Adorn'd with somniferous poppies, to show Behold, in his best shooting jacket, before thee, An cloquent 'Squire, who most humbly beseeches, Great Queen of Mark-lane (if the thing does n't bore thee), And, as for myself, who 've, like Hannibal, sworn To hate the whole crew who would take our rents from us, Had England but One to stand by thee, Dear Corn, That last honest Uni-corn would be Sir Thomas! Thou 'It read o'er the last of his-never-last speeches. A HYMN OF WELCOME AFTER THE RECESS. And, oh! for Monopoly what a blest day, When the Land and the Silk shall, in fond combination, (Like Sulky and Silky, that pair in the play),3 Cry out, with one voice, for High Rents and Starvation! Long life to the minister!—no matter who, Or how dull he may be, if, with dignified spirit, he Keeps the ports shut-and the people's mouths, too,We shall all have a long run of Freddy's prosperity. The venerable Jeremy's phrase for his after-dinner walk. 2 A phrase in one of Sir Thomas's late speeches. 3 Road to Ruin.. Animas sapientiores fieri quiescendo. AND now-cross-buns and pancakes o'er- Come, Ayes and Noes, through thick and thin, Whate'er the job, prepared to back it; At eighty mortal pounds the jacket! 2 Come-free, at length, from Joint-Stock caresYe Senators of many Shares, Whose dreams of premium knew no bound'ry; So fond of aught like Company, That you would ev'n have taken tea (Had you been ask'd) with Mr Goundry! 3 Come, matchless country-gentlemen; When creeds and corn-laws are debated! Come, Lauderdale, and tell the world, As never scratch was curl'd before- The less they eat, will work the more. Come, Goulburn, with thy glib defence By papists for the Orange Altar!4 This is meant, not so much for a pun, as in allusion to the natural history of the Unicorn, which is supposed to be something between the Bos and the Asinus, and, as Rees' Cyclopedia assures us, has a particular liking for every thing chaste.. 2 An item of expense which Mr Hume in vain endeavoured to get rid of:-trumpeters, it appears, like the men of All-Souls, must be a bene vestiti." The gentleman, lately before the public, who kept his join! Stock Tea Company all to himself, singing Te solo adoro.. 4 This charge of two pipes of port for the sacramental wine is a precious specimen of the sort of rates levied upon their Catholic fellow-parishioners by the Irish protestants. The thirst that from the soul doth rise Dotb ask a drink divine. Come, Horton, with thy plan so merry, Not so much rendering Ireland quiet, As grafting Come all, in short, ye wond'rous men Of wit and wisdom, come again; Though short your absence, all deplore it— Oh, come and show, whate'er men say, Be just as-sapient as before it. 383 << I,» said the Bank, « though he play'd me a prank, ALL IN THE FAMILY WAY, A NEW PASTORAL BALLAD. MEMORABILIA OF LAST WEEK. MONDAY, MARCH 13, 1826. THE Budget-quite charming and witty-no hearing, For plaudits and laughs, the good things that were in it; Great comfort to find, though the Speech is n't cheering, That all its gay auditors were, every minute. What, still more prosperity!-mercy upon us, « This boy 'll be the death of me »—oft as, already, Such smooth Budgeteers have genteelly undone us, For Ruin made easy there's no one like Freddy. TUESDAY. Much grave apprehension express'd by the Peers, WEDNESDAY. Little doing-for sacred, oh Wednesday, thou art To the seven o'clock joys of full many a table,When the Members all meet, to make much of that part, With which they so rashly fell out, in the Fable. It appear'd, though, to-night, that—as churchwardens, yearly, Eat up a small baby-those cormorant sinners, A moderate-sized bankrupt, tout chaud, for their Nota bene-a rumour to-day, in the city, « Mr Robinson just has resign'd,»-what a pity! Alas, poor Robin, he crow'd as long And as sweet as a prosperous Cock could crow; But his note was small, and the gold-finch's song Was a pitch too high for Poor Robin to go. Who 'll make his shroud? 1. Another objection to a metallic currency was, that it produced a greater number of highway robberies.-Debate in the Lords. Mr Abercromby's statement of the enormous tavern bill of the Commissioners of Bankrupts. (Sung in the character of Britannia.) The Public Debt is due from ourselves to ourselves, and resolves itself into a Family Account.-Sir Robert Peel's Letter. TUNE-My banks are all furnish'd with bees. So thick-even Freddy can't thin 'em: Having little, or nought, to put in 'em. My Debt not a penny takes from me, As sages the matter explain;- There's nobody left that can pay ; All quite in the family way. My senators vote away millions, To put in Prosperity's budget; And though it were billions or trillions, The generous rogues would n't grudge it. 'T is all but a family hop, 'T was Pitt began dancing the hay; Hands round!-why the deuce should we stop? 'T is all in the family way. My labourers used to eat mutton, As any great man of the state does; Small rations of tea and potatoes. My rich manufacturers tumble, My poor ones have nothing to chew; And, ev'n if themselves do not grumble, Their stomachs undoubtedly do. But coolly to fast en famille Is as good for the soul as to pray; And famine itself is genteel, When one starves in a family way. I have found out a secret for Freddy, When next for the Treasury scene he BALLAD FOR THE CAMBRIDGE ELECTION. I authorized my Committee to take the step which they did, of proposing a fair comparison of strength, upon the understanding that whichever of the two should prove to be the weakest, should give way to the other.-Extract from Mr W. J. Bankes's Letter to Mr Goulburn. BANKES is weak, and Goulburn too, No one e'er the fact denied ;Which is « weakest» of the two Cambridge can alone decide. Chuse between them, Cambridge, pray, Which is weakest, Cambridge say. Goulburn of the Pope afraid is, Bankes, as much afraid as he; Never yet did two old ladies On this point so well agree. Chuse between them, Cambridge, pray, Which is weakest, Cambridge, say. Each a different mode pursues, Each the same conclusion reaches; Bankes is foolish in Reviews, Goulburn, foolish in his speeches. Chuse between them, Cambridge, pray. Which is weakest, Cambridge say. Each a different foe doth damn, When his own affairs have gone ill; Bankes he damneth Buckingham, Goulburn damneth Dan. O'Connel. Chuse between them, Cambridge, pray, Which is weakest, Cambridge, say. Once, we know, a horse's neigh Fix'd the election to a throne; So, whichever first shall bray, Chuse him, Cambridge, for thy own. Chuse him, chuse him by his bray, Thus elect him, Cambridge, pray. June, 1826. MR ROGER DODSWORTH. TO THE EDITOR OF THE TIMES. Sin-Having just heard of the wonderful resurrection of Mr Roger Dodsworth from under an avalanche, where he had remained, bien frappe, it seems, for the last 166 years, I hasten to impart to you a few reflections on the subject.-Yours, etc. LAUDATOR TEMPORIS ACTI. WHAT a lucky turn-up!-just as Eldon's withdrawing, To find thus a gentleman, frozen in the year Sixteen hundred and sixty, who only wants thawing To serve for our times quite as well as the Peer; To bring thus to light, not the wisdom alone Of our ancestors, such as we find it on shelves, What a God-send to them!-a good, obsolete man, And the Lonsdales and Hertfords shall chuse him for leader. Yes, sleeper of ages, thou shalt be their Chosen; And Eldon will weep o'er each sad innovation COPY OF AN INTERCEPTED DISPATCH, FROM HIS EXCELLENCY DON STREPITOSO DIABOLO, ENVOY EXTRAORDINARY TO HIS SATANIC MAJESTY. St James'-street, July 1, 1826. GREAT Sir, having just had the good luck to catch An official young Demon, preparing to go, Ready booted and spurr'd, with a black-leg despatch, From the Hell here, at Crockford's, to our Hell below To I write these few lines to your Highness Satanic, From coming down, all ready grill'd by each other! Rememb'ring, besides, how it pain'd thee to part I thought, as we ne'er can those good times revive "T would still keep a taste for Hell's music alive, That yell which, when chorus'd by laics and clerics, With a few pints of lava, to gargle the throats Such then were my hopes; but, with sorrow, your I'm forced to confess-be the cause what it will, The truth is, no placeman now knows his right key, At the York music-meeting, now think it precarious. Even some of our Reverends might have been warmer- Altogether, however, the thing was not hearty;— We must, please your Highness, recruit from below. But, hark, the young Black-leg is cracking his whip- But, till then, I'm, in haste, your most dutiful Thanks, thanks for the hope thou hast given, that we There was Whiston, who learnedly took Prince Eugene There was Counsellor Dobbs, too, an Irish M. P., There was also-but why should I burden my lay When all past Millenniums henceforth must give way Go on, mighty man,-doom them all to the shelf- Oh forget not, I pray thee, to prove that thyself THE THREE DOCTORS. Doctoribus lætamur tribus. DEVIL. THE MILLENNIUM. SUGGESTED BY THE LATE WORK OF THE REVEREND MR A MILLENNIUM at hand!-I'm delighted to hear it- Only think, Master Fred, what delight to behold, A bran-new Jerusalem, built all of gold, Sound bullion throughout, from the roof to the flags A city, where wine and cheap corn 3 shall abound,— Thanks, reverend expounder of raptures elysian,4 1 Con fuoco-a music-book direction. THOUGH many great Doctors there be, Dr Eady, that famous M. D. Dr Southey, and dear Doctor Slop. The purger-the proser-the bard- Dr Slop, in no merit outdone By his ribbling or physicking brother, Dr Eady good company keeps With No Popery» scribes on the walls; Dr Slop, upon subjects divine, Such bedlamite slaver lets drop, When Whiston presented to Prince Eugene the Essay in which he This reverend gentleman distinguished himself at the Reading attempted to connect his victories over the Turks with Revelations, election. the Prince is said to have replied, that he was not aware he ever 3. A measure of wheat for a penny, and three measures of barley had the bonour of being known to St John." for a penny. Rev. c. 6, 4 See the Oration of this reverend gentleman, where he describes the connubial joys of Paradise, and paints the angels hovering round each happy fair.» 2 Mr Dobbs was a Member of the Irish Parliament, and, on all other subjects but the Millennium, a very sensible person: he chose Armagh as the scene of his Millennium, on account of the name Armageddon, mentioned in Revelations. This Seraphic Doctor, in the preface to his last work (Vindicia Ecclesia Anglicana), is pleased to anathematize not only all Catholics, but all advocates of Catholics: They have for their immediate allies (he says) every faction that is banded against the State, every demagogue, every irreligious and seditious journalist, every open and every insidious enemy to Monarchy and to Christianity." See the late accounts in the newspapers of the appearance of this gentleman at one of the police-offices, in consequence of an alleged assault on his maid-of-all-work." Heaven grant him now some noble nook, For, rest his soul, he'd rather be Genteelly damn'd beside a Duke, Than saved in vulgar company. ODE TO A HAT. altum Edificat caput.»—JUVENAL. HAIL, reverend Hat!-sublime 'mid all While meaner mortals call thee «shovel.» Cut horizontally in two)' I raptured gaze, what dreams, unbid, Not flapp'd, like dull Wesleyan's, down, So redolent of church all over, With ducklings' wings-around it hover! Say, holy Hat, that last of cocks, Thou 'rt not Sir Harcourt Lee's-no For hats grow like the heads that wear 'em; And hats, on heads like his, would grow Particularly harum-scarum. Who knows but thou mayst deck the pate Of that famed Doctor Adamthwaite Or, haply, smartest of triangles, Thou art the hat of Doctor Owen; 3A crown granted as a reward, among the Romans, to persons 'So described by a Reverend Historian of the Church:- A Delta who performed any extraordinary exploits upon walls, such as scal-hat, like the horizontal section of a pyramid.»-GRANT's History of ing them, battering them, etc. -No doubt, writing upon them, to the English Church. the extent Dr Eady does, would equally establish a claim to the honour. Archbishop Magee affectionately calls the Church Establishment of Ireland the little Zion.. |