How that his philanthropic bump
Was mastered by a baser lump;
For every bump (these wags insist)
Has its direct antagonist,

Each striving stoutly to prevail,
Like horses knotted tail to tail!
And many a stiff and sturdy battle
Occurs between these adverse cattle,
The secret cause, beyond all question,
Of aches ascribed to indigestion,-
Whereas 'tis but two knobby rivals
Tugging together like sheer devils,
Till one gets mastery, good or sinister,
And comes in like a new prime-minister.

Each bias in some master node is :-
What takes M'Adam where a road is,
To hammer little pebbles less?
His organ of Destructiveness.

What makes great Joseph so encumber
Debate a lumping lump of Number:
Or Malthus rail at babies so?

The smallness of his Philopro-
What severs man and wife? a simple
Defect of the Adhesive pimple:
Or makes weak women go astray?
Their bumps are more in fault than they.

These facts being found and set in order
By grave M.D.s beyond the Border,
To make them for some months eternal,
Were entered monthly in a journal,
That many a northern sage still writes in,
And throws his little Northern Lights in,
And proves and proves about the phrenos,
A great deal more than I or he knows :
How Music suffers, par exemple,
By wearing tight hats round the temple;

What ills great boxers have to fear
From blisters put behind the ear;
And how a porter's Veneration
Is hurt by porter's occupation;
Whether shillelaghs in reality
May deaden Individuality;
Or tongs and poker be creative
Of alterations in th' Amative;
If falls from scaffolds make us less
Inclined to all Constructiveness:
With more such matters, all applying
To heads and therefore headifying.

THE WEE MAN

A ROMANCE

IT was a merry company,
And they were just afloat,
When lo! a man, of dwarfish span,
Came up and hailed the boat.

"Good morrow to ye, gentle folks,
And will you let me in?

A slender space will serve my case,
For I am small and thin."

They saw he was a dwarfish man,
And very small and thin;
Not seven such would matter much,
And so they took him in.

They laughed to see his little hat,
With such a narrow brim;

They laughed to note his dapper coat,
With skirts so scant and trim.

But barely had they gone a mile,
When, gravely, one and all
At once began to think the man
Was not so very small :

His coat had got a broader skirt,

His hat a broader brim;

His leg grew stout, and soon plumped out A very proper limb.

Still on they went, and as they went,

More rough the billows grew,

And rose and fell, a greater swell,

And he was swelling too!

And lo! where room had been for seven,
For six there scarce was space!

For five-for four !-for three !-not more
Than two could find a place!

There was not even room for one!
They crowded by degrees-
Ay-closer yet, till elbows met,
And knees were jogging knees.

"Good sir, you must not sit a-stern,
The wave will else come in!"
Without a word he gravely stirred,
Another seat to win.

"Good sir, the boat has lost her trim,
You must not sit a-lee!"

With smiling face and courteous grace,
The middle seat took he.

But still, by constant quiet growth,
His back became so wide,

Each neighbour wight, to left and right,

Was thrust against the side.

Lord! how they chided with themselves,
That they had let him in;
To see him grow so monstrous now,
That came so small and thin.

On every brow a dewdrop stood,
They grew so scared and hot,—
"I' the name of all that's great and tall,
Who are ye, sir, and what?"

Loud laughed the Gogmagog, a laugh
As loud as giant's roar—

"When first I came, my proper name

Was Little-now I'm Moore !"

THE PROGRESS OF ART

OH happy time !-Art's early days!
When o'er each deed, with sweet self-praise,
Narcissus-like I hung!

When great Rembrandt but little seemed,
And such Old Masters all were deemed
As nothing to the young!

Some scratchy strokes-abrupt and few,
So easily and swift I drew,

Sufficed for my design;

My sketchy, superficial hand
Drew solids at a dash-and spanned
A surface with a line.

Not long my eye was thus content,
But grew more critical-my bent
Essayed a higher walk;

I copied leaden eyes in lead-
Rheumatic hands in white and red,
And gouty feet—in chalk.

Anon my studious art for days
Kept making faces-happy phrase,
For faces such as mine!

Accomplished in the details then,
I left the minor parts of men,

And drew the form divine.