The British Drama: pt. 1-2. Comedies

Estif. No, no, sir, you shall feel.

Per. Hold, hold, ye villain! what, would you Wife, sure some new device they have afoot again, Kill your own husband?

Some trick upon my credit; I shall meet it.
I'd rather guide a ship imperial,

Alone, and in a storm, than rule one woman.
Enter DUKE, SANCHIO, ALONZO, aud Servant.
Mar. How came you hurt, sir?

Duke. I fell out with my friend, the noble colonel.

My cause was naught, for 'twas about your hon

our;

And he, that wrongs the innocent, ne'er prospers,
And he has left me thus; for charity,
Lend me a bed to ease my tortured body,
That, ere I perish, I may shew my penitence,
I fear I'm slain.

Leon. Help, gentlemen, to carry him.
There shall be nothing in this house, my lord,
But as your own.

Duke. I thank ye, noble sir.

Leon. To bed with him; and, wife, give your attendance.

[Exeunt DUKE, SANCHIO, ALONZO, MARGARITTA, and servant.

If you have more hurt dukes, or gentlemen,
To lie here on your cure, I shall be desperate.
I know the trick, and you shall feel I know it;
Are ye so hot, that no hedge can contain ye?

I'll have thee let blood in all the veins about SCENE V.-A chamber. Duke discovered in a

thee;

I'll have thy thoughts found, too, and have them

opened,

Thy spirits purged, for those are they that fire ye. The maid shall be thy mistress, thou the maid, And all her servile labours thou shalt reach at, And go through cheerfully, or else sleep empty : That maid shall lie by me, to teach you duty; You in a pallet by, to humble ye,

And grieve for what you lose, thou foolish, wicked woman.

Mar. I've lost myself, sir,

And all that was my base self, disobedience : [Kneels. My wantonness, my stubbornness, I've lost too. And now, by that pure good faith good wives are crowned with,

My damages I did but counterfeit,
And feigned the quarrel to enjoy you, lady.
I am as lusty, and as full of health,
As high in blood-

Mar. As low in blood, you mean:
Dishonest thoughts debase the greatest birth;
The man, that acts unworthily, though ennobled,
Sullies his honour.

Duke. Nay, nay, my Margaritta;

Come to my couch, and there let's lisp love's language.

Mar. Would you take that, which I've no right
to give?

Steal wedlock's property; and, in his house,
Beneath the roof of him, that entertains you,
Would you his wife betray? Will you become
The ungrateful viper, who, restored to life,
Venomed the breast, which saved him?

Duke. Leave these dull thoughts to mortifying

penance;

Let us, while love is lusty, prove its power.
Mar. Ill wishes, once, my lord, my mind de-
based :

You found my weakness, wanted to ensnare it:
Shameful I own my fault, but 'tis repented.
No more the wanton Margaritta now,
But the chaste wife of Leon. His great merit,
His manly tenderness, his noble nature,
Commands from me affection in return,
Pure as esteem can offer. He has won me;
I owe him all my heart.

Duke. Indeed, fair lady,

This jesting well becomes a sprightly beauty.
Love prompts to celebrate sublimer rights.
No more memento's; let me press you to me,
And stifle with my kisses-

Mar. Nay, then, within, there!

Enter LEON, JUAN, ALONZO, and SANCHIO.
Leon. Did you call, my wife? or you, my
lord?

Was it your grace that wanted me? No answer!
How do you, my good lord? What, out of bed!
Methinks
you look but poorly on this matter.
Has my wife wounded you? You were well be-
fore.

Duke. More hurt than ever; spare your re-
proach;

I feel too much already.

He swears he'll have admittance to my lady, And reels about, and clamours most outrageously.

Leon. Let him come up-wife, here's another

suitor,

We forgot; he has been sighing in the cellar,
Making my casks his mistresses.

Will your grace permit us to produce a rival?
Duke. No more on that theme, I request, don

Leon.

Leon. Here comes the porpus; he's devilish drunk.

Let me stand by.

Enter CACAFOGO drunk.

Caca. Where is my bona roba? Oh, you're all here. Why, I dont fear snap dragons--impotential, powerfully potioned-I can drink with Hector, and beat him, too. Then, what care I for captains! I'm full of Greek wine; the true, antient courage. Sweet Mrs Margaritta, let me kiss thee-your kisses shall pay me for his kicking.

Leon. What would you?
Cuca. Sir!

Leon. Lead off the wretch,
Duke. Most filthy figure, truly.

