Here's Hamlet's health! (Drums, trumpets, and cannon) Come, now begin the bout;

And you, the judges, keep a sharp look-out.

A hit or not, 't has almost knock'd him down.

[Drums, trumpets, and cannon.

King.

Give me the beer: this nutmeg is for

you.

[Puts poison into the drink. Hamlet, your health (pretends to drink). You'd better

drink some too.

Hamlet.

Let's have this round; when I want drink I'll ask it.

(They spar again.)

Egad, I had him there in the bread-basket (m).

Queen.

Hamlet, your health! (drinks.) Ha! this is famous stingo!

Don't drink.

King

Queen.

I have.

King.

The poison'd cup, by jingo!

Laertes.

I'll nab him ;-but it goes against my conscience.

Hamlet.

Laertes, you're afraid to hit.

Laertes.

Pooh! nonsense.

[Aside.

[Aside.

They spar again-in the scuffle, they exchange glovesHamlet knocks Laertes down.-The Queen swoons.

Osrick.

Look to the Queen. (To Laertes) How is't, my lord?

Laertes.

I'm dish'd (n);

I'm caught as neatly as I could have wish'd.

F 2

How does the Queen?

Hamlet.

King.

To see your bloody noses,

Her stomach-royal slightly indisposes.

Queen.

No, no; I'm poison'd: your damn'd uncle, here,
Has mix'd a deadly poison with the beer.—
'Tis now too late-I've had a precious swig-
If I'm not a dead woman-dash my wig (0).

Hamlet.

O, treachery! I'll smoke it, on my oath.

Laertes.

O, Hamlet! 'tis all dickey with us both (p)!
I promis'd to die game; but I'll expose
That dirty scamp; for you am I a Nose (q):
You've done my business by a blow, 'tis true;
But I-Oh! I have done the same for you.
You're mother's poison'd;-dying, here I lie-
The King's to blame-

Hamlet.

[Dies.

Die, damn'd old murd'rer, die. [Kills the King.

Laertes.

You've serv'd him right. Hamlet, let's square accounts--

Tho' there's some little diff'rence in amounts

Mine, and my father's death, 'gainst your's be rec

kon'd

Now then, I'm off.—

Hamlet.

I'll follow in a second.

You that look pale, and quiver, quirk, and quake,
And scarce know what of this sad scene to make-
O, I could tell-for there's a great deal in it—
I'm dead,-(r) at least, I shall be in a minute-
But promise me, before I wish good night,
Horatio, that you'll tell my story right.

Horatio.

No, I'll die too-here's poison in the cup-
I'll play the Roman, and I'll drink it up.

Hamlet.

Give me the cup; you shall not have a drop-
For here you must a little longer stop.
If e'er you loved me-live-my tale to tell-
And then-I care not if you go-to h-ll.-

[Dies.

That last cross-buttock dish'd me-Oh!-I can't get

on

Here goes, Horatio,-(s) going-(s) going

gone.

(s)

[Dies.

Horatio.

Well, here's a noble fellow gone to pot!

This altogether's been a pretty plot!

To see dead bodies strew'd about like cattle,
Were better suited to the field of battle.
Charon, in safety, o'er the Styx will ferry 'em;
And all that we can do now, is-to bury 'em.

[A dead march. [The curtain falls.

THE END OF HAMLET TRAVESTIE.