Hamlet.
The world's gone mad—Curs'd fate, that ever I
Was born to have a finger in the pie!

[Exeunt.

SCENE V.

An Apartment in POLONIUS's House.

Enter POLONIUS, meeting OPHELIA.

Polonius. You look stark mad, Ophelia !-What's the row! (s)

Ophelia. I've had a precious fright.

Polonius.

Pray tell me how.

SONG OPHELIA.

(Tune" Mrs. Clarke.")

My Lord, you must know,

A few minutes ago,
In my room I was darning a stocking:

Now conceive my alarm,

When (not dreaming of harm)
I was roused by a violent knocking-

I thought 'twas Old Scratch,

So I fasten'd the latch,
And went on with my work as before ;

But whilst my needle I was threading,

Lord Hamlet popp'd his head inFor, d’ye mind, he kick'd open the door.

His doublet unbrac'd,

Was slung round his waist,
And his stockings were dirty and loose ;

He was pale as a sheet,

And could scarce keep his feet :Thus he came in, and star'd like a goose !

He took hold of my wrist,

And gave it a twist
That made me to quiver and quake :

He then began to quiz,

As tho' he meant to draw my phiz ; And then gave me a terrible shake.

Next so sadly he sigh’d,

Lord! I thought he'd have died ! Then he thrice up and down shook his noddle.

After treating me so,

He thought fit to let me go ;
And then tow'rds the stairs did he waddle.

'Twas a chance he didn't fall

Over bannisters and all,
For I vow not a step could he see;

To my utter surprize,

He found his way without his eyes,To the last they were bent upon mé.

C

Polonius.
Come, go with me, I will go seek the king:
Hamlet's behaviour is not quite the thing.
Have you of late been snappish to him, pray?

Ophelia.
Oh, no-I never did a cross word say:
I merely sent his letters back by scores,
And when he calld, I turn’d him out o'doors.

Polonius.
Aye! that hath made him mad—I do not doubt it.
We'll to the king, and tell him all about it.

[Exeunt.

SCENE VI.

The Palace.

Enter King, Queen, ROSENCRANTZ, and GUILDENSTERN,

King.
Welcome, dear Rosencrantz, and Guildenstern:
You have come just in time to serve our turn.
Something you've heard of Hamlet's transformation;
But to account for his sad situation
We find impossible; so you must pump

him:
If he won't tell by fair means—why then-thump him.

Queen.
Good gentlemen, right heartily he'll greet you,
For
very

often hath he wish'd to meet you;
So stay, and find out what his real state is,
And we will give you board and lodging gratis.

Rosen,
Needs must (t)-You'd make us tarry if we wou'dn't,
And if we rather chose to go we cou'dn't.

Guild.
We'll so behave ourselves that you shall boast of us;
Whilst we remain, l'd have you make the most of us.

King.
Thanks, lads.

Queen.
Now
pray

discover what this fun is. (To attendants) Hollo, there! bring these jockeys where

[Ereunt.

my son is.

SCENE VII.

Another Room in the Palace.

Enter HAMLET.

Hamlet. I think my plan will hit—they're caught, egad! And all the family believe I'm mad. Guild’stern and Rosencrantz just now they sent To sift my secrets, but they miss'd their scent And old Polonius toothat sneaking priga But if I let them pump me, dash my wig. Hold! something of the play'rs he said-aye-right. I'll have them act a play this very night: For guilty people oft (as nurses say) Confess their sins when sitting at a playThey shall not act their tragedies; I'd rather Have something 'bout the murder of my father:

"Twill make a charming ballet-pantomime-
We'll

get it up in style,-if we have time.
The king shall come; he'll not suspect the trick;
I'll watch him close-I'll touch him to the quick:
The charge against him is, as yet, deficient,-
The honour of a ghost is not sufficient;
But if the play affect him, I shall tell, O!
That he's a knave—the ghost an honest fellow.

[Erit Hamlet.