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to thee in sincerity, solely rely-me, to aggravate my guilt, is,

ing on the merits of Christ's per- that I know it, and am at least fect righteousness, as I humbly rationally convicted of it; and yet hope I have, I know that thou do not exercise that repentance wilt accept me, though the which the gospel requires. I greatest of sinners. But if Sa- sin against great light and tan, and my own abominably knowledge, against the admoniwicked heart have deceived me, tions of God's word and proviI pray thee to snatch me as a dences, against daily mercies, brand from the burning, and and, I have reason to think, abring me to a true knowledge gainst the strivings of the Holy of myself and thee. But if Spirit. And this is certainly thou hast, O Lord, enabled mehighhanded wickedness. Alas! to do it with sincerity, I desire I am the most abject slave to sin. to ascribe the praise to thee I am bound by it in chains of alone, humbly desiring that thou adamant! O hateful chains! wouldest enable me to walk wor- O I vile servitude! And yet thy the high and holy vocation such is my nature, that I love it! wherewith I am called. Of my- Shall I not then lothe myself? self, O Lord, I am nothing. If O Adam, what an inheritance there be the least goodness in hast thou lost! Could I throw me, it is thy grace that hath all the blame on thee, it would, made me so. I pray thee to perhaps, ease me. But alas! keep me humbly dependent on it is mine as well as thine. The the influences of thy Spirit, to inheritance, bad as it was, I carry me through life, and the accepted; yea, and have vastly gloomy vale of death, and into added to, and improved it.a blessed eternity. And the Gracious God! take from me praise shall all be to God the these wretched possessions, and Father, God the Son, and God make me an heir of that glorithe Holy Spirit, now and for ous inheritance, which is incor ever. Amen." ruptible, undefiled, and that fadeth not away."

After this, he often speaks of the clear, refreshing views which he had of God, and sweet communion with him, for a year or more. Then he was involved in great darkness and distress, which will appear from the few following extracts.

"Lord's-day morning, April 4th, 1790. Without holiness, no man shall see the Lord. Where then shall I appear? Perhaps I have but poor ideas of what holiness is; but I know by woful experience, what its opposite is. One look inward shows me the latter in all its deformity. I yet live a most miserable, guilty creature; and what appears to VOL. VI. No. 7.

"Lord's-day morning, June 6th. How miserable is the guilty conscience! Oh, how am I under the dominion of sin ! How cruel the bondage! Oh, the heart-piercing thought of its being eternal! Nothing but discouragement, nothing but wrath present themselves to my view. A fearful looking-for of judgment and fiery indignation. O solemn, and alarming tho't! But, O my soul is there not a God of infinite mercy? Is not the Saviour yet extending his arms of mercy and inviting you to come? Then I must retract my saying, that it is all discour

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Being answered that it would not be matter of surprise, if he should be released before night, he replied; "That is good 'tis a good thought." Sabbath morning, being asked, if it would not injure him to see so much company as would probably be in on that day, he replied, "No. Let as many come as wish it, and see to what they are coming. I cannot preach to them now, except in groans and hiccoughs. But my situation may be as for-profession of religion, he seemcible preaching as any other." On Monday, after a kind of spasm, he said; My pain was so great just now, that I almost forgot that it was my Father's hand. Do remind me of it in these turns. You do not know how much the thought eases my pain." He observed, several times, that he thought his prospects brightened, as he drew nearer the other world. He of ten spake of the greatness of the change, but viewed it with composure.

gled joy. Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord.

A few extracts from his diary which was written, merely for his own spiritual benefit, without the least idea of its ever being made public, will now be added. But here I find a difficulty in determining where to begin and where to end, each part being nearly alike interesting.-After he had entertained a hope of his good estate, and made a public

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On Wednesday, when the symptoms of dissolution became evident, he was asked if he was sensible that he was dying, and told that his friends viewed him so; he replied; "I believe I am, though my distress is not greater than it has been before." He then called for Mrs. Huntington, who had, for some time been very weak, and low, and addressed her thus: "I am sensible that I am dying, and that we must part. I am willing, I hope you are also willing. We

ed to enjoy much comfort, excepting at few short intervals, for about a year. After this he had great doubts, and at times, gave up his hope. This was the case great part of the time for three years or more. The general state of his mind, during that time, may be seen from the following extracts from his diary, excepting the first, which he wrote on the day in which he made a public profession of religion, and is as follows.

