Enter SIR BASHFUL CONSTANT, L.

Sir Bash. (L.) Here she is Now let me see whether she will take any notice of the diamond buckles—Your servant, madam.

Lady Con. (R.) Your servant, sir.

Sir Bash. You seem out of humour, I think.

Lady Con. And considering that you never give me cause, that's very strange, is it not?

Sir Bash. My Lady Constant, if you did not give me

cause

Lady Con. For heaven's sake, sir, let us have no more disagreeable altercation-I am tired of your violence of temper; your frequent starts of passion, and unaccountable fancies, which you too often mistake for realities.

Sir Bash. Fancies, madam! When do I take fancies for realities? Do I only fancy that you are eternally making exorbitant demands upon me for money for the various articles of your expenses? And when you were for ever teasing me for diamonds, and I know not what, was that a fancy I had taken into my head without foundation?

Lady Con. Pray, sir, let us not dispute-I promise you never to trouble you on that head again.

Sir Bash. She has received them I see, and is obstinately resolved not to tell me. [Aside.] Madam, I will not render myself ridiculous in the eyes of the world for your whims.

Lady Con. Nor will I, sir, be ridiculous any longer on account of your caprice. I have wrote to my solicitor to attend me here to-morrow morning with the articles of separation; and I presume, sir, that you can have no objection to their being carried into execution. I have no time now to squander in frivolous debates, I must prepare to go out. Your servant, sir. [Exit.

Sir Bash. I must unburden myself at last! Must disclose the secrets of my heart—she has possessed my very soul is ever present in my imagination-mingles with all my thoughts-inflames my tenderest passions, and raises such a conflict here I cannot any longer keep this fire pent up—I'll throw myself open to her this very moment-Is any body in the way?

Enter SIDEBoard, r.

Where's your mistress?

Side. In her own room, sir.

Sir Bash. Draw that table over this way. A letter will do the business-it shall be so. Reach me a chair. You blockhead, why don't you reach me a chair? Side. There, your honour.

Sir Bash. Do you stay while I write a letter; you shall carry it for me. [He sits down to write, c. Side. Yes, sir. I hope he has got some intrigue upon his hands: a servant always thrives under a master that has his private amusements. Love on, say I, if you are so given; it will all bring grist to my mill.

Sir Bash. This will be a strange surprise upon my Lady Constant-soft, passionate, and tender, so farand yet it does not come up to what I feel. It is a hard thing, in excessive love like mine, to speak as delicately as we think, to the person we adore. [Writes on.

Side. (L.) Let me see if there is any news in the paper of to-day. [Takes a Newspaper out of his pocket and reads.] What in the name of wonder is all this? O lord! O lord! I can't help laughing!-Ha! ha!-1 never heard of the like before-Ha! ha!

Sir Bash. What does this rascal mean? [Stares at him.] He does not suspect me, does he?

Side. Ha! ha! ha!

Sir Bash. [Stares still at him.] Perhaps he overheard my conversation with Mr. Lovemore. Harkye, sirrah! [Rises] if ever I find that you dare listen at any door in the house, I'll cut your ears off, I will.

Side. Sir!

Sir Bash. Confess the truth; have not you been listening and overhearing my conversation?

Side. Who, I, sir? Not I, sir; as I hope to live, sir, I would not be guilty of such a thing, sir, for ever so much I never did the like in my born days.

Sir Bash. What was you laughing at, rascal? Side. An article, sir, I found in the newspaper, that's all, sir. I'll read it to you, sir-[Reads.] We hear

that a new comedy is now in rehearsal at one of the theatres, and will speedily be performed, entitled, "The Amorous Husband; or, The Man in Love with his own Wife."

Sir Bash. Sir Brilliant told me truth, I see. [Aside.] Well, and what do you see to laugh at there, sir?

Side. Lord bless me, sir, I never heard of the like before. I have served in a great many families, and I never heard of such a thing.

Sir Bash. Look ye there now! [Aside.] Sirrah! let me never hear that you have the trick of listening at any of my doors.

Side. No, sir-to be sure, sir. What has he got in his head?

Sir Bash. Wounds! I shall be laughed at by my own servants. But no more scruples-pass that by; it shall all out. [Sits down.] That fellow has so disconcerted me! There, I have laid my whole heart open to her; I'll seal it directly. Here, take this, and bring me an answer; and, do you hear? come hither-mind what I say; take care that nobody sees you.

Side. I warrant, sir. [Exit SIDEBOARD, R. Sir Bash. [Rises.] I feel as if a load was off my breast; and yet I fear-but I'm embarked, and so I'll wait the event.

Enter SIDEBOARD, R.

Side. A word or two by way of direction, sir, would not be amiss.

