fare as I do; let that content you.

Fide. I desire no better, sir.

Man. Take the pen and ink, and sit down there-I am now convinced that what you told me yesterday was truth; and Olivia is the vilest, and most profligate of her sex.

Fide. Are you convinced, sir?—Are you indeed convinced? Then I hope

Man. Speak softly-I suppose I need not tell you where I have been!

Fide. Sir!

Man. I say, I suppose I need not tell you, where I have been since we parted; I have been with Olivia; and she has bestowed on me a thousand caresses, which I returned with seemingly an equal ardour.

Fide. Lord, sir, I am vastly sick of a sudden! Man. You are a coward-What ails you? Fide. I don't know, sir, I never was so oddly taken in my life; but it will away again.

Man. Listen to me, then, and be surprised yet more--I have passed myself upon Olivia for you!

Fide. For me, sir!

Man. Yes-Darkness, and the particularity of our situation, favoured the deceit; and I was cautious not to undeceive her, by speaking but little, and that softly; and leaving her this morning before it was light.

Fide. Surely, sir, you will never go near this abominable woman more!

doux; deplore the necessity, which forced you from her this morning, so much against your inclination; and appoint another meeting with her, at her own house, this evening, as soon as it shall be dusk.

Fide. Out of revenge, I suppose, sir!
Man. It is so-for I intend to go there.

Fide. Sir, my life is devoted to your service; but, however meanly you may think of me, I cannot descend so low as to the infamous office you would lay upon me.—Excuse me, sir, I cannot act the part of a pander.

like, if they are sincere; but I tell you, you are Man. Your principles of honour I do not dismistaken in the matter.

Fide. Indeed, sir, I am not; I see all plain enough; but, upon my knees, I beg, if you have the least regard for yourself, renounce this woman; give her up, and never

you

Man. What am I to think of your behavi our? Sure you would have me believe her yourself; which, indeed, I have all along love suspected.

Fide. Indeed, sir, it is all my concern for your safety.

Man. Methinks you might trust that to my care-but, once for all, I desire I may have have reason to know I am unalterable. no more impertinent disputing or advice-you

Fide. Sir, you must give up either Olivia or me! Man. Why so, sir? What have you and Olivia to do with one another?

your

commands.

ap

Fide. Well, sir, let me hear Man. I have already told them to you-I would have you write this letter, to make the pointment; you shall keep it in person; and when you have been with her some time, I will come in at the back door, which you shall purposely leave open, and catch you together.

Fide. Well, sir, and what then?

Man. Why then, sir, I will upbraid her falsehood, confront her impudence, boast of the triumph I have had over her, and never see her

more.

Fide. And is this really all you intend, sir? Man. All.

Fide. I think you can have no kindness left for Olivia now, sir; I think you can't-You don't love her the least bit, captain, do you?

Man. Love her! Damn her! I think of her with abhorrence.

Fide. Then, I will go and write the letter di

ine?

Man. Hear me! I would have you go immediately and write Olivia a very tender billet

Free. (Speaks within) Well, well, I will introduce you.

Man. Do so—and open the door, for I think I hear Freeman in the next room.

[Exit FIDELIA.

Enter FREEMAN and MAJOR OLDFOX.

Free. Captain, here's a gentleman who is ambitious of being ranked amongst the number of your acquaintance.-This, sir, is major Oldfox, at once the votary of Mars and Apollo, and equally an ornament to the pen and the sword. Old. Sir, I am your most

Man. What do you mean by bringing the old fool to me?-Why will you, Freeman, take these liberties?

Free. Excuse me; upon my soul I could not avoid it.The captain is a whimsical man, major; but I suppose you know his humour.

Old. Ay, ay, I have heard, and like him the better. Captain, I honour you; you are a great man, sir: your late behaviour against the enemy has proved you such, and I shall be proud of being better known to you as Mr Freeman has intimated, I am an humble admirer of the arts, and now and then throw my thoughts upon paper: nequeo dormire, as the poet says. Man. And what then, sir?

Old. Nay, good captain, take me along with you.-I suppose you would not be displeased to have the particulars of your late action laid in a proper manner before the public; and, if so, I should be glad to drink a bottle, and have a little discourse with you about it-That's all,

sir.

Old. Nor the Imperial Magazine?
Man. Neither.

Old. That's much, that's much, indeed; neither the Royal Chronicle, the Imperial Magazine, nor! There are often very excellent pieces make their appearance in those publications, Mr Freeman.

Free. So there are, major, so there areand I believe I can guess to whom the public is indebted for a good many of them! What say you? Eh?-Don't I know the signum-three stars and a dash?

Old. No, Mr Freeman; no, upon my honour, sir! That was my mark formerly; but now, all my things are signed Philanthropos.

Free. You are not author of that soliloquy in blank verse, in the papers the other day?

Old. What! an address to the land-carriage fish-office?

Free. Ay.

Old. Why, did you like it?

Free. As good as Milton!

Old. Mr Freeman, my dear soul! I am extremely sorry, that any thing should happen between us; but, as I said before, I hope that is all forgotten; and you will henceforward look

upon me as your friend. It was I that writ it. But mum! between ourselves.

Man. Hark you, old gentleman, it seems you have taken it into your head you can write, and are turned author; shall I tell you what I once said to an acquaintance of mine, who was pos sessed of the same unaccountable whim?

