Next morn to bid, in furious passion, "After such kindness you've exprest, "Sir," answered he," "tis very true, "No stranger e'er went hence, but you, "Who bore not on his well-carv'd back, "Of cat-o'-nine-tails many a mark; "None yet deserv'd-or I'm mistaken"That pity e'er should save their bacon; "A set of tiresome, troublesome knaves, "Of bowing, fawning, lying slaves; "If a man asked what they'd prefer "Oh, I love any thing, good sir??"Would you choose coffee, sir, or tea?? "Dear ma'am, it's all the same to me!? "For beef, or mutton, give your voice!' "Upon my honour, I've no choice!'"There's Cheshire, sir, and Glo'ster cheese:"Which shall I send you? Which you please!' "Curse on their cringing complaisance! "I've tutor❜d some of them to dance "Such steps as they ne'er learned in France! "But you, good sir, or I misdeem, "Deserve an honest man's esteem: "Your frankness, sir, I call polite; "I never spent a happier night! "And whensoe'er this road you come, "Among my friends."-" Sir," said the Squire, ""Tis what I ardently desire! "Not twenty miles from hence, my house; "At which your sons, yourself, and spouse, "Shall find such hospitality "As kindly you have shown to me." The bargain struck, our Squire and Jerry And now the reader may, with ease, THE BEGGAR'S LAMENT. Oh, Mercy! Heaven's first attribute, Still feeling bad, still fearing worse, KILL OR CURE. A MEDICAL BARGAIN. One Hodge, brought up to drive and plough, ""Tis time it was." Quoth Hodge, "That's true; "I wish it was, as well as you : "But words won't pay, and cash I've none." } "And though the payment's somewhat late, He leer'd, but never chose to stop. They one day met-Hodge made his bow; "Well, Hodge, you mean to pay me now?" "Pay you!" said Hodge, "if in your debt, "I say again, we've settled it." "But, did you kill her ?"" Kill her !"-" Aye! · "If you did neither-there's an end on't." SET A THIEF TO CATCH A THIEF. "Follow the thief," replied the stander by. "Ah, Sir," said he, these feet will wag no more!" "Alarm the neighbourhood with hue and cry." "Alas! I've roar'd as long as lungs could roar." "Then, quoth the stranger, "vain is all endeavour, "Sans voice to call, sans vigour to pursue : "And since your hat, of course, is gone for eve "I'll e'en make bold to take your wig--Adieu !" A SERMON ON "MALT." The Rev. Mr. Dodd, a very worthy minister who lived a few miles from Cambridge, had rendered himself obnoxious to many of the Cantabs, by frequently preaching against drunkenness. Several of them meeting him on a journey, determined to make him preach in a hollow tree which was near the road side. Accordingly, addressing him with great apparent politeness, they asked him if he had not lately preached much against drunkenness. On his replying in the affirmative, they insisted that he should now preach from a text of their choosing. In vain he remonstrated on the unreasonableness of expecting him to give them a discourse without study, and in such a place; they were determined to take no denial, and the world MALT was given him by way of text; on which he immediately delivered himself as follows: "Beloved, let me crave your attention.-I am a little man, come at a short warning, to preach a short sermon, from a small subject, in an unworthy pulpit, to a slender congregation. Beloved, my text is MALT. I cannot divide it into words, it being but one; nor into syllables, it being but one; I must therefore, of necessity, divide it into letters, which I find to be these four, M-A-L—T. "M, my beloved, is Moral ;-A, Allegorical ;-L, Literal;-T, Theological. "The Moral is set forth to teach you drunkards good manners; therefore, M, my masters,-A, all of you,--L, listen,--T, to my text. "The Allegorical is when one thing is spoken of, and another is meant. The thing spoken of is malt; the thing meant is the juice of malt, which you Cantabs make-M, your master,-A, your apparel,—L, your liberty, and T, your trust. "The Literal is according to the letter,-M, much, -A, ale,-L, little,-T, trust. "The Theological is according to the effects that it works; and these I find to be of two kinds :-first, |