His Lordship (who promises now to fight faster) Has just taken Rhodes, and despatch'd off a letter To Daniel O'Connell, to make him Grand Master; From the Knights of St John to the Knights of St Dan- From Russia the last accounts are, that the Czar- The late Emperor's night-caps, and thinks of be- One night-cap a-piece (if he has them to spare) This is all for the present,-what vile pens and paper! A VISION. BY THE AUTHOR OF CHRISTABEL. <«< UP!» said the Spirit, and, ere I could pray One hasty orison, whirl'd me away A distribution was made of the Emperor Alexander's military wardrobe by his successor. This potentate styles himself the Monarch of the Golden Foot. To a limbo, lying-I wist not whereAbove or below, in earth or air; For it glimmer'd o'er with a doubtful light, I heard a loud screaming of old and young, Or an Irish Dump (« the words by Moore, ») Of the wretches who in this Limbo dwell! I look'd, and I saw a wizard rise, Amazed and posed, I was just about THE PETITION OF THE ORANGEMEN OF To the People of England, the humble Petition Our jobbing all gone, and our noble selves going: That, forming one seventh-within a few fractions-- To keep us from murdering the other six parts: That, as to laws made for the good of the many, We humbly suggest there is nothing less true; That much it delights every true Orange brother That we love to behold, while Old England grows faint, That 't is very well known this devout Irish nation One party in Trans, and the other in Con :2 That we, your petitioning Cons, have, in right That we trust to Peel, Eldon, and other such sages, now; To such important discussions as these the greater part of Dr Southey's Vindicia Ecclesiæ Anglicana is devoted. And Christians, like Southey, who stickled for oi, Cut the throats of all Christians, who stickled for ou.' That, relying on England, whose kindness already That, as to the expense-the few millions, or so, etc., etc., etc., etc., etc. COTTON AND CORN. A DIALOGUE. SAID Cotton to Corn, t' other day, « Great squire, if it is n't uncivil And give him some bread, I implore you!» Quoth Corn then, in answer to Cotton, << To expect that we, peers of high birth, For no other purpose on earth Than to fatten curst calico-makers!— << That bishops to bobbins should hend,— << No-vile manufacture! ne'er harbour «No-thanks to the taxes and debt, And the triumph of paper o'er guineas, May defy your whole rabble of Jennys !» So saying, whip, crack, and away Went Corn in his chaise through the throng, So headlong, I heard them all say Squire Corn would be down, before long. Turks, we are told, laughing at the Christians for being divided 2 Consubstantiation-the true reformed belief; at least, the belief by two such insignificant particles." of Luther, and, as Mosheim asserts, of Melanchon also. 3 When John of Ragusa went to Constantinople (at the time this dispute between ex and per was going on), he found the The Arian controversy.-Before that time, says Hooker, in order to be a sound believing Christian, men were not curious what syllables or particles of speech they used, THE CANONIZATION OF ST BUTTERWORTH. A Christian of the best edition.-RABELAIS. CANONIZE him!-yea, verily, we 'll canonize him; Though Cant is his hobby, and meddling his bliss, Though sages may pity and wits may despise him, He'll ne'er make a bit the worse Saint for all this. Descend, all ye spirits that ever yet spread The dominion of Humbug o'er land and o'er sea, Descend on our Butterworth's biblical head, Thrice-Great, Bibliopolist, Saint and M. P.! Come, shade of Joanna, come down from thy sphere, Nor blush, Saint Joanna, once more to behold A world thou hast honour'd by cheating so many; Stand forth, man of Bibles-not Mahomet's pigeon, Great Galen of souls, with what vigour he crams Down Erin's idolatrous throats, till they crack again, Bolus on bolus, good man!-and then damns Both their stomachs and souls, if they dare cast them How well might his shop-as a type representing As to politics-there, too, so strong his digestion, Hlaving learn'd from the law-books, by which he's surrounded, To cull all that 's worst on all sides of the question, Made radical-hot, and then mix'd with some grains Of that gritty Scotch gabble, that virulent twaddle, Which Murray's New Series of Blackwood contains. A great part of the income of Joanna Southcott arose from the Seals of the Lord's protection which she sold to her followers. Mrs Anne Lee, the chosen vessel of the Shakers, and Mother of all the children of regeneration. Toad-lane in Manchester, where Mother Lee was Lorn. In her Address to Young Believers, she says that it is a matter of no importance with them from whence the means of their deliverance come, whether from a stable in Bethlehem, or from Toad-lane, Manchester. Canonize him!-by Judas, we will canonize him; Call quickly together the whole tribe of Canters, Yea, humbly I've ventured his merits to paint, That the Devil's own Advocate could not gainsay. Jump high, all ye Jumpers! ye Ranters, all roar! While Butterworth's spirit, sublimed from your eyes, Like a kite made of fool's-cap, in glory shall soar, With a long tail of rubbish behind, to the skies! AN INCANTATION. SUNG BY THE BUBBLE SPIRIT. A.-Come with me, and we will go Where the rocks of coral grow. COME with me, and we will blow Come with me, and we will blow Mix the lather, JOHNNY WILKS, Thou who rhymest so well to « bilks :»1 Now the frothy charm is ripe, 2 Bravo, bravo, PETER MOORE! Some, those virgin pearls that sleep Cloister'd in the southern deep; 1 Strong indications of character may be sometimes traced in the rhymes to names. Marvell thought so, when he wrote Sir Edward Sutton, The foolish Knight who rhymes to mutton. 