and afflictions they were fo great; but as the Lord had by his judgments brought me in a good degree from the vice and vanity of this world, now by his judgments he made me willing to give up to answer his requirings in part, and in my obedience to him I began to feel fome comfort of love and fellowship of the Spirit of the Lord in myfelf, and in his people, who were brought to be partakers of the like fellowship.

Now I return to the matter about my being turned out of my father's houfe, which I mentioned before, but was willing to keep this folemn account entire, with defires it may be a caution to all, in whom the Lord is at work in the fame manner, not to reafon cr gainfay fo much as I did, but to give up freely and cheerfully to the will of God. When I faw I muft turn out, I thought it expedient to acquaint fome worthy friends with it, left any undue reflections fhould be caft upon the truth, or friends, or myfelf, that if so, these friends might be able to contradi& them; fo I acquainted Sebaftian Ellethort, and that worthy man and minifter of the gospel Benjamin Padley, two of the chief friends in Ellington monthlymeeting, and they came to my father's houfe, and when they came, they began to inquire about the reasons why I went away; and, if my father had any thing against me concerning the business he employed me in; and, whether I was not faithful and diligent in

all

all his affairs he fent me about: he confeffed, I was; and thought none could exceed me. They faid, Well then, what is the reason of that mifunderstanding which is betwixt thee and thy fon-in-law? Is it about his going to meetings? When they understood his reafons, which were not hard to do, they expreffed a pity towards me that I could have no more liberty; and they thought, as I was fo diligent in his bufiness, if he would give me a little more liberty to go to meetings, it would be more encouragement to me. At which he took offence, and gave the good men rough language, and asked, what they had to do with him and his fon; and bid them go home, and mind their own business; which they were much troubled at, efpecially for my fake, and much pitied me, and wondered how I had lived with him fo long; for he faid in fhort, that there was no abiding for me there. But Sebaftian Ellethorp told me, which was mightily to my comfort, that my father had nothing against me, fave that concerning the law of my God. This is the fenfe, if not the words, of thefe wife and good men, which paffed betwixt them and my father, as they expreffed them to me; for I was not there when they were together.

Notwithstanding I pleaded with my father to let me ftay until I could hear of a place, he would not, though I was fearce fit for fervice, being almost like an anatomy (as the faying is) fo that moft who knew

me, fäid, I would pine away in a confumption; but turn out I muft, and did, though I was weak, poor and low in body, mind, pocket, and cloaths; for I think I had but twelve-pence in my pocket, and very ordinary cloaths upon my back. Thus I took my folemn leave of the family, with my heart full, but I kept inward to the Lord, and under truth's government; many tears were fhed in the family, efpecially my poor mother, when I left them; my father faid little, but appeared like one ftruck with wonder, to fee fo much love manifefted towards me by the family, and fo much wishing that I might not go away: but out I came upon the great common aforementioned, where I had had many folitary walks, but none like this, for this reafon, that I knew not where to go. I then thought of Abraham, who was called out of Ur in the land of the Chaldeans, as it is briefly mentioned by Stephen; but this was the difference betwixt us, he was called, I was forced out. But as I was walking upon the common, the fenfe of my weak condition, not knowing whither to go, nor where to lay my head, although I had many friends, yet I could not be free to go to them, unless I had known they had bufinefs for me, being not of a forward, but ra ther backward and fhy difpofition: I fay, the sense and weight of my condition came over me to that degree, that it appeared to me as though my way was hedged up on every fide, inwardly and outwardly; I even thought myfelf like a pelican in the wil

dernefs

dernefs, or as an owl in the defart, there appearing to me fcarce a man in all the earth in my condition, every way confidered; and in the fenfe and deep confideration of my prefent wildernefs ftate, I felt myfelf under a great oppreffion of fpirit, and my heart feemed full, like a bottle that wanted vent: I looked round about me to fee that none were near to fee my tears, nor hear my cries, and in the very anguish and bitterness of my foul I poured forth my complaints, cries and tears, to the Judge of all the earth, who fpoke to me and comforted me in this my deplorable ftate, which was worse than Jacob's when he lay upon the ground, and had a ftone for his pillow; he had his near kindred to go to, who he might expect would receive him gladly, but I had none to go to but such as rather reviled me, and gave me hard language; but the Lord faid unto me, as if a man had spoke, First feek the kingdom of heaven, and the righteoufness thereof, and all these things that thou flandeft in need of fhall be given unto thee. I then defired he would be pleased to fhew me the place I fhould go. to; and the Lord opened my way, and fhewed me the house I should go to, and abide in for a time. I faid, Good is the word of the Lord: I believed, and it was a great means to ftay my mind, and fettle it in the truth, with full purpose of heart to follow the Lord, and obey his requirings, according to the knowledge and ability given me; yet reafonings attended me; two things efpecially stood much in my

way, yea, three things were a lett to me, for foon after I came to the friend's houfe in South-Cliff, viz. William Allon by name, I bound myself to him to learn his trade of a weaver, and after I was bound, I found this good man loved me, and I loved him to the day of his death; and he often said, he was blessed for my fake, and all that appertained unto him; for when I went to him he was very poor, but he increafed very confiderably after I went to live with him.

I come now to the particulars which food in my way of answering the Lord's commands fo fully as fometimes I fhould have done; first, a violent humour fell into one of my legs foon after I was bound apprentice, which I with others thought was much occafioned by hard ufage, heats and colds, and many furfeits, even from my infancy; which lamenefs held me about two years, and I fuffered much by the faid leg, and it much difcouraged and difabled me. The Second hindrance was, my low circumftances in the world, which very few knew of, because the common fame was, (and not without fome truth) that I had rich parents. I have given an account already how they were circumftanced, and fo I leave them at prefent, and proceed: but few knew the ftraits I met withal; yet my truly religious mafter, if he underftood any thing was upon my mind to go to vifit any meeting, or meetings, he. would fay, Take my mare

and