Enter Bromia. Brom. Tell her what? traytor! that you are going away without feeing her. Merc. That I am doing my duty, and following my mafter. Brom. Umph-so brisk too! Your master cou'd leave his army in the lurch, and come gallopping home at midnight, and steal to bed as quietly as any mouse, I warrant you: my mafter knew what belong'd to a married life; but you, firrah--you trencher-carrying rafcal, you worfe than dunghillcock! that food clapping your wings, and crowing without doors, when you should have been at rooit, you villain! Merc. Hold your peace, dame Partlet, and leave your cackling my mafter charg'd me to ftand centry without doors. Brom. My mafter! I dare fwear thou bely'st him ;. my master's more a gentleman than to lay fuch an unreasonable command upon a poor diftreffed marry'd couple, and after fuch an abfence too. No, there's no comparison between my matter and thee, thou sneaksby. Merc. No more than there is betwixt my lady and you, Bromia. You and I have had our time in a civil way, fpoufe, and much good love has been betwixt us: but we have been marry'd fifteen years, I take it, and that hoighty-toighty bufinefs ought, in confcience, to be over. Brom. Marry come up, my faucy companion! I am neither old, nor ugly enough to have that said to. me. Merc. But will you hear reason, Bromia? My lord: and my lady are yet in a manner bride and bridegroom-do but think in decency, what a jeft it wou'd be to the family, to fee two venerable old married people, ogling and leering, and fighing out fine tender things to one another. Brom. How now, traitor, dar'st thou maintain, that I am past the age of having fine things faid to me? Mere. Not fo, my dear; but certainly I am paft the age of faying 'em. Brom. Brom. Thou deferveft not to be yok'd with a woman of honour, as I am, thou perjur'd villain! Merc. Ay, you are too much a woman of honour, to my forrow; many a poor husband wou'd be glad to compound for lefs honour in his wife, and more quiet. Pr'ythee be but honeft, and continent in thy tongue, and do thy worst with every thing else about thee. Brom. Thou wou'dft have me a woman of the town, wou'dft thou! to be always fpeaking my husband fair, to make him digeft his cuckoldom more eafily: wou'dst thou be a wittal, with a vengeance to thee? I am refolv'd I'll scour thy hide for that word. [Holds up her ladle at him. Merc. Thou wilt not ftrike thy lord and hufband, wilt thou? [She courfes him about.] [Afide.] Was ever poor Deity fo hen-peck'd as I am?-Nay, then, 'tis time to charm her afleep with my enchanted rod-before I am disgrac'd or ravish'd [Plucks out his caduceus, and firikes her upon the fhoulder with it.] Brom. What, art thou rebelling against thy anointed wife? I'll make thee-How now!--What, has the rogue bewitch'd me! I grow dull and ftupid on the fudden- -I can neither fir hand nor foot[Yawning.]-I can't fo much as wag my tongueneither; and that's the last liv-ing part about a→→ [Falls down. woman Merc. Lord, what have I fuffer'd, for being but a counterfeit marry'd man one day! If ever I come to his house, as a husband again--then And yet that then was a lye too-For while I am in love with this young gipfy Phædra, I must return→→→ But lie thou there, thou type of Juno; thou that want it nothing of her tongue but the immortality. If Jupiter ever let thee fet foot where he is, Juno will have a rattling fecond of thee. For two fuch tongues will break the poles afunder; And, hourly fcolding, make perpetual thunder. B 4 [Exit Mercury. ACT ACT III. SCENE before Amphitryon's Palace. Amph. Amphitryon and Sofia. OW, firrah, follow me into the house NOW -thou shalt be convinc'd at thy own coft, villain! What horrible lies haft thou told me ! fuch improbabilities, fuch ftuff, fuch nonfenfe!. Sof. I am but a flave, and you are mafter; and a poor man is always to lye, when a rich man is pleas'd to contradict him: but as fure as this is our houfe Amph. So fure 'tis thy place of execution. Sof. Hold, dear fir! if I must have a fecond beating, in confcience let me ftrip first, that I may show you the black and blue ftreaks upon my fides and fhoulders. I am fure I fuffer'd them in your fervice. Amph. To what purpose wou'dft thou show them? Sof. Why, to the purpofe that you may not ftrike me upon the fore places; and that as he beat me the laft night cross-ways, fo you wou'd pleafe to beat me long-ways, to make clean work on't, that at least my skin may look like chequer-work. Amph. This request is too reasonable to be refus'd: but, that all things may be done in order, tell me over-again the fame ftory, with all the circumstances of thy commiffion; that a blow may follow in due form for every lye. To repetition, rogue, to repetition. Sof. No, it shall be all a lye, if you pleafe; and I'll eat my words to fave my fhoulders. 