Let not my sister read it in your eye; Be not thy tongue thy own shame's orator; Look sweet, speak fair, become disloyalty; Apparel vice like virtue's harbinger: Bear a fair presence, though your heart be tainted; And let her read it in thy looks at board: Being compact of credit, that you love us; Though others have the arm, show us the sleeve; We in your motion turn, and you may move us. Then, gentle brother, get you in again; Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her wife: "Tis holy sport, to be a little vain, When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife. Ant. S. Sweet mistress, (what your name is else, I know not, Nor by what wonder you do hit on mine,) Less, in your knowledge, and your grace, you show not, Than our earth's wonder; more than earth divine. Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak; Lay open to my earthly gross conceit, Smother'd in errors, feeble, shallow, weak, The folded meaning of your words' deceit. Against my soul's pure truth why labour you, To make it wander in an unknown field? Are you a god? would you create me new? Transform me then, and to your power I'll yield. But if that I am I, then well I know, Your weeping sister is no wife of mine, Far more, far more, to you do I decline. Spread o'er the silver waves thy golden hairs, And as a bed I'll take thee, and there lie; And, in that glorious supposition, think He gains by death, that hath such means to die:Let love, being light, be drowned if she sink! Luc. What, are you mad, that you do reason so? Ant. S. Not mad, but mated; how, I do not know. Luc. It is a fault, that springeth from your eye. Ant. S. For gazing on your beams, fair sun, being by. [your sight. Luc. Gaze where you should, and that will clear Ant. S. As good to wink, sweet love, as look on night. Luc. Why call you me love? call my sister so. Ant. S. That's my sister. No; It is thyself, mine own self's better part; Luc. All this my sister is, or else should be. Enter, from the house of Antipholus of Ephesus, DROMIO of Syracuse. Ant. S. Why, how now, Dromio? where run'st thou so fast? Dro. S. Do you know me, sir? am I Dromio? am I your man? am I myself? [art thyself. Ant. S. Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou Dro. S. I am an ass, I am a woman's man, and besides myself. [thyself? Ant. S. What woman's man? and how besides Dro. S. Marry, sir, besides myself, I am due to a woman; one that claims me, one that haunts me, one that will have me. Ant. S. What claim lays she to thee? Dro. S. Marry, sir, such claim as you would lay to your horse; and she would have me as a beast: not that, I being a beast, she would have me; but that she, being a very beastly creature, lays claim Ant. S. What is she? [to me. Dro. S. A very reverent body; ay, such a one as a man may not speak of, without he say, sirreverence: I have but lean luck in the match, and yet is she a wondrous fat marriage. Ant. S. How dost thou mean, a fat marriage? Dro. S. Marry, sir, she's the kitchen-wench, and all grease; and I know not what use to put her to, but to make a lamp of her, and run from her by her own light. I warrant, her rags, and the tallow in them, will burn a Poland winter: if she lives till doomsday, she'll burn a week longer than the whole world. Ant. S. What complexion is she of? Dro. S. Swart, like my shoe, but her face nothing like so clean kept; For why, she sweats, a man may go over shoes in the grime of it. Ant. S. That's a fault, that water will mend. Dro. S. No, sir, 'tis in grain; Noah's flood could Ant. S. What's her name? [not do it. Dro. S. Nell, sir;-but her name and three quarters, that is, an ell and three quarters, will not measure her from hip to hip. Ant. S. Then she bears some breadth? Dro. S. No longer from head to foot, than from hip to hip: she is spherical, like a globe; I could find out countries in her. Ant. S. In what part of her body stands Ireland? Dro. S. Marry, sir, in her buttocks; I found it out by the bogs. Ant. S. Where Scotland? Dro. S. I found it by the barrenness; hard, in the palm of the hand. Ant. S. Where France? Dro. S. In her forehead; armed and reverted, making war against her hair. Ant. S. Where England? Dro. S. I looked for the chalky cliffs, but I could find no whiteness in them; but I guess, it stood in her chin, by the salt rheum that ran between France and it. Ant. S. Where Spain? Dro. S. O, sir, upon her nose, all o'er embellished with rubies, carbuncles, sapphires, declining their rich aspect to the hot breath of Spain; who sent whole armadas of carracks, to be ballast at her nose. Ant. S. Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands? Dro. S. O, sir, I did not look so low. To conclude, this drudge, or diviner, laid claim to me; called me Dromio; swore, I was assured to her; told me what privy marks I had about me, as the mark on my shoulder, the mole in my neck, the great wart on my left arm, that I, amazed, ran from her as a witch: and, think, if my breast had not been made of faith, and my heart of steel, she had transformed me to a curtail-dog, and made me turn i'the wheel. Ant. S. Go, hie thee presently, post to the road; Ang. Master Antipholus ? Ang. I know it well, sir; Lo, here is the chain: this? Enter a Merchant, ANGELO, and an Officer. Mer. You know, since Pentecost the sum is due, And since I have not much importun'd you; Nor now I had not, but that I am bound To Persia, and want gilders for my voyage: Therefore make present satisfaction, Or I'll attach you by this officer. Ang. Even just the sum, that I do owe to you, Is growing to me by Antipholus: And in the instant, that I met with you, He had of me a chain; at five o'clock, I shall receive the money for the same: Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house, I will discharge my bond, and thank you too. Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus, and DROMIO of Ephesus. comes. Off. That labour may you save; see where he [thou Ant. E. While I go to the goldsmith's house, go And buy a rope's end; that will I bestow Among my wife and her confederates, For locking me out of my doors by day.Bat soft, I see the goldsmith :-get thee gone; Buy thou a rope, and bring it home to me. excuse Your breach of promise to the Porcupine: I should have chid you for not bringing it, But, like a shrew, you first begin to brawl. Mer. The hour steals on: I pray you, sir, despatch. [chainAng. You hear how he impórtunes me; the Ant. E. Why, give it to my wife, and fetch your money. [now; Ang. Come, come, you know, I gave it you even Either send the chain, or send me by some token. Ant. E. Fy! now you run this humour out of breath: [it. Come, where's the chain? I pray you, let me see Mer. My business cannot brook this dalliance: Good sir, say, whe'r you'll answer me, or no; If not, I'll leave him to the officer. Ant. E. I answer you! What should I answer you? Ang. The money, that you owe me for the chain. Ant. E. I owe you none, till I receive the chain. Ang. You know, I gave it you half an hour since. to obey me. Ang. This touches me in reputation :- Ant. E. Consent to pay thee that I never had! Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou dar'st. Ang. Here is thy fee; arrest him, officer:I would not spare my brother in this case, If he should scorn me so apparently. Off. I do arrest you, sir; you hear the suit. Ant. E. I do obey thee, till I give thee bail But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear As all the metal in your shop will answer. Ang. Sir, sir, I shall have law in Ephesus, To your notorious shame, I doubt it not. Enter DROMIO of Syracuse. Dro. S. Master, there is a bark of Epidamnum, That stays but till her owner comes aboard, And then, sir, bears away: our fraughtage, sir, I have convey'd aboard; and I have bought The oil, the balsamum, and aqua-vitæ. The ship is in her trim; the merry wind Blows fair from land: They stay for nought at all, But for their owner, master, and yourself. Ant. E. How now! a madman? Why, thou peevish sheep, What ship of Epidamnum stays for me? Dro. S. A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage. Ant. E. Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope; And told thee to what purpose, and what end. Dro. S. You sent me, sir, for a rope's end as soon: You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark. Ant. E. I will debate this matter at more leisure, And teach your ears to listen with more heed. To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight; Give her this key, and tell her, in the desk That's cover'd o'er with Turkish tapestry, There is a purse of ducats; let her send it; Tell her I am arrested in the street, And that shall bail me: hie thee, slave; be gone. On, officer, to prison, till it come. [Exeunt Merchant, Angelo, Officer, and Ant. E. Dro. S. To Adriana! that is where we din'd, Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband: She is too big, I hope, for me to compass. Thither I must, although against my will, For servants must their masters' minds fulfil. [Exit. SCENE II. The same. Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA." Adr. Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so? Might'st thou perceive austerely in his eye, That he did plead in earnest, yea or no? Look'd he or red, or pale; or sad, or merrily? What observation mad'st thou in this case, Of his heart's meteors tilting in his face? Luc. First, he denied you had in him no right. Adr. He meant, he did me none; the more my spite. Luc. Then swore he, that he was a stranger here. me. Adr. With what persuasion did he tempt thy love? [move. Luc. With words, that in an honest suit might First, he did praise my beauty; then, my speech. Adr. Did'st speak him fair? Luc. Have patience, I beseech. Adr. I cannot, nor I will not, hold me still; My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere, [will. Ill-fac'd, worse-bodied, shapeless every where; Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind; Stigmatical in making, worse in mind. Luc. Who would be jealous then of such a one? No evil lost is wail'd when it is gone. Adr. Ah! but I think him better than I say, And yet would herein others' eyes were worse: Far from her nest the lapwing cries away; My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse. Enter DROMIO of Syracuse. Dro. S. Here, go; the desk, the purse; sweet now, make haste. Luc. How hast thou lost thy breath? A devil in an everlasting garment hath him, A wolf, nay, worse, a fellow all in buff; A back-friend, a shoulder-clapper, one, that countermands The passages of alleys, creeks, and narrow lands; A hound, that runs counter, and yet draws dry-foot well; [hell. One that, before the judgment, carries poor souls to Adr. Why, man, what is the matter? Dro. S. I do not know the matter; he is 'rested on the case. [suit. Adr. What, is he arrested? tell me, at whose Dro. S. I know not at whose suit he is arrested, well; [can I tell: But he's in a suit of buff, which 'rested him, that Will you send him, mistress, redemption, the money in the desk? Adr. Go fetch it, sister.-This I wonder at. [Exit Luciana. That he, unknown to me, should be in debt :Tell me, was he arrested on a band? Dro. S. Not on a band, but on a stronger thing; A chain, a chain; do you not hear it ring? Adr. What, the chain? one. [gone. were Dro. S. No, no, the bell: 'tis time, that It was two ere I left him, and now the clock strikes [hear. Adr. The hours come back! that did I never Dro. S. O yes, if any hour meet a sergeant, a 'turns back for very fear. Adr. As if time were in debt! how fondly dost thou reason? Dro. S. Time is a very bankrupt, and owes more than he's worth, to season. Nay, he's a thief too: Have you not heard men say, Enter LUCIANA. Adr. Go, Dromio; there's the money, bear it straight; And bring thy master home immediately.Come, sister; I am press'd down with conceit; Conceit, my comfort, and my injury. [Exeunt. SCENE III.-The same. Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse. Ant. S. There's not a man I meet, but doth salute ine As if I were their well-acquainted friend; Even now a tailor call'd me in his shop, Enter DROMIO of Syracuse. Dro. S. Master, here's the gold you sent me for: What, have you got the picture of old Adam new apparell'd? [thou mean? Ant. S. What gold is this? What Adam dost Dro. S. Not that Adam, that kept the paradise, but that Adam, that keeps the prison: he, that goes in the calf's-skin, that was killed for the prodigal; he, that came behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid you forsake your liberty. Ant. Š. I understand thee not. Dro. S. No? why, 'tis a plain case: he that went like a base-viol, in a case of leather; the man, sir, that, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a fob, and 'rests them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed men, and gives them suits of duranee; he, that sets up his rest to do more exploits with his mace, than a morris-pike. Ant. S. What! thou mean'st an officer? Dro. S. Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band; he that brings any man to answer it, that breaks his band; one, that thinks a man always going to bed, and says, God give you good rest! Ant. S. Well, sir, there rest in your foolery. Is there any ship puts forth to-night? may we be gone? Dro. S. Why, sir, I brought you word an hour since, that the bark, Expedition, put forth to-night; and then were you hindered by the sergeant, to tarry for the hoy, Delay: Here are the angels that you sent for, to deliver you. Ant. S. The fellow is distract, and so am I; And here we wander in illusions; Some blessed power deliver us from hence! Enter a Courtezan. Cour. Well met, well met, master Antipholus. I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now: Is that the chain you promis'd me to-day? Ant. S. Satan, avoid! I charge thee tempt me not! Dro. S. Nay, she is worse, she is the devil's dam; and here she comes in the habit of a light wench; and thereof comes that the wenches say, God damn me, that's as much as to say, God make me a light wench. It is written, they appear to men like angels of light light is an effect of fire, and fire will burn; ergo, light wenches will burn; come not near her. [sir. Cour. Your man and you are marvellous merry, Will you go with me? We'll mend our dinner here. Dro. S. Master, if you do, expect spoon-meat, or bespeak a long spoon. Ant. S. Why, Dromio? Dro. S. Marry, he must have a long spoon, that must eat with the devil. Ant. S. Avoid then, fiend! what tell'st thou me of supping? Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress : Cour. Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner, Dro. S. Some devils ask but the paring of one's nail, A rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin, Master, be wise; an' if you give it her, us go. Dro. S. Fly pride, says the peacock: Mistress, that you know. [Exeunt Ant. S. and Dro. S. Of his own doors being shut against his entrance. [Exit. SCENE IV. The same. Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus, and an Officer. Ant. E. Fear me not, man, I will not break away; I'll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money To warrant thee, as I am 'rested for. My wife is in a wayward mood to-day; And will not lightly trust the messenger, That I should be attach'd in Ephesus: I tell you, 'twill sound harshly in her ears. Enter DROMIO of Ephesus, with a rope's end. Here comes my man; I think, he brings the money. How now, sir? have you that I sent you for? Dro. E. Here's that, I warrant you, will pa them all. Ant. E. But where's the money? Dro. E. Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope. Ant. E. Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope? Dro. E. I'll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate. Ant. E. To what end did I bid thee hie thee home? Dro. E. To a rope's end, sir; and to that end am I returned. Ant. E. And to that end, sir, you. I will welcome (Beating him.) Of. Good sir, be patient. [adversity. Dro. E. Nay, 'tis for me to be patient; I am in Off. Good now, hold thy tongue. Dro.E. Nay,rather persuade him to hold his hands. Ant. E. Thou whoreson, senseless villain! Dro. E. I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel your blows. Ant. E. Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an ass. Dro. E. I am an ass, indeed; you may prove it by my long ears. I have served him from the hour his hands for my service but blows: When I am of my nativity to this instant, and have nothing at cold, he heats me with beating: when I am warm, he cools me with beating. I am waked with it, when I sleep; raised with it, when I sit; driven out of doors with it, when I go from home; welcomed home with it, when I return: Nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a beggar wont her brat; and, I think, when he hath lamed me, shall beg with it from door to door. Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, and the Courtezan, with PINCH, and others. Ant. E. Come, go along; my wife is coming yonder. Dro. E. Mistress, respice finem, respect your end; or rather the prophecy, like the parrot, Beware the rope's end. Ant. E. Wilt thou still talk? (Beats him.) Cour. How say you now? is not your husband mad? Adr. His incivility confirms no less.Good doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer; Establish him in his true sense again, And I will please you what you will demand. Luc. Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks! Cour. Mark, how he trembles in his ecstasy! Pinch. Give me your hand, and let me feel your pulse. Ant. E. There is my hand, and let it feel your ear. Pinch. I charge thee, Satan,hous'd within this man, To yield possession to my holy prayers, And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight; I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven. Ant. E. Peace, doting wizard, peace; I am not mad. Adr. O, that thou wert not, poor distressed soul ! Ant. E. You, minion, you, are these your cus tomers? Did this companion with the saffron face Revel and feast it at my house to-day, Adr. O husband, God doth know, you din'd at home, Where 'would you had remain'd until this time, Free from these slanders, and this open shame! Ant. E. I din'd at home! Thou villain, what say'st thou? [home. Dro. E. Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at Ant. E. Were not my doors lock'd up, and I shut out? [shut out. Dro. E. Perdy, your doors were lock'd, and you Ant. E. And did not she herself revile me there? Dro. E. Sans fable, she herself revil'd you there. Ant. E. Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me? [you. Dro. E. Certes, she did; the kitchen-vestal scorn'd Ant. E. And did not I in rage depart from thence? Dro. E. In verity you did ;-my bones bear witness, That since have felt the vigour of his rage. Adr. Is't good to sooth him in these contraries? Pinch. It is no shame; the fellow finds his vein, And, yielding to him, humours well his frenzy. Ant. E. Thou hast suborn'd the goldsmith to arrest me. Adr. Alas, I sent you money to redeem you, By Dromio here, who came in haste for it. Dro. E. Money by me? heart and good-will you might, But, surely, master, not a rag of money. Ant. E. Went'st not thou to her for a purse of ducats? Adr. He came to me, and I deliver'd it. Luc. And I am witness with her, that she did. Dro. E. God and the rope-maker, bear me witness, That I was sent for nothing but a rope! Pinch. Mistress, both man and master is possess'd; I know it by their pale and deadly looks: They must be bound, and laid in some dark room. Ant. E. Say, wherefore didst thou lock me forth to-day, And why dost thou deny the bag of gold? Adr. I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth. Dro. E. And, gentle master, I receiv'd no gold; But I confess, sir, that we were lock'd out. Adr. Dissembling villain, thou speak'st false in both. Ant. E. Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all ; And art confederate with a damned pack, To make a loathsome abject scorn of me: But with these nails I'll pluck out these false eyes, That would behold me in this shameful sport. [Pinch and his Assistants bind Ant. E. and Dro. E. near me. Adr. O, bind him, bind him, let him not come [within him. Pinch, More company;- the fiend is strong Luc. Ah me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks! Ant. E. What, wilt thou murder me? Thou gaoler, thou, I am thy prisoner; wilt thou suffer them Of Adr. I will discharge thee, ere I go from thee: Bear me forthwith unto his creditor, And, knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it. Good master doctor, see him safe convey'd Home to my house. O most unhappy day! Ant. E. O most unhappy strumpet! Dro. E. Master, I am here enter'd in bond for you. Ant. E. Out on thee, villain! wherefore dost thou mad me? Dro. E. Will you be bound for nothing? be mad, Good master; cry, the devil. Luc. God help, poor souls, how idly do they talk! Adr. Go, bear him hence.-Sister, go you with me. [Exeunt Pinch and Assistants, with Ant. E. and Dro. E. Say now, whose suit is he arrested at? Off. One Angelo, a goldsmith: Do you know him? Adr. I know the man: What is the sum he owes? Off. Two hundred ducats. Adr. Say, how grows it due? Off. Due for a chain, your husband had of him. Adr. He did bespeak a chain for me, but had it not. Cour. When as your husband, all in rage, to-day Came to my house, and took away my ring, (The ring I saw upon his finger now,) Straight after, did I meet him with a chain. Adr. It may be so, but I did never see it :Come, gaoler, bring me where the goldsmith is, I long to know the truth hereof at large. Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse, with his rapier drawn, and DROMIO of Syracuse. Luc. God, for thy mercy! they are loose again. Adr. And come with naked swords; let's eall more help, To have them bound again. Away, they'll kill us. [Exeunt Officer, Adr. and Luc. Ant. S. I see, these witches are afraid of swords. Dro. S. She, that would be your wife, now ran from you. [from thence: Ant. S. Come to the Centaur; fetch our stuff I long, that we were safe and sound aboard. Dro. S. Faith, stay here this night, they will surely do us no harm; you saw, they speak us fair, give us gold: methinks, they are such a gentle nation, that but for the mountain of mad flesh that claims marriage of me, I could find in my heart to stay here still, and turn witch. Ant. S. I will not stay to-night for all the town; Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard. [Exeunt. ACT V. SCENE I.-The same. Enter Merchant and ANGELO. That you would put me to this shame and trouble; Ant. S. I think I had; I never did deny it. thee; Fy on thee, wretch! 'tis pity, that thou liv'st Ant S. Thou art a villain, to impeach me thus: |