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Polonius.

Come, go with me,-I will go seek the king:
Hamlet's behaviour is not quite the thing.
Have you of late been snappish to him, pray?

Ophelia.

Oh, no-I never did a cross word say:
I merely sent his letters back by scores,
And when he call'd, I turn'd him out o'doors.

Polonius.

́Aye! that hath made him mad-I do not doubt it.
We'll to the king, and tell him all about it.

[Exeunt.

SCENE VI.

The Palace.

Enter KING, QUeen, Rosencrantz, and Guildenstern.

King.

Welcome, dear Rosencrantz, and Guildenstern:
You have come just in time to serve our turn.
Something you've heard of Hamlet's transformation;
But to account for his sad situation

We find impossible; so you must pump

him:

If he won't tell by fair means-why then-thump him.

Queen.

Good gentlemen, right heartily he'll greet you,
For very often hath he wish'd to meet you;
So stay, and find out what his real state is,
And we will give you board and lodging gratis.

Rosen.

Needs must (t)-You'd make us tarry if we wou'dn't, And if we rather chose to go we cou'dn't.

Guild.

We'll so behave ourselves that you shall boast of us; Whilst we remain, I'd have you make the most of us.

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Now pray discover what this fun is.

(To attendants) Hollo, there! bring these jockeys where my son is.

SCENE VII.

Another Room in the Palace.

Enter HAMLET. ·

Hamlet.

I think my plan will hit-they're caught, egad!
And all the family believe I'm mad.

[Exeunt.

Guild'stern and Rosencrantz just now they sent
To sift my secrets, but they miss'd their scent-
And old Polonius too-that sneaking prig―
But if I let them pump me, dash my wig.
Hold! something of the play'rs he said-aye-right.
I'll have them act a play this very night:
For guilty people oft (as nurses say)
Confess their sins when sitting at a play.-
They shall not act their tragedies; I'd rather
Have something 'bout the murder of my father:

"Twill make a charming ballet-pantomime-
We'll get it up in style,—if we have time.
The king shall come; he'll not suspect the trick;
I'll watch him close-I'll touch him to the quick:
The charge against him is, as yet, deficient,—
The honour of a ghost is not sufficient;

But if the play affect him, I shall tell, O!
That he's a knave—the ghost an honest fellow.

[Exit Hamlet.

END OF THE FIRST ACT.

HAMLET TRAVESTIE.

ACT THE SECOND..

SCENE I.

A Chamber in the Palace.

Enter KING, QUEEN, POLONIUS, OPHELIA, ROSENCRANTZ, and GUILDENSTERN.

King.

And can you, by no drift of conversation,
Smell out the cause of his sad situation?

Rosen.

He does confess himself non compos mentis, (a)
But won't tell what the cause or the intent is.

Guilden.

He'll not be sounded; he knows well enough
The game we're after: Zooks, he's up to snuff. (6)

Queen.

Did you not try to get him out to play?

Rosen.

It chanc'd we met the actors on the way:

He jump❜d for joy to hear it: they're at court;
And he this night intends to have rare sport.

Polonius.

'Tis true; and Hamlet says, that if your graces Will come to see the play, he'll book you places.

King.

With all my heart: right glad am I to find
That he to some amusement is inclin'd.
Pray, gentlemen, give him a further zest
For sports like these.

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Sweet Gertrude, march your carcase: we have sent
For Hamlet, that (as 'twere by accident)

He here may meet Ophelia.-Thro' the key-hole
Polonius and myself will hear and see th' whole;
And from his conduct we shall soon discover
If Hamlet's be the madness of a lover.

Queen.

Ophelia, were he mad of love for you,

I think we'd cure him soon.

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