6 Amph. Ay, firrah, now you find you are to be difprov'd but 'tis too late to repetition, rogue, to ' repetition.' Sof. With all my heart, to any repetition but the cudgel. But wou'd you be pleas'd to anfwer me one civil question? Am I to ufe complaifance to you, as to a great perfon, that will have all things faid your own way; or am I to tell you the naked truth alone, without the ceremony of a farther beating? Amph. Amph. Nothing but the truth, and the whole truth; fo help thee cudgel- Sof. That's a damn'd conclufion of a sentence ; but fince it must be fo -back and fides, at your own peril I fet out from the port in an unlucky hour; I went darkling and whiftling, to keep my felf from being afraid; mumbling curfes betwixt my teeth, for being fent at fuch an unnatural time of night. Amph. How, firrah, curfing and swearing against your lord and master! take- [Going to frike. Sof. Hold, fir-pray confider, if this be not unreasonable, to ftrike me for telling the whole truth, when you commanded me: I'll fall into my old dog-trot of lying again, if this must come of plain dealing. Amph. To avoid impertinencies, make an end of your journey, and come to the houfe; what found you there ? Sof. I found before the door a fwinging fellow, with all my shapes and features, and accoutred alfo in my habit. 'Amph. Who was that fellow? 'Sof. Who fhou'd it be but another Sofia! a certain kind of other me; who knew all my unfortunate commiffion, precisely to a word, as well as I Sofia; as being fent by yourfelf from the port, upon the ⚫ fame errand to Alcmena. Amph. What grofs abfurdities are these? Sof. O Lord, O Lord! what abfurdities? as plain as any packstaff. That other Me, had pofted himself there before Me, Me.-You won't give a man leave to speak poetically now, or elfe I wou'd fay, that I was arriv'd at the door juft before I came thither. Amph. This muft either be a dream, or drunkennefs, or madnefs in thee. Leave your buffooning and lying. I am not in humour to bear it, firrah. Sof. I wou'd you fhou'd know I fcorn a lye, and ⚫ am a man of honour in every thing but juft fighting.' I tell you once again,' in plain fincerity and fimplicity of heart, that before last night, I never took B 5 myfelf ACT III. SCENE. before Amphitryon's Palau. Amphitryon and Sofia. NOW Amph. OW, firrah, follow me into the houfe -thou shalt be convinc'd at thy own crft, villain! What horrible lies halt thou told me! fuch improbabilities, fuch Auff, fuch nonfenfe! b. I am but a flave, and you are mafter; and a poor man is always to lye, when a rich man pleas'd to contradict him: but as fure as this is our houfe how Amph. So fure 'tis thy place of execution. &e. Hold, dear fir! if I must have a fecond beating, in conscience let me frip first, that I you the black and blue freaks upon my fides and houlders. I am fure I fuffer'd them in your fervice, Amph. To what purpose wou'dit thou show them? 8. Why, to the purpofe that you may not ftrike me upon the fore places; and that as he beat me the ' Last night crois-ways, fo you wou'd pleafe to beat me long-ways, to make clean work on't, that at least my skin may look like chequer-work. Amph. This requeft is too reasonable to be refus'd but, that all things may be done in order, tell me over-again the fame flory, with all the circumstances of thy commiffion; that a blow may follow in duc form for every lys. To repetition, rogue, to repeti Lion. Sof. No, it fhall be all a lye, if you please j I'll eat my words to fave my shoulders, 'prov'd: but 'tis too late to repetition.' Sof. With all my her cudgel. But woul civil question as to a gre your own alone. |