Caca. Filthy! Oh, you're a prince; yet I can
buy all of you, your wives and all.
Juan. Sleep, and be silent.

Caca. Speak you to your creditors, good captain half-pay;

I'll not take thy pawn in.

Leon. Which of the butts is thy mistress?
Caca. Butt in thy belly.

Leon. There are two in thine, I'm sure, it is

grown so monstrous,

Caca. Butt in thy face.

Leon, Go, carry him to sleep; [Exit CACA.
When he is sober, let him out to rail,
Or hang himself; there will be no loss of him.
Enter PEREZ and ESTIFANIA.

Who's this? my Mahound cousin?

Per. Good sir, 'tis very good: would I had a
house, too,

For there's no talking in the open air.
You have a pretty seat, you have the luck on't,

Leon. I see it, sir-and now your grace shall A pretty lady, too, I have missed both;

know,

I can as readily pardon as revenge.

Be comforted; all is forgotten.

Duke. I thank you, sir.

Leon. Wife, you are a right one;

And now, with unknown nations, I dare trust ye.
Juan. No more feigned fights, my lord; they

never prosper.

My carpenter built in a mist, I thank him.
Do me the courtesy to let me see it,
See it once more. But I shall cry for anger.
I'll hire a chandler's shop close under ye,
And, for my foolery, sell soap and whip-cord.
Nay, if you do not laugh now, and laugh hear-
tily,
You are a fool, cǝz.

Leon. I must laugh a little;

And now I've done. Coz, thou shalt live with

Thou art a valiant man, and thou shalt never | I have two ties, mine own blood, and my mistress,

want.

Will this content thee?

Per. I'll cry, and then be thankful; Indeed I will, and I'll be honest to ye; I'd live a swallow here, I must confess. Wife, I forgive thee all, if thou be honest, And, at thy peril, I believe thee excellent. Estif. If I prove otherwise, let me beg first. Mar. Hold, this is yours, some recompense for service;

Use it to nobler ends than he, that gave it. Duke. And this is yours, your true commission, sir.

Mar. Is she your sister?

Leon. Yes, indeed, good wife,

And my best sister; for she proved so, wench, When she deceived you with a loving husband. Alt. I would not deal so, truly, for a stranger. Mar. Well, I could chide ye, but it must be lovingly,

And like a sister.

I'll bring you on your way, and feast ye nobly, For now I have an honest heart to love ye, And then deliver you to the blue Neptune.

Juan. Your colours you must wear, and wear them proudly,

Wear them before the bullet, and in blood, too. And all the world shall know we're virtue's servants.

Duke. And all the world shall know, a noble mind

Makes women beautiful, and envy blind.

Leon. All you who mean to lead a happy life, First learn to rule, and then to have a wife. [Exeunt omnes

SCENE I-MANLY's lodgings. MANLY enters in a morning gown, followed by LORD PLAUSIBLE.

Man. PRAY, my lord, pray, my lord Plausible, give me leave! I have more of the mastiff than the spaniel in my nature; I own it; besides, I am too old now to learn to play tricks: I cannot fawn, and fetch and carry; neither will I ever practise that servile complaisance, which some people pique themselves on being masters of.

L. Plau. Well, but seriously, my dear friend, this is being singular; will you declare war against general custom; refuse to subscribe to the common forms of good breeding?

Man. Forms indeed, my lord; they are mere forms, and therefore shall not sway me. In short, I will not, as your subscribers to forms do, whisper my contempt or hatred; call a man a fool, or knave, by signs, or mouths over his shoulder, while I have him in my arms.-I will not do as you do.

L. Plau. As I do!-Heaven defend me! upon

my honour, I never attempted to abuse, or lesscu any one in my life.

Man. What! you were afraid!

L. Plau. No; but seriously I hate to do a rude thing.-No, faith, I speak well of all mankind.

Man. I thought so; but know, that is the worst sort of detraction, for it takes away the reputa tion of the few good men in the world, by making all alike.—Now I speak ill of most men, because they deserve it.

L. Plau. Well, tell not me, my dear friend, what people deserve; I, like an author in a dedication, never speak well of a man for his sake, but my own: I will not disparage any one, to disparage myself: to speak ill of people behind their backs is not pretty, and to speak ill of them to their faces, would be the most monstrous thing in nature.

Man. So that, if you was to say an unhandsome thing of any of your friends, I suppose you would chuse to do it behind their backs.

L. Plau. Oh certainly, certainly; I would do it behind their backs out of pure good manners.

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