Queen-Say, Hamlet, say, on what art thou staring;
So frighten❜d am I, that I vow 'tis past bearing.
On what art thou looking? To whom art thou
talking?

I can see nothing! O, where art thou walking?
Ghost-But look at thy mother; she seems in a stew, Sir;
Tell her she'd better not be frighten'd-pray do, Sir!

Hamlet-Whom 'tis I look at, fain you'd be knowing:
Straight thro' the trap-door now he's going.

Queen-Whom 'tis you look at, fain I'd be knowing :-
Who thro' the trap-door now is going?

Ghost

Whom 'tis you look at, fain she'd be knowing:
Straight thro' the trap-door now I'm going.

Queen.

Together.

[Ghost sinks.

Hamlet, these pranks of your's do much amaze me;
You surely must be either drunk or crazy.

Hamlet.

Mother, I fear your crimes are past all cure;
But I am no more mad nor drunk than you are.
So don't humbug yourself; I'm not in liquor.-
Confess your sins this instant to the vicar;
Repent what's past, and don't do so again-

Queen.

O, Hamlet, you have cut my heart in twain.

Hamlet.

Then throw away the rotten part, good mother,

And strive to make a better use of t'other.

Good night; and, when you next lay down your head, Be sure you kick my uncle out of bed:

For tho' at best you're no great things-'twere right To keep appearance up.-Once more, good night. [Exit Queen.

I must be staunch with her-I dare not falter: And thus we whip a thief, to save him from the halter, [Exit Hamlet.

END OF THE SECOND ACT.

HAMLET TRAVESTIE.

ACT THE THIRD,

SCENE I.

An Apartment in the Palace.

Enter KING and QUEEN.

King.

Explain these sighs; 'tis fit we share the fun:
How's Hamlet?

46

Queen.

Mad as butter in the sun: (a) Hearing a noise, a rat, a rat," he roar'd, And in his crazy fit whipp'd out his sword, And ran Polonius thro' behind the curtain.

King.

Had we been there, he'd have spik'd us for certain,
Soon as 'tis day-light he shall buy a brush;

And this unlucky job we'll try to hush.

Ho! Guildenstern! (Enter GUILD. and ROSEN.) Just now hath Hamlet slain,

By way of joke, our poor lord-chamberlain.

The body to the bone-house take;—seek out And bring lord Hamlet here.—Come, jump about. [Exeunt Guild. and Rosen.

We'll now prepare to pack him off to London :-
As for Polonius-what's done can't be undone.

:

[Exit Queen.

If Hamlet thus go loose he'll make a racket,
And yet we dare not give him a straight jacket;
Because tag, rag and bob-tail love him dearly—
And right from wrong they can't distinguish clearly.

Enter ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN with HAMLET.

King.

Now, Hamlet, where's Polonius ?

Hamlet.

He's in heaven;

But if you think that I'm to lying giv❜n,

Send there to see; if there your man don't nick him,
E'en to the devil go yourself and seek him.

If in a month you find not where he's closeted,
Your nose will hint i'th' dust-hole he's deposited.

King.

Go seek him there; I fear he's only humming.

Hamlet.

[Exit Guild.

Pray don't fatigue yourself; he'll wait your coming.

King.

From pure regard for thee, this cursed blunder
Must send thee, Hamlet, hence.

Hamlet.

I shou'dn't wonder!

King.

Therefore for England instantly prepare;
The packet's ready and the wind is fair.

Good.

Hamlet.

King.

So you'd say if you our reasons knew.

Hamlet.

There's one above sees all-But come; adieu !

King.

[Exit Hamlet and Rosen.

Now, England, if thou car'st for us a button,

Thou'll sweetly tickle this young jockey's mutton. (b)

[Exit King.