Old. Well, sir, and what was that?

Man. Why, faith, I told him very plainly he was making himself an ass.

Old. Mr Freeman, I shall be glad to see you at my house, to eat a bit of mutton with me, and to have a little conversation about a matter I shall tell you. Sir, your servant! [Exit. Free. You took a very sure way to get rid of an author, by advising him not to write. But you are grown a very early man, sure; I was here two hours ago, and was told you were gone

out.

Man. Aye, and I should have staid out, if I had known what company you intended to bring

me.

Free. As to that, don't be angry; the major, you must know, is the widow's harbinger, who is coming in pursuit of her son; and he and I having a little quarrel, I had a mind to make it up with him, by doing what he said he would consider as the greatest obligation-introducing him to you.

Man. Well, and what have you done with your charge?

Free. Stay and you shall see. I have rigged him out with the remains of my ship-wrecked wardrobe he has been under your sea valet de chambre's hands, By Jupiter! that is his mother's knock at the door. Stay, and I'll fetch him,

Man. No-you know I cannot easily laugh; but I desire once more you will take care, and bring yourself into no disagreeable circumstances by this business. [Exit.

SCENE II-Covent-Garden Piazza,

Enter Mrs BLACK ACRE and Major OLDFOX. Old. But will you not walk in, madam ?

Mrs Black. No, major, no; I shall not put my foot into his house, since I have not my lawyer with me. I called on counsellor Quillit, but he's attending a trial for an assault.

Old. Well, but, madam, this is a strange place to transact business in.

Mrs Black. Major, you are an ignoramus !do you know, that as I have no search-warrant, execution, or other legal authority, if I was to go into his house, he might bring his writ for a forcibly entry on the premises. I served a person so once myself.

Old. Well, madam, I have sent the servant to call him out; and that you mayn't think the time long 'till he comes, I'll just read you over

a little fancy, that came into my head this morning.

Mrs Black. Lord, major, how can you trouble me with such cursed stuff, when you see how I am perplexed and plagued here?

Old. Nay, in troth, I must have your opinion of a satire I am going to publish; it is a lash for the reviewers; in which I give such a characterMrs Black. Nay, if you talk of characters, look at my last suit in chancery, which gives such a character of my adversary, makes him as black as the very devil.

Old. Then, here's the outlines of what I once intended for a pamphlet "The coffee-house man's case on the late rise of news-papers, humbly addressed to both Houses of Parliament."

Jer. Yes, I will. Mrs Black. Oh! do not squeeze wax, son! rather go to ordinaries and bagnios, than squeeze If thou dost that, farewell the goodly manor of Blackacre, with all its woods and underwoods, and appurtenances whatever!

wax.

Free. Come, madam, don't afflict yourself: 'tis truc, this young gentleman, of his own freewill, has chosen me for his guardian: however, he's not out of your power; and might I flatter myself with hopes of being in the mother's good graces

Mrs Black. I understand you, sir; no, if one of us must be ruined, e'en let it be him, if he won't be ruled by me. What say you, booby, will you be ruled?"

Jer. Let me alone, can't you?

Mrs Black. Will you chuse him for a guardian, whom I refuse for a husband?

Jer. Aye, to chuse, I thank you! for I have taken leave of lawyering and pettifogging!

Mrs Black. Pettifogging, you profane! have you so?-Pettifogging! then you shall take your leave of me, aud your estate, too; you shall be an alien to me and it for ever-Pettifogging!

Jer. Oh, but if you go there, we have the deeds and settlements, I thank you! would you cheat me of my estate?

Mrs Bluck. No, no; I will not cheat your little brother Bob; for you were not born in wedlock; you was

Jer. What quirk has she got in her head, now ?

Mrs Black. I say you cannot, shall not, inhe

Jer. Why, have you had any dealings there? you never had any ill by them, had you? but if I have left you, you may thank yourself; for you used me so barbarously, I was weary of my life.

Mrs Black. But consider, Jerry, you are but an infant; however, if you will go home with me again, and be a good child, you shall see

Free. I beg your pardon, madam; this young gentleman is now under my care; and it is my duty, in quality of his guardian

Mrs Black. Why, you villain, would you part mother and minor? rob me of my child and my writings? but you shall find that there is law; and in the case of ravishment of guard-Westm. the second

Old. Well, but madam, by what I can find, this has been all the young gentleman's own doing. Come, squire, pray be ruled by your mother and friends.

Jer. Yes, I'll be ruled by my friends, and therefore not by my mother. I'll chuse him for my guardian till I am at age-nay, may be for as long as I live.

Mrs Black. Will you so, you wretch? and when you are of age, you will sign, seal, and deliver, too, will you?

child, and, according to law, cannot inherit it.Nay, you are not so much as a bastard eigne. Jer. What am I, then, mother, the son of

[Exeunt.

Free. Nay, but, madam-We must not let her go so, 'squire!

Jer. Nay, the devil can't stop her, if she has a mind to it. But I'll tell you what, master guardian-lieutenant, we will go and advise with three attornies, two proctors, two solicitors, and a sharp dog in White-friars, and sure all they will be too hard for her! for I fear, honest guardian of mine, you are too good a joker to have any law in your head.

Free. You are in the right on't, 'squire; I understand no law, especially that against bastards