Sir Bash. (R. c.) Blockhead! have not I directed it? [Takes it back.

Side. I could never have suspected him of having an intrigue. [Aside.

Sir Bash. This rascal does not know the secret of my heart, and he shall remain so. Lovemore shall open the affair to her. I am glad I have not trusted himshould I direct this, the fellow would find me out. You may go about your business, Sideboard-I don't want you.

Side. Very well, sir.-What's he at now? If he does not let me manage his intrigues for him, I'll give him / warning. [Exit, R. Sir Bash. Ay, Mr. Lovemore shall do it: the explanation will be more natural and easy from him. This scoundrel is coming again—no, it is not he.

Enter LOVEMORE, R.

Sir Bash. (c.) Ha! Mr. Lovemore! I am glad to see you! Mr. Lovemore, you are heartily welcome! Love. (R.) You see me here this second time to-day, Sir Bashful, entirely on the score of friendship.

Sir Bash. I thank you, Mr. Lovemore; heartily thank you!

Love. I broke away from company on purpose to attend you: they would have had me stay the evening, but I have more pleasure in serving my friends. Well, how does my lady?

Sir Bash. We don't hit at all, Mr. Lovemore.

Love. No?

Sir Bash. No, no-not at all-I think she has been rather worse since you spoke to her.

Love. A good symptom, that.

[Aside. Sir Bash. She still talks of parting; and has even sent to her lawyer about it. Obstinate as a mule, Mr. Lovemore!-has had the diamond buckles, and sulky still-not one word about them.

ne Love. Time will bring things about―

Sir Bash. Po! there is not a moment to be lost.

Shé

is set upon it, Mr. Lovemore; and when she sets in, she blows like a trade wind, all one way; and so, to prevent extremities, I have even thought of explaining myself to her.

Love. What! acquaint her with your passion?

Sir Bash. Yes, and trust to her honour. I know I could not do it myself in person; I should blush, and look silly, and falter. So I even set down to write her a letter-here it is, Mr. Lovemore, signed and sealed, but it is not directed. I got into a puzzle about that; for my servant, you know, would wonder at my writing a letter to her.

Love. So he would.

Sir Bash. Yes, yes, he would have smoked me; but you are come most opportune. I'll tell you what, you shall direct it and send it to her. Nobody will be a jot the wiser.

Love. Well, I'll take it home with me, and send it to her to-morrow morning.

Sir Bash. No, no; now, directly now.

Love. I'll step to her then and speak for you-why should you send a letter? If it does not take, she has you in her power-you can't go back-she'll have it under your hand.

Sir Bash. Why, that's true-that's true-and yet if I can obtain a letter from her, I shall have it under her hand. It must be so-if you go, she'll send a verbal answer by you, and then deny it afterwards.

Love. But I shall be a witness against her.

Sir Bash. That will never do. I shall this way draw her in to write a letter, and then I shall have her bound down.

Love. Better take a little time to consider of it.

Sir Bash. No, no, I can't defer it a moment; it burns like a fever here-I must have immediate relief; Mr. Lovemore, you must be my friend. Sit you down, and direct it for me. I'll step and send my servant to carry it for you sit down, sit down.

Enter SIDEBOARD, L.

Side. Sir Brilliant Fashion, sir, is below.

Sir Bash. Sir Brilliant Fashion!—Rascal! why d you say I was at home?

Side. I had no orders to the contrary, sir.

[Exit, L. Love. 'Sdeath, he must not come up-step to him, Sir Bashful; amuse him, talk to him; tell him the news, any thing, rather than let him come hither to interrupt

us.

Sir Bash. No, no, he shan't come up.

Love. By no means; and be sure you don't let him know that I am here. The fellow follows me every where I go. [Aside. Sir Bash. Never fear, he shan't come near you; and in the mean time, be sure you direct the letter.

Love. I will; but you lose time-away-begone! [Pushes him out, L.] A lucky accident this-I have gained time by it. What in the name of wonder has he wrote to her? I am defeated if this preposterous fellow brings things to an explanation-matters were in a fine train, and he himself levelling the road for me; and now, if this takes, I am blown up into the air at once: some unlucky planet rules to-day. First the Widow Bellmour-and now this will-o'-the-whisp-what can he have wrote to her? Friendship and wafer, by your leave but will that be delicate? No-but 'twill be convenient. [Opens it.] This letter shall never goI'll write another myself-a lucky thought! I absolve my stars-here is every thing ready. [Sits down c. of back ground.] What shall I say? Any thing will do

[Reads and Writes.] "Why should I conceal, my dear madam, that your charms have touch'd my heart?" -Um-" loved you long; adored"-Um, um-“ flather"-Um, um, um-" happiest of mankind”—Um, um,