2 A bumble imitation of one of our modern poets, who, in a poem against War, after describing the splendid babiliments of the soldier, thus apostrophizes him- thou rainbow ruffian! Now's the moment-who shall first But, hark, my time is out- [Here the stage darkens,—a discordant crash is heard from the orchestra-the broken bubbles descend in a saponaceous but uncleanly mist over the heads of the Dramatis Persona; and the scene drops, leaving the bubble-hunters-all in the suds.] A DREAM OF TURTLE. BY SIR W. CURTIS. 'T WAS evening time, in twilight sweet When I spied him first, through twilight dim, But, no-'t was, indeed, a turtle, wide But now a change came o'er my dream,» Like the magic lantern's shifting slider; I look'd, and saw by the evening beam, On the back of that turtle sat a rider, I Lovely Thais sits beside thee: So called by a sort of Tuscan dulcification of the ch, in the word • Chairman.. 3 We are told that the passport of the late grand diplomatic Turtle described him as on his Majesty's service. dapibus supremi Grata testudo Jovis. A goodly man, with an eye so merry, As made the turtle squeak with glee, Of what his forced-meat balls would be. So, on the Sec., in his glory, went, Over that briny element, Waving his hand, as he took farewell, With graceful air, and bidding me tell Inquiring friends, that the turtle and he Were gone on a foreign embassyTo soften the heart of a Diplomate, Who is known to doat upon verdant fat, And to let admiring Europe see, That calipash and calipee Are the English forms of Diplomacy! THE DONKEY AND HIS PANNIERS. A FABLE. fessus jam sudat asellus, Parce illi; vestrum delicium est asinus.-VIRGIL. Com. A DONKEY, whose talent for burdens was wondrous, His owners and drivers stood round in amaze- For every description of job-work so ready! One driver (whom Ned might have « hail'd» as a « brother») Had just been proclaiming his donkey's renown, For vigour, for spirit, for one thing or other, When, lo, 'mid his praises, the donkey came down! But, how to upraise him?-one shouts, t' other whistles, While Jenky, the conjuror, wisest of all, Declared that an « over-production» of thistles-2 (Here Ned gave a stare)-was the cause of his fall.» Another wise Solomon cries, as he passes, « There, let him alone, and the fit will soon cease; The beast has been fighting with other jack-asses, And this is his mode of transition to peace!» Some look'd at his hoofs, and, with learned grimaces, Pronounced that too long without shoes he had gone<< Let the blacksmith provide him a sound metal basis, (The wiseacres said), and he's sure to jog on.»> But others who gabbled a jargon half Gaelic, Exclaim'd, << Hoot awa, mon, you're a' gane astray,»-- 1 Alluding to an early poem of Mr Coleridge's, addressed to an ass, and beginning, I hail thee, brother! * A certain country gentleman having said in the House, That we must return at last to the food of our ancestors, somebody asked Mr T. what food the gentleman meant? Thistles, I suppose, » answered Mr T. And declared that, «whoe'er might prefer the metallic, Meanwhile the poor Neddy, in torture and fear At length, a plain rustic, whose wit went so far ODE TO THE SUBLIME PORTE. GREAT Sultan, how wise are thy state compositions! 'T is my fortune to know a lean Benthamite spinster- Who tells you how clever one Mr FUNBLANQUE is, To see her, ye Gods, a new Number perusing Art. 1- On the Needle's variations,» by Place; Art. 2-By her fav'rite Fun-blank '—« so amusing! Dear man, he makes poetry quite a Law case.»> Art. 3-«Upon Fallacies,» JEREMY's own (The chief fallacy being his hope to find readers);— Art. 4-« Upon Honesty,» author unknown;Art. 5-(by the young Mr M-) « Hints to Breeders.>> Oh Sultan, oh Sultan, though oft for the bag And the bowstring, like thee, I am tempted to callThough drowning's too good for each blue-stocking hag, I would bag this she Benthamite first of them all! And-lest she should ever again lift her head From the watery bottom, her clack to renew,— As a clog, as a sinker, far better than lead, I would hang round her neck her own darling Review. Gods! were there ever two such bores? Nothing else talk'd of, night or mornNothing in doors, or out of doors, But endless Catholics and Corn! Never was such a brace of pests- So addled in my cranium meet Here landlords, here polemics, nail you, Arm'd with all rubbish they can rake up; Prices and texts at once assail you From Daniel these, and those from Jacob.' And when you sleep, with head still torn Between the two, their shapes you mix, Till sometimes Catholics seem Corn,Then Corn again seems Catholics. Now Dantzic wheat before you floats- Oft, too, the Corn grows animate, While, leaders of the wheat, a row Of Poppies, gaudily declaiming, Like Counsellor O'Bric and Co., Stand forth, somniferously flaming! Yes, waft me, Parry, to the Pole; 'Twixt bores and ice-bergs-on my soul, CORN AND CATHOLICS. Utrum horum Dirius borum?-INCERTI AUCTORIS. WHAT! still those two infernal questions, That with our meals, our slumbers mixThat spoil our tempers and digestionsEternal Corn and Catholics! This pains-taking gentleman has been at the trouble of counting, with the assistance of Cocker, the number of metaphors in Moore's Life of Sheridan, and has found them to amount, as nearly as possible, to 2235, and some fractions, A CASE OF LIBEL. The greater the truth, the worse the libel. A CERTAIN Sprite, who dwells below ('T were a libel, perhaps, to mention where) Came up incog., some years ago, To try, for a change, the London air. So well he look'd, and dress'd and talk'd, Author of the late Report on Foreign Corn. The Horn Gate, through which the ancients supposed all true dreams (such as those of the Popish Plot, etc.) to pass. |