what a clutter is here? pofitively I will not write a fyllable more. She is an ungrateful Dutchefs, confidering how many adorers I have procured her here, over and above the thou fands fhe had before.I cannot allow you rich enough until you are worth 7000l. which will bring you 300l. per Annum, and this will maintain you, with the perquifite of fpunging while you are young, and when you are old will afford you a pint of Port at night, two fervants and an old maid, a little garden, and pen and ink-provided you live in the country-Have you no fcheme either in verfe or profe? The Dutchess should keep you at hard meat, and by that means force you to write; and fo I have done with you.

Madam,

Since I began to grow old, I have found all ladies become inconftant, without any reproach from their confcience. If I wait on you, I declare that one of your women (which ever it is that had defigns upon a Chaplain) must be my nurse, if I happen to be fick or peevish at your houfe; and in that cafe you must fufpend your domineering claim until I recover. Your omit

ting the ufual appendix to Mr. Gay's letters hath done me infinite mifchief here; for while you continued them, you would wonder how civil the ladies here were to me, and how much they have altered fince. I dare not confefs

that

that I have defcended fo low as to write to your Grace, after the abominable neglect you have been guilty of; for if they but fufpected it, I fhould lose them all. One of them who had an inclin of the matter (your Grace will hardly believe it) refused to beg my pardon upon her knees, for once neglecting to make my rice-milk.. -Pray confider this and do your duty, or dread the confequence. I promise you shall have your will fix minutes every hour at Aimsbury, and seven in London, while I am in health but if I happen to be fick, I muft govern to a fecond. Yet properly fpeaking there is no man alive with fo much truth and refpect your Grace's moft obedient and devoted fer

yant.

1

Y

LETTER LIII.

Dr. SWIFT to Mr. GAY.

August 28, 1731, OU and the Dutchefs ufe me very ill, for I profefs I cannot diftinguifh the style or the hand-writing of either. I think her Grace writeth more like you than herfelf; and that you write more like her Grace than yourself. I would fwear the beginning of your letter writ by the Dutchefs, although it is to pafs for yours; because there is a curfed lie in it, that she is neither young nor healthy, and befides it perfectly resembles the part the owneth. I will likewife fwear, that what I muft fuppofe is written by the Dutchefs, is your hand; and thus I am puzzled and perplexed between you, but I will go on in the innocency of my own heart. I am got eight miles from our famous metropolis, to a country Parfon's, to whom I lately gave a City-living fuch as an English Chaplain would leap at. I retired hither for the publick good, having two great works in hand; one to reduce the whole politenefs, wit, humour, and ftyle of England into a thort fyftem, for the ufe of all perfons of quality, and particularly the maids of honour. The other is of almost equal importance; I may call it the Whole duty of fervants, in about twenty several stations, from the steward and waiting-woman

down

down to the fcullion and pantry-boy.—I believe no mortal had ever fuch fair invitations as to be happy in the best company of England. I wish I had liberty to print your letter with my own comments upon it. There was a perfon in Ireland called ****, who from a very low birth grew to be feveral times one of the chief governors, very illiterate, and with no great fhare of fenfe: A Lord Lieutenant told the firft K. George that he was the greatest fubject he had in both Kingdoms: And truly this character was gotten and preferved by his never appearing in England, which was the only wife thing he ever did, except purchafing fixteen. thousand pounds a year- Why, you need not ftare: It is easily applied: I must be absent in order to preserve my credit with her Grace. -Lo, here cometh in the Dutchess again (I know her by her dd's; but am a fool for difcovering my art) to defend herself against my conjecture of what fhe faid-Madam, I will imitate your Grace, and write to you upon the fame line. I own it is a bafe un-romantick fpirit in me to fufpend the honour of waiting at your Grace's feet, until I can finish a paultry law-fuit. It concerneth indeed almoft my whole fortune; it is equal to half Mr. Pope's, and two thirds of Mr. Gay's,, and about fix weeks rent of your Grace's. This curfed accident hath drilled away the whole fummer. But Madam, underftand one thing, that I take

all

all your ironical civilities in a literal fenfe, and whenever I have the honour to attend you, fhall expect them to be literally performed; although perhaps I fhall find it hard to prove your hand-writing in a court of Juftice; but that will not be much for your credit. How miferably hath your Grace been mistaken in thinking to avoid Envy by running intó Exile, where it haunteth you more than ever it did even at Court. *Non te civitas, non Regia domus in exilium miferunt, fed tu utrafque. So fayeth Cicero (as your Grace knoweth) or fo he might have faid.

I am told that the Craftfman in one of his papers is offended with the publishers of (I suppose) the last edition of the Dunciad; and I was afked whether you and Mr. Pope were as good friends to the new difgraced perfon as formerly? This I knew nothing of, but suppose it was the confequence of fome Irish mistake, As to writing, I look on you just in the prime of life for it, the very feafon when judgment and invention draw together. But fchemes are perfectly accidental; fome will appear barren of hints and matter, but prove to be fruitful; and others the contrary: And what you say is past doubt, that every one can beft find hints for

himself; ;

* You have not been fent into Exile by the City, or by the Royal Family; but both City and Royal Family have been banished by you.