"Sept. 3d, 1786. I arose this morning, and performed secret devotion with some fervency and satisfaction, but so little that I had occasion to lament it before God.

The solemn day was now come, wherein I was to dedicate myself to God, and sit down at the table of our Lord. My mind felt calm, serene and resigned; but less affected than I wished. But thanks be to God, that in the solemn transaction, he gave me so much willingness, and resolution to be his. I adore shall soon meet again." Here that unspeakable love, goodness his strength failed. Soon after, and wisdom which have found with a mind serene and compos-out a way whereby such an aled, he resigned his breath, and ienated, sinful creature as I, may we confidently believe, exchan- be reconciled to an offended and ged a world of sin and sorrow, neglected Creator. And now, for a world of glory, and unmin-1 O God, if I have devoted myself

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to thee in sincerity, solely rely-me, to aggravate my guilt, is,

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ing on the merits of Christ's per- that I know it, and am at least fect righteousness, as I humbly rationally convicted of it; and yet hope I have, I know that thou do not exercise that repentance wilt accept me, though the which the gospel requires. I greatest of sinners. But if Sa- sin against great light and tan, and my own abominably knowledge, against the admoniwicked heart have deceived me, tions of God's word and proviI pray thee to snatch me as a dences, against daily mercies, brand from the burning, and and, I have reason to think, abring me to a true knowledge gainst the strivings of the Holy of myself and thee. But if Spirit. And this is certainly thou hast, O Lord, enabled mehighhanded wickedness. Alas! to do it with sincerity, I desire I am the most abject slave to sin. to ascribe the praise to thee I am bound by it in chains of alone, humbly desiring that thou adamant! O hateful chains! wouldest enable me to walk worthy the high and holy vocation wherewith I am called. Of myself, O Lord, I am nothing. If there be the least goodness in me, it is thy grace that hath made me so. I pray thee to keep me humbly dependent on the influences of thy Spirit, to carry me through life, and the gloomy vale of death, and into a blessed eternity. And the praise shall all be to God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, now and for ever. Amen."

After this, he often speaks of the clear, refreshing views which he had of God, and sweet communion with him, for a year or more. Then he was involved in great darkness and distress, which will appear from the few following extracts.

"Lord's-day morning, April 4th, 1790. Without holiness, no man shall see the Lord. Where then shall I appear? Perhaps I have but poor ideas of what holiness is; but I know by woful experience, what its opposite is. One look inward shows me the latter in all its deformity. I yet live a most miserable, guilty creature; and what appears to VOL. VI. No. 7.

vile servitude! And yet such is my nature, that I love it! Shall I not then lothe myself? O Adam, what an inheritance hast thou lost! Could I throw all the blame on thee, it would, perhaps, ease me. But alas! it is mine as well as thine. The inheritance, bad as it was, I accepted; yea, and have vastly added to, and improved it.Gracious God! take from me these wretched possessions, and make me an heir of that glorious inheritance, which is incorruptible, undefiled, and that fadeth not away."

"Lord's-day morning, June 6th. How miserable is the guilty conscience! Oh, how am I under the dominion of sin ! How cruel the bondage! Oh, the heart-piercing thought of its being eternal! Nothing but discouragement, nothing but wrath present themselves to my view. A fearful looking-for of judgment and fiery indignation. O solemn, and alarming tho't! But, O my soul is there not a God of infinite mercy? Is not the Saviour yet extending his arms of mercy and inviting you to come? Then I must retract my saying, that it is all discour

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need, than he, of assistance. I am more in danger of future wrath. My character in the sight of God, is much the most criminal, and I am least concerned about it. I am guilty of unparalleled stupidity. The world will command my attention, even to the neglect of the one thing needful."

