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ter she would honour me with, should be in such a style, as should make me look more than once at the subscription, that I might be sure (the name not being written at length) that it was not signed by another A. H. For surely, thought I, this is my sister Arabella's style; surely Miss Howe (blame me as she pleases in other points) could never repeat so sharply upon her friend words written in the bitterness of spirit, and in the disorder of head; nor remind her, with asperity, and with mingled strokes of wit, of an argument held in the gaiety of an heart elated with prosperous fortunes, (as mine then was) and very little apprehensive of the severe turn that argument would one day take against herself.

But what have I, sunk in my fortunes; my character forfeited; my honour lost [while I know it, I care not who knows it], destitute of friends, and even of hope: what have J to do to shew a spirit of repining and expostulation to a dear friend, because she is not more kind than a sister.

* * *

You have till now, my dear, treated me with great indulgence, if it was with greater than I had deserved, I may be to blame to have built upon it, on the consciousness that I deserve it now as much as ever. But I find, by the rising bitterness which will mingle with the gall in my ink, that I am not yet subdued enough to my condition.—I lay down my pen for one moment. ,

* * *

Pardon me, my Miss Howe. I have recollected myself: and will endeavour to give a particular answer to your letter; although it will take me up too much time to think of sending it by your messenger to-morrow: he can put off his journey, he says, till Saturday. I will endeavour to have the whole narrative ready for you by Saturday.

But how to defend myself in every thing that has happened, I cannot tell: since in some part of the time in which my conduct appears to have been censurable, I was not myself; and to this hour I know not all the methods taken to deceive and ruin me.

You tell me, that in your first letter you gave me such an account of the vile house I was in, and such cautions about that Tomlinson, as make you wonder how I could think of going back.

Alas, my dear! I was tricked, most vilely tricked back, as you shall hear in its place.

Without knowing the house was so very vile a house from your intended information, I disliked the people too much ever voluntarily to have returned to it. But had you really written such cautions about Tomlinson and the house, as you seem to have purposed to do, they must, had they come in time, have been of infinite service to me. But not one word of either, whatever was your intention, did you mention to me, in that first of the three letters, you so warmly Teli. Me you did send me. I will inclose it to convince you*.

But your account of your messenger's delivering to me your second letter, and the description he gives of me, as lying upon a couch, in a strange way, bloated, and fiush-cotoured; you don't know how, absolutely puzzles and confounds me.

Lord have mercy upon the poor Clarissa Harlowe! What can this mean I—Who was the messenger you sent? Was he one of Lovelace's creatures too ?—Could nobody come near me but that

• The Letter she incloses was Mr. Lovelace's forged one See Vol. V. p. 166, & seq.

man's confederates, either setting out so, or made so? I know not what to make of any one syllable of this! indeed I don't.

Let me see. You say, this was before I went from Hampstead! My intellects had not then been touched!—Nor had I ever been surprised by wine [strange if I had!] How then could I be found in such a strange way, bloated andJlush-coloured; you don't know how!—Yet what a vile, what a hateful figure has your messenger represented me to have made.

But indeed I know nothing of any messenger from you.

Believing myself secure at Hampstead, I staid longer there than I would have done, in hopes of the letter promised me in your short one of the 9th, brought me by my own messenger, in which you undertake to send for and engage Mrs. Townsend in my favour*.

I wondered I heard not from you: and was told you were sick; and at another time, that your mother and you had had words on my account, and that you had refused to admit Mr. Hickman's visits upon it: so that I supposed at one time, that you were not able to write, at another, that your mother's prohibition had its due force with you. But now I nave no doubt, that the wicked man must have intercepted your letter; and I wish he found not means to corrupt your messenger to tell you so strange a story.

It was on Sunday June 11, you say, that the man gave it me. I was at church twice that day, with Mrs. Moore. Mr. Lovelace was at her house the while, where he boarded, and wanted to have lodged; but I would not permit that, though I could not help the other. In one of these spaces •Sec Vol. V. p. 160.

it must be that he had time to work upon the man. You'll easily, my dear, find that out, by inquiring the time of his arrival at Mrs. Moore's, and other circumstances of the strange way he pretended to see me in on a couch, and the rest.

Had any body seen me afterwards, when I was betrayed back to the vile house, struggling under the operation of wicked potions, and robbed indeed of my intellects, (for this, as you shall hear, was my dreadful case) I might then, perhaps, have appeared bloated, and Jlush-coloured, and / know not how myself. But were you to see your poor Clarissa now, (or even to have seen her at Hampstead before she suffered the vilest of all outrages) you would not think her bloated or Jlush-coloured: indeed you would not.

In a word, it could not be me your messenger saw; nor (if any body) who it was can I divine.

I will now, as briejly as the subject will permit, enter into the darker part of my sad story: and yet I must be something circumstantial, that you may not think me capable of reserve or palliation. The latter I am not conscious that I need. I should be utterly inexcusable, were I guilty of the former to you. And yet, if you knew how my heaft sinks under the thoughts of a recollection so painful, you would pity me.

As I shall not be able, perhaps, to conclude what I have to write in even two or three letters, I will begin a new one with my story: and send the whole of it together, although written at different periods, as I am able.

Allow me a little pause, my dear, at this place; and to subscribe myself

Your ever affectionate and obliged,

CLARISSA HAKLOWE.

LETTER XLIV.

MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE TO MISS HOWE.

{Referred to in Vol. V. p. 315.]

Thursday night. He had found me out at Hampstead: strangely found me out; for I am still at a loss to know by what means.

I was loth in my billet of the 9th*, to tell you so, for fear of giving you apprehensions for me; and besides, I hoped then to nave a shorter and . happier issue to account to you for, through your assistance, than I met with.

She then gives a narrative of all that passed at Hampstead between herself, Mr.Lovelace, Capt. Tomlinson and the 'women there, to the same effect with that so amply given by Mr. Lovelace.

Mr. Lovelace, finding all that he could say, and all Captain Tomlinson could urge, ineffectual, to prevail upon me to forgive an outrage so flagrantly premeditated; rested all his hopes on a visit which was to be paid me by Lady Betty Lawrance and Miss Montague.

In my uncertain situation, my prospects all so dark, I knew not to whom I might be obliged to have recourse in the last resort: and as those ladies had the best of characters, insomuch that I had reason to regret that I had not from the first thrown myself upon their protection, (when I had forfeited that of my own friends) I thought I would not shun an interview with them, though I was too * See Vol. V. p. 175.

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