"Tis now the time when church-yards yawn,
Hey randy dandy O!

And let their tenants out till morn,

With their gallopping randy dandy O!

For a precious row I'm just in cue;
Hey randy dandy O!

Some mischief I should like to do,

With my gallopping randy dandy O!

But first I'll to my mother go,

Hey randy dandy O!

And what is what I'll soon let her know,

With my gallopping randy dandy O!

[Exit Hamlet.

SCENE III.

The Queen's Closet.

Enter QUEEN and POLONIUS.

Polonius.

He'll soon be here:-then let him have his whack:
Tell him he'll bring a house upon his back;
Tell him his pranks may get him soon a kicking,
And that your grace has sav'd him many a licking.
I'll go and hide myself behind the curtain.
Now mind your eye-

Queen.

I'll tip it him for certain.

[Polonius concealshimself behind the arras.

Enter HAMLET.

Hamlet.

Well, mother, what's the matter with you now?

Queen.

Your father, Sir, has made a pretty row (k).

Hamlet.

Mother, you've put my father in a passion.

Queen.

Zounds, Sir, don't answer in this idle fashion.

Hamlet.

None of your blarney; it won't do to-night

Queen.

Have you forgot me, puppy?

Humlet.

No, not quite:

You are the Queen-wife to your husband's brother; And (tho' I blush to own you) you're my mother.

Queen.

Behave yourself;-be decent, Sir, I beg,

Hamlet.

Sit down, and dam'me if you stir a peg 'Till I have let you see your very soul.

Queen.

What! Wouldst thou kill me? Help, ho! Watch!

(Behind.)

Polonius.

Patrole!

Hamlet.

A rat,-a rat, by Jove, that's just the thing ;-
He's dead as sure as two-pence.

(Hamlet draws, and stabs Polonius behind the arras.)
Is't the King?

Queen.

O, Hamlet! you have done a deed felonious ;-
You've kill'd our poor lord-chamberlain, Polonius!

Hamlet.

They who throw stones should mind their windows, mother.

Who kill'd a king and married with his brother?

Queen.

If I know what you mean, the devil burn me.

Hamlet.

(Lifts up the arras and sees Polonius.)

Thou'st paid for list'ning to what don't concern thee. (To Queen.) Leave wringing of your hands; before

we part,

I'll take the liberty to wring your heart.

'Queen.

What have I done that you dare make so free,
As thus to blow me up, and bully me?

Hamlet.

Oh! such an act-it scarcely can be nam'd—
So bad I wonder you're not more asham'd.

Jump o'er a broomstick (7), but don't make a farce on
The marriage ceremonies of the parson.

Queen.

What act d'you mean?-You hoax-there's nothing

in it.

Hamlet.

I'll let you know my meaning in a minute.

SONG. HAMLET.

(Tune-" Drops of Brandy.")

Come sit you down here, ma'am, a little,
And I'll shew you two counterfeit faces;
They're done from the life to a tittle-

Come, none of your fine airs and graces.
Look on this first: the likeness you well know,----
Like a ploughman so plump and so chubby;
A good-looking, fine, strapping, fellow ;-
Now, madam, this once was your hubby.

You'll now please to look upon this:

I'd have married a monkey as soon-
An old, ugly, undersiz'd, quiz-

Ri tol, &c.

Zounds! the fellow looks like a baboon!

How could you take this-and forego

The one I now hold in my hand, mother?
You can't say 'twas for love; for you know
That you're almost as old as my grandmother.
Ritol, &c.

Queen.

O, say no more— -I'll mind what I'm about:
Your words have almost turn'd me inside out.

Hamlet.

Nay, but to live, (in not the best repute,)
With that inhuman, cruel, murd'rous, brute;
A very FILCH, that more deserves to hang
Than any one of the light-finger'd gang;
That from a shelf the precious crown did thieve,
And put it in his pocket-without leave:

A King of shreds and patches-(Enter Ghost,) Ha! here's dad!

What is't you're come about?

Queen.

Alas! he's mad!

TRIO. HAMLET, GHOST, QUEEN.

(Tune-" O, Lady Fair.")

Hamlet-O, spectre grim! What brings thee here now? Thou com'st thy tardy son to chide, I fear now. I own thy commission, as yet, is not quite done; Don't be in a hurry, and all shall be right done. Thee of thy promise I come to remind, Sir :(Bass) A nod's like a wink to a horse that is blind, Sir.

Ghost