"Friday evening, June 18th. I have this day resisted temptation in some little degree; but, alas! my resolutions against sin are miserably feeble. The sin

agement. Gracious God, come over the mountains of my sins, and visit me with thy grace, and redeem me from sin and death." "Monday, June 7th. How unsatisfying is the world! and yet how eager I am in the pursuit of its enjoyments! I am fully sensible of its insufficiency for happiness, and that there is another real, unfailing source of true, solid delight. But still (strange preposterous creature that I am) the former is chosen, and the latter is neglected. My principles and practice shame-which easily besets me, will fully contradict each other. have the victory over me. I My head, I believe is much bet- am shamefully pusillanimous in ter than my heart. I have no conflicting with it. God will doubt, that, in general, my faith certainly one day punish me, or is orthodox. Oh, that my life at least, awfully humble me unand conversation harmonized der a sense of it. If I ever get with it! I want a new heart, into a happier state, I must first and a right frame of spirit.- pass through a fiery trial in reThen should I go on my way re-pentance. A view of myself, joicing. Then would open to my view a glorious scene indeed. Life and immortality with all its joys would then be mine in prospect. No more fears of future wrath would torment my anxious spirit. Then should I serve my God and Saviour, with sweet delight, and be influenced to duty, not by mercenary hopes, but by pure delight in the per-fear the former ! I can have formance. Blessed is the man 'no rational hope in any thing but whose case is thus." the sovereign, long-abused grace "Wednesday, June 16th. of God. Here there is a may be. hate the character of the hypo- With God, all things are possicrite, and consequently hate my ble. His mercy is boundless. But God hates it infinite- He has done wonders in every ly more. How vile then must age for undeserving sinners. I appear in his sight! I have persecuting Saul, a thief on the been conversing with a friend cross, and many of the vilest of this afternoon, under great anxi-men, have been the objects of ety of mind. He came to me his sovereign mercy. Hence the (poor man) for counsel and di-only ground of hope for me. I rection, supposing I am a Chris-have, this evening, been contian. Alas! I am but a blind versing with my sister, who proleader of the blind. I have more fesses a hope that she has shared

own.

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without an interest in Christ, will be a sight awfully painful. But to see myself fixed in this state eternally, would be horrible beyond conception. Oh, what scenes await me! O my God! How am I to be disposed of for eternity! A vessel of wrath, or a vessel of mercy! How much reason have I to

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in the special grace of God.-thou not quit thy obstinate hold How ought this to animate me to obtain the crown !"

of sin? Hast thou not become convinced of the folly and madness of thy conduct? May not the time past suffice thee to have wrought the will of the flesh? Wilt thou not henceforth turn unto God and live? O vain and fruitless words? Vain are the tears which flow from my eyes-vain the anguish which

"Saturday evening, July 3d. What am I? Do I know my own heart? Do I really see and feel it to be wicked, as I often confess it to be? Do I see any thing of the great evil, which true Christians are said to see in the nature of sin? Do I see any thing of its destructive ten-wreaks my heart! O the perdency, and great desert of pun- plexity, the anxiety and distress ishment? Does it give me any of my poor benighted soul ! Oh, trouble, only as it exposes me what ignorance, what atheism, to future misery? Alas! Ideism, and many other frightful find that I can convince myself spectres lurk within my breast! of being altogether mercenary And this, alas! for ought I in all that I do. My prayers, can tell, is but the beginning of tears, and great thoughtfulness sorrows. But can I support the in religion, will excite in my thought of their being eternal! heart the idea that God is un- Oh! What shall I do to be der some obligation to have saved?" mercy on me. But this I find, on reflection, is far from being the case. I find that I have no regard for God, in all that I do; and why is he obliged to take any kind notice of me? I do what he has commanded me, not because he has commanded it, but because, by disobeying, I am exposed to punishment; or by obeying, I hope to obtain a reward. This I plainly see and feel is a hard saying for a proud heart-hard to be believed, and harder still to be thoroughly felt. But my heart can do no better than to plead guilty to the charge. I cannot find in it any other than selfish views. This is indeed a humbling confession! To view one's self stripped of all true virtue, of all real excellence, is dismal, is mortifying beyond "Lord's day, April 10th, expression and being not only 1791, P. M. The word of God destitute of real good, but full sounds in my ears from week to of evil, is enough to break an week, and from day to day; but heart of adamant. O my I prove a thorny ground hearer. soul wilt thou not relent? wilt | What will become of me in the

"Tuesday evening July 6th. One is taken, and another left. How sovereign is God's elec tion! Nothing the sinner does, is of the least account with him. Prayers, tears, and strivings, bring him under no obligation. I have been these many years using these, and yet I obtain not. My friend lately began to be thoughtful, but the great work in him, is, most probably so soon accomplished. A few weeks on the boisterous ocean, have landed him on the rock of ages, in the harbor of peace and safety. But I am tossed year after year, and alas! must probably sink at last. My prospects look daily, more and more like final perdition, I am led captive by my evil propensities."

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