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his praise, and then, like them, soon forgot his works, and sinned again and again by unbelief; yet God had again and again forgiven her sin, and had for seven years past not suffered her to doubt her interest in his promise. She now believed she was on the threshold of glory, just about to enter her Father's house, and her joy at the prospect was great. Last night she thought she heard the sound of his chariot wheels, but was disappointed; but she hoped he would not be long in coming. She feared she sinned in being too desirous to die and unwilling to live. She still felt the workings of sin leading her thoughts away from Christ to the trifling things of the world, and she longed to be free of that clay tabernacle that imprisoned her soul. I asked her of what nature she thought the happiness was to which she was going? She answered, It consists of seeing Christ as he is, in being changed into his image, perfected in holiness, attaining new discoveries of the wisdom, power, love, and grace of God, and freedom from all sin: But this body, said she, is a bar in the way of comprehending that happiness, for flesh and blood cannot enter the kingdom of heaven;-she wished to say more, but strength failed her. Mr Bonar then prayed at her desire, and I left her.-May my last end be like hers!

This scene left a sweet savour of divine things on my mind all day, and I had an opportunity of speaking of it at night to some of no religion, who, I hope, may be the better for it.

Sunday, March 1.-For two days past I have been in a dull frame. This day, by the good hand of the Lord upon us, the ordinance of the Supper was intimated for this day fortnight, in the chapel. Mr Walker lectured in the forenoon, and preached in the

afternoon upon the nature of the ordinance,-an excellent discourse. I see great cause of thankfulness, yet feel surprisingly dull in my soul. For some days I have not been quite well, which may partly be the reason of this deadness; for sure I have much cause to rejoice, since the Lord seems about to bless us, and give me the desire of my heart for many months and years past, and to overrule all the counsels of those I have intrusted with the chapel, so as to make them act agreeably to all my wishes and prayers, and that without my appearing in it myself. The spirit of love seems shed abroad in their hearts, so that they are all as one soul; no party-spirit, no by-ends, no boasting, but much prayer, and diligence in the use of means, seems at present to be their happy attainNot unto us, O Lord, not unto us, but unto thy thrice holy name be the praise and glory, now, and for evermore!

ment.

Sunday, March 8.-During the course of last week, about two hundred persons have been admitted as church members, who have, to all appearance, experienced a work of grace upon their souls: this is cause of much thankfulness; but my soul is kept in heaviness through manifold temptations. I know not whether I shall venture to join with them in that blessed ordinance, being altogether unworthy of the crumbs that fall from the children's table. O for more faith, and love to Christ! O for power to walk up to light! O for a victorious faith to overcome the enemies of my soul, by laying hold on the arm of Omnipotence, and so put to flight the army of the aliens. This day has been a lost Sabbath,-no comfort in hearing, no communion with God, no breathings of the Spirit; my mind in a state of woful confusion, unable to do

404 FIRST CELEBRATION OF THE LORD'S SUPPER [1778.

any thing to purpose. O that the Lord would come over the mountains of my sins and provocations, and surprise me with his goodness; then should I loathe and abhor myself for my sins and iniquities, and be ashamed, and never open my mouth more.

Saturday, 14.-All this week I have continued distressed with temptations and wandering thoughts,-no comfort in prayer, nor in hearing the word. On Thursday Mr Dickson and the assistant preached. Yesterday we had a meeting for the distribution of tokens; nearly four hundred communicants were admitted. This morning I set apart to examine into my state, and I feel incapable to pursue any thought almost for a minute together. In general, I fear I have committed much sin by approaches to the Lord's table without due preparation. I also see, that my heart sins have partly been the cause of my past darkness. I have not been circumspect in all my ways. I have not denied myself, and taken up my cross. I am unholy in many respects, and have grieved the Holy Spirit. I have endeavoured to confess my sins. O that the Lord would give me true repentance, and effectually turn me again, for his own name's sake, and now enable me to partake of this ordinance with a suitable frame and disposition of heart.

Sunday, March 15.-This morning I got up early, and obtained some liberty in seeking for the Lord's presence this day in his ordinances. I found much desire for a blessing to his people, even although I should be left in a dry and comfortless frame. During Mr Randall's sermon, I saw something of the glory of God in the way of redemption, and felt some small

measure of his love shed abroad in my heart, and a sense of his presence. As Mr Sheriff fenced the tables, I felt a melting of heart and a spirit of prayer accompany the word. When I went to the table, my mind was in a thoughtful frame. I exercised some degree of faith in Jesus as the atoning sacrifice for sin, and I felt power to believe that his body was broken for me, and his blood shed for me. My heart said, is it possible that thou shouldst die for me, Lord? Yes, for me, even the chief of sinners! I felt assured that the ordinance was the pledge for sitting down at the table above, and drinking of the wine in my Father's kingdom, My thoughts were somewhat confused, yet I had a relish for divine things all the day, and this afternoon I was much refreshed by Mr Randall's sermon, and in the last psalm. I was enabled to act faith on the promise, and to rejoice in hope. I came home rejoicing, and have had my hope increased by hearing that this has been a remarkable day to the souls of many. Glory be to God in the highest, for peace on earth, and good will to the sons of men! Blessed be God for his unspeakable gift! O, that all would praise him, for his wonderful goodness to the children of men! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits! Let heaven and earth praise him! Let every thing that hath breath praise the Lord! Amen, so be it! W. G.

March 22.-This evening, upon coming down to prayer, I found Mr Sheriff uncommonly serious. He told me, that since I had gone up stairs, the Lord had been very gracious to him, and poured much joy and consolation into his soul. He had got a view of his illness that he had not had before, and believed that his end was near. We had much profitable conversa

tion on this subject, and I felt resigned to the will of God. My spirit was wonderfully composed and solemnized.

Sunday, March 29.-This last week Mr Sheriff has been much worse:-his animal frame fast dissolving, and his spirits flat; but he has shown no fears of death, nor desire to live. He seems to have a great dislike to company, and has something upon his mind which he seems desirous to disclose, but cannot accomplish it. My own soul has been very dead in prayer this last week, and my thoughts so much taken up about Mr Sheriff, that I have neglected many other concerns. This day I received no benefit from two sermons I heard: To-night my spirits are quite sunk.-My case is complicated. None but the Lord himself knows my various distresses, and none but he can help or support me. On him will I depend, on him will I put my trust. He is my hope, my refuge, my aid, in every time of need. My Lord and my God, none ever trusted in thee and was ashamed: thy mercy endureth for ever,-forsake not the work of thy own hands; for thy name's sake help and deliver me from every unbelieving fear.

Barnton, Sunday, April 5.-This last week I have been much taken up in the same way as in the former; -Mr Sheriff continuing worse,-his doctors flattering him with the hopes of recovery, when they and every one that sees him knows that his end approaches fast. I am uncertain as to duty; for fear of hurting him if I tell him what I think, and I fear sinning against his and my own soul if I deceive him as to his dangerous To-day he told me that he now entertained hopes of recovery, and had got power for some days

state.

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