A point of time-Looks on her Watch] But wait on their lordships and their ladyships I got into my fav'rite author. Duke. Yes, I found her ladyship at her studies this morning.-Some wicked poem, Lady B. Oh, you wretch! I never read but one book. Kit. What is your ladyship se fond of? Lady B. Shikspur. Did you never read Shikspur? too. [Aside and exit. Phil. Well, ladies, what say you to a dance, and then to supper? have you had your tea? All. A dance, a dance-No tea, no tea. Phil. Come here--where are all our people? Enter Coachman, Cook, KINGSTON, and CLOE. Kit. Shikspur? Shikspur?-Who wrote it? I'll couple you,-My lord duke will take KitNo, I never read Shikspur. Lady B. Then you have an immense plea Duke. Oh, ma'am - ty,-lady Bab will do me the honour of her hand; sir Harry lady Charlotte, coachman and cook, and the two devils will dance together, ha, ha, ha! Duke. With submission, the country dances by-and-by. Lady C. Ay, ay; French dances before supper, and country dances after.-I beg the duke and Mrs. Kitty may give us a minuet. Duke. Dear lady Charlotte, consider my poor gout. Sir Harry will oblige us. [Sir Harry bows. All. Minuet, sir Harry. Minuet, sir Harry. Duke. What minuet would you please to [Bowing. have? Lady C. And, sir Harry-your servant, sir Kit. What minuet?-Let me see-play larry. [Formally. marshal Thingumbob's minuet. am sorry Sir H. Madam, your servanthear your ladyship has been ill. Lady C. You must give me leave to doubt ie sincerity of that sorrow, sir. - Remember e Park. Sir H. The Park? I'll explain that affair, [A Minuet by Sir Harry and Kitty; awkward and conceited. They sit down. Phil. We will set the wine on the tablehere is Claret, Burgundy, and Champagne, and a bottle of Tokay for the ladies-there are tickets on every bottle-if any gentleman adam. ironet! [Scornfully. Duke. Port?-Tis only fit for a dram. Sir H. Dear lady Charlotte!Kit. Lady Bab, what shall I send you?Lady C. No, sir; I have observ'd your cool- Lady Charlotte, pray be free; the more free, ss of late, and despise you-a trumpery the more welcome, as they say in my country.-The gentlemen will be so good as take care of themselves. [A pause. Duke. Lady Charlotte, hob or nob! Lady C. Done, my lord-in Burgundy, if you please. Sir H. I see how it is; nothing will satisfy u but nobility-that sly dog, the marquisLady C. None of your reflections, sir-the arquis is a person of honour, and above iniring after a lady's fortune, as you meanly d. Sir H. I, I, madam?-I scorn such a thing. Duke. Here's your sweetheart and mine, and the friends of the company. [They drink. A pause. Phil. Come, ladies and gentlemen, a bumy-'egad I am confounded.-My lord duke, per all round-I have a health for you-Here hat shall I say to her.-Pray help me out. is to the amendment of our masters and mi [Aside. stresses. Duke. Ask her to show her legs-ha, ha, All. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! nter PHILIP and LOVEL, loaded with Bottles. Phil. Here, my little peer-here is wine that ill ennoble your blood.-Both your ladyship's ost bumble servant. Lov. [Affecting to be drunk] Both your dyship's most humble servant. Kit. Why, Philip, you have made the boy runk. Phil. I have made him free of the cellar, a, ba! [Loud laugh. A pause. Phil. My lord duke, your toast. Duke. Lady Betty — Phil. Oh no. All. A song, a song, ay, ay, sir Harry's song-sir Harry's song. Duke. A song to be sure,-but first,-preludio-[Kisses Kitty] Pray gentlemen, put it about. [Kissing round; Kingston kisses Cloe heartily. Sir H. See how the devils kiss! Kit. I am really hoarse; but-hem-I must clear up my pipes-hem-this is sir Harry's song; being a new song, entitled and called of-The Fellow Servant, or All in a Livery. Lov. Yes, I am free-I am very free. Phil. He has had a smack of every sort vine, from humble port to imperial Tokay. Loo. Yes, I have been drinking kokay. Kit. Go, get you some sleep, child, that you nay wait on his lordship by-and-by. Loc. Thank you, madam.-I will certainly SONG. KITTY. Come here, fellow servant, and listen to me, Chorus. Both high and low in this do agree, 'Tis here fellow servant, And there fellow servant, And all in a livery; See yonder fine spark in embroidery drest, Who bows to the great, and if they smile, is blest; What is he? i'faith, but a servant at best. Chorus. Both high, etc. The fat shining glutton looks up to the shelf, And the curlpated beau is a slave to himself. Phil. How do you like it, my lord duke? Duke, O very low! very low indeed. Sir H. That is very conceited. good book, Phil. He is very drunk indeed-[Aside]– Mrs. Kitty and I had got into your honour. Free. Ay, ay, they have been well employed, I dare-say, ha, ha, ha! Lov. Come, sit down, Freeman, — lie you there. [Lays his Pistols down] I come a little unexpectedly, perhaps, Philip Phil. A good servant is never afraid of be ing caught, sir. Loo. I have some accounts that I must set Phil. Accounts, sir! to-night? Lov. Yes; to-night-I find myself perfect clear-you shall see I'll settle them in a twinki. Phil. Your honour will go into the paris Lov. No, I'll settle 'em all here. Kit. Your honour must not sit here. Loo. Why not? Kit. You will certainly take cold, sir; room has not been washed above an hour Loo. What a cursed lie that is! [4 Duke. Philip.-Philip.—Philip. [Peeping Phil. Pox take you!-hold your tonger [45. Free. You have just nlck'd them in the ver [Aside to L Loo. I find I have-mum-[Aside to F [All rise. Duke. Lookye, friend; don't give yourself airs, and make a disturbance among the ladies minute. -If you are a gentleman, name your weapons. Sir H. Weapons! what you will-pistols-man] Get some wine, Philip - [Exit P Duke. Done-behind Montague-houseSir H. Done-with seconds Kit. No, no; do you put their ladyships into the pantry, and I'll take his grace into the coal-hole. Visitors. Any where, any where-up the chimney if you will. Phil. There-in with you. [They all go into the Pantry. Lov. [Without Philip-PhilipPhil. Coming, sir,-[Aloud]-Kitty, have you never a good book to be reading of? Kit. Yet; here is one. -Though I must eat something before I -Kitty, what have you got in the pantry. Kit. In the pantry? Lord, your hom We are at board wages. Free, I could eat a morsel of cold meat Loo. You shall have it-Here. [Rises] 0 the pantry door-I'll be about your wages! I have treated you often, now! shall, treat your master. a try. Kit. If I may be believed, sir, there is scrap of any thing in the world in the [Opposing Sir H. [Peeping] Mrs. Kitty, Mrs. Kitt Kit. Peace, on your life. Lov. Kitty, what voice is that? [Sir Harry sneri PHILIP brings Wine. Phil. Oh! that is the duke's damn'd ra [4 Lov. Didn't you hear a noise, Charles Free. Somebody sneez'd, I thought. Lov. Damn it! there are thieves in house-I'll be among 'em- [Takes a P Kit. Lack-a-day, sir, it was only the they sometimes sneeze for all the world a Christian-here Jack, Jack-he has go cold, sir-puss-puss. Lov. A cold? then I'll cure him-bere J Jack-puss, puss Kit. Your honour won't be so rash-p your honour, don't. [Oppos Lov. Stand off- here, Freeman-here Phil. 'Egad, this is black Monday with us barrel for business, with a brace of slugs, Freeman-A -sit down-seem to read your book - Here well prim'd as you see — he is, as drunk as a piper- [They sit down. you five to four-nay, I'll hold you tw one, I hit the cat through the keyhole of : pantry door. Enter LOVEL with Pistols, affecting to be drunk, FEEEMAN following. Free. Try, try; but I think it impossible Lov. Philip, the son of Alexander the Great, Lov. I am a damn'd good marks where are all my myrmidons? - What the [Cocks the Pistol, and points it at the P devil makes you up so early this morning? iry-door] —Now for it! [4 violent shrie and all is discovered]-Who the devil are Phil. Kit. Oh, sir-good sir! all these? One-two-three-four. Lov. You, madam, may stay here till toPhil. They are particular friends of mine, morrow morning-and there, madam, is the sir. Servants to some noblemen in the neigh- book you lent me, which I beg you'll read "night and morning, before you say your bourhood. Loc. I told you there were thieves in the prayers." house. Kit. I am ruin'd and undone. [Exit. Free. Ha, ha, ha. Lov. But you, sir, for your villany, and Phil. I assure your honour they have been (what I hate worse) your hypocrisy, shall not ntertained at our own expense, upon my word. stay a minute longer in this house; and here Kit. Yes, indeed, your honour, if it was the comes an honest man to show you the way ist word I had to speak. out-Your keys, sir. [Philip gives the Keys. Enter Toм. Loc. Take up that bottle-[Philip takes up Bottle with a Ticket to it, and is going ff-bring it back-Do you usually entertain-Tom, I respect and value you-you are an our company with Tokay, monsieur? honest servant, and shall never want encouragePhil. 1, sir, treat with wine! ment be so good, Tom, as to see that gentleman out of my house [Points to Philip] Lov. O yes, "from humble port to imperial Loo. And the impudent familiarity to assume and then take charge of the cellar and plate. Tom. I thank your honour; but I would not rise on the ruin of a fellow servant. Lov. No remonstrances, Tom; it shall be as I say. Phil. What a cursed fool have I been? [Exeunt Servants. Loo. Well, Charles, I must thank you for my frolic-it has been a wholesome one to me-have I done right? Free. Entirely-no judge could have determined better-as you punished the bad, it was but justice to reward the good. Lov. A faithful servant is a worthy character. Free. And can never receive too much encouragement. Lov. Right. Free. You have made Tom very happy. Lov. And I intend to make your Robert so e gone-I beg their ladyships' pardon, per-too-every honest servant should be made s they cannot go without chairs-Ha, ha, ha! happy. Free. Ha, ha, ha! [Sir Harry steals off. Free. But what an insufferable piece of asDuke. Low bred fellows! [Exit. surance is it in some of these fellows to affect and imitate their master's manners. Lady C. I thought how this visit would turn [Exit. Lady B. They are downright Hottenpots. Loo. "Five hundred pounds will set you up Lov. What manners must those be which they can imitate? Free. True. Lov. If persons of rank would act up to their standard, it would be impossible that their servants could ape them-but when they affect every thing that is ridiculous, it will be in the power of any low creature to follow their example. BON TON: OR, HIGH LIFE ABOVE STAIRS. Tats agreeable after-piece, which abounds with pleasantry and possesses an excellent moral, is an additional proof Mr. Garrick's useful talents, and always commands a well-deserved applause.-"This is a well-timed satirical piece, which the profligate fashions of the age, imported from France and Italy, and greedily swallowed by the high-born is of London, are well contrasted with the plain downright manners of an honest country gentleman, who, by an dental visit to the metropolis, discovers a most shocking metamorphosis in the morals of both sexes, and more espelly exemplified among his own relations. Enter LADY MINIKIN and MISS TITTUP. Lady M. It is not, my dear, that I have the least regard for my lord; I had no love for him before I married him, and, you know, matrimony is no breeder of affection; but it hurts my pride, that he should neglect me, and run after other women. Miss T. He is a very handsome man. Lady M. He is a lord, and a little gå great way. Miss T. He has great good nature. Lady M. No wonder-he's a fool. Miss T. And then his fortune, you'lLady M. Was a great one-but he and if fairly, he's undone; if not, he ar Miss T. Ha, ha, ha! how can you be so hy-to be hanged-and so, exit my Lord Mpocritical, Lady Minikin, as to pretend to un- and now, let your wise uncle, and ma easiness at such trifles! but pray have you cousin, Sir John Trotley, baronet, enter. » made any new discoveries of my lord's gal- is he, pray? lantry? Miss T. In his own room, I suppos Lady M. New discoveries! why, I saw him ing pamphlets, and newspapers, aga myself yesterday morning in a hackney-coach, enormities of the times; if he stays with a minx in a pink cardinal; you shall ab-week longer, notwithstanding my expect solutely burn yours, Tittup, for I shall never from him, I shall certainly affront him bear to see one of that colour again. Miss T. Sure she does not suspect me! [Aside] And where was your ladyship, pray, when you saw him? Lady M. Taking the air with Colonel Tivy in his vis-a-vis. Lady M. I am a great favourite, bi impossible much longer to act up to t righteous ideas of things;—isn't it plea... hear him abuse every body, and every and yet always finishing with a—you" me, cousin? ha, ha, ha! Miss T. But, my dear Lady Minikin, how Miss T. What do you think the Go can you be so angry that my lord was hurting to me yesterday? one of the knots of your pride, as you call it, in the hackney-hanging down his left shoulder, and his coach, when you had him so much in your cravat nicely twisted down his breast. power, in the vis-a-vis? thrust through his gold button-hole, Lady M. What, with my lord's friend, and looked exactly like my little Barber's my friend's lover! [Takes her by the Hand] in his gold collar-"Niece Tittup," r. O fie, Tittup! drawing himself up, "I protest agai Miss T. Pooh, pooh, love and friendship manner of conducting yourself, both a are very fine names to be sure, but they are and abroad." What are your objecti mere visiting acquaintance; we know their John? answered I, a little pertly. “ names indeed, talk of 'em sometimes, and let and manifold," replied he; "I have 'em knock at our doors, but we never let 'em to enumerate particulars now, but I wi in, you know. [Looking roguishly at her. ture to prophesy, if you keep whirling Lady M. I vow, Tittup, you are extremely in the vortex of Pantheons, Operas, fes polite. Coteries, Masquerades, and all the De Miss T. I am extremely indifferent in these in this town, your head will be giddy, affairs, thanks to my education. We must you will fall, lose the name of Lucretia marry, you know, because other people of be called nothing but Tittup ever afterfashion marry; but I shonld think very meanly excuse me, cousin!"—and so he left me of myself, if, after I was married, I should Lady M. O, the barbarian! feel the least concern at all about my husband. Enter GYMP. Gymp. A card, your ladyship, from Pewitt. Lady M. I hate to praise myself, and may with truth aver, that no woman of quality ever had, can have. or will have, so con- Lady M. Poor Pewitt! if she can be summate a contempt for her lord, as I have seen at public places, with a woman of qu for my most honourable and puissant Earl of she's the happiest of plebeians. Minikin, Viscount Periwinkle, and Baron Titmouse-ha, ha, ha! ments? [Reads the s "Mrs. Pewitt's respects to lady M Miss T. But is it not strange, Lady Minikin, and Miss Tittup; hopes to have the that merely his being your husband, should sure of attending them to Lady Fili create such indifference; for certainly, in every ball this evening. Lady Daisey sees ma other eye, his lordship has great accomplish- We'll certainly attend her-Gymp, put s message cards upon my toilet, I'll send Lady M. Accomplishments! thy head is cer- answer immediately; and tell one of my tainly turned; if you know any of 'em, pray men, that he must make some visits for let's have 'em; they are a novelty, and will to-day again, and send me a list of the made yesterday: he must be sure to c Lady Pettitoes, and if she should unlucky at home, he must say that he came to inqu after her sprained ancle. amuse me. Miss T. Imprimis, he is a man of quality. Lady M. Which, to be sure includes all the cardinal virtues-poor girl! go on! Miss T. Ay, ay, give our compliments to| her sprained ancle. [Exit. Miss T. By getting me in the humour. Col T. Are you in the humour now? Col. How shall I? Lady M. That woman's so fat, she'll never get well of it, and I am resolved not to call at her door myself, till I am sure of not finding her at home. I am horribly low spirited tolay; do, send your colonel to play at chess with me, since he belonged to you, Titty, I Miss T. How shall I?-you a soldier, and ave taken a kind of liking to him; I like not know the art military?-how shall I?— very thing that loves my Titty. [Kisses her. I'll tell you how; - when you have a subtle, Miss T. I know you do, my dear lady. treacherous, polite enemy to deal with, never [Kisses her. stand shilly shally, and lose your time in trea Lady M. That sneer I don't like; if she ties and parleys, but cock your hat, draw your spects, I shall hate her: [Aside] Well, dear sword;-march, beat drum-dub, dub, a dub ty, I'll go and write my cards, and dress-present, fire, piff-puff-'tis done! they fly, r the masquerade, and if that won't raise my they yield—victoria!'victoria! [Running off. irits, you must assist me to plague my lord Col. T. Stay, stay, my dear, dear angel!little. [Bringing her back. Miss T. Yes, and I'll plague my lady a Miss T. No, no, no, I have no time to he ttle, or I am much mistaken: my lord shall killed now; besides, Lady Minikin is in the now every title that has passed: what a vapours, and wants you at chess, and my lord oor, blind, half-witted, self-conceited crea-is low spirited, and wants me at picquet; my re this dear friend and relation of mine is! uncle is in an ill humour, and wants me to what a fine spirited gallant soldier my discard you, and go with him into the country. donel is my Lady Minikin likes him, he Col. T. And will you, Miss? es my fortune; and my lord likes me, and like my lord; however, not so much as he agines, or to play the fool so rashly as he y expect. She must be very silly indeed, Miss T. Nay, but colonel, if you won't obey o can't flutter about the flame, without your commanding officer, you shall be broke, rning her wings-what a great revolution and then my maid won't accept of you; so this family, in the space of fifteen months! march, colonel! lookye, Sir, I will command we went out of England, a very awkward, before marriage, and do what I please afterular, good English family? but half a year wards, or I have been well educated to very France, and a winter passed in the warmer little purpose. mate of Italy, have ripened our minds to ry refinement of ease, dissipation, and plea Enter COLONEL TIVY, Col. T. May I hope, Madam, that your mble servant had some share in your last erie? [Courtesies and blushes. Col. T. By my honour, Madam, I mean what ay. Miss T. Will I?-no, I never do as I am bid? but you ought-so go to my lady. Col. T. Nay, but Miss [Exit. Col. T. What a mad devil it is! -now, if I had the least affection for the girl, I should be damnably vexed at this!-but she has a fine fortune, and I must have her if I can.—Tol, lol, lol, etc. [Exit singing. Enter SIR JOHN TROTLEY and DAVY. Sir J. Hold your tongue, Davy; you talk like a fool. Miss T. How is it possible to have the least owledge of Colonel Tivy, and not make him principal object of one's reflections! Col. T. That man must have very little feel- Sir J. More shame for you:-live here for and taste, who is not proud of a place in ever!-what, among thieves and pickpockets! thoughts of the finest woman in Europe.-what a revolution since my time! the more Miss T. O fie, colonel! I see, the more I've cause for lamentation; what a dreadful change has time brought about in twenty years! I should not have known the place again, nor the people; all Miss T. By your honour, colonel! why will the signs that made so noble an appearance, u pass off your counters to me? don't I are all taken down;-not a bob or tye-wig to ow that you fine gentlemen regard no hon- be seen! all the degrees, from the parade in r but that which is given at the gaming St. James' Park, to the stool and brush at the le; and which indeed ought to be the only corner of every street, have their hair tied up nour you should make free with. -the mason laying bricks, the baker with his Col. T. How can you, Miss, treat me so basket, the post-boy crying newspapers, and Jelly? have I not absolutely forsworn dice, the doctors prescribing physic, have all their stress, every thing, since I dared to offer hair tied up; and that's the reason so many yself to you? heads are tied up every month. Davy. It is a fine place, your honour, and I could live here for ever! Miss T. Yes, colonel, and when I dare to ceive you, you may return to every thing ain, and not violate the laws of the present ppy matrimonial establishment. Col. T. Give me but your consent, Madam, d your life to come Davy. I shall have my head tied up to-mor row; - Mr. Whisp will do it for me your honour and 1 look like Philistines among 'em. Sir J. And I shall break your head if it is tied up; I hate innovation;-all confusion and no distinction!-the streets now are as smooth Miss T. Do you get my consent, colonel, as a turnpike road! no rattling and exercise d I'll take care of my life to come. Col. T. How shall I get your consent? in the hackney-coaches; those who ride in 'em are all fast asleep